HELL OR HIGH WATER.
I.
While Christmas was supposed to be a holiday centered around family, traditions were never very important to the Snapes.
The houses at Spinner's End were all equally depressing, almost as much as their own. There were barely any holiday decorations, unless one counted thin and unhealthy-looking Christmas trees or the occasional stocking hanging from the door. Archie's house was completely bare that year; last year's tree had accidentally caught fire and they couldn't afford a new one.
Archie would often walk to the other neighborhoods, wanting to see how the slightly less poor families decorated their houses. The Christmas lights around the roof, the little figurines of Santa positioned in a way that showed him climbing towards the chimney. Sometimes when she would be taking a walk, she'd find one of the houses having an open door and the smell of cookies would make her stomach hurt and her eyes water. Sometimes she would catch herself staring at the parents that played with their kids out in the show with curiosity, as if they were the strange ones. She couldn't remember the last time her father paid any attention to her and her brother, much less actually played with them.
This year the finances seemed to be even worse than last year's. If Archie had to guess, she would say it had something to do with their father's tendency to leave the house with a full wallet and return empty handed. However, no one seemed to actually voice that out loud. They all played dumb, especially their mother. Eileen Snape neé Prince was many things, but comfortable with confrontation was not one of them. And even when she was all alone in the kitchen, preparing a dinner of gravy and rice with walnuts for the rest of the family while her husband was nowhere to be seen, she didn't complain.
Tobias Snape, their father, was prone to disappearing for days without giving any explanation. Archie had gotten used to it, even preferred it to the alternative. While he was gone, the house seemed quieter. More peaceful. She and Severus didn't have to play chess while talking out loud to drown out the voices of their father yelling like a maniac. Sometimes Archie would even catch her mother in a good mood—and when she did, she always took advantage of it. She would ask her to help her with homework she fully knew how to do on her own just to spend some time with her, or she would help her with the household chores while talking about her day. The woman rarely listened, but even the occasional nod of acknowledgement was enough to keep Archie satisfied for the next few weeks.
As she was setting the table for their dinner, she could catch her brother looking through the window like he was searching for something, or someone. His hair had somehow gotten much longer over the break and now he had to tie it back with one of her hair bands. Even though his acne had just started disappearing, hers was just beginning to make its appearance all over her face. Sometimes she would stare at Severus and wonder if they looked alike—they were twins, after all. But even though their hair was the same black color they got from their father, her eyes were blue instead of black. She truly was her father's daughter, at least appearance-wise. The only thing she took from her mother was her slightly chubbier frame and a few freckles on her nose.
"He's not coming," she tells Severus quietly, hoping their mother wouldn't hear her. She would always reprimand them for talking about their father behind his back, as if it was some sort of betrayal. She never followed that rule herself, though—sometimes, in her drunken state, Archie would have to comfort her crying mother as she raved about how much Tobias Snape had ruined her life.
When she was sober, she would pretend she never said anything like that.
Severus turned to face her with a slight scowl. "I know. I'm not looking for him, I'm not stupid," he says, an obvious bitter tone in his voice. "I was just wondering when the mail would arrive. It should have arrived by now."
Archie raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything about it. Even though her and her brother had drifted apart the past few years, she still knew him better than anyone so it was only safe to assume what he was actually waiting for—a letter from Lily Evans. It was always about Lily when it came to him. When she took too long to reply to his letters, he'd be brooding and impossible to chat with. When she finally did reply, however, he looked like a whole different person; the closest to happiness a boy like him could achieve.
It wasn't difficult to understand why he was so obsessed with the Gryffindor girl, if she was being honest with herself. The three of them used to be very close, childhood friends that pretty much spent most of their days together. Back then, life was pretty good. Her family was still broken, but she had Severus and Lily. They were their own little family and they didn't need anyone else. However when the time came and they went to Hogwarts, their tight-knit group split. Severus was sorted into Slytherin, Lily was sorted into Gryffindor and Archie... well, she was sorted into Ravenclaw, despite her best efforts to convince the Sorting Hat that she didn't want to be alone. After that, their whole dynamic changed. Lily and Severus remained best friends, but Archie slowly drifted apart. It wasn't a conscious decision, but the result of years of pent-up insecurities that had convinced her that, no matter what, she would never be anyone's first choice.
