i am sitting in the auditorium all alone, waiting for everyone else to arrive.
i used that time to actually consider my own feelings. why do i suddenly feel so strange?
i should be head over hills for what happened today with chan but actually i dont feel a thing about it?
was i just too pressured about it?
what happened?!
am i just easily affected by seungkwan's careless kind gestures that i am confused? yeah, thats probably it!
seungkwan tends to confuse people just because he is overly hyped and easy going. but even if thats it why does that effect my relationship with chan.
seriously i have no idea whats going on.
lets place everything in a line. i wont let kwan's careless actions distract me from my main goal.
that goal is, getting lee chan! thats why i started talking to a loser like him in the first place. lee chan is the goal! boo seungkwan is the way to achieve the goal.
never forget that chwe sarang!
i then find myself again after clarifying everything and organizing all these thoughts in my head.
i almost lost track but thank god i realized it soon and put everything on its ordinary place.
i actually feel relieved now that i probably know whats gotten into me. even if i am not usually smiling, right now i found a smile to wear - i just dont know if it was a real one.
thats when i hear the door falling open and the exact same boy i was thinking about appearing.
kwan was walking down the aisle with his bag on his shoulder.
"hey!" he walks towards me.
"hi..." i pretend to be busy, reading a script, i just found on top of the table. kwan places his things right next to mine.
"are you okay? you... seemed a bit strange previously?!" he smiles. what is that now? again, acting all nice to me.
"i... i am good... just a head ache..." i sharply let him know until i remember and lock eyes with him once again. "what about you and mina? how did it go?!" i ask.
"good? i guess..." he sits right next to me.
"did you ask her out?!"
"not yet..." he looks down. i narrow my eyebrows. whats the problem? i thought he wanted this.
"why not?!" i ask, laying back on the seat quite confused. "i dont know!" he then turns to look at me and our eyes lock.
oh no, when he does that i can no longer think of someone else.
sarang remember the goal!
lee chan, lee chan!
turn away.
why is it so hard to turn away when our eyes meet. like, the same level of hard when i have to let him go but something always makes me stop him.
"should i?!" he then asks me. is he asking for my permission. why is he looking at me like that?
"i-" i am about to answer but the door falls open and everyone from the drama club joins us.
we both find ourselves staring deeply into each other's eyes, but just cant find the right words to say. now, we even cant speak as the room is filled with students.
"should we call them on the stage?!" wonwoo approaches, leans on the table close to us and asks.
"do that..." i whisper looking down.
kwan keeps on staring at me for a while. but as soon as wonwoo called everyone on the stage he actually looked at them from afar.
wonwoo also sat on the table with us. i grab the chance to lead this meeting as always.
"hey everyone..." i start going through my papers. "we have a lot of work to do so lets start... last time i asked for you to come up with ideas for a play, i wanna hear your suggestions..."
"well, i-" wonwoo was about to speak.
"not now wonwoo, i am waiting for their suggestions!"
"i have one!"
"really?!" i narrow my eyebrows and the boy nods while fixing his glasses. "you never fail to surrpise me!" some kids laughed, even kwan smiled.
"what about romeo and juliet?!" he smirks. "depends... are you playing romeo?!" i ask.
"why? do you wanna play juliet?!" he also leans closer with a smirk. "no, i just want you to experience the last scene!" as soon as i say that again i heat laughters filling the air.
"lets all ignore wonwoo's lame ass idea and keep going, i wanna see hands in the air..." after literally throwing a fit at wonwoo i bet everyone hesitated to raise a hand.
how could i blame them?!
then i saw dahyun's hand.
"i know, i am going to regret this... but dahyun! go ahead!" i let her speak. oh no, twenty lost minutes from my life!
"well, i- i... i was thinking... maybe we... we-"
"thank you, someone else?!" i shutted her out cause we dont have all day. "sarang is joking, tell us dahyun!" kwan fakes a laugh and lets her speak.
