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This chap is affectionately dedicated to -
Ananyash33
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"Please take care of your world inside of you, so that you can take care of your world outside of you................."
"She's there."
Shama's son pointed towards the passageway that led to the stairs. Shaurya followed and spotted Vidhi seating on the second step all alone. He noticed she was having a purple coloured pencil in her hand and was busy scribbling something on the wall beside her.
Gosh! What had she made out of that well-painted wall? Shaurya had never seen such type of an abstract art before.
"Hey!"
He walked up to her and sat beside her, taking that pencil colour from her hand. He knew Vidhi was upset. Manjiri shouldn't have misdirected her annoyance at that little girl.
Vidhi chanced a glance at him. And then much to his surprise, she questioned him directly,
"Do you have phone?"
Shaurya couldn't help but nod. He expected her to be low-spirited just like her aunt. As whenever something doesn't go as per her plan, her aunt used to be like that. But no, Vidhi was different from Manjiri.
"Will you give me?" Vidhi looked at him with hope. Shaurya only stared wondering the purpose of her demand. And before he could inquire, Vidhi herself clarified, "Don't worry. I won't play game on it. Cause Barbie Dressup Game is in Mumma and Bua's broken phone only. And I play only that."
"Then why do you need my phone?"
Shaurya clicked his tongue. However, her answer made him look at her with an are-you-serious kind of look.
"I want to call Daddy."
"But I don't have his phone number."
He tried to dodge that thing away but couldn't really cause Vidhi's brilliancy left him at short of words after that.
"I know his number. He made me learn it."
"Cool!"
Shaurya sighed, handing over his phone to her after unlocking the password. His smartphone was quite big for Vidhi's little palms, so she kept it on her lap. He instinctively watched when she bit by bit recalled each digit of her father's phone number and put them on the dialpad.
"Hello Daddy! When will you come back? Reach me fast."
Pressing the speaker button, the little girl almost whined. His phone was too big for her ears to align it against. Shaurya looked on surprised when the person on the other end was actually Jai. If truth be told then he didn't expect from a 4 year old to memorize a set of ten digits altogether in a proper sequence.
"Bachha, wait till morning. I'll be there before you open your eyes. But from whose phone you're calling? Where's your Minnie Bua?"
"She is very bad. She shouted on me because of Fufaji." Vidhi grumbled and then when she noticed that Shaurya was peering at her with an amused gaze, she turned her back towards him thinking that he wouldn't be able to hear her now, "He is also very bad."
Shaurya eyes got a tad bit widened at that. Why was he bad? He didn't even say anything to her. Maybe! Jai and Vidhi - this father-daughter duo could never make him successfully land in their good books.
No matter whatever was going on around and inside him, his lips curled up and a small smile made an appearance on his face as he watched Vidhi talking to her father with interest. She was moving her hands in animated gestures when she explained of how she was just providing a helping hand to her aunt and she wasn't being acknowledged for it, rather scolded in the harshest manner.
Shaurya was amazed at how maturely yet gently Jai was making her daughter understand a few things. He had to agree that Jai made a good father.
"Hey, good children don't call elders bad. You must have done something, Bua would not scold you purposelessly."
"I was only helping her. Fufaji only came in between and burnt himself, I didn't do anything."
Shaurya's eyes got widened with astonishment yet again. Did Vidhi actually mean that he himself was responsible for that whole incident? His mouth inadvertently got opened to say something but then he let it pass smiling slightly. However, more surprise awaited him next when he heard Jai speak,
"Say sorry to him. And it's not good to trouble him. Don't annoy him, ok?"
"Dadi said the same. She said if Fufaji would get annoyed, he would take back Bua with him. Is this true, Daddy?"
Vidhi asked, her tone getting low and softer whilst side-eyeing Shaurya, suspecting him to purposely hear her top secrets. He next heard the little girl's father say,
"Yes, he definitely would. Now like a good girl, apologise to him right away, alright? Can I trust you that you would obey my command?"
"Yes. Is he a safe person, Daddy?"
"Yes, he is. Now go and give him his phone back by apologising to him."
Shaurya would definitely lie if he wouldn't agree on that he was extremely surprised at that. Did Jai really consider him a safe person?
"Fufaji..." Vidhi spoke turning to Shaurya making him notify that the call got disconnected. Hardly could he look at her then she encircled her little arms around his neck to hug him, "... I'm sorry! I'll blow air on your hand if it's still hurting."
Without a doubt, Shaurya was taken aback by her sudden gesture. He had always believed that kids were never comfortable around him and vice-versa. However, his hand was automatically raised to caress that little girl's head. She was chirpy, tiny and delicate. To him, it felt so nice to be in her trust circle.
There was definitely something about Vidhi. He didn't know how or why he felt so rewarded all of a sudden. Some instincts instantly hit him really hard. And those instincts for sure were the strongest yet kindest to kick in.
He used to feel that children were an uninvited trouble, a spell trouble for everyone. But no, he was so wrong. He was dumb to not understand the profound blessing that a child was wired to bring in.