Her bad luck when it came to friendship continued, as she soon realized that maybe the problem was her all along. She seemed incapable of maintaining a friendship, even with her own dorm-mates. Sure, Emmeline and Leah were nice and she knew she could count on them if it came down to it, but she had nothing in common with them. One was a Quidditch prodigy and the other was an aspiring fashion designer who spent all of her time with her eyes stuck on fashion magazines.
It was during their fourth year she started noticing a few cracks on Severus and Lily's friendship. Her brother didn't seem to take Lily's new friendships very well, probably feeling abandoned or insecure. And yet, he had started making new friends of his own, friends that neither Archie or Lily particularly approved of. Unlike many others, Archie never expressed any kind of ill feeling towards the Slytherin students just because of the house they were sorted into, but she couldn't deny the fact that all the meanest kids, most of the bullies that sometimes targeted her as well, were pureblood Slytherins. The same people Severus had started surrounding himself with.
That definitely took a toll on his relationship with Lily. With Archie, as well. But the first scenario seemed to trouble him far more.
Once the table was set, their mother made them sit down and pray. It wasn't a very common phenomenon for pureblood wizards like their mother to be religious, especially considering the implications of Christianity's history with users of magic. Archie and Severus never met their grandparents, so they could only assume their mother's religious beliefs were inspired by her husband, who was raised in a very traditional Christian Muggle family. Neither Archie or Severus liked praying or actually believed in it, but they knew better than to reason with their mother, so they kept repeating her words mechanically. When they were done praying, they finally let go of each other's hands and dived in on their food. It was time for that familiar awkward silence to take over, as all three of them were lost in their own thoughts.
"Henry is sick," Archie said after a while, breaking the ice. She never really felt comfortable eating dinner in silence, even though she supposed she should have gotten used to it. "He has started having breathing difficulties and he struggles to move, much less fly."
Their mother reacted just like she expected her to. "He's gotten old. That's not surprising." She kept staring at her plate. "We won't be able to afford a new one."
"A new one?" Archie said. She didn't even think of the possibility of letting their owl go and getting a new one. She always had a special kind of connection to Henry, being the one who always took care of him despite the fact she shared him with her brother. "But-"
"You can use Hogwarts' owls if you want to write home," her mother cut her off. "Not that any of you seem awfully interested in doing that," she added quietly.
Severus looked at Archie as if sarcastically saying, good job. "But the Hogwarts' owls aren't..." she started saying but the sharp look that the woman gave her made her stop.
"What Artemisia is trying to say," Severus took it from there. He would always use her full name in front of adults, for some reason. Maybe he thought it made him look more mature or something. "Hogwarts' owls are quite old as well. They're surprisingly bad at understanding directions as well. They never had training, I suppose."
Their mother took a moment before replying. "I see," she said. Of course she'd think Severus had a point, even if he was saying the same thing Archie was about to say. "That doesn't change the fact we cannot afford a new owl, though. I'm afraid you will have to borrow your friends' owls when you have to."
Archie wanted to scoff. Say that, for a poor family that could never afford anything useful, their fridge always seemed stocked with beers. But she stayed silent and returned to her food with a slight frown she tried to hide.
Just like last Christmas and the Christmas before that, the siblings didn't receive any presents. They didn't expect to and Severus didn't seem to be particularly bothered, but all Archie could think of was the Christmas of her second year. Back when they were younger Severus and Archie were much closer. So every year, fully aware that their parents couldn't afford presents, exchanged gifts of their own. They were small gifts, pretty things they could find outside or small things they created without necessarily using magic.
That year they were inside the bedroom they shared, both sitting at the edge of their beds as their parents argued outside. With a hand mark on both of their cheeks and a black eye decorating her brother's face, it seemed pointless to even try and have a good holiday. And yet, that didn't stop Archie from clearing her throat and approaching him, sitting next to him.
"Would you like to see your gift now?" she asked him quietly. She unconsciously avoided looking at his face, not wanting to see the black eye their father gave him. She felt that, if she did, she would throw up and it would only make Severus feel worse.
Severus nodded, sniffing his nose. "I've got you one too," he said.
Archie pulled something out of the pocket of her dirty sweater and handed it to him. It was a small jar of what looked like colorful sand and yet, it shone like glitter. As soon as Severus touched it, the sand transformed into the shape of a small bird that seemed to fly around the jar. When Severus put it down, the bird dissolved and the jar looked just like before.
"Woah," his eyes shone with surprise. "How did you...?"
