i indeed took a look over my wounds last night. even vernon tried to help, asking me all these questions i never answered.
i didnt want to.
all i was thinking was seungkwan's pain. he hurt way more than i did so practically i have no right to complain.
first thing in the morning i check my phone. i wanted to see if seungkwan happened to text me anything.
he didnt.
is he okay?
could he possibly be in pain?
should i just call him? no... i... i really shouldnt, right? i mean he is probably sleeping.
thats why i got dressed, prepared my things and walked down the stairway without proceeding to actions i might regret in the future - like calling him or sending him a death threat for no reason at all. That honestly sounds more like me.
i need to stop overthinking about this. he is gonna be okay, and I am staying away from my phone!
"so, we are not talking anymore? i guess thats how it works!" vernon noticed me in the kitchen, when i entered to grab a fruit.
my mind was on kwan so i barely paid any attention to my brother. honestly speaking he spoke too plain, I had no energy to notice him.
"jeez, you scared me... when did you get in here?!"
"i was here first! people usually say good morning when they enter a room..." he complains, placing his cup of coffee down. "I am supposed to pay attention to things tat actually worth it!" i wear my bag on the shoulders.
"rude much first thing in the morning?! What happened? Cant find Romeo for the new Freaks show"
"Hilarious!"
There was a moment of silence where we both were focused on our own morning routine.
"arent you gonna tell me about the bruises on your knees by the way?!" he asked.
"nah..."
"are they bullying you?!" he asks so clueless of who his sister is. "they wouldn't dare!"
"Its probably the other way around. I should have thought about this first..." he nods, drinking his coffee. "i just fell, okay? see you later!" i run out.
"call me if something happens... and I need to bail you out of jail."
so now he is protective about that small accident... but not about me? He is unbelievable. i wonder how long it's gonna last though.
anyway, my way to school was silent as i was thinking qbout seungkwan's pain. my phone was on my hands all this time as i was staring at our texts wondering if i could just press on the call feature.
"thats a bad idea..." i lock the screen once again and focus out the window.
as soon as i finally enter my class i stare at all these familiar faces. "good morning sarang!" wonwoo waves. "hey, how are you? aren't you sick?!" i narrow my eyebrows.
"i am all better now, i am here mostly for the drama club!" he announces.
"i am not gonna pressure you today, you can rest, okay? i'll handle everything!"I try to reassure him the best I can - knowing I will pressure him later on anyways.
"what about seungkwan?!"
when he asks that my eyes fall on kwan's empty seat. i forgot about him for like... a second... but wonwoo brought him back to my mind.
"he... is not coming today!" i fake a smile. "why, is he sick?!" he continued with the questions. "nah, he is good i guess! i have to go sit, see you later?!" i smile.
whats wrong with me?
i sound so easygoing and positive. i used to work as a scarecrow but now i am even smiling at wonwoo. its incredible how people change. i already hate this part of myself.
"yes sure..." the boy announces as soon as the teacher gets in. i wave at mina and nayeon when i finally find my seat so i can rest.
later chan walks in and also waves.
oh, no... i totally forgot about him and our date. i was too busy thinking of seungkwan the entire night.
he doesnt seem to be annoyed though. thats cool cause i literally ditched him last minute.
"hello class..."
and the lesson starts.
hours passed after that.
it felt weird the seat to my front is empty. i was the one to order him not to come yet i wondered how would it be if he actually does come. why are you home god dammit.
Not that I care.
I do not.
Just curious.
anyway, sarang, concentrate!
joining the drama club some hours later it felt weird. there wasnt someone to annoy me or interrupt me when i am rude to other students. I need to scold someone. I have no one to insult and its killing me - i miss that feeling, I kinda got used to it.
I cant be missing this plain extroverted freak. No, of course I do not.
But where is his extremely annoying face? His stupid haircut or this irritating giggle. wonwoo cooperates with everything i say way too well - its not even fun to order him around or insult him anymore.
anyways, after some acting excersizes I chose to make em do to forget my pain, i order them to sit on top of the stage while I occupy a seat from the audience.
"you did great guys..." wonwoo announces and i shrug my shoulders. okay, i guess?! they did good?!
"so now... that we are all here..." i say and in my mind i realize... that basically someone is missing. Oh not again - thinking of that loser. the day doesnt seem to end now that its just me and wonwoo.
"i am about to announce the play we are gonna focus on from now on... its gonna be...." i say and they all keep on hitting the ground like a drum fill.
"phantom of the opera!!!" i announce and they start clapping.
wonwoo seems surprised i actually chose something kwan proposed. i wont lie, i am surprised myself. I wasnt even planning to say that play just because its too much work. These words accidentally slipped from my lips - maybe because I couldnt stop thinking of that enormous prick.
"thats amazing!" then he ads.
"i guess..." i growl.
