after that hard night.
i finally wake up, ready for the next day of school. i can't believe how i managed to stay put and not text kwan.
i was thinking about it all night long. even after vernon's arrival at home. it kinda feels like i messed it up.
i wanted to text him, even to see if they had a good night, but...
i need to remember my goal.
chan is the goal!
not seungkwan...
chan!
Seungkwan betrayed me in the past. i know, i accepted his apology but still... can i trust him now?!
how can i be sure he is reliable? why am i even thinking like that? i am just confused cause he is so kind to everyone including me.
to be specific i am not used to kindness. i am a mean person so i usually recieve what i give.
its the first time someone is treating me that good!
thats why i got confused.
seungkwan is the goal!
wait, no, i mean chan... chan is the goal. why am i panicking inside of my head. shake it off Sarang.
i got up from the bed, doing the exact same routine as yesterday morming in an attempt to look decent for school.
once again, i eat breakfast and my eyes meet a pouty vernon in the kitchen.
"what is it?!"
"are you gonna give them back to me?!" he keeps on pouting like a three year old. "when you learn how to use an oven!"
"i know how to use an oven!" he claims. i turn to look at our destroyed oven. "yeah, of course you do..." i mumble and grab my things.
"where did you hide them?!"
"i am late for school!" i announce ready to walk out of the kitchen. "no you are not!" he stares at the watch on his wrist.
"i know... i am lying to you, goodbye!" i let him know unbothered and he gasped. "the audacity..." but i am already out slamming the door on his face.
running my way to the bus station, again i take the rught bus and reach school facilities.
like my ordinary routine, i make my way in.
this time before i meet the class i find Nayeon waiting for me right in front of my locker.
"omg, you look beautiful today too?! why?" again with these weird questions. "i have somewhere... to be... after school!" i announce.
"where?!"
"well, chan and i-" i was about to say but she gasped so loudly everyone turned to look at us.
"he asked you out?!" she know whispers in enthousiasm and i nod with a smile. "you are going out with channnn?!" she clapped.
"well, i guess?!"
"omg, as soon as you go home i wanna know the details, okay?!" she cheers again. "Whatever, i need to turn this assigment in, have you seen mrs. Choi?!" i ask.
"i think she is at b22!" she announces the number of the class and i nod.
"see ya..."
we part ways as i am about to find the classroom. no noises were coming from inside though. isnt she not here?
i knock but i never get an answer thats why i open the door and walk in, closing it after entering.
i planned to leave the assigment on top of the desk even if she was not here.
then the unexpected happened.
boo seungkwan was all alone in this classroom, sharing some papers at every desk. his every move stopped as soon as his eyes locked with mine.
then he scans me, realizing that again my appearance is somehow different based on my usual morning routine.
"what are you doing here?!" he asks.
"i came to turn in an assigment!" i announce taking a step closer. "leave it on the desk, i'll let mrs. choi know!" he turns back to his tasks.
why does he seem a little cold? was it because i never texted him last night. why do i feel guilty about it though. was he waiting for a text?
"thanks..." i mumble and aporoach the desk to leave the papers. kwan didnt even spair a look at me, even though he knew i was staring.
"i... i have to tell you something!" i say right behind the door. i was so close at leaving but something stopped me so i turned around and dared to say.
finally his attention is on me.
"what is it?!" he lets a pile of papers on top of a table and focuses on me, like he is hoping for something.
"well... chan... asked me out!" and that hope somehow faded after this sentence. he then fakes a smile. "nice, see... everything turned out well!" he continues with his tasks but now with a smile on his face.
"i... i suppose..." i lay my back against the wall and look down.
"isnt that what you wanted?! chan to ask you out?!" he smiles wider.
"yes..." i look down again but my smile is nowhere to be found.
"see, you have every reason to be bappy now! congratulations!" he passes by me and exits the class with the biggest fake smile i've ever seen.
"wait..." i try to stop him but it was already too late. this time it felt like he didnt want to be stopped.
he vanished for hours.
he even never appeared on the first lecture. i actually took a glimpse of him some hours later at math class and then lost him again..
i was ready to go to the cafeteria for lunch only to be stopped by mina. "you wont believe what just happened?!" she clinged onto me.
"can you say what happened from a certain distance!" i discreetly removed her from my body.
"kwan..."
i hear that name again. i was doing my best not to think of it yet she gets to remind me again.
why cant i just get him out of my mind. "what about him?!" i act unintrested grabbing a tray so i can place some food.
