When we arrived at my house, Kyle did not say anything. We just exited the car, walked toward the house, and awkwardly silently slipped through the front door.
I wanted to say something to him to break the silence, but he would not even take the time to give me a look. So, I best to keep silent and let the awkwardness between us.
There was something else that was bothering me. Like it was something important, was it necessary if I had already forgotten about it? I am not sure, but it tickled my brain like a feather. It also gave me annoyance because I couldn't figure it out.
Lina yawned and staggered toward her bedroom. Kyle insisted on helping her, but Lina told him it was all right. She insisted she was a big girl. So, now it was just the two of us looking at each other. I need to figure out what to say or even begin the conversation. So, I just removed my shoes and walked toward the kitchen. It was where we kept our cleaning supplies.
"So, where are the cleaning supplies?" Kyle finally spoke.
I glanced over; he was standing on one foot like a flamingo taking off his shoe. "You don't have to, Kyle. It's messy and gross. I will not make you clean up." I insisted.
Kyle chuckled. "Not a problem," He walked toward me and placed his hand over my shoulders. "It's not the first time I had to clean blood from the carpet. My stupid dad is a drunk, so that he can get a little too rowdy. So, his balance is like a horse trying to stand on a beach ball when he drinks a lot. That is probably why he is always cranky all the time. Because he hurts like a bitch."
I faintly smiled. It was weird for him to say it the way he did. And after knowing how his family was, it felt almost like it happened too many times. But I had no right to push my nose into his business. So, I pointed my finger toward where the cleaning supplies were kept. Kyle nodded and confidently strode for the cleaning cabinet.
"You know, Pine-Sol is all you need to get the blood out of the carpet," Kyle talked informatively. He tapped on his nose. "I assume you have some bleach?"
"Yeah. We have both." The smell of pine sol always gave me this sense of nostalgia. It is what my mother always used growing up. It was one way of saying, "Get out, I'm cleaning," or "Stay and help, or get the fuck out." And I always knew to fuck off. I smiled when he pulled it out.
"Ah, a secret agent of being good to dispose of evidence of a dead body," his voice was low and deep, and he glared at me with evil eyes. I frowned.
"Umm, did you have to clean up a dead person's body?" I asked, wondering if he was serious or not.
Kyle scoffed. "What? I am just joking Wallflower!" He began laughing and pulling out the pine sol and bleach. "Just because I had a shitty childhood does not mean I trifle with stuff like that... or did I?"
I gasped slightly. Kyle groaned. "I am just joking, Wallflower."
"Sorry," I quickly added. I was getting embarrassed.
"Ah, don't worry. Just take a joke next time," Kyle bluntly said. I started scratching my arm, and I blushed. he walked past me and smiled.
Standing there, I couldn't help but think about how uncomfortable Kyle must have felt. Although I wish I could take his joke lightly, I don't like how it sounds when it comes from him. I wondered if he was frustrated with me or the situation was putting too much pressure on him. It wasn't fair for him to be dragged into this mess. I need to learn to take things less seriously and not overthink everything. Sometimes, I wish my mind could be at peace.
"So, are you gonna stand like a scarecrow or show me the way to the crime scene?" Kyle took me out of my daze, and I nodded.
"It's this way," I uttered.
We entered the room, and I was instantly hit with a rotten smell of Pennys and rust. I instantly threw up in my mouth. But I forced the vile back down my throat, making it burn with a sour sensation. I shivered. Kyle casually walked in and went toward the area where the blood was.
"Yikes, your mom had a nasty fall," Kyle uttered, kneeling beside the scene.
"Yeah, she had a stroke while standing up and hit her head against the edge of the drawer."
"Shit, Wallflower, I am sorry."
I slowly crept up behind him, trying to "man" up to the sight of my Mother's blood. "Thank you."
A weird funnel formed in my vision when I saw the crusted blood on the carpet. My whole body swayed, and I could feel every muscle go weak. I could hear my mother's berating voice whisper in my ears. "I am disappointed in you," repeated itself. Over and over.
Kyle noticed I was acting weird because he came up and held onto me. "Are you all right?"
"Yeah, I think I'm tired. I think I am going to take a shower," I said. "I need some warmth after this cold day. To ease all these intense feelings."
"Yeah, that might be a good thing. I'll let you know when I am heading out. All right?"
"All right."
