"Darling?" Alastor asked with a yawn.
Propping himself up on his elbow, and rubbing the tired from his eyes with his fists. The sheets beside him were cold in absence of you, as was the air that gently nipped at his exposed skin. The blanket sliding off him slightly as he sat upright and looked around the dim room. Seeing you not inside, but instead smoking out on your balcony.
Sitting on the concrete with your back against the glass door. A loose-fit black t-shirt covered just passed your shorts. He noticed you must have gotten changed at some point before going outside.
The buck let out another small yawn. Swinging his legs out off the side of the bed and feeling the carpet against his feet. Tired still looming over him much like a thick cloud as he pushed himself onto his feet and straightened out his pajama pants. Deciding not to put a shirt on before joining you.
Curling his fingers around the handle he slid the door open. The soft swooshing noise alerting your focus, and you turned your head in direction of the noise. Offering him a soft, polite smile as you looked up at him. He smiled back.
Your eyes still looked tired and a little puffy. But, significantly less than how they were last night. You felt exhausted. However some much needed sleep did you well. Still feeling the lingering effects of a hangover, you were looking forward to getting some water and sustenance into your body.
Alastor sat down beside you. Grabbing the pack of smokes from the floor beside you and took a gasper for himself. Placing it between his lips and scratching his index and thumb talons together as if to strike a match. He lit it and took his first drag of the morning while you exhaled your own; grey smoke pooling from the corner of your mouth.
"Good morning." You said softly. Alastor wasn't exactly a morning person, but only up until he had his first cup of coffee. Until then he was tired and mostly quiet; but hardly unpleasant to be around. In his drowsy state he smiled at you again and hummed pleasantly. Resting the side of his head on your shoulder.
"Good morning, beautiful." He cooed tiredly.
You scoffed playfully and reached up to cradle his head close, and began petting his ears. A gesture he grew to love you doing. His eyes fluttered closed blissfully when he felt your nails gently scratching just the right spot, and let out a soft breath of static as he relaxed further into it. Similar to that of a purring noise.
"I don't know what's beautiful about bed-head, puffy eyes and morning breath; but if that's what gets you going, then I won't argue." You joked.
"Oh hush." He huffed. Turning his head slightly to give you a soft smooch on your shoulder before resting his cheek against it once more. "How are you feeling?"
You shrugged gently. Taking another drag of your cigarette your eyes cast down to the city below. "I feel a lot of things." You answered blankly. "Physically, I just want water and food."
"Hm." He hummed. Kissing your cheek and sitting upright as you released him from your gentle hold. Taking a drag himself and blowing the smoke away from you. "Those things can be fixed. How about emotionally?"
"I want to rip my parents apart." You said without remorse.
Alastor chuckled.
"No, for real." You said with a bit more enthusiasm. Glancing over at him as you flicked the ash off your stoge with your nail. "I want to hurt them. For years of mental damage and emotional neglect that no amount of help will ever fix."
"Careful what you wish for, darling."
"Why wouldn't I want that?" You asked. "I can't forgive them. Not for this... I have family, but no parents as far as they're concerned..."
"No doubt they'll end up here for their misdeeds." He sighed. "But, I think I may know a way to speed up that process. In case you can't wait for revenge."
"What do you mean?" You asked curiously.
"You ever heard of I.M.P.?"
"Who?"
"Immediate Murder Professionals." He said. "Imps who will go to earth on your behalf and bump off whoever you have an issue with so they'll arrive here faster."
"Is that an option?" You wondered. "Can we do that?"
"If that is what you wish." He hummed. His voice was soft, so reassuring as he spoke. Harboring no judgment concerning your provoked lust for violence. In fact, he wanted to encourage it.
"We hire I.M.P., get them down here- no doubt they'd go to Hell," he continued.
"Honestly everyone in that damn circus is probably going to end up here." You mentioned nonchalantly. "We all liked to get fucked up and do some fucked up shit."
He chuckled. Reaching up to smooth out your hair. "You leave finding and luring them to me." He mentioned. His voice growing more distorted as he continued to speak; devilishly delighted in the unholy events about to ensue. "Together we can make them regret everything they had ever done to you."
"So... I know this sounds weird and I don't expect you to be excited about it, but I wanna ask Johnny if he wants in on revenge."
His eyes narrowed and his smile fell flat to a minimum.
"Al, they killed him. I think he deserves a say in whether or not he wants payback, too." You reasoned.
He rolled his eyes, and pinched the bridge of his nose. He really didn't like Johnny. For no other reason besides the fact that he was your ex, but nonetheless. However you had a point; you weren't the only one they had screwed over in life.
"Fine." He said with a sigh.
You nodded. Content that he was fine enough to allow you to ask without issue. Turning your head to look back at the view you sucked in another deep breath.
"I have to have a very uncomfortable conversation with him later." You mentioned aloud. "I am not looking forward to this."
"I'm aware." He sighed softly, in sympathy to your situation. "But I admit, you do owe that to each other. First things first we're going to finish these," he said, gesturing to the lit cigarettes in each of your hands. "You're going to take a shower and brush your teeth -no offense darling but I can still smell the rum-sweat on you."