"so next time, we are gonna focus on the script!" wonwoo explained with a smile and i nod. thank god wonwoo and i know how this works cause we collaborated so many times in the past yet something is missing.
"you are dismissed!" after i say that all i see is happy faces making their way out. You are happy, aren't you? Kwan is missing, how can you not I mean? Okay, now I kinda sound like I am obsessed with the dude. I am not!
"hey..." he says.
"Jeez." I turn around to spot a smiling Chan waving at me, but it only got me startled. "oh its you, hi..."I try not to sound too nervous. "I am sorry...' he apologised.
"nah, its fine..."
"about yesterday..." he says but i interupt him.
"right, i also have something to say-" i was also interrupted way too fast. "thats why i am here to talk to you... dont feel bad about it!" he reassured me. he is so kind always.
"i mean, its okay you couldnt make it... maybe... some other time, right?!" he asks and the smile never disappears from his face. thats when i nod whole heartedly.
"right!"
"so... see you?!" that sounds like an open invitation we are gonna talk about later in the futere. "yeah... sure..." with a last wave gesture he made his way out as i stood there staring at the door.
"things are working out with you too, huh?" mina startled me. "i thought you left..." i announced surprised.
"I was about to..."
"are you okay? you seem skeptical today?!" i ask, noticing there was something wrong with her at the practice today.
"just a bit anxious. kwan is taking me out today!" she announces and i narrow my eyebrows. "like... dead or?!" isnt he like in huge pain? oh I hope he isn't talking about a date. He missed school and now he is going out with mine, after I spent an entire day thinking if he can cope with his pain.
"like... on a date..." she laughs it off thinking its one of my jokes - that I rarely do so practically nothing is a joke to me especially when I use the word dead.
"a date?' I narrow my eyebrow. so many thoughts, so many reasons to explode.
"aha , he called me... like some hours ago to confirm it, and i am a bit anxious!" so he called mina... and not me?! how could he?
and why do i feel bad about this? why do I freaking give a shit?
he is really going on a date yet he didnt come fo school?! why am i even offended - i literally was the one to ask him not to come! oh no I sound like an obsessed woman.
"have fun on your date!" i turn towards my stuff acting like i do not care. "what happened? you okay?"
"yes, i am just running late..."
"okay, i'll leave you then, see you tomorrow!" the girl never lost her smile even after my entire mood change. she left the auditorium like nothing happened.
i sit down scoffing after what she told me. "he is kidding me..." i whisper to myself.
"next time he is in pain I'll be behind it..." I growl, forgetting the fact I am actually behind it now as well.
thats when i grab my phone.
"okay... if he likes it that way!" i mumble pretty annoyed, dialing his number.
why isnt he picking up? what is taking him so long now? right before i am about to hung up he picks up.
"hey..." he softly announces like he was waiting for me to call.
even though i was annoyed i soften up somehow when i hear his voice. "h-hi..." i stutter.
"you called..." he smiles. I can sense his smile countries away, galaxies away. oh I so do hate that charming ugly smile of his.
"you asked me to..." i whisper yet he hears it. "you called me just because i asked you to?!" it was like he was hoping to hear for something specific.
"yes... why else?" the mean part of me gets out just because I recalled my previous chat with mina. this man is unbelievable. I wanna throw a vase at his face.
"oh..."
there is a pause over there. is he disappointed? I couldnt care less. I mean mina will cheer him up anyways, right?
"s-so how is your leg..." i change the subject. "the same as before!" he jokes thats when i remember i have to never take him seriously.
"it goes along with that annoying way of joking..." I growl. "someone is moody, why leader? did you miss me?" he jokes again, trying to piss me off. "yeah, we didnt have someone to throw our banana peels at!"
"really mature of you!" he smiles wider.
"i wanted to... inform you about something..."
"what is it?! new juice flavours at the cafeteria?" he asks.
"funny but no. I just... chose the... play we are gonna work on!" i let him know and suddenly i notice his enthousiasm even though we are over a phone.
"thats even more exciting from the juice flavors, i am all about it, what are we doing?!" how can he be so happy before even hearing i chose his idea. "well, i thought about... you..." i say and there is a pause there.
oh no, what am i doing?!"
"you did?!" he smiles.
"i- i mean... about your ideas, about your ideas!" i immediately correct myself. "oh!" he says afterwards. was that a drop of a smile. anyways...
"phantom of the opera? not a bad idea after all..." i whisper but again he hears everything and reacts with a laugh. "i know... i thought of it, leader!" he teases me.
"weird flex but okay..."
"you really chose that?" he didnt seem to buy it. maybe because I laugh every time he brings an idea to the table, and force everyone to make fun of him afterwards.
"yes.." I softly say.
there is a pause again.
"thank you leader..." he softly lets me know his gratitude. "why?!" i ask.
