i see seungkwan falling down the stairs and thats when i almost forget how to breathe.
it felt surreal for a second.
i froze on my spot until i realized it was more than just a scenario inside my head. this moment really happened.
without losing any more minutes i rush down the stairway. "seungkwan..." my hands immediately touch him as i am trying to scan his face to see if he is in pain.
"i told you to leave, you never listen to me!" he whimpers in pain. i was so concerned, i couldnt go anywhere else. "are you okay? does it hurt...?!" i started scanning his body, most importantly his leg. thats where he fell on.
"i am fine sarang, you have a date to go, leave me here!" thats when he reminded me. right, chan is probably waiting for me outside.
"are you kidding me? i am not leaving you alone?!" i claim and he whimpers even more. "why?! i am a mess... just leave me!" he was pretty close at completely losing it.
thats when i stared at how vulnerable he looked. for a moment i was hesitent but with confidence i grab my phone and dial chan's number.
"hey, chan, i am sorry, something urgent happened, i need to leave..." i let chan know. kwan's eyes werent decieving me thoughout that phone call.
"oh okay, then i'll see you soon!" the boy didnt seem to disappointed. i finally hung uo relieved.
"what are you doing?!"
"i am not leaving you alone!" i announce. "why? why wouldnt you!" he then asks. i dare to lock deeply my eyes to him and pause for q while.
he cant see why? well, i can see why yet i am denying it cause i am a fool. "because..." i claim and take his hand.
"what are you doing?!"
"help me please..." i wrap his arm around me. "you are gonna regret it and blame me afterwards..." he whimpers.
"its my fault you fell seungkwan! its my fault!" no, no dont cry no. i do my best to keep my tears in when our eyes lock.
"its not, i tripped..."
"i dont care, i am sending you to the hospital, taking care of you and then returning you home safely!" i let him know the plan.
"but why?" he whispers, thinking i didnt hear anything. "because i fucking care about you!" i yell out without even thinking it through.
our eyes lock again.
"lets go!" i softly say, and get him up, placing him inside my arms. now we were walking down its hallway together.
"does it hurt?" i spot his traumatized expression. he must be hurting a lot. i cant deal with this.
i hate to see him hurt.
"nah, i am good!" he whimpers.
"you are shamelessly lying to my face now, arent you?!" i gasped at his audacity to lie at something i obviously can see it.
"can you just... not care about me?!" he whispers. "no i dont think there's an option like that..." i answer back and get him out of the building.
i feel a bit tired, thank god i finally can let him seat on thag bench at the bus station. he inhaled deeply, holding his leg.
"damn, i cant feel it!"
"really?!" i bent down, with my bare knees lying against the hard ground.
i bet it even leave some marks but at this point it was the last thing i cared about. i try to focus on seungkwan's pain.
"are you an idiot, you are hurting yourse-"
"shut up..." i started touching his leg just to figure out which spot causes him the most pain.
"jeez, what am i gonna do with you..." he mumbles.
"the bus is here!!!" i jump up, and spread his arm around my shoulders. i help him climb that small stairway and place him on the first seat available.
"wait a sec!"
i run to buy two tickets for us. returning back he was about to take his wallet out.
"nope..." i immediately say and turn my head onto a differnt direction.
"whats wrong with you today leader?!"
"what do you mean?!"
"you are nice to me?! did something change...?" he laid back, trying to move his leg by grabbing it with his two hands.
"you fell from the stairs because of me!" i claim. "for the last time, its not your fault, stop blaming yourself!" he whispers.
"fine, its not, but that doesnt mean i am not taking you to the hospital..."
"and what about chan?!"
"are you serious? i cant leave you for chan... i- i just cant do that!" i nonchalantly say, without thinking that what might mean to someone else.
our eyes lock. no sarang, dont fall. kwan looks at everyone like that. "please, just let me help you..." i whisper.
kwan nods and finally gives up.
the ride to the hospital was actually silent. i was so lost in my thought that kwan might be deeply wounded.
what should i do if he is? seriously? what am i supposed to do. when we reach our stop again i help kwan get out and we are struggling to walk our way in.
first thing i do, is placing him on a chair.
"wait for me here... i'll handle everything..." i was about to leave but kwan grabbed my wrist to turn me around.
our eyes lock.
"thank you..." he lets me know. there is a silence there cause i am too focused, staring at that color in his eyes. was it awlays so bright.
"if you wanna thank me, dont die till i am back!" i joke and the boy nods with a smile.
thats when i run to a nurse, she guves me a paper to fill so she can inform the doctor.
"fill these papers..."
"thanks..." he grabs it from my hands and puts all his personal information. once he is done he gives it to me and i take a look.
"hey, you cant peek... it might be personal!" he joked, trying to hide it with his palm. "as if!!!" he continued, trying to get it off my hands but came to close without actually realizing.
Our eyes locked when our lips were only some inches apart.
at first he dives right into my eyes.
i cant look away either. then i noticed his eyes slowly staring at my lips and my heart racing. its so loud, the noise managed to reach my ears.
can seungkwan also hear that? cause its going crazy because of how close he is.
"seungkwan..." i whispered hypnotized by how he looks qt me. its like he was to focused on my lips, to answer to me - but he heard, i know he did, i felt it.
"um... mr. boo?!" he hear someone shouting his nqme so we part ways. "yeah he is here!" the doctor is provably ready to test him.