He couldn't understand why was he there, to cheer up a little girl... Like seriously? He was surprised at himself too as he never cared to cheer up his own sister's son, his closest bond with a child. Any other day he would crib to waste his time like that, but today he was more than happy to. He felt happy, genuinely happy.
With a heartfelt grin, he very gently rocked Vidhi back and forth. As he looked ahead at the wall, his gaze stopped at her.
"Bua is sorry too, Vidhi."
Manjiri walked up to them on feeling his eyes constantly on her. She darted her gaze off him when Vidhi pulled back with a smile.
"You sure, Bua?"
"100%."
Manjiri replied, all the while trying to refuse to meet Shaurya's intense gaze upon her. Their little quiz session was still due. If her aunt hadn't barged into the scene, then they probably would have given and received answers from one another. At least, he would've definitely given her his answer. None could take her guarantee.
Cause with the way he was being so straightforward, she wouldn't be surprised much if he had already prepared the toughest question paper for her to solve, that night. Anyhow, she had to face it all. If not then none of them, neither him nor her, would be able to be at ease.
Vidhi's high pitched voice drew back Manjiri from her thoughts almost immediately.
"Fufaji, is hundred bigger than thousand?"
"No, thousand is much bigger than hundred."
Shaurya blinked wondering the context of her question. Wasn't 100 the ideal number to a full capacity?
"Ok, thanks." Vidhi smiled giving him a thumbs up and then angled her neck towards Manjiri, "Bua, say 1000%, 100 is very little."
"Ok. 1000%. Satisfied? Come on now, Dadi is waiting for all of us."
Manjiri finished chancing a glance at Shaurya. He nodded quietly, her those words were definitely for him too.
Regarding her husband with a soft gaze, Manjiri noticed how he offered Vidhi his hand to hold while walking inside. She didn't know what actually was warming her heart, seeing him trying to mix with her family or seeing him handling a child. It was an endearing sight to see him being comfortable around, especially with Vidhi. The fact that Vidhi was Jai's daughter, the person whom her husband had unaddressed differences with.
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Soon after the dinner, Shama had left for her home along with her kids. Manjiri was soaking chickpeas into water for the next day as per her aunt's instructions when the bulb of the kitchen went off.
Instantly, Vidhi's shrill voice reached her ears from the drawing hall.
"Ohho! Light has gone."
"Now?"
Shaurya asked looking around. He wasn't used to that kind of a situation. At his place, power cut hardly occurred. And even if it was there, the issue used to get sorted within a span of fifteen minutes or so. But he wasn't sure of that new place.
"Now Bua and I'll go to terrace like everyday. We'll sleep there if electricity doesn't return on time. You know, we got a cot and two, no, three chatais (multipurpose plastic floor mat) there to sleep on."
"Power gets cut here daily?"
"Yes, daily. That was why Dadi made us eat before it got dark. She says if we'll eat in dark then mosquitoes will fall in our food. And if we eat them, then their mothers will eat us too."
Vidhi completed her say with a low giggle making Shaurya too pass an amused smile at her. She then asked,
"You know the way to terrace?"
Noticing the staircase just next to the entrance of the washroom, Shaurya looked back at Vidhi. He wondered how hard was it for one to locate that? Wasn't it an unsaid thing that stairs were meant to reach the terrace, top floor? Mentally shaking his head at Vidhi, he blinked his eyes with a nod to let that little girl know his response. The very next moment, Vidhi screamed loudly.
"Bua!"
Manjiri rushed out of the kitchen directly entering the drawing hall.
"Shh! Softly, Vidhi. Dadi just took her medicines and went to sleep."
"Sorry! Bua, I'm taking Fufaji to the terrace. You can come by your own when you get done with whatever you're doing."
Vidhi declared. Shaurya looked on amazed as she didn't even care to ask him his opinion if he wanted to accompany her or not. Straight away announced.
Manjiri blinked. She first looked at her niece and then at her husband who too was directly looking at her in the faint light of a solar lamp.
She definitely was a bit hesitant in both of the other two individuals' case. It wasn't like she didn't trust him with Vidhi. She did. But she didn't trust her niece with anyone. Her niece was very notorious. She was afraid that Vidhi's more than extra excited self might annoy Shaurya somewhere. His tolerance wasn't that good, especially with kids it was almost zero. He was a no-nonsense person most of the times.
She didn't know what to do but then sighed helplessly,
"Ok, but go after promising that you would refrain from doing any type of mischief there. Hold his hand while climbing the stairs."
"Yeah, I'll not let him fall." Vidhi murmured with a confidence that made both Shaurya and Manjiri look at each other with both awkwardness and amusement. "Get up, Fufaji. Hold my finger and give me the flashlight."
"How about I hold both, you and this flashlight."
Shaurya voiced picking Vidhi up in his arms and turning towards the staircase. Manjiri looked on, her lips curving up as Vidhi giggled incessantly while whispering something to Shaurya.
