Chapter Forty One
The next morning was awkward to say the least. None of what had happened yesterday was mentioned again. There was a silence looming over the five of us as we all ate our breakfast, and every so often there was a slight wince, a hiss, or a groan of pain coming from Sirius. All of us pretended not to notice.
Eventually the tension was too much, Peter stood up from the table announcing he had to go back home, Remus and I followed. We all just said our goodbyes and told each other we will talk once we're back at Hogwarts.
When I made it back home Remus walked me all the way inside. "Prim, is that you?" My mother asked, walking into the living room. "Yes mum." She looked at us. "Honey, Lily said you left in such a rush this morning. What happened?" Lily's excuse seemed to work fine, but the fact that I was still in my pj's and my face looked like I had been crying all night was difficult to explain. I couldn't exactly lie to her so what was I supposed to tell her? Thankfully Remus answered.
"She was with me. It was an emergency. My uh... nan died." I turned to look at Remus eyebrows furrowed. "Oh Remus darling I'm sorry." My mother said. "Is okay she's in a better place now." He gave her a tight lipped smile. "Well if you need anything you tell me okay?" He nodded. "Will do Mrs. Evans."
When she left Remus turned to look at me. "How about you change and then we'll talk about it okay?" I only nodded and he gave my shoulder a big squeeze before leaving as well. Walking up to my room I was met with an extremely curious Lily.
Ignoring her, I walked straight past her to my closet to pick out some clothes. "Prim, thank Merlin! What happened, where were you? You just can't leave like that in the middle of the night!" She yelled. "Lilly, please stop." I said turning back. "What do you mean stop? Do you have any idea how reckless you were? Honestly Prim it's like you have no sense of self preservation." She said exasperated. "Look Lily I'm not in the mood to argue okay? So just leave it." I didn't give her the chance to say anything else as I left the room.
Once I had a shower and changed my clothes, I met Remus in my backyard. We walked in complete silence to our usual spot in the forest. We just sat there until Remus finally asked. "What happened last night?" "I don't know." I said barely above a whisper. "What do you mean you don't know Prim, you were there."
I slowly felt anger rising in me. Did he honestly believe I wouldn't have done something if I knew Sirius would show up all bloody at James's doorstep? "I don't know Remus!" I yelled at him standing up. "I went there, everything was fine, we were having fun, all things considered and then I left." I felt all the air leave my lungs. I left. "God I should've known she would hurt him. I should've stayed even if that meant I would be in danger, then maybe he would've been safe."
I sank down to the floor, hyperventilating, feeling like all air was suddenly gone and my heart was trying to jump out of my chests. The guilt of leaving him behind felt so heavy. Suddenly I felt two hands on my shoulders, and gentle words slowly bringing me back to reality. Remus was looking at me straight in the eyes. "You couldn't have possibly known." He stated. We stayed like that for a little while longer before we went back home.
***
Back at Hogwarts the boys had gained a lot of popularity by now. Not only were they four out of the five famous 'Marauders', but they had also become the resident heartthrobs. James Potter; Gryffindor's golden boy and head over heels for one of the Evans twins, Remus Lupin; the shy and mysterious one, Peter Pettigrew; the boy next door every girl would take home to meet their parents, and finally Sirius Black; the rebel, black sheep of the family, the bad boy.
James couldn't care less about the flirty looks and smiles sent his way, he only had eyes for his Lily Flower, Remus was just painfully oblivious, Peter kind of enjoyed the attention but always got so nervous, and Sirius relished in it.
"I'm telling you mate the other day I asked Susan to copy her homework and she gave me hers." Sirius said laughing. "Those girls are crazy. I could ask them to bark and they would." We were sitting in the Great Hall eating dinner, and I was angrily poking my food as I heard him. "Padfoot, it's not nice to take advantage of those poor girls who have a crush on you." I scolded him. "It's not my fault they would do anything I ask." He replied. If looks could kill he would already be underground. "It still doesn't give you the right to do that to them, it's just cruel."
He didn't say anything until he turned to look at me grinning. "Are you jealous? Aw puppy don't be, you'll always be my best girl." I punched him for that stupid comment, and that stupid name. "You wish." I said fuming, standing up and leaving. Sirius just stared as I walked away from the table. "She's right, Pads." Remus added without looking up from the book he was reading. "It just makes you sound like a absolute wanker." Sirius turned around to look at James and Peter and when neither said anything he huffed replying. "Fine, I won't do it anymore."