Taking a shower was one of the best decisions I've made today. The warm water cascading down my skin felt like a soothing massage to my soul. As I closed my eyes, I imagined myself on a beach, enjoying the sun and the sea. Or maybe it was the rain pouring down on me. I lowered myself onto the cold surface of the tub, pressing my back against it and relishing the sensation that ran up my spine.
Reflecting on my day, I realized that all the recent revelations seemed thoughtfully planned out and guided by fate. Although I still partially blame myself for my mother's quadriplegia, Kyle's words were insightful and thought-provoking. It was a lot to take in, but I appreciated him listening.
Kyle was right about me standing up for myself. I had never done that before, but today was different. Joining a club at school, talking to Kyle, and standing up to my mother's tyranny made me feel more confident and empowered. As a result, a smile formed on my face, and I felt genuinely happy.
I heard the door knob jiggling, and it scared me because what if it was an intruder. I slightly jerked forward, letting the antiquation run wild. But Kyle's head popped in.
"Um, Wallflower?"
I covered my chest, and it grew bright red. "Yes?"
"Can I use the bathroom? I need to go?"
I gasped and instantly stood up. I did think it thoroughly because I realized I may have exposed some of my ass in the process. I leaned out of the shower, trying to grab a towel and looked at Kyle slowly creep in. I bit my lip and felt my body heat rashes come back.
"I didn't say you could!" I cried.
"Too late, I need to go badly, and this is the only bathroom I know exists," He fully stepped in and threw his pants down.
I awkwardly stood there, listening to him piss next to me. I tried to look to get sight of his penis, but curiosity was killing me. So, I slightly moved my head back to the opening and peeked. But even before I had a chance, he was done using the toilet. So I quickly jerked my head around.
"Wallflower, I forgot to mention..." he softly said.
"Yeah?"
"Happy Birthday."
My eyes widened. That was the unnerving feeling that I was forgetting. Today was my birthday. November 18th, the day I was fucking born. Well, it is still nighttime, and tomorrow is my birthday. But I could not phantom that I had forgotten entirely. I suppose it was because I had been focusing on different things recently. Maybe having Kyle in my life, me trying new things, and Mother developing quadriplegia. It had wrapped my sense of time. But I am glad it did because if it wasn't for Kyle. I would have probably missed it, especially if I had spent it in the hospital with Mother. But my mind went back to answering Kyle's question.
I always hated my birthday, and I wished it didn't have to happen every year. I wanted it to be a once and awhile thing, but Father always loved birthdays and threw big monster parties with my other relatives. And frankly, they were all too loud and annoying. Plus, it meant my cousins were coming to bug me. So every year, I would hide under my bed and go to sleep-every year. I am not joking.
"I saw it when I was talking to your mother that day. It said it on the calendar," Kyle revealed. "I just remembered. So I got a nice surprise for you if you don't mind me saying."
I nervously stared at Kyle. "Yeah? What is it?" I uttered.
"It's my birthday today as well...."
I gasped. "Really?"
"I turned eighteen today," Kyle chuckled slightly. "Stupid time had gotten the best of us, eh? Both are turning eighteen."
I laughed as well and stopped to realize. "Yeah. We are both eighteen. We are considered adults."
"Not till we turn to get into our twenties when we don't have a teen to our name."
"I guess you're right."
The water pitter-pattering on the tub made the awkwardness overtake us again. I could see Kyle's shadow on the other side of the shower curtains. He was probably waiting for me to reply, but little did he know I was also waiting. So, he just left.
I bit my lower lip, hoping something more would happen. But I just stood there in the water, thinking of life. Mostly thinking about how I got so far in life without fail. I am an adult with a whole life in front of me. All sorts of questions hit me. I stood there. Pondering.
Then, I heard a knock on the door; assuming it was Kyle, I told him my goodbyes. But he did not respond. So I called out for him and poked my head to ensure he heard me the next time. But when I did, he was standing there-taking his sweater off.
My penis felt alive within seconds. I felt it throb with one push, and I never knew my penis could be turned on within a second. I stared at his perfect body. The light six-pack, the plump chests with engorged nipples, and his in-between navel. His body was curved, making me feel weak in the knees. The line that ran down toward his crotch turned me on the most. I like looking at his lower stomach and how it was smooth. His body looked tamed and smooth, like it was milk. Only a tiny reflection of his peach fuzz around his stomach, but otherwise, it was enthralling. Next, he unbuttons his pants, exposing his red briefs. He noticed I was watching, and he smiled.