_
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_
"Why is power not there as of yet? I want to sleep in fan, Bua."
Vidhi murmured dopily. Manjiri who was lightly patting her niece's back in a manner as if coaxing her to sleep softly whispered.
"See, how nicely wind is blowing. Try to sleep here. I'll take my sleeping Vidhi downstairs when power will come."
Soon the little girl was fast asleep beside Manjiri on the chatai after babbling about everything she came across in her entire day.
Manjiri turned to confirm before finally deciding to get up from there. Despite being a sound sleeper, Vidhi often used to wake up in the middle of the night calling out for her parents while whining. Her parents were out of town due to some work commitments from past one week. If Manjiri wasn't there, they might have took their daughter along since they didn't rely much on Mrs Megha Rao with their daughter.
No matter how mischievous Vidhi was, the sleeping sight of her was way too much adorable. Then again, that girl was blessed with a natural charm which could melt anyone's heart with her innocence and animated talks. Manjiri slightly smiled taking those fancy clips off her hair.
She didn't know that a pair of eyes was looking in her direction until she got up from the floor and corrected her saree. She would've changed into something comfortable sometime back if only Vidhi allowed her. All thanks to her repetitive loud calls from the terrace that Manjiri couldn't think of anything other than reaching out to her at the earliest.
But only if she could know that it was Shaurya who was asking Vidhi to call out to her again and again, to but obviously not let his wife think of an excuse to escape addressing to their issues yet again.
Shaurya wordlessly stood leaning against the railing wondering of what was his wife up to. He first observed her setting a mattress on the cot and then spreading a bedsheet over it. She even lit a mosquito coil and put the stand under the cot. After taking care of a few other things, she finally looked in his direction but didn't speak anything.
Acting on that hidden cue, Shaurya walked towards her whilst doing something in his phone.
"Electricity would probably take too long to return."
She spoke. He took his eyes off his phone in a way that he was having no clue of what she was speaking about.
"So?"
"Shall I go and bring power bank from your bag if it requires charging?"
She asked pointing towards the phone in his hand with her eyes. He lowered his gaze at that device voicing,
"Not needed. Somebody had once demanded me to try switching it off every once in a while."
Pressing her lips tightly together, Manjiri realised his those words. He was talking about her. What was on his mind? Why was he puzzling her?
And just in next moment, Shaurya switched off his phone making Manjiri too to watch that while doing it and then put it inside his track pant's pocket.
Manjiri tried to not let his that action confuse her senses any further and planned to make a beeline to the teen shade roof.
"I shall go and put off the lamp. It's doing nothing but inviting insects."
But before she could even turn, his query regarding the cot stopped her.
"Is this set for me?"
She just nodded. He stared at her for longer this time making her a little self-conscious. She couldn't find any similarity between the person who was in front of her and the person to whom she had spoken to on phone call 24 hours ago. Previous day's Shaurya was not ready to hear her any pleas and present day's Shaurya looked totally disarmed, all ears.
But who was she kidding?
She herself had no similarity with the previous day's Manjiri. Previous day's Manjiri was dying for just a few moments of his attention and present day's Manjiri was busy finding ways to escape his that uneasy, undivided attention.
Life coming a full circle. Was it so?
But the main thing was what did she want? She couldn't understand her own self, then how could she even dare to expect him to understand her. He must not waste his precious time and energy on a person who wasn't worth it. He really shouldn't.
"Rather you both should come up on this. I will..."
Before Shaurya could even put forward his suggestion, Manjiri interjected before turning around to walk.
"We both are accustomed sleeping on it. You please take the cot."
Putting off the lamp which was hung on the toggle of the wall under the teen shade, she took a deep sigh to calm down her nerves. It was dark now, evidently dark. Sudden commotion from behind made her turn.
He had shifted Vidhi from the chatai to on the cot. Her eyes then travelled to note that he had even placed his pillow next to her pillow down on that plastic mat.
Something within Manjiri was dwindling minute by minute.
Sometimes people love with nothing more than hope and sometimes they cry with everything except tears.
He loved her. She knew it. He confessed it twice, she didn't require any more proofs now. He loved her and she loved him too, more than anything. But was love enough?
Hers particularly?
Would confessing her love to him solve everything, mend everything? No, right!
He might not be able to continue loving her if he would get to know the entire thing. He just witnessed a part of her messy state of mind that day, and dimensions of their relationship took a whole 180 degrees turn. What would happen if he got to know everything? Previously, it was her who brought up divorce in between, and most probably this time, he would go for it.
She felt exhausted all of a sudden, both physically and emotionally, and wanted nothing more than getting in bed. But it clearly appeared like his plans were different.
She could feel her heart dropping the instant he glanced at her and started moving to close the distance between them.
"I still awaits your answer. Sorry, answers."
He whispered nearing her. She momentarily shut her eyes and then taking a deep breath, settled down on a bench that was made of marble next to the water tank.