"for thinking about me..." he dares to day and i gulp. "I... didnt chose the play... because of that!" i try to generalize it just to kill the awkwardness. "I am not talking about the play now..." he says just to put me into some deep silence.
sarang dont get confused by his kindness.
get out of it stupid girl!
I slap myself in order to snap out of it but the noise got heard through the other side. "what was that?" he asks perplexed. "n-nothing, a- a bee. attacked me! but now its gone..."
"aren't you in the auditorium at this hour? do bees get in there?" oh no he even knows where I am. that man knows how to make me nervous so well. god dammit. "I, I. I have no idea. bee what are you doing in here, leave!" I was pushing a hypothetical bee.
"sarang, are you ok-"
"i have to go..." i announce and he says a single okay but somehow it appears too soft to my ears. "oh also... have a good night tonight! i am sure you will!" suddenly i remember that date thing, i somehow cannot let it slide. he is supposed to be sick. sick my foot. of course he is healthy enough to make me nervous at any time possible.
"what? what does that mean?!" he chuckles. does he think I am stupid? unbelievable.
"i have to go, bye!"
"bu-" i hung up before he says anything else. i literally gather my things and run out ready to go home.
why am i so annoyed. literally all the way home i didnt think of anything else. kwan, the date, the bee. for god's sake I am insane.
this idiot!
entering, i noticed vernon is absent. thank god, no more annoying remarks for the day.
i need a clear head so i can insult seungkwan inside it. "how can he go out with mina, is he serious? wasnt he like... sobbing in pain? that hypocrite! mina is not even his type to start with. is she?"
i start cleaning my room as a way to get my kind of him. bad idea , i am thinking about him more that way!
"i hate him, i hate him i hate him" i throw a pillow at a wall. hours were passing but still my mind was wilding.
is he on that day by now?
how can he go? how does his conscience work? "i will kill that bastard... idiot... stupid! i-" i was insulting him until the bell rung.
"vernon forgot his keys again? another bastard i have to kill!" mumbling i walk down the stairway and approach the front door.
"why the fuck did you-" i open the door ready to scold that idiot but my eyes widen as soon as i see seungkwan.
isnt he on his stupid date with his stupid girlfriends eating red foods and talking about their ridiculous dreams?
am i seeing a ghost?
he is all happy, smily right behind my door.
why?
"w-what are you doing here?!" aren't you with mina you bastard? I was anxious about that 3 hours now just for you to scam me.
"where else should i be to?!" he jokes. "on your date?!" i ask surprised. "ohhh so thats why you were weird over the phone..." he figures out.
"weird? i dont know what you are talking about. i was... f-fine..." i lie with the most fake smile to ever exist.
"watch out for the bee..." he points and I got startled way to easily. "I- I wasnt weird a-at all you scumbag..."
"i didnt know you were the jealous type!" again with these jokes i dispice. how can he be so okay with flirting around as it is a joke?
"jealous? w-why would i be jealous?!" i ask.
"I don't know... do you have to say something to me, leader?!" he titles his head, but this time he is no longer smiling.
"yes, you are a prick!"
he chuckles.
"can i... come in?!" he asks with a smile again. honestly speaking i dont know why i am so happy to see him. deep down i am glad he didnt go on that date.
"no! bye" i announced, crossing my arms. "ouch, is that a way to treat a disabled person?!" he pointed at his leg.
i sigh.
"your brain damage has nothing to do with crossing this barrier..." i growl and point at the doormat.
"pretty please?"
"aghhhhh... just come in..."
making some space for him, he enters and stares down at me.
our eyes lock and i even get lost in his eyes for a bit.
"i was thinking about you..." he whispers and now his smile disappears. oh wow, what a player. every word he uses sound so sagnificant. i feel my cheeks burning red. no don't fall for that.
thats why i look down a bit embarrassed. this place feels to hot, especially when he in in it!
his index finger lands on my chin, making me face him once again. "have you?!" he asks.
i am so ready to open my mouth and say a yes, but i think he could tell it by my eyes.
"oh hey seungkwan!" vernon finds us in the entrance. he notices kwan, a plastic bag on his hands, and his weird way of standing.
"oh hi!" kwan stiffens, gettng a bit away for me but his smile seems natural.
"is there something wrong with your leg?!" my brother narrows hus eyebrows. "i tripped!"
"oh, you too? sarang also hurt her knees!" vernon announced and kwan immediately turns to me.
"hey stop..." I scolded Vernon right away. kwan was unaware of these new facts and I wanted it to stay that way!
"wait. are you in pain?" his eyes tried to peek in concern.
"i... i am good... dont mind me. just come in and ignore that stinky parasite..!"
"hey dont talk about your brother like that!" kwan tried to back up for Vernon. "I was not talking about my brother... anyway. just come in..." I invite them both inside and hope his visit wouldn't last long.