"what do you mean, an educational trip?!" i ask wonwoo through the phone first thing in the morning.
what is he saying?
it was so hard for me to open my eyes amd come back to reality so everything he says sounds like greek to me.
"we do that every year, did you forgot?!" he reminded me and i yawned.
"we do?!"
"yes?? i already called the hotel to talk about the details!!!" he announced. "what? you did that without me giving you my permission..." i yell.
"you literally said call the hotel for extra information, last time i saw you!" he reminds me and i scoffed. "i- i dont remember saying that!!! i would never-" i was about to defend myself until I actually remembered it.
"okay, maybe I did say that..."
"do you remember now?!" he giggles. "and what did they tell you anyways...?" i ask. "well, we are all set, we can leave this friday if everything is okay with us!" he announces.
"okay, we'll tell everyone at practise..." i announce. today we are getting excused from class she we can properly practice - and i love that.
although, that means...
i have to see seungkwan. its not a bad thing dont get me wrong. i think thats the problem, i want to see him way too much.
i used to despice me but somehow all that i am thinking about is him now. the way last night unravels still gives butterflies to my heart.
where is he now?
is he already at school?
"sarang, you still there?" right, wonwoo is still on the other line waiting for my answer. "y-yes..."
"see you at practice? there are some new changes on tbe script. guys are getting excited!" wonwoo says.
"thats pleasant then, cant wait to see it..." cluelessly i smile and after saying goodbye we both hung up.
thats when i find myself staring at the mirror.
Again, i want to be the best version of myself. whats wrong with me? i fix my clothes , do my hair pretty neat and wear my high socks along with the shoes.
thats when i walk in the kitchen to find vern in his usual seat.
"morning..."
"hi..." i turn my back at him when i open the fridge. "so... do you have something to say to me!" he asks with a sly smirk.
"yeah, you look ugly..." i am drinking some orange juice i found on the fridge. "fiesty first thing in the morning?"
"well, you can be dumb first thing in the morning... what stops me from being feisty?" i shrug my shoulders.
"do you like seungkwan?!" he asks and i choke on my juice.
"WHAT?!"
"come on i see how you are looking at him!" he announces. "with disgust on my face?!" i ask.
"you always liked him and we both know that..." he winks, whispering the last sentence.
"i... i dont!"
"okay, then you wont care if i tell you he likes you too..." he turns his full attention to his coffee. thats when i lose it, literally climbing the table and clinging onto him.
"he does? what do you know? speak now!" i grab him by the collar. "yeah, you dont like him at all, i am convinced!" he giggles and i let go if him.
so it was a trick.
wise move.
"i dont... idiot.." i fix my clothes again and wear my bag on my shoulder. "dont talk to me for the whole day!"
"thank god..." he whispers and I roll my eyes getting out of the house. i fastly make my way to school.
i dont like him i dont like him.
i was repeating to myself until i saw seungkwan talking with some of his friends. right when he was ready to turn and look at me i immediately run inside the janitor's closet and lay my back against a wall.
thank god, that was pretty close.
i need ro stay away from him.
first of all, of course i do not like him and second of all... I DONT LIKE HIM!
I LIKE CHAN.
everybody knows that. i know that, seungkwan knows that, nayeon knows that, this guy knows tha-
wait, who is this guy in here.
"hi?! can i help you?!" why is there a guy in here. thats when i hear the bell ringing. kwan probably left for class like the rest of the students.
"nice chat!" i answer with a smile and get out to notice an empty hallway. thank god everyone is already in class.
i take a step to the front but someone clears their throat.
"fuck..." i mumble.
"what was that?!" someone asks. when i turn around i see a man leaning against the lockers wearing a sly smirk.
"seungkwan? h-hi there!" i dont like you, i dont like you i dont like you and i can prove it that i dont.
"did you just avoid me?!" he takes a step closer.
"whatttt? no! i... i would never do that!!!" i pat his shoulder friendly and acted all cool when i bet i only looked weird and awkward in his eyes. honestly his expression was speaking louder than words.
"then why did you get in as soon as i saw you?!" he crosses his arms thinking i got trapped in the trap.
"i... i didnt do that because i was avoiding you, silly!"
"then?!"
"a friend of mine is in there!! of course..." I lie again. "you dont have friends..."
"phs... of course i do- its... its-" i was about to think of another lie until that guy i saw in there walks out.
"hey..." i go over there and place my arm around his shoudlers. "whats up pal!" that guy seemed so perplexed. "is that your friend?!"
"you bet he is!"
"whats his name?" he asks quite playfully like he is not believing a word i say. "james..." i say immediately.
"his name is james?!" kwan scans him and then stares at me like i am a liar. how can he blame me for lying when thats exactly what i am doing?!
the audacity.
"james..."
that poor guy next to me was quite frozen, questioning his entire lifetime. i am doing great, j manage to avoid kwan pretty well, i can do that some more, right?
"now, i think me... and james have to talk about... stuff... friends talk about... like the weather... and economy!" i am walking backwards with 'james' in my arm.
"thats not what friends talk about..." kwan said but i already ran away. now that we were put of sight i left that poor kid thay managed to help me but staying frozen.
after thanking him i enter the class and sit on my seat.
after a while kwan comes and sits right next to me. the lecture was passing by pretty swell. i mean, i was thinking about him nonstop but the point is he never did anything to approach him.
so avoiding him works after a while.
now i can say with confidence i do not like seungkwan! i am confident! i know it! yes...