"Will you please explain whatever you said in the kitchen? I seriously didn't get that last thing. Like you said that I'm dumb... Shaurya, I'm too dumb to figure that out as well."
"Alright! Then listen."
Shaurya took no time in settling down beside her. He aimed peace. But he knew in order to attain that, they were ought to go through that vicious cycle of reliving each other's faults for at least once. So without wasting any time, he poured it all. How he shared a few things with Ved, what all he included and excluded in there. What was his reaction and how disappointed he got with each of them. How Dev too got to know about a certain things in the most twisted way possible.
Shaurya nearly let her know everything.
"God! They have misunderstood it all. They took it all wrong. Why didn't you explain them?"
She muttered, tears of helplessness rolled down her cheeks.
"It doesn't appear to be a new thing now. I'm getting used to of being misunderstood." He offered her a sad smile, his hand raising up to reach her face. But she was quick enough to wipe away her tears before he could. He added taking a defeated sigh, "However, the mere thought of you thinking of me in the similar manner is still terrorizing the skin out of my bones. I don't know why but I feel like that I'm some sort of a criminal charged for some really serious crime..."
"No, Shaurya, trust me, this thing never crossed my mind. Please, be easy on yourself. Please!"
She pleaded turning to him. Her hand inadvertently reaching out to his hand. His eyes lowered to her hand and the moment she realised that, she was about to pull that back but then Shaurya didn't allow. His right hand held her left in a firmer grip.
"You broke me, Manjiri. You broke my heart. And I hate you because despite everything I still love you. And I hate myself even more for it. I hated this distance between us the most of all. Why did you leave me? Don't you pity my heart, even a bit?"
"I'm sorry." She meekly whispered looking down. The things he said were expected. She had hurt him and no one could deny that. Biting her lips to fight back the guilt-ridden moisture forming in her eyes, she murmured bit by bit, "I was too cluttered, too embarrassed to think of anything. I was ashamed of my thoughts, assumptions. I was ashamed of myself. I just wanted to give myself some space. To give you some space so that you too could figure out if continuing with our relation was..."
"Space, space, space. Who gave you the right for making a choice for me? I wasn't wanting it." He took out his frustration in a bit louder tone this time. But soon got back to his former tone. His other hand reaching out to hold her another, thus making her turn to properly face him. "Space was not what I wanted. I don't want space but you. I want you with me, Manjiri, and I'd told you this that day too."
"You still want me despite everything?"
Manjiri asked, not quite relating with the reality around. She had not anticipated that. Why was he still choosing misery for himself when he could get best of everything in a flick of a finger?
On the other hand, he couldn't help but stare at her. She still required a confirmation, like seriously? He released her hands asking directly as if challenging in open,
"Is it not evident?"
Manjiri sharply exhaled getting up on her feet and walking ahead a little, creating a distance between them. Which was much needed at then in her opinion.
"You know, I'm wanting you more than you want me. But I don't know why this all seems so illusory."
"You still need a reason, Manjiri?"
He pulled her by her arm and explicitly threw that question. He couldn't understand what did the girl in front of him actually thinking. He knew she was confused but confused people should once in a while try trusting, try believing others. That won't harm or would it?
"Shaurya, you're not getting. I'm not right for... I..."
"Speak up. I'm listening. You're what?"
He shot back, angered. She furiously wiped her tears looking down.
"I don't... How should I tell this?"
On getting that response, Shaurya stepped more closer to her. She didn't appear like she was in her senses. She was not ready to meet his eyes.
"Do you think my feelings are joke?" He held her face by her chin and kind a forcibly made her look at him. She blinked uneasily before slightly shaking her head in negative. Not satisfied with that dry response, he asked again, "Then?"
He waited but she couldn't speak anything. He stared at her face with a longing filled frustration. He was done letting her test his patience every single time. A sudden urge washed over his senses and he took another two steps towards her, thus totally invading her personal space. Pressing her against the wall, his burning hot mouth immediately covered hers.
He held her between him and the wall, establishing an association while taking over all her senses.
In the beginning, she couldn't understand anything and stood rigid. However slowly, her entire body switched being softened. She melted against him.
For a few moments, she couldn't believed if that man was the same man who always had been very gentle with her especially during those similar kind of moments. She didn't know if a person who looked so refined could even switch into a person who could be very tough in the bones.
Her hands inadvertently reached up to his neck when he finally let go of her. His eyes took her in as she took long breaths with her eyes still closed.
"Tell me how you actually see our relationship in your heart? You know you don't have any right to hurt me like this. So, for heaven's sake, please, stop trying to do so."
He finished placing his head on her shoulder. He felt drained. Why couldn't he get her back? What was that stupid resistance doing in between them? When she knew she loved him and he loved her, what still was a problem? He couldn't think of any. Then how could she?