You chuckled and nodded.
"We're going to eat breakfast and get some sustenance in you," he continued. "And anything after that is up to you. And after you talk to your ex we will go to I.M.P. Headquarters and see if we can't persuade them to hear our case."
"You think they'll say no?" You asked.
"Being the radio demon has its perks, my love." He snickered. "Surely we can talk them into it if there's an issue."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Johnny stood outside your suite door. Looking down at the carpeted floor as he waited for you to open the door.
Breakfast came and went, you finally came downstairs and joined everyone for the first meal of the day. It was painfully quiet when you walked into the dining room, Alastor in tow looking as chipper as usual. But you managed to break some of the tension by cracking a joke as soon as you sat down.
Currently you were gathering your thoughts and having a few last words with Alastor about your plans for later before letting him in.
Even though you really had nothing to be nervous or scared about, your anxiety was fairly high. Feeling a bit jittery as you sat on the loveseat and watched as Al walked over by the door.
Saying your 'I love you's', Alastor left the room and stood in front of the doorway. Holding it open for Johnny who had perked up when he heard the door.
"She's ready for you." The deer said. A neutral smile on his face.
"Thank you."
Entering inside the suite, Alastor let the door close behind as Johnny looked over and saw you sitting. You threw him a small, tight smile. Nervously fidgeting your gloved hands in your lap.
"Hey." You said quietly.
"Hey..."
"Come over and sit down?"
The other fox nodded and took a deep breath. Relieved to see that although your temperament wasn't a happy one, at least you weren't angry with him anymore.
You scooted over on the couch and made room for him, allowing him to sit next to you. Before you said anything more, Johnny spoke up first.
"I just want to start off by saying, that I'm sorry you thought for so long that I deserted you." He stated. "Y/n, you are a wonderful person. You have such a huge heart, you're one of the most amazing people that I've ever met. And you did not deserve all that pain. I don't blame you for thinking I was a jerk, I can't imagine what you must've felt for so long."
"Definitely threw me for a loop." You said. A ghost of a laugh spilling from your jaws. "I gotta be honest with you, Johnny, I... I really don't know how to feel about... all of this."
You turned slightly. Folding your arms across your chest and almost hugging yourself a little as you avoided his gaze by staring at the floor. "I mean... I'm happy you're okay, sorry you're in Hell, but, glad to know that you aren't a dick that left me."
"I would never have." He repeated. "To the moon and back, I told you..."
You nodded. Giving him a meek smile as you finally looked back up at him.
"But I... still grieved, in a way. After the fact. I accepted that you were essentially out of my life, and, eventually I let myself move on."
His eyes looked forlornly. He couldn't deny it, he couldn't help it, it hurt that you were over him. It did. There was nothing wrong with your change of feelings and wants, you were more than entitled to how you felt. He just missed you so much for so long, just because he was able to accept it and understand it didn't make it sting any less.
"I had to, Johnny." You said gently. "I thought you were gone. I wasn't going to feel happy otherwise. And then I found Alastor... Well, really, he found me. He caught me hiding in a pornstars closet when he was looking for a pig, but that's a story for another time."
Johnny blinked owlishly at you for a moment but said nothing and merely nodded. Intrigued by that statement but silently allowing you to continue.
"My point is I'm happy we were able to clear this up and get some closure. Although I got a whole other thing to be upset about now, remind me after this conversation I need to ask you something pertaining to my piece of shit parents... I'm glad this was reconciled."
He nodded again. His lip quivering slightly as he tried to force a smile. Your heart sank for him a little, you knew this had to be hurting him. Your expression softened more and you reached for his hand. Holding it reassuringly within your gloved one.
"You're a terrific guy, Johnny." You said sincerely. "You think with your heart sometimes more than your head, but, your heart is in the right place. And you deserve to be happy and at peace, too. But with that being said..." you paused, taking a deep breath. "I don't want you to get your hopes up on rebuilding our romantic relationship, because those aren't my intentions. Nor is it my intention to seek redemption."
He grimaced for a moment. But he stayed quiet. Squeezing your hand, trusting that you'll be alright.
"I'm with Alastor now. And as relieved as I am that you weren't just a jerk, that doesn't change what feelings I developed for him. I have no desire to leave him. He makes me happy, and what him and I share now is not something I plan on giving up. Even if that means staying in hell... Maybe one day I'll change my mind about that, who knows. I just know what I want right now, and what I want right now: I already have."
Johnny lowered his head slightly. His ears falling flat to his head. Sniffling softly he picked his head back up and nodded again. Looking off to the side as he took in your words and let them sink in.
"Feel free to say something," you said anxiously with a laugh. "Whatever you need to. You've been more than patient with me, so..."
You felt him squeeze your hand again, this time you squeezed back. Waiting with slightly baited breath for him to speak.
"You know I want what's best for you." He said, steadying his breath so he may talk. You could tell he was trying not to cry, you could see his eyes watering and becoming glossy, the fact making your heart hurt a little. "But I also want you happy. You spent so long in misery, and I had no idea how bad it really was... You didn't deserve that pain. From my absence, your parents, any of it... you suffered enough. And if you're as happy as you say you are, and you feel that this is what you want, then I won't get in your way of that."