Back at Ravenclaw Tower Alice had fallen victim to yet another one of my rants. "Honestly, who does he think he is? As if he has some god given right to treat those poor girls like that?" I scoffed. "Thinks it's totally okay to flash them a pretty smile and ask them to do anything for him." I said, throwing my hands in the air.
"Sounds to me like someone is jealous. Why do you care anyway?" Alice asked. She has always been perceptive, always knew what to ask to make you realise what you wouldn't. I swear sometimes she's like an old lady trapped in a sixteen year old girl.
But she was right. What did any of this have to do with me? Maybe it is the fact that I hate to see him act like this, or maybe it is the fact that when we came back to Hogwarts it was as if nothing ever happened. I was used to Sirius repressing his emotions because he felt like they showed weakness, but for him to completely ignore what almost happened back at his family's manor made my blood boil.
Yet I couldn't exactly tell Alice what I was thinking, she didn't know. When she asked, I had told her all about the party, but I had kept everything that had happened after it to myself. I just felt like telling her would be like betraying Sirius. "I don't." I lied. "I just hate to see him treat those poor girls like that." That part was true.
***
Aside from my birthday prank I tried to hang out the least amount of time with the boys. Despite how hard we all tried to ignore it, every time we were together there was slight tension between us, or more specifically between Sirius and I.
Everytime he is around I try to act as if that almost kiss doesn't cross my mind all day, as if when I look into his eyes my heart doesn't start beating ten times faster, and as if in fact I am not jealous. But jealous of what I'm not entirely sure.
Am I jealous that he's flirting with all those girls, making them a big mess of flushed cheeks and giggles, or am I jealous that unlike him I cannot repress my thoughts and emotions, and it shows?
Remus, Peter and James all had noticed, and they all agreed their friends were being stupid and just plain oblivious, but they decided to stay out of it and wait for those two big idiots in love to figure it out on their own.
So I nstead my free time was divided between hanging out with Alice and Amos. Even though I had met Amos back in late 74, it wasn't until a year later that things had started to become more serious between us.
Now things were going great and I knew it would only be a matter of time before he asked to take the next step in our relationship. Although when that day came things didn't go as planned
***
It was around mid February, it was Saturday and we had just come back from spending the day at Hogsmeade. Even though the weather was still cold, it had been a sunny day, and we were walking the grounds back to the castle when Amos pulled me aside. He led me to a section of the castle I hadn't seen before. It was a quaint little garden, it was beautiful.
We sat on a bench and he looked at me. "I have to tell you something." My heart started beating faster. "Prim these past few months I've had the pleasure of getting to know you better. I've come to learn you're a funny, brave, ambitious, caring and not to mention drop dead gorgeous girl." I laughed. "What I'm trying to say is: will you be my girlfriend?" I felt all the air leave my lungs. "Oh Amos."
As we sat there all the reasons why I should say yes came to mind, yet I couldn't also help but remember Alice's words 'just don't give him false hopes'. I took his hands in mine. "Amos you're such an amazing lad. I like you I really do, and everything in me screams to say yes but —" He gave me a sad smile. "I'm not him." "What?" I choked out. I knew I couldn't say yes to him, but to hear him state out loud the reason I hadn't even wanted to admit to myself yet shocked me.
"I'm not Sirius." He said sadly, and for a second I could feel my heart breaking just a little. "I'm so sorry Amos, I really am. I'm such a horrible person leading you on like this." He gave me a little smile. "It's alright Prim I always knew." I looked at him shocked. "How could you possibly know?" I asked. "I see the way you act around him. How you look at him. I knew what I was getting myself into from the first date I asked you out on. Part of me just hoped that maybe eventually I could be the one to make you smile like that, but now I know a love like that only comes once."
He smiled at me again, how was it that even as he was getting rejected for another guy he was so kind and genuine. "I know you like me Prim, but you love him." "Amos, you don't deserve any of this." He gave me a hug. "It's alright Prim. You can't blame a man for trying. We can always be friends." I smiled at him, pulling away. "Yeah I would like that."
We left the little garden and he walked me back to my common room. I turned to look at him. "Again I really am sorry, for everything." He shook his head. "It's alright. And do me a favour will you? Just tell him how you feel already, this tension is going to suffocate everyone in the castle." I laughed a little. "I really hope one day you find a truly amazing girl who gives you her heart in a way I couldn't. In the way that you deserve." He smiled. "I know I will." I smiled back at him before giving him a little kiss on the cheek. "Goodbye Amos."
With that I entered my common room to see an anxious Alice. "Congratulations!" She yelled. I take it Amos had told her and Frank about his plans, but once she saw my face and the awkward tight lipped smile I gave her a look of worry overtook her face. "Oh no."
A/N
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