"I'm not trying to hurt you. But I'm just..." Manjiri's words momentarily got stuck in her mouth when Shaurya raised his head to look at her. He was very close to her, just an inch or two away. She noticed that his deep gaze was more unfathomable as she thought. Along with some moisture, his eyes also carried too many complex emotions all because of her. She made him a weak man. She was supposed to be his strength but rather she turned out to be it's opposite. "I'm so tired of disappointing you every time. You think you're the one who is only hurting? I'm hurting too, Shaurya. A lot. I wish I could be good enough to deserve you rightfully. But the truth is that and it shall always be that I'm all wrong for you..."
He literally ate her rest of her self-degrading words by planting his mouth against her yet again, crushing her to the wall yet again. However, this time she did the same with all her need. There was some weird kind of urgency, desperation, stubbornness and anger.
Not being able to think through the haze created by him and humming in sheer fulfilment and dispute, she attempted to push at his chest with both of her hands but big mistake. He grabbed them pinning behind her, thus causing her back to arch to fuse their fronts completely. She was awfully possessed and helpless to his desire, which had started to mirror her own.
That was unfair how he knew what to do in order for her to respond to him, willingly or unwillingly. It frustrated her as much as it thrilled her. With the lack of layers in between her waist and his hands, she was surprised that he had made no move to touch her in any other inappropriate manner. She then got the thought that perhaps he just wanted her to give in to him.
As he pulled back a little to make a small adjustment, she instantly opened her eyes and raised her hands to hold his face. And before he could inch any closer to yet again deepen their collision, she whispered against his mushes with her heavy and panicked breaths.
"Shaurya, stop."
She was struggling but there was no escaping his hold. He muttered placing his mouth against her jaw this time,
"Your reciprocation is telling me otherwise, Silly Head. And I would the moment you'll decide to answer each and everything without any restrictions. Our relationship has got any significance in your eyes or not?"
She shakily breathed nodding and then all of a sudden, leaned in to get her face hid in the crook of his head. She missed him too much to even explain in words. She just for a few minutes, wanted to remain in that position. She didn't know if after she would get a chance to be that close to him or not.
Shaurya sighed heavily closing his eyes when her warm breaths made contact with the bare skin of his neck. Her being that close felt like a balm on whatever ached within him. He whispered slightly tilting his head to peck the side of her neck.
"I'm in need of words. Speak to prove. Admit it, that you were lying to yourself and unwillingly fighting me up till now. You want to be with me too and you want me too."
Seconds passed and then a whole minute. Taking a shallow sigh, she finally gave in. He was adamant to need a verbal confirmation. And she had no other option. If he wanted that then so be it.
"Our relationship is everything to me, Shaurya. But how should I tell you that I find myself unworthy of you? I'm a horrible person. This is the only thing I can admit confidently. If those harsh words of mine of that day can lead to all this then I'm scared to even let out everything, I'm scared that you will surely choose to disappear from my life for forever this time. My those feelings are that ugly, do you get it now?"
"And what if I promise you to never disappear from your life no matter what, then?"
He asked softly. That made her to pull back and look at him. What was Shaurya made of? Why was he not understanding? Love's really blind or was it just that he was being dumb? There was no way she could love him the way he loved her. His feelings for her had roots deeper than she thought. And she had no right to uproot them, uproot their marriage.
"Shaurya, my harsh words of that day were a reflection of my insecurities and not your insufficiencies... I'm the one who is insufficient, totally misfit in your world." Dropping her gaze, she continued, "I don't know why but I actually felt that you and her were romantically involved from always. And trust me when I urged for the divorce thing, the only thing on my mind was just wanting you to be happy even if that meant I would not be the reason behind your happiness."
"I was never involved with neither her nor anyone but you. Only you, Manjiri. Why don't you get this simple thing inside your silly head? What should I do to make you believe me?"
Shaurya asked, all the while attempting to look into her eyes amidst the darkness. The only thing he could observe that her eyes were beaded. Faint light of the street shone dimly in her teary eyes.
Whereas Manjiri momentarily closed her eyes pondering hard on everything. His every word, right from the beginning, echoed in her ears almost at a deafening pitch. She couldn't take it any longer, couldn't keep on living with the chaos. Unfurling her eyelids in a trice, she furiously wiped her tears and shook as she cried staring at him.
"I believe you, Shaurya, and I'm sorry. I'm just really, really unhappy hurting you so much. I ain't getting any reward, staying here or hurting you. But it's just that I've started to feel a disconnection from everything around. I feel just the way I used to feel a year ago, even more miserable than before." The way she was shaking alarmed Shaurya. His hands gently glided up her elbows to her upper arms, providing her his much needed support. She added between soft sobs, "Honestly, I'm also very tired of this constant push and pull between us. I feel this weird kind of burden on myself as if I'm stuck under a mountain. And now I guess, it's difficult for me to continue breathing under it..."
"Shh!"
Unable to see her like that, Shaurya immediately silenced her pulling close to his chest. She too encircled her arms around him in a way as if her whole life was just dependent on him. She didn't possess any energy now, she felt emotionally drained to the maximum.