"A great witch never reveals her secrets," she joked. It was a ridiculously easy Transfiguration spell she had read about in a book, but she enjoyed seeing the surprise on her brother's face. Maybe it would be funnier if she kept it a mystery—or at least it would remain a mystery until Severus learnt the spell himself.
After a while, Severus nodded and put the small jar in his pocket. "Thank you. That was actually very nice," he told her and perhaps, if he wasn't in such pain from the beating, he would even smile.
"Actually? What, are you surprised?"
He chuckled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. "That's not... Anyway, maybe I should just give you your present before I dig myself a deeper hole."
"Agreed."
He got up and searched his drawers for a while. "Eureka," he muttered when he found what he was looking for and Archie rolled her eyes. He walked to her and handed her a small thing made out of wood. "Well, uh, here."
At first glance it looked like a chess pawn. It was even painted white, which made sense considering the fact that, when the two of them played, she would always have the white pawns and he would take the black ones. But when she took a better look at it, she realized it wasn't actually a pawn... at least not a normal one. It was a small figurine of a deer.
"It's like... I don't know, an honorary pawn or something," he said, clearly downplaying how nice the gift actually was. When Archie was younger, she had an obsession with watching the animated Disney movie about that baby deer, Bambi. She had forgotten all about it, but it seemed he hadn't. "I figured, since you always cheat in chess, you might as well do it with a certain style-"
Her jaw dropped in mock offense. "Sev!"
That actually got a small chuckle out of him. "Well... Merry Christmas."
Just like that, the Christmas that she thought would be the worst of her life became one of her most precious memories and that wooden deer never left her nightstand.
It seemed weird to be nostalgic of such an objectively bad day. It hadn't been the first time their father hit them and it certainly hadn't been the last, but there was something about that particular incident that never left her mind. And yet, there she was, remembering it with the faintest of smiles.
The Christmas holidays passed rather quickly. Archie thought that only happened when someone was having a good time, but it still felt like they had barely left the castle. Their mother seemed rather nervous to let them go, but it was only because their father still hadn't returned home from wherever he was. She probably didn't enjoy the idea of being all alone in that old house. If Archie was her, she would try to enjoy the peace and quiet before Tobias came back.
She guessed she should be thankful their mother even came to tell them goodbye.
Severus was already wearing his uniform and his hair was slicked back, the strands that escaped his hair gel tucked behind his ears. Archie, on the other hand, had forgotten to wear her uniform so she wore her Ravenclaw jumper and thrifted pants that obviously were meant for a taller person. She was still holding Henry's cage, because even though it had gotten too heavy for her, she still didn't want to give it to Severus to carry. Her brother always forgot to feed their owl, much less give him the treats he deserved. Severus believed Archie was spoiling Henry, but she disagreed.
Their mother hugged Severus tightly and kissed his head. Then she squeezed her daughter's shoulder and told her to try and eat more fruit and less chocolate because her acne was getting worse. Then she wished them a safe trip and left them alone on the platform, not even waiting for them to get on the train.
Severus' eyes were looking through the crowd of students and Archie wasn't entirely sure who he was looking for, but when his eyes fell on Avery and Mulciber, he nodded to them. "Are you coming?" he turned and asked her.
Not that she would outright admit it, but these two particular boys always scared her a little. Just the idea of sharing a conversation, much less a compartment, filled her with dread. But she didn't want to tell her brother that, knowing how defensive he got over his friends. "I... uh..."
"Well, would you prefer sitting alone?" he asked her in a snarky but also condescending way that made her lips press into a thin line. When she didn't reply, he left out a scoff. "Fine. Do whatever you want, then," he rolled his eyes and left her alone, walking to Avery and Mulciber.
"For the record, they're really nice once you get to know them," she remembered him saying. "They can cross the line sometimes, I know but they're not bad people. And to be fair, they've never messed with you. I know because I asked them not to. So why the hell are you so prejudiced against them?"
"I've heard awful things about them, Sev."
"And you believe the words of a nobody against mine?"
With her shoulders slightly deflated now, she got abroad on the train. She didn't expect to see so many of the compartments full already, but she soon realized that she had assumed wrong and her hands started trembling from the weight of Henry's cage. Her best chance of finding someone decent to sit with was finding Emmeline Vance and Leah Vail, two of her dorm-mates, but that hope died quickly once she realized they had probably not even gotten to the platform yet. Emmeline always ran late to everything.