"You like?" He asked, slowly revealing more and more of his red briefs.
"I?" I mumbled. Nothing else. Just the drool that slowly crept out of my mouth. I swore the more he played with jeans, the more I wanted him to take them off.
He finally took off his pants to reveal his beautiful thick legs. The amount of hair was surprising since his torso and stomach were not hairy,
Then, he took off her briefs, slowly revealing more and more of his lines that somewhat gravitated me. Surprisingly, I was expecting pubic hair down there, but it was bare as the winter's mountains peak. I looked down at mine, which was like a jungle rainforest. I blushed in embarrassment.
His body. Everything about his body seems like a puzzle piece, perfectly fitting together to make him. He was gorgeous. I could not believe this was happening. The moment of my life that I have been waiting for. I wish this were my first time with a boy, but it stuck with Artie. However, I pushed that thought away and kept staring at his body. His penis was circumcised, which made me feel a bit worried.
"Do you like what you see?" He asked, placing his left hand on his hip.
I gulped and nodded. He laughed, bent over and took his briefs off his feet. He walked up to me, grabbed the towel from my hands, and placed it back where I got it. He opened the shower curtains, revealing my naked body. I covered my erection and my hairy jungle. I blushed, and I looked away.
"Sorry, I never had this happen before. I am all new to this. I wish I could measure up to yours...."
He placed his index finger on my lips and hushed me. "Your body is impeccable. Plus, I am impressed with how hard it is to hide your dick with your big hands. It looks like you have a closing 6 inches."
I blushed. "Thank you, but I feel like my dick is tiny. Artie told me."
Kyle scoffed. "That jerk doesn't know what he is talking about. He is a narcissistic prick. Don't let his berated words get to you."
"But...But..."
"No, Wallflower!" Kyle shouted. "You are beautiful, and I am lucky to see you in your full glory!"
"My glory isn't as perfect as you, Butterfly," I added, making him quiver his lips and blush.
Kyle placed his hand on my hands that were covering my genitals. He slowly lifted them, but I resisted. However, I slowly let him. He dropped my hands to my side, and I looked down in shame. I shut my eyes and hoped this was not an Artie situation.
"Wow, you are pretty head to toe, Wallflower," Kyle uttered.
I opened one eye and looked down at Kyle's dick, slowly throbbing and growing. My mouth dropped, looking at the rising penis. His skin was slowly pushing more and more against the shaft, growing in size. It curved upwards, which was odd because mine was slightly curved downward.
"My dick is weird, and it's one of the reasons why I prefer bottoming. Can't fuck someone with an upward dick like mine. Haha," Kyle mentioned while grabbing it and playing with it.
"Well, I think it looks perfect. Sorry if that's weird."
"No need for being sorry, Terrance. We are gay, and we like dicks, haha. It's not weird. It's science," Kyle assured. "Now let me in. I want to be cleaned."
I nodded and moved to the side, letting him squeeze in. His skin and mine touched, which made my erection throb even more problematic. I watch from the side, looking at the water running down his body. The water made his hair darker than usual and flatter, but it gave him a different persona. It looked like he was a wet dog. Despite he was washing my mother's blood off him. He was beautiful.
"Are you gonna help get my back?" He asked, still facing the other way.
I gulped, trying not to throw up from how overwhelmed I felt. Why me? I thought. Was this all a fantasy in my head? Did I pass out when I almost blacked out? Was it from the drastic change that happened in my life? I should pinch myself from this dream, but yet again. I did not want to because I was afraid it was a dream. I know this was only temporary, but what if it wasn't? What if this all happened because it was destiny? I should stop overthinking this and let the moment flow like a river. Be like a leaf on a rapid river.
I slowly approached Kyle, but I knew to keep my distance. So when I was close enough, I was just in arm's reach, but since my erection was nearly touching his back, I slowly moved my hips further back. I awkwardly crouched over him, so my erection wouldn't reach his skin.
He passed me a bar of soap. "Here. Rub my back for me. I ain't as flexible, all right?"
"Haha, me either," I took the soap and awkwardly stared at it. "Umm, are you sure?"
He nodded slightly.
I gulped and started rubbing the soap on his back. His back twitched, and his skin started forming goose pimples all over. I smiled because I could sense the same feeling that he was feeling. Like the Mona Lisa painting, his smooth skin felt valuable, like it was forbidden to touch. I felt like I was finger-painting a masterpiece, slowly creating something explicit.