Closing her eyes she realised she was back home. Finally!
It was unknown for how long they kept hugging each other. But when he sensed her going sober, her sobs transforming into mere stuttering hiccups, he murmured pulling back.
"Manjiri, one can't engineer a relationship. You know I wanna be there for you always. I really do. But just not in this way. I mean I can't keep going on with you like this." She looked at him with a clueless expression, somewhat panicky too. He added rubbing the pads of his thumbs under her eyes, "I would like to get to know you better. If you'd let me. In fact I got you something... But first, let's walk there."
He led her to the chatai. Once, they sat down, he turned on his phone and opened something. Forwarding it to her, he directed her.
"Take it in your hands and read out."
Manjiri didn't know what was he wanting. However, she obliged taking his phone in her hands. But no sooner did her eyes scrutinize the displaying content on it, then her eyes got widened with fright. She tried to exclaim in horror.
"Shaurya, this is... This. No."
"I know this is your letter and it's meant for me. Now read."
Her heart squeezed as those words spilled out of his mouth. Him reading her diary was a nightmare for her. She agreed that those words were written for him but still she wasn't ready to get bared in front of him like that. Her letter was a living evidence of her sick mentality, what would he think of her? No, she was not bold enough to read that out in front of him.
"Shaurya, please, no. I can't. I'm sorry. The words in it are very hurtful, I'm scared to hurt you again."
"It won't hurt. In last 24 hours, I've lost the count of times I've read it all."
He divulged and she stared at him wordlessly. She wanted to run from there, somewhere far, very far.
Gosh! He said that he read it all. All meant everything. Each and every word. Her deepest of feelings, thoughts and conflicts were just not only hers now, he too was familiar with every single thing that solely was hers.
She found herself gazing at his face when he clicked his tongue,
"You know, a part of me still couldn't believe it's you who wrote this all. The writer behind these words seems upfront about her feelings. She sure is shy, utterly insecure but adamant enough to openly admit her thoughts and feelings whether pleasant or ugly."
His hand reached out to her, drawing her towards him with a jerk.
"You say that you're insufficient but the Manjiri behind all these words is everything a Shaurya wishes for. A Manjiri who isn't shying away from admiring her Dr Saahab. A Manjiri who is blatantly seeking for in-depth queries rather than the Manjiri who aimlessly sinks in her own silence."
She had hot tears streaming down her cheeks as he went on muttering. His every word told her that she was not less, he admired her no matter what.
"My this present Silly Head isn't bad or wrong or unsuitable either. In fact, I developed a liking for this very person. But I won't mind getting introduced to the Manjiri behind these words. What's stopping you to be your true self, Silly Head?"
He asked. And she couldn't help but stare at him like a fool. If he wanted he could have given up on her. But somehow he didn't. There was no way she could put whatever she felt in that moment in words.
"There's a whole new you I've come to meet through these words. I never knew you were this poetic and descriptive. You hide yourself in your mind. From now on, please don't."
Barely could those words leave his mouth, when he felt her arms curl around him. He could feel his shirt getting soaked near his shoulder region as she rubbed her eyes there whilst beseeching helplessly,
"Let's start over, Shaurya. Please. Let's start over. I will be a better person this time, promise."
His arms tightened around her as he let her words sink in. He spoke up with a small voice, after a few moments of peaceful silence.
"I would like to know you better, so let's just start with this letter only. So read out."
She pulled back wiping her cheeks. She unlocked his phone. Giving him a glance and mustering all the courage she could in that moment, she began reading. Her voice heavy with that whirlpool of emotions swirling within her.
"Dear Dr. Saahab, I'm not sure................"
_
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_
Manjiri woke up to some low noise. On opening her eyes and craning her neck, she confirmed that it was her niece. Vidhi was whining in sleep, it wasn't a new thing. She frequently does that. Toddlers crying in their sleep was a normal thing.
She looked up at the sky. It was not even the break of dawn but it was evident that it was going to be soon.
She was to get up but just couldn't. Shaurya's arm around her abdomen didn't allow her. It was unknown at what time they both had slipped into slumber. She couldn't remember anything of what happened after she read her letter whilst explaining a few points in her defence in between from time to time. After that, they had kept on talking to each other until they couldn't stay awake any longer.
Initially, it was supposed to be for a few minutes as Shaurya had planned to go back on the cot to sleep there and shift sleeping Vidhi back beside Manjiri, since he wasn't used to sleeping on the floor. As per her request. However, no changes took place as sleep took both of them over and both ended up cuddling under a single duvet cover.
"Shaurya, leave me."
She whispered softly tapping his cheek. She was right when she wrote that he slept without a care of the world.
"Hmm?" He stirred a little pulling her more closer instead of removing his arm, "What went wrong?"
"Let me go and see that."
She murmured, thus obliquely indicating towards a whining Vidhi. Shaurya unwillingly let go of her.
"Vidhi, what happened?"