She was about to give up and try begging Flitwick to let her sit with him in the faculty compartment, when she heard a cheerful voice calling out her name. "Hey, Archie!" She turned around to see Lily Evans' face appearing from behind a compartment door. "Need help with that?" she asked, motioning to the cage with her head.
"Uh, no," she lied.
"Come on, you can sit with us," Lily smiled and before Archie could mutter an excuse so she could leave, the Gryffindor girl grabbed her hand and pulled her into their compartment.
Suddenly, Archie was facing two girls she had never talked to before and a boy she very much did not want to be around. Remus Lupin looked between Lily and Archie in some sort of confusion, but didn't say anything or complain about Lily's initiative. He simply averted his gaze and pretended to suddenly be very interested in looking through the window.
The other two girls looked just as mildly confused, but were better at showing it. Archie recognized one of them as Marlene McKinnon, Gryffindor's Beater. Her blonde hair looked really cool, despite being cut messily in a style that reminded her of a mullet cut by someone who had never seen a mullet before. Next to her was a dark-skinned girl with textured short hair and a Gryffindor tie loosely tied around her neck. "Hi," the second girl said and smiled. "I don't think we've met, have we? I'm Mary."
"I'm Artemisia," she replied, but her name sounded really wrong. "But, uh, you can call me Archie."
Her brother was not particularly popular with the Gryffindors and Archie was very aware of that, so by extension, she thought she would be treated the same. But even if any of those three Gryffindors wanted to make any snarky comment, they'd have to know better than to make it in front of Lily. That girl was always very protective of her friends and even though Archie would barely consider each other friends anymore, it looked like Lily might not have felt the same way.
"Cool boots," Marlene told her. For a moment, Archie was certain that she was mocking her, until she noticed that Marlene's boots looked very similar to hers, although hers were in a much better condition.
"Thanks..."
She was still standing. Maybe because the only seat available was next to Remus Lupin. Definitely because the only seat available was next to Remus Lupin.
Remus was one of the Gryffindors Archie truly couldn't stand. Him and, more specifically, his group of friends, were bullies. They had a particular fondness for pranks, most of which were directed to Severus and the rest of the Slytherins. That house rivalry always sounded incredibly dumb to Archie, but the thought of someone caring enough to harass people because of it was insane. Even though Remus was never in the forefront of bullying her brother, he would still hide a laugh behind his hands when James Potter and Sirius Black acted like menaces.
So it was fair to say that Archie didn't like those guys. And if she was being honest, they didn't seem to like her very much either ever since she started calling them out on bullying her twin brother. She thought Gryffindor was supposed to value loyalty and still, the four of them looked like they didn't fully understand why Archie would be defending her own blood.
As if he was a dog that could smell emotions, the Gryffindor boy seemed to sense her discomfort. He got up with a soft grunt that reminded Archie more of a grandpa rather than a teenager. "I'll go find the others now, I guess. I'll see you ladies later," he said, clearly only addressing the Gryffindors and he left the compartment.
Archie felt incredibly uncomfortable, but the thought of no longer having to carry around her overweight owl was satisfying enough to push down her thoughts and have her sit down.
"Hey, I love what you did to your hair by the way," Lily finally broke the ice. Surprisingly enough, she was talking to Archie. "The bangs really suit your face, don't they, Mary?"
Mary nodded. "They do. You have the face for it. You know, I've been thinking of cutting bangs as well. Not exactly like yours, though, because my face is slightly more round, but-"
Archie was surprised enough by the compliment that she drifted off for a moment. By the time she realized how weird she must have looked and regained her full consciousness, the conversation had changed and Archie couldn't exactly keep up after having missed more than half of it. It had something to do with Marlene's siblings, but it wasn't like Archie knew anything about the girl's family and asking about it felt rude. Not to mention she was paranoid enough to believe that the second she mentioned the word family, the girls would ask her about Severus.
So she just shut her mouth and patiently waited for the train to reach Hogwarts.
♰ biblically accurate representation of archie throughout her hogwarts years
(the girlies with social anxiety get it)
♰ im screaming and crying every time i think about younger archie and severus being really close and trying to deal with their fucked up parents by acting like everything's okay even when it clearly isn't and how they were all the other person had up until a certain point but now all archie sees when she looks at her brother is the ghost of that kind kid that once gave her that wooder deer pawn... fuck im doing this to myself
♰ let me know your thoughts about this chapter and dont be a ghostreader pls and thank you! <3 the next chapter will be coming very soon 👹