"lets get you inside!" i get up.
"sarang..." he grabs my wrist to stop him. after what happened he seemed to have so many other things to say.
"i am here... lets get you in..." i whisper and place him in my arms once again. thank god doctor's office was not that far away.
i helped me get in, and sat him on top of a bed.
"what happened? did you fall buddy?" the doctor noticed kwan struggled to walk on his way in. "i fell from the stairs!" the boy laughs.
"oh, how did that happened?!" he crossed his arms getting closer to us. "i-" i was about to explain how it is my fault but immediately got interrupted.
"i tripped accidentally..." he smiles.
"okay, lets see..." the doctor leans closer and started rolling his pants up. i immediately turn my head around. "i- i will wait outside..." i was about to oeave but kwan seized my wrist and pulled me towards them.
"no, dont..." he wasn't feeling embarassed if i ever see his wpund. "oh is that your girlfriend?!" the doctor smiled.
"yes..." he retorts
"no..." i say at the same time.
i widen my eyes staring at kwan. what is he doing. "she is..." he smiles.
i am what? why is he lying. "lets clean the wound first..." the doctor assured him.
i was standing there.
kwan was feeling all the pain through the medication. i could tell through his eyes thats why i tightly held his hand.
his eyes wereng moving from mine. like, i was a way to get his mind of this pain. the doctor tied his leg and pulled the pants down.
"you'll be alright in a few days... you just need to take a daily medication..." he announces while going back to his desk, writing a prescription.
"you can give it to me!" he gives me the prescription and i help kwan get up.
"dont walk too much if its not needed, okay?!" the doctor smiles and kwan spreads his arm around me again. "i wont! thank you..."
"thank you so much..." i also said with a bow.
"you dont have to, its my job kids... take care!" he cheered us up with his words. funally, i take kwan out of this building and we walk towards the bus stop.
"why did you say i am your girlfriend?!" i dare to ask.
"its not like i lied..."
"seungkwan!"
"what? you are a girl, you're not a boy! and you are my friend!" he claims. "friend?" i turn to look at him, as we stand under the bus stop.
"yeah... friend? arent you my friend?!" he asks, even though we are too close to just be friends.
"i... am i?!"
i get lost in his eyes.
"you are..." he whispers, looking at my lips again. but only for a second. of course he thinks i am a friend. i dont know why i am always getting confused.
he sees me like a friend! i dont know why i ever thought otherwise.
i need to stop getting confused!
i turn ro my front and stop the eye contact cause my mind is running wild, towards thing that apparently dont exist.
"whats with the face, leader? dont you wanna be my friend?!" he playfully ask. "i... want to..." i blur out.
"are you sure?!"
at this sentence i turn to lock eyes with him. oh no, i can hear my heartbeat again.
"i-" i was about to share how unsure i am but the noise of the bus stopping right next to us interrupted me.
"lets get in!" i help him get on and even.sat him down once more, paying for the tickets, and occuoying the empty seat right next to him.
"you never answered to my question..."
then i remembered. kwan sees me like a friend. i need not to be confused by his gentle actions. chan is the goal, not kwan, i need to shake this thought off.
"i am sure..." i nod and turn towards a random direction and he scoffs. "okay leader!" he even crosses his arms.
another silent ride, we had to experiance.
"why didnt you get off!?" kwan asked at the usual stop i get off. "i am taking you home remember?!" i remind him.
"you dont have to..."
"i dont, so shut up and thank me!" i tease him. "i have so many thoughts on how i should thank you, leader!" he teases me back.
oh these teases make me forget the goal. the goal is chan!
"well, i really like jewelery and dresses... i am just randomly saying this! i dont have a purpose behind it!" i giggle.
"of course you dont!!!" he jokes.
finally, we reach the right stop. i place him in my arms and walk out. finay after a tiring walk we are right outside his house.
"can you get in without me?!" i ask and the boy nods getting out of my arms. now he stands right in front of the door, taking his keys out.
he unlocks and the door fells open.
i wave at him, staring while he is getting in. for my surprise he stops and turns arouns.
"sarang... i..." he locks eyes with me. "i know..." i mumble, thinking he wanted ti thank me again. "you do?!"
"i do..."
we lock eyes for one last time. "i'll see you tomorrow..." he whispers. "no, you won't!"
"huh?"
"you are not going to school! its an order!" i command him and he narrows his eyebrows. "and the drama club?" he asks confused.
"i'll take care of it... i am not letting you go, stay home and rest kwan!" when i call him that he smiles.
"then... can you... um... call me?!"
"call you?!"
"yeah, from time to time... call me if you want to! if you are bored, if... you feel down..." he murmurs and so i nod woth a giggle.
"fine, just get in, idiot!" i joke and the boy grins, until his eyes fall on my bruised knees.
"wait for a second!"
i narrow my eyebrows at his next actions. i was about to ask why but the boy walked in and forgot the door open.
i asked why, but he wasnt able to hear it as he was already too deep into his house.
he returns holding a plastic bag.
"here..."
"whats this?!" he hands me the bag with a smile on the face. "you... have to take care of your knees. do it as soon as you go home, dont forget it!" he is the one to order now.
"i wont..." i playfully scoff. this man is seriously something! "take care..." he takes a step back, waving.
"you too!"