No sooner did Manjiri climbed the cot, then Vidhi clung to her like a panda. Her eyes were still closed.
"I want Mumma. I want to go to Mumma."
"She'll come. Till then Bua is with you. Come on, stop crying." Manjiri patted the little girl back to sleep. "My Vidhi is a good girl, right?"
Soon, Vidhi's whining was stopped. Shaurya mentally thanked God for that. He hated whenever his sweet mornings were very brutally disrupted with some annoying noises like that.
Once, Manjiri made sure that Vidhi had drifted back to sleep, she very cautiously got up. She realised that her saree was unpinned from her shoulder. However, it was set at it's all correct places. All thanks to the manner by which she had tugged the loose end of it in front, inside the waistband of her underskirt.
She came back to where she had slept and tried searching for the safety pin which had gone missing from her shoulder. But she couldn't find it. Hard luck!
She turned to her husband who was sleeping on his stomach,
"Shaurya, wake up!"
"Now what happened?"
He asked irritated. Hardly had he gone back to sleep, when another thing came up. She found herself lazily smile at him when he rubbed his eyes. Sleepy Shaurya was the most adorable thing in the world. But he wasn't a thing, he was a person.
Her person!
"People here have a habit of waking up quite early. It won't look nice if anyone..."
"Got it. Give me a second." Shaurya muttered sitting up. "Where are my specs?"
In spite of giving them in his hands, she herself made him put them on. She suggested, all the while trying hard to not look at his chest, which was currently on display as the first three buttons of his shirt were undone.
"You can go back to sleep downstairs again. There's still plenty of time."
"No, there's no time." He added darting his gaze from the sky above to her face, "There's something you should know. I'm supposed to leave for Chandigarh tomorrow. So need to leave from here to Dehradun today."
She blinked. She didn't see that coming. To hear that first thing in the morning was depressing. She was never okay with him leaving her alone behind, but this time it somehow bothered her more. Not because of any kind of insecurity but because of something which she herself couldn't quite understand. Swallowing that uneasy feeling, she responded folding the duvet cover.
"Of course."
"Would you like to accompany? I mean are you willing to return to Dehradun?"
He hesitantly asked. He was not sure of how would she react. She had asked Ved to let her stay at her place for as long as she wanted. So in accordance to that, there were chances that his offer might clash with her choice.
"No, I can't accompany today. I'll return but after this Friday." Manjiri voiced looking at him. She could clearly make out from his expressions that he didn't expect her to give him that response. Hence, she felt the need to elaborate her say, "It's Dadi's first death anniversary. Taiji and Jai Bhaiya have scheduled a prayer meeting. I'm supposed to be present here. I want to be here. Can I?"
"Of course." He responded dryly and then got up asking, "Let's go then?"
_
_
_
Manjiri very delicately placed her niece on the bed of the room she had been using for past few days. It was of her grandmother. She loved spending time in there, thereby she mostly stayed in it. Somehow Mrs Megha Rao understood that and didn't make any changes in there letting Manjiri do anything she wanted with that.
Another room which didn't suffer any significant changes was of Manjiri's parents, which was used as a guest room by Raos for an eternity now. Shaurya's arrangement was made there only. Though, he wasn't using it for the first time. He had shared that room with Ved the last time he visited there.
The major issue of most of the issues he found in that place was - a common washroom. It was easier to have the bathroom attached to the bedroom rather than to walk a half a mile across the verandah to use it.
Anyhow, in need to use it, he walked up to there. It still was pitch dark downstairs given that it was only 4:30 in the morning. Before he could grab the door knob of the washroom, it was pulled away. The door had been open from inside and Manjiri came out of it. She was having her toothbrush in her hand. No wonder why he was greeted with a minty air around.
"You're clumsy."
He remarked pointing towards the top portion of her saree near the neckline of her blouse for her to understand that she had spilled some water there. And before she could up her gaze to look at him, he had gone inside closing the door behind him.
As it was still very early, she went back to the bed. However, sleep was nowhere in her eyes despite sleeping for hardly two hours at night. She kept on tossing and turning next to Vidhi, thinking it all.
He really meant a lot to her. She won't be able to sustain if in future circumstances like the ones they came across, would occur. All of a sudden, she started feeling heaviness in her heart. He was to leave her yet again.
The mere thought of unfathomable distance coming in between them freaked her out. She knew she was getting scared uselessly. She got up before letting her overthinking get the best of her. She would change herself this time, he had been through enough because of her already.
A few countable seconds later, she found herself inside the same room where he was. He was arranging his belongings inside his bag.
"You're leaving now only?"
"Yeah, thinking to." He replied looking at her surprised. He didn't anticipate her there to be honest. "Just waiting for Dev to come back."
"Hmm."
She could respond with that only and then fell into a thoughtful silence. She was being plain stupid standing there in a corner. She thought.
He peered at her wondering what was up with her.
"Want to say something?"
She looked at him surprised. How did he know that? She really wanted to. She nodded meekly and then went near the door to latch it from inside.