"can i ask you somthing about the le-" kwan turned around with a notebook on his hands, pointing something out for me.
thats when i started panicking again.
i immediately raise my hand and get up. kwan looks up at me quite perplexed and i cant even blame him this time.
"sarang?!" the teacher also asks me quite surprised. "can i go to the bathroom!?" i ask and she gave me permission.
thank god i run out like the bulding is on fire or something. not gonna lie, i never returned to class that hour. we are having practice later so i stayed in the bathroom until then, thinking of ways to avoid kwan.
maybe i should play it more cool now so he wont notice, right?!
yes, nice plan i think.
after i hear the bell ringing i walk out the restrooms and run to the auditorium.
everyone was already there. i was the only one late so all eyes fell on me first thing when i enter.
kwan's eyes lock with mine.
"you are here?!" wonwoo asks.
"mmhm..." i start walking down the aisle making my way to the stage. "we were worried, you are never late!" wonwoo announces.
"she could possibly be with james!" kwan jokes and i turn to look at him with a gasp. "we dont have a Korean kid named james in school!" wonwoo narrows his eyebrows.
"we do apparently, right leader?!" he turns to look at me with a sly smirk.
i cant look away again.
no no no...
i force myself to stare at wonwoo pretty obsessive. "why are you looking at me like that?!" wonwoo asks and i can hear kwan giggling.
"did you tell them about the trip?!" i now ask wonwoo and he nods.
"perfect, so with which scene are we gonna start...?" i ask wonwoo and the boy takes a peek in the script.
"scene 34..." kwan answers for him.
again our eyes lock. why does he always have to remind me that he exists. wonwoo gives me the script and i read that paper.
"what? a kiss scene?!" i gulp as soon as i read there is gonna be a kiss scene between chan and mina. thank god only kwan heard. "why? you jealous?!" he says for only us two to hear.
"why would i be jealous?!"
"i dont know, because your honey bear is kissing someone else!" his face is straight now.
"you seriously think that I care after-" i was about to explain but i stopped me before its too late. "after what?!" he asks taking a step closer.
"you should know by now that i dont like... you know who..."
"really? what changed leader?!" he crosses his arms.
oh no, even now when he is so close at arguing i cant take enough of him. he makes my heart beating. "lets just go with the practice."
i turn my back at him and call mina with chan on the stage.
"you can start!"
i order them. these two said their lines and after that chan seized her by the waist and placed his lips on hers.
everyone's attention was on them now but i was secretely peeking at kwan.
he seems way too focused.
what is he thinking about? could he perhaps be jealous mina is kissing someone else.
i pout, how can he treat me and mina commonlike it only gets me confused.
"good guys..." i retort with a pouty face even though i barely saw anything of that kiss.
"good?!" kwan narrows his eyebrows.
"yeah, good..."
"that kiss had no passion..." he announces, mostly refering to me like i am the problem. "i think its good!" i take a step closer.
"do you know anything about kissing someone?!" he says and i gasp. the audacity! he has some real guts talking to me like that.
"do you know anything about acting?!"
"i do... and that kiss was boring!" he repeats. whats wrong with his outlook. maybe he is saying that cause he is jealous!
maybe he wanted to be the one to kiss mina but instead he so chan and got mad.
that explains everything.
he likes her!
yet he dares to play with me too! there's no other reason he could be mad about a single kiss. he is unbelievable. if he wants it like that oh i am gonna let him have it.
i dont care about him!
i dont!
"then, if you have such a huge problem, you should kiss mina instead and show us what a good kiss looks like..." i announce amd he takes a step closer.
"you dont mean that..." he whispers only for us two to listen.
"dont act like you didnt want this from the start!" as soon as i whisper that there is a silence filling the room.
i can feel his breathe falling on my face.
"do it, i know you want t-" i was about to say but seungkwan seized me by the waist, held me close and brushed his lips against mine.
seriously that was the last thing i was expecting to happen between us.
it felt like we had so many almost kisses that this one felt unreal for a moment. his lips felt so soft but still i got what he meant.
what he said about passion.
i finally felt it as soon as his eyes layed on my body. the way he was touching me. the way his lips moved in sync against mine. the way he closed his eyes and brought me closer.
even the way he smells. i feel so familiar with his sweet cologne. like it got me swayed into the kiss even more.
thats when he slowly isolates his lips on mine and locks eyes with me.
i dont like him!
please, please... no. I am not falling for him or the way he looks at me right after our first kiss.
my heart isnt beating like crazy, saying his name each time i see him from this close.
"thats what you call a passionate kiss..." he whispers.
i think i am gonna faint.
he turns towards everyone.
"see, thats what we need! so, chan, mina, again.." he says but i am standing frozen in the middle of the stage quite shocked.
are my cheeks red? of course they are. i bet i am redder than a strawberry. the two guys occupied their first spot.
kwan discreetely came to grab my arm and pull me away from the middle.
"you can sit for a while..." he lets me know. usually i wouldnt grab the chance but it seems like i need it.
he also seems to know i need some time.
i obviously need it.
so he helps me get off the stage and sit on our ordinary table. we lock eyes for one last time until he turns around and goes back to the stage.