"So, Wallflower?" Kyle muttered, but I heard him.
"Yeah?"
"How are you acting so... calm?"
I was not acting calm and trying to pretend everything was fine. My mother was motionless in a hospital bed while my father cared for her. Lina was probably scarred for the rest of her life. I was just here, acting like everything was fine. Yes, I had a mental breakdown before this, but if I was honest. Kyle made me feel alive in this situation. His presence made me feel something I could have never known. That was a weird feeling.
"If I was honest?" I replied. "Having you here makes me realize that I am more confident to feel something than scared and alone."
He turned around and admired me. "Is that true? Am I giving you the confidence to feel something either than being quiet?"
I nodded. "I feel calm knowing I have you beside me because you have good things to say. Which makes me feel happy and at ease with my muddled mind."
"I am just worried that you are hiding more than you say. I would be broken after what happened today. Why aren't you?" He placed his arm over my shoulder while staring at me with watercolored eyes.
"I am broken, just not yet."
He tilted his head like a curious little puppy.
I had no intention of continuing this conversation because I did not want to ruin the moment between us. I just wanted to enjoy the two of us, naked and happy in front of us. So I leaned in for a kiss. Kyle instantly accepted. Frankly, he kissed me back harder.
Something about being in control of the situation felt right. Because Kyle's body became like Jell-O in my grasp, his back curved perfectly around my forearm, and his crotch pressed against mine. I slowly felt his dick become more erect. I kissed him harder. I was not the best kisser, but something about the way his lips felt like a perfect fit on mine. I followed his league, but he was trying to follow mine. I did not mind, but my kissing skills were a novice.
"Sorry, I am not good at kissing," I whispered.
Kyle chuckled. "No, you are perfect. Now come back here, Wallflower."
He pulled me in and started deepening his tongue down my throat. I moaned as his tongue and mine touched, it was weird at first, but it felt nice as time passed. I tossed my hands around his waist and pulled him closer. I even placed one hand on his left cheek. He slightly puffed out his butt, signalling me it was all right. My dick was rubbing in in-between his legs, and he started following my direction, so our two erections were rubbing against each other.
Kyle started gasping, and it was hard to tell if it was sexual. But he instantly pulled me back when I was about to pull away. "Rub more," He pleaded, which made me feel so turned on. I rubbed more and more against him, letting his dick lightly throb against mine. I slowly grab his dick, curious more about what I can do.
But when I was about touch, he pushed my hand away. I looked at him, and he looked upset that I would touch it.
"I am sorry. Did you not like that," I apologized.
"No, it's just that my dick is hard to please," He assured, still looking upset.
"I am sorry. I won't do it."
He smiled. "Thank you."
Then, he went down on his knees. I knew instantly was he was going to do. A quick glimpse of Artie swirled in my head, which made me start tearing up. But the shower made it hard to see I was, so I kept letting it happen. I felt Kyle's hand grab onto my dick, and I clenched my jaw. Preparing myself for the pain again.
"Terrance?" Kyle said.
I opened my eyes and looked down.
"Are you okay with this?"
I wanted to say no, because when I looked down. I saw Artie's form out of Kyle's face. But I just nodded and told him to do it. I looked back up, closed my eyes, held onto my breath, and waited till he was about to begin. I just hoped it was not as bad as Artie did it, I thought. It was fast. He put his lips on the tip of my shift first. Slowly kissing it. I still waited for the immense pain. I could even feel my erection going away. But I tried my best to keep it going. Then, he started getting my dick into his mouth. I gasped because he was doing something with his tongue. It caught me off guard because I was expecting teeth and violent sucking.
There was this tingling sensation on the left side of my corona gland. It felt like a feather rubbing against it, or was it his tongue? Nonetheless, it was fantastic. I started moaning from the intense feeling that he gave me. When he pulled back the skin, the stretching intensified even more. I gasped at how it felt. Like I have been electrified. I started shivering.
"Does this feel okay to you?" Kyle stopped for a second, but I instantly rejected him, pulling away. I shoved his head back.
"Yes, Butterfly, it does," I moaned. "But keep going!"
I started moaning even louder, not caring how the bathroom was echoing from my moaning. This was way better than what Artie had done. He was a terrible blower. But Kyle was elite. I wanted him to keep going. But the more he pressed on my corona glands and pulled at my skin. The more the build-up I started to feel.
"I am...I am..." I uttered. Feeling everything go white for a second.