He couldn't help but look at her puzzled.
"I'm sor..."
Before she could even complete her say, he stopped her. He really wasn't mad at her for refusing his offer. He very well understood what significance her grandmother held in her life.
"Utter anything other than sorry. I just don't want to hear that."
"Umm... There's something more."
She mumbled looking everywhere but him. He folded his arms against his chest as he raised his eyebrows to question,
"What?"
"I don't know why I wasted so much time pretending that nothing is bothering me. But now I guess it's very hard to keep feeling like this..." She paused and then pleaded. His unwavering gaze upon her was too much. "Please, don't look at me like this, I won't be able to speak what I want to... Look away!"
He obliged feeling amused. He didn't know what she wanted to speak but it somewhat looked like that she was back. His silly wife was back.
"So what was I saying...? Umm..."
She attempted to continue, however, faltering. But he aided trying to look out of the window.
"That you don't want to keep on feeling like this."
"Yeah, as it aches. It aches a lot." She voiced, her tone was just more than a whisper. If it wasn't the crack of dawn and sheer silence all around, he might have not heard anything. "I'm sorry, it took so long for me to catch up but I'm completely in love with you. I don't care what you may think of me now. Or if it's too late to say, I'm telling you anyway. Before you leave."
She muttered that in a single breath and then waited for him to respond. But he still was busy looking outside the window.
"Will you please look at me now and say something?"
She cried and was about to step forward but he stopped her waving his hand in the air.
"Wait..." She looked at him dumbfounded, almost inclined to become teary with those release of emotions. His eyes showed resoluteness. He spoke up challenging her, "...you should know before you step any closer to me that you aren't allowed to step down from the things you just said and the promises you made to me in written. You are even not allowed to distance yourself from me when we can talk it out. Make a promise that we will together fight the issues and not fight one another."
"Will never. I promise."
She slightly smiled with tears in her eyes. He reflected back her smile by stretching his arms towards her.
"Now come forward."
And there she took no time in rushing towards him and getting enveloped in his embrace. She encircled her arms around his neck instead, uplifting herself to stand on her tiptoes. A sigh of content escaped from Shaurya's mouth as she smothered his entire face with sweet, small chaste pecks all over. She was ready to pour everything in those contacts.
Too glad with her repeated administrations, he lifted her completely off the floor and then made her sit on the table in front. She withdrew her arms back and pulled back, but only to be plucked back to his shirt.
Both of their eyes took a note of how a few strands of her hair unjustly got stuck around his shirt's button. Well, that wasn't a new thing. It was happening for the third time.
They both exchanged a glance and then couldn't help chuckling whilst looking at each other. Her hair strands and his shirt's buttons had a story of their own.
Her hands went up and got busy in untangling them. He smiled, giving in to his desire of feeling the skin of her nape where her saree was pinned. But as he ran his nose there, he realised it wasn't pinned actually.
Manjiri went still as his nose tip traced the bundle of pleats over her shoulder, thus trying to push that material down.
She had to struggle to pay attention to her hair strands and that button. However, no sooner did she succeed in untangling them then those pleats too fall off her shoulder as if they were a bunch of dried leaves begging to touch the ground.
Her heartbeat picked up pace as he drew out a long breath fanning her all over. Abruptly, the air between got charged. Her diffident eyes travelled up to look at him. Something changed in his eyes, as he took in all of her exposed skin which was obviously teasing him.
There was no pulling back since he was drawn to her in too many ways. She had to arch a little to make room for him when he lowered his face to sink in where he wanted to.
His hands held both of hers caressing the glass bangles which were the only ones making clinking noise in the silence of the early dawn.........
"Am addicted to the poetry your lips whisper to my heart. A kind of poetry that makes me realise that I'm allowed to love and be loved............................"
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[Was seriously in no mood to update this time as the needfuls of the previous update were not taken seriously.
Thank Ananyash33 for this new chap. Have updated just because of her. She lost her mom last week, and she's still grieving.
She told me that JI HUZOORI's updates help her to keep herself sane lately.
So my dearest Ananya, I wish I had the right words to express myself. Just know that I care.
Sending lots of love and happy vibes your way.
You're the strongest!
-
Ain't giving any target to you all this time as you people don't take it seriously. Just tried once and failed miserably. Now no more.
This update was of freaking 10K words, if my efforts were able to touch your heart then do vote and follow my profile. If not then that's perfectly fine too.]
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Dear ones, do share your honest views on this chap and the story, as this is the only source of motivation which literally pushes me to pen down.
This can also help me in improving. So yes, eagerly waiting now.
I would really appreciate if each one of you will come and put forward your genuine reviews + expectations from me and
"JI HUZOORI".
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This is it for now. Hope you liked it. I am sorry for the mistakes.
In case if you want to share your views or suggest something, you are more than welcome.
⭐My sincere request to all the SILENT READERS - Do vote this chap.⭐
Till then take care and stay connected.
Love ♥️✨