"he asked me if i wanted to go see a movie tomorrow night..." she cheers and my expression went blank.
"he did?!"
"yesss!"
"and what did you say?" now my attention was on her. "yes, what else?!" she seems so happy. from afar my eyes notice seungkwan eating in the cafeteria with some of his friends.
he said yes, see sarang?! he was just being nice to you.
although i found myself staring at him my eyes locked with the person right next to him - Chan.
the boy waved.
i discreetly did the same, when kwan turned to spot our interaction. pretending it never happened he actually turns back to his food.
"what was that? is there something going on with you and chan?!" mina asks and i turn back to the counter so i can take my food.
"i guess?!"
"wanna talk about it?!" she also gets a tray and follows me down the queue. "nah, i'd rather talk about shoes, or peanuts!" i wanted to get this drama of my mind.
"you are funny..." the girl whispers with a smile. if i am so funny why dont i laugh but feel this bad?!
although i tried to avoid it, mina sat on the same table as me in the cafeteria and actually talked about shoes!
thays why the say be careful what you ask for.
i've never been so bored in my life.
after lunch was over i go back to class abd occupy my table. little did i know chan decided to follow me to check up on me.
"hey..." he waves sitting on his chair now. he sits to my right so we are mot that far away from each other.
"hey..."
"so, after school, right?! we have plans!" he reminded me and i nod. "mmhm..." i mumble.
"um... sarang... you... you are really beautiful today!" he says with a smile and our eyes lock.
thats when we hear someone's footsteps on the door. my eyes lock withs eungkwan's but i couldnt quite get his expression.
did he hear that?
"i... i am sorry to interrupt!" he says and walks out of the classroom. raising my right hand as a way to stop him and talk to him i realised its too late.
he is gone - lately it seems like he doenst even want to be stopped. i always fail to atchieve that.
"dont mind him, he is having a rough day!"
"he is?!"
"mmhm... dealing with some family problems..." chan let me know. that actually explains a lot.
"oh..." i turn to my front. thats when the class is getting filled with students ready to attend last hour of school.
"so, we'll talk after class!" chan announces.
thats when kwan walks in again but this time he doenst even spair a glance at me. he straight-up goes to his seat and looks to his front.
what was that.
this hour lasted for so long i was questioning why. why was i thinking about kwan endlessly?
is it because i heard of the problem he has been dealing with? is it because of stnpathy or something else.
as soon as the bell signals school is over, kwan grabs his back and is the first one to leave the classroom.
"you ready?!" chan asks.
"y-yes..." my attention falls on a book on top of kwan's desk. "can... can you give me a second please! i have something to do!" i announce.
"yes, i'll be waiting for you outside!" the boy reassures me with a pat on the back. when he made his way out, i wore the bag on my shoulders and grabbed kwan's notebook.
he forgot about it?! what if it is important.
my first thought was too look throughout the school building before i take a look outside.
all these hallways seem souless as everyone already abandoned the building.
but a voice from afar makes me realize i am not alone anymore.
someone was talking on the phone. their voice was morw than familiar. thats why something pulled me towards that incident.
i get in the right hallway only to see kwan having a fight over the phone. "no, you are mot being nice, you should be thinking about us before doing something like that dad!" he says.
there is a pause there.
"no, you cant be saying that to me, to mam. how can you say that?!" he announces so betrayed. "you know what? i am so done with you!" he angrily hings up.
turning around to leave his eyes locm with mine and i forget how to breathe. "i- i wasnt eavesdropping!" i stutter.
"what are you doing here?!"
"y-you forgot this in class?!" he squints to see what i am holding. after the realization he passes me by, grabs the notebook and walks towards the stairway like we never even talked.
i rush behind him. "hey, do you need help-"
"on what?"
"i... i dont know... anyth-" again i was trying to help. i dont know why i wanted to help. it actially felt like i couldnt go on with my life if i didnt.
"dont you have a date to go to?!" he announces right before the first stairstep.
"i... yes... but-"
"then why are you here? go to your date!" he announces so easily. "why do you seem mad, i thought-"
"i am not mad, you are going out with chan, i am going out with mina just like we planned, now... i have to leave!" he is about to say.
"wait-" i grab him by the wrist right when he goes down the first step. kwan loses his balance and drastically falls down the stairway.
i gasp at the image unraveling right in front of my eyes.
"seungkwan!"