You smiled. Getting teary eyed as well. Reaching forward, you pulled him in for a hug. Resting your chin on his shoulder as he hugged you back tightly. He released a soft, muffled cry into your shoulder; he was so grateful to finally hold you in his arms again, he wanted to for so long, but not quite like this... Not closing the page of a chapter he was hoping to never finish...
You squeezed him a little tighter, and gave him a gentle pat on the back. Reassuring him that you still cared, and that you knew he would be okay.
"You were always so good to me." You said softly. Letting go, you two pulled apart from the embrace. "You stood by me at every turn, you never made me feel like I was an afterthought. And I still appreciate it. Don't ever think I'll forget about that. I want you to be happy, too. Don't stay hung up on me, you'll bring someone a lot of joy one day."
"Just out of curiosity, would it matter if that person was a friend of yours or not?" He asked, only half joking. Your eyes narrowed a little and you gave him a small, knowing smile.
"Angel hit on you, didn't he?" You asked.
"He did, he absolutely did." Johnny laughed. Actually a bit relieved that it seemed to relieve some of the heaviness of the mood. "He gave me his number."
"I bet. He is persistent and persuasive." You nodded with a slight smile. "What you two do is none of my business. Angel's a good guy, he's just going through... a lot."
He chuckled and shrugged. "Aren't we all."
"You know, I'm actually kinda glad you approached me at the club the other day." You them said. "I think this needed to come to a head. Even if the truth hurt."
"Yeah..."
"I'm sorry I smacked you in the face..." you laughed timidly.
"Water under the bridge." He chuckled faintly. "I don't blame you, I mean to think that I just left you alone with the baby, that's..."
Your lip instinctively quivered as you felt tears already beginning to well up again. This whole conversation wasn't exactly a comfortable one but you were really dreading this part of it.
"I've been dying to know, was it a boy or a girl?" He then asked. "What did you end up naming them? They must be what, a year old now? Were they trying to talk yet?"
A sob escaped you against your will, and you turned away from him again. You wondered what they'd be doing now, too. If only you had gotten the chance... You wondered a lot...
"Did I say something that upset you?" He asked. "I'm sorry if I did..."
"No, you're fine." You said with a sniffle. "Something happened, Johnny..."
His brows knit closely together, fearing what you might be referring to. He scooted closer to you and remained quiet.
"After you left, the ringmaster decided I was to do one of the most dangerous silk moves." You started after a deep breath. Sour-coating the word 'ringmaster' with extra disdain.
His heart sank. Already dreading where this was going.
"On my drop down at the end of the performance the silk tore on one side and sent me plummeting into a free-fall..." you continued. Tears silently continued to pour from your eyes almost in steady streams. There was no stopping them now, the emotional dam had burst once again. "I managed to shift my weight so I didn't land on my head, but..."
"You got busted up pretty bad, didn't you...?" He asked hesitantly.
You nodded. Stifling another sob behind gritted teeth.
"Broke a few ribs and my wrist, heavy internal bleeding..." you sniveled. "Had to stay in the hospital for a while and not perform... The baby... didn't make it... I lost it that night... it didn't make it, Johnny... I'm so sorry..!"
You held your face in your hands and continued to sob. Tears falling onto your skin as your chest would heave from gasping breaths. Your head was starting to hurt again from the pressure. But it didn't matter. Nothing hurt more than the hollow void in your heart that could never, ever, be filled.
Johnny's heart shattered. Dissolved, crumbled to a fine dust. Tears fell from his eyes as well, now mourning the metaphorical loss of his lover and the loss of his unborn child. This wasn't fair...
"I wanted that baby, and I'm sorry I couldn't keep it...!" you cried. "I was gonna ask you if we could give them the same middle name as you, I wanted to watch them grow up, I wanted to know if they'd have your eyes or not..."
He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say. Deciding to just do what his gut said, he reached over and pulled you into another hug. Squeezing you tightly as he cried alongside you. That picture perfect fantasy of the two of you raising a child together now singed; and there was nothing either of you could do but grieve.
"I'm so mad at myself," You then said. "I shouldn't have done that move. I shouldn't have even been performing knowing I was pregnant! It's all my fault... I killed our baby it's all my fault..."
"No." He said firmly. Tears still streaming down his own face as he pulled away from the embrace. He put his hands on your shoulders and made you look at him, sincerity clear as un-muddied water as he spoke. "It's not your fault, Y/n. Don't you ever say that, it was not your fault. You wouldn't have taken the risk if you weren't a thousand percent sure you could do it successfully. What happened was out of your control. Whoever set the silks up should have noticed the weak spot in the seams. They should have told you. They should have used a different silk. You are not to blame. Get that out of your head."
"I'm going to miss that baby forever, Johnny..." you sniveled. "I never knew them, but I love them so fucking much..."
"I love them too..." he sniveled. "I'm so sorry, Y/n... And I'm sorry I couldn't be there to grieve with you... It's unfair that we smiled together so many times but you had to cry alone..."