The tingling sensation did not stop; it kept increasing so you could hear my erection rumble from ejaculation. It was coming, and Kyle did not stop. I tried to warn him, but no words came out of my mouth except deep moans. The final push on my skin made me ejaculate in Kyle's mouth.
I screamed from the intense sensation that had occurred. He quickly pulled away and started smiling while my semen squirted all over his face. I had to take a moment to breathe because I had never had an orgasm before.
"Wow, Wallflower," Kyle moaned. "You must have been turned on. I think I gave you your first orgasm."
I did not know how to reply. I just stood there, trying to catch my breath. Maybe it was true. The first time I masturbated, it felt like the world fell out of place. But this made my whole idea of reality escape from my eyes. So, maybe this was my first-ever orgasm.
"Anyways, Wallflower. I must get going," Kyle said.
"Okay," I muttered while pushing Kyle away from my body. I got out of the shower and grabbed the towel.
"Okay," Kyle slowly mumbled, getting up and out of the shower.
I hoped he would stay, but I forgot he had to leave. My whole mind was making up this idea that we could cuddle and listen to Lana Del Rey while falling asleep. But I keep forgetting that he had somewhere else to be. I twitched my nose and clenched my jaw. Trying not to cry, I wanted to.
"Hey, are you okay?" Kyle asked.
I quickly placed my hand over my cheeks, and I couldn't tell if they were my tears or if it was the water left on my face. But when I couldn't figure it out. I blushed and looked away. Which probably did not help the situation.
"I...I..." I stuttered.
"Wallflower? I am sorry if I made you feel that way?"
"It's fine!"
"But you are crying?"
I chuckled. "No, it's just stupid water. I did not dry off from my face yet."
His hands touched my body, which triggered Artie's flashback. I quickly slapped his hands off my body. I gasped and looked back at Kyle. His eyes were large, and his mouth was slightly unhinged.
"I'm sorry. I am sorry...." I pleaded.
"Wallflower, are you okay? I am sorry if touching you triggered you. Want to tell me what happened?" He asked, rubbing his hands.
I tried to let go of the words lodged in my throat. It was like a giant stone had lived there. It hurts when I try to take it out. So, I just stood there, letting the anxiety rise between us: stupid Artie and my stupid anxiety. I wish I could be able to tell the truth to Kyle as I did with Mother. But for some reason, this was harder than her. It was Kyle Kingfield. And for some unknown explanation, my words mattered to him. I did not want to scare or overwhelm him with my deep thoughts.
"It's nothing."
Kyle frowned, and his body drooped slightly. He looked down at the floor and started rubbing his arms. "I was hoping you would be honest with me...."
I opened my mouth, but the imaginary jagged stone scraped the sides of my throat. I stopped myself from talking. Kyle glanced up at me, still waiting for me to say something. However, disappointment shadowed his aura. He grabbed his clothes from the ground and put them back on his wet body.
I had to say something. I tried to force words out. I wanted to say, "I want you to stay. Stay with me. Don't go away." But I just waited for him to finish. I watched him awkwardly put back on his clothes while he was soaking wet from the water. The clothes stained his body from the water, and his hair dripped like a raincloud.
Kyle sighed. "I think it's best if I go. I had to return the car. I don't want my man to get angry at me."
I bit my lip and was going to lift my hand, but Kyle quickly slipped out of the door. I followed him through the house while wrapping the towel around my waist.
Come on, Terrance. Speak to him. Tell him. Let me speak. Say the words. Don't let him walk away on a wrong note. Tell him how you feel about Artie, your mom, and him. Tell him, I thought.
We stood at the front door, and he silently put on his shoes. My mind was screaming at me, trying to force the words out. But I could not say anything when Kyle finished tying his shoes. He stared at me with starlight eyes, waiting for me to say something. He was going to speak but sighed and took a deep breath.
"Happy Birthday, Wallflower." Then, nodding his head and waved at me. He opened the door and left.
As the door shut, the world around me turned sour and quiet. The silence was overwhelming, and it brought tears to my eyes. I regretted not being able to express my emotions and wished I had taken the chance to tell him how I felt. I wondered if he might have felt used and whether I felt the same. I couldn't even remember what had happened tonight. Upon looking down, I noticed my arm was bleeding. I had been scratching it harder than ever, without even realizing it.
I watched the blood streams turn like flowing river lines down my forearm.
"Happy Birthday to you, Butterfly," I whispered.