sarang dont panic.
it was a kiss.
it meant nothing, it meant nothing, ot seriously meant nothing.
right?
right?
when will the hour be over? we are still at practice but all i want is flee out and disappear from this earth.
i am still on that table seungkwan placed me a while ago.
he seemed to be taking the lead after that kiss and help with the play, letting me rest. did he notice i freak out and wanted to help?!
well it was not that hard to notice.
honestly speaking he seems so beautiful giving instruction to everyone up there. he seems peaceful.
how can he be peaceful after what happened to us? why isnt he panicking like i do?
he seems... okay...
is he?
i keep on staring at him until the bell rings. that sound makes him also turn to lock eyes with me - like the bell gave him the permission to be dismissed.
as soon as he catches me staring i lose my shit.
no he probably knows i never stopped thinking about the kiss. i literally grab my things and fastly make my way out of the classroom.
"sara-" wonwoo was about to say something hut literally all he saw was me running away like an idiot.
thats what i am planning to do!
run away for the rest of the school year.
last day of school is not even that far away... just... 6 more months... which leads to 182 days!
phew, i cant totally pull this off.
thats why i run outside thinking i just managed to escape. little did i know that kwan was not gonna let it pass like that.
anyway, i stop running once i think i escaped but poor me got slammed against some lockers by the boy i thought i manage to mislead.
"what are you doing?!" he asks.
"n-nothing, nothing... i am... searching for my friend! kevin!" i lie not thinking too much. "i thought his name was james..." he looks down at me super strictly.
"he... has two names. kim james kevin!" i let him know, turning to walk to my right but he places on hand there to stop me.
"what do you want from me?!" i am complaining now completely facing. "you know what i want..." he doesnt even explain.
"i have no... idea..." i look down.
"why are you avoiding me now?!" he titls his head. "i am not!"
"was it because i kissed you..." he said that word. the kiss word. that word reminded me of that passionate kiss i seriously wanted to forget - especially when he is so close ro me.
"why did you kiss me? i thought you wanted to kiss mina!" i know dare to say locking eyes with him.
"why are you panicking over a kiss?!"
he asks something else instead of answering to my question. "was it... just... a kiss to you..." i mumble to myself looking down.
"what did you say?!" he lifts my head with his index finger. did he really not hear? was he lying? he never let me know.
"i was acting... you cant stop freaking out and you can stop avoiding me!" he ads right when he noticed i was not going to answer.
"acting?!"
"yes, so can we please go to where we were!" he complains like he misses how we used to be.
"kiss wonwoo then!" i smirk and the poor boy narrows his eyebrows. "what?" he seems confused.
"what did i lose?!" wonwoo happens to be right next to us at this point, passing by, not expecting to hear such a weird sentence.
"what? if its just acting, prove it!"
the boy locks eyes with me. "you are kidding me?!" then he whispers. "if you kiss him we'll go back to what we used to be, i'll be convinced!" i shrug my shoulders.
"isnt anyone gonna ask about my consent or something-" wonwoo tried to complain but kwan grabbed him by the shirt and kissed his lips.
i stood there trying not to chuckle.
"happy?!" kwan says and thats when i start wheezing.
"hey stop!"
"i was joking but it was all worth it..." how stupid can boys get. "why did you do that?" i ask right back.
"cause... you... you asked me to..."
right when i thought this atmosphere toned down a little bit he said that to set my heart on fire. it was not as hot as that first kiss but almost as good.
i can forget about it!
i will!
but thinking about it. was he really acting? it didn't feel like he was acting. the way he placed his arms around me. the way he looked at me afterwords.
even the way he ran to catch me when i left.
everything felt real.
"see you.. " i say to both of them. they keep on staring at me while i walk out.
_____
i am fixing my suitcase for the trip but my mind is on him nonstop.
he said he was acting.
how can he kiss me that easily though? it came out so naturally.
"ahem..." i hear someone clearing their throat. "what do you want now?!" i say without even turning around.
"i think we have to talk... lately i've been trying to talk to you and you always ignore me..." vernon pouts.
"when you say lately, you mean the last 15 years?!" now i turn to look at him with my eyebrows narrowed. "exactly!" he sits on a chair.
"what do you want to talk about vernon..."
"boys!" he smiles and i turn to look at me surprised. "i am not talking about boys with you... nope..." i turn my back at him again.
"okay, don't... lets talk about one specific boy!" he smiles wider and i turn around way more surprised. "you wont stop with this, will you?!"
"correct..."
"what do you want vernon? cant you just leave me alone?!" i hiss. i mean, i am such a peaceful person. i am not annoying anyone. i isolate myself from the world, stay in my business and do my shit. so whats his problem.
"i promise, i will... but... after you answer to just this question!" he is deciding to get on my nerves at this point, apparently.
"shoot..."
"do you like seungkwan?!" again, that question i hate. why does it matter if i actually do.
"do you like earthquakes?"
"come on! I am serious..."
thats when i turn around and decide to give him an answer so he can finally leave me alone.
"i cant... like... seungkwan!"
"why?" now he is the one to narrow his eyebrows. "i just... cant..." i turn towards my suitcase again. "is it because of the past? when he left?!" vern asks me and i blankly stare to my front.
"he didnt just leave..." i whisper. thats when vern gets up and sits on the bed right next to my suitcase.
"then?!"
"he... he left... when i told him... that i... i liked him... back then. its humiliating for me. dont you get it?" whispering the last part, suddenly all these memories jump right in and vern silently gasps.
"you even liked him back then?! awwwww..." that was something he never knew. i never answered cause its already too embarassing.
"is that why you are not telling him you like him now? because... you re scared?!" he asked me. i have no answer to that.
i only continue fixing my suitcase.
its too hard to answer.
it hurts..
"do you like him that much?!" he asks and our eyes lock. i break that contact because i am quite readable. thats how kwan calls me. funny, right?!
"god you are so dumb..." he whispers and i turn to stare at him quite surprised. "how am i the dumb perso-"
"kwan knows that you like him! everyone does, by not admitting it you are only making it worst..." he announces.
wait he does?
at this sentene i hear my heart beating faster. "i cant do anything vernon..."
"for god's sake he is crazy about you too, how cant you see it? you've been wasting your whole life to read about love and still have no clue about it?!" and now he just attacks me with words
"what did you say?!"
"kwan likes you. everytime we got out, he couldnt stop talking about you, so do you know whats the only problem i can see in that relationship? you, chwe sarang!" he points at me.
"he... he likes me?!"
"are you an idiot?" he gets up. "yes... i think i am!" i come to the realization. how stupid can i get, seriously!?
"sarang, dont waste your chance. at this trip you are all going... talk to him. before its too late, everything can change. do something before it actually does..."
"fine...i'll just thing about it, okay!"
"you've been thinking too much sissy! i think its time you finally do something..." he gets up and caresses my shoulder.
i dont answer so he gives me a peck on the cheek. he knew that whatever he said meant a lot of things to me.
i was going to pay attention to him.