"we dont have all day..." i discreetly whisper to him. "i'll give her 3 minutes and then interrupt her..." kwan whispers back.
"i'll be counting..."
long story short after stuttering from two and a half minutes finay she got to the point.
"so i would... r-really like mama mia!" in that suggestion, more people were keen on.
i even saw some smiles.
"not bad..." kwan looks at me. "do we need something perfect or something that doesnt stink?!" i ask him.
"i get your point... even though you could express it nicer, thanks dahyun, we'll think about it..." kwan nodded with a smile. hours passes with everyone telling an idea but nothing was intresting enough.
now it was chan's turn.
"i... i really like grease!" he announces.
"that doesnt sound bad!" wonwoo announces. "i want something perfect, how many times am i gonna say that?!" i said.
at first i didnt realize i was being harsh on chan. kwan's surprised glance made me realize.
oh no!
why am i being harsh on chan. i am supposed to be liking this dude! no, now i look sus to kwan.
"chan, thank you we'll consider it!" like that kwan lays back and totally forgets about it - at least thats what i hope.
"anyone else?!" i ask but no hands raised.
i was about to give up eventually but last minute, i saw kwan daring to raise his hand.
i looked at it for a while being scared to actually help him speak. he seems hesitent. should i?
"there's no time for questions seungkwan..." i tried to avoid it and turn back to the lecture but of course he didnt let me.
"its not a question, i have an idea..."
"oh..." i peeked all over the students awaiting for kwan to say. "and we have to hear it?!" i nonchalantly say.
"i... i mean... yeah... shoot!" i fake a smile, preparing myself for the worst idea of them all - i even tried to calm my nerves before he speaks.
"the phantom of the opera..." he says and the room goes silent.
"um... seungkwan... dear... do you think anybody from us know how to sing opera?" i tried not to burst his bubble but his idea was stupid, like him.
"we could do some certain rearrangements to the songs we are gonna use, or maybe minimize the music numbers and focus on the script... it will be nice... everyone likes phantom of the opera!" he seemed all hyped up.
after that speech everyone seemed happy.
actually, now that i think about it, its actually a nice idea. not that bad. "mmhm, i- i'll right it down along with the rest of the ideas and let you know tomorrow!" i announce and everyone nods in happiness.
"for now, lets all focus on an exercise... everybody, up!" in my command everyone got up.
"all of you imagine you are flowers getting hit by stong waterdrops on rain!" i improvise an exercise.
"what?!" kwan asks.
"its an acting exercise! if they cant be a flower how are they gonna be christine?!" i exclaim. "well, cristine is a person at least!" he jokes.
"and flowers are still! are you here to teach me or what?" i ask and he finally gives up.
"okay okay, flowers it is!" he gets up running towards the stage.
"where are you going?!"
"where else? to be a flower!" he gets mixed with the rest of the students in his attempt to act along with them. wonwoo also joined them after a while.
we did so many exercises, and i actually had to get up and give feedback to everything they were doing.
i wont lie.
it was freaking tiring running up and forth, fixing postures, expressions, noises.
but everything came to an end pretty soon. as i was watching them leave suddenly my eyes felt so heavy, my head landed on the table and i zoned out.
i don't usually sleep so easily, or at random places.
its just that lately i was seriously overworking myself, leading me to actually doze off on top of the table.
i wonder did it last as long as it felt. cause actually i drained too much energy just from that single nap.
it was so deep,i was actually surprised when i felt something covering my back at the moment.
that feeling barely lasted.
suddenly i was no longer asleep. i slowly open my eyes and find kwan sitting on the chair beside me.
i was covered up with a blanket while he was looking at me - not in a creepy way.
he was pretty gentle actually.
"what happened?!" i uncovered myself.
"you fell asleep in the middle of nowhere! is that a habit you have?!" he leans back with a smile.
"no, its the first time i-"
"first time, my foot, arent you always sleeping in class when i sit to your front?!" he jokes. "you know?!" i narrow my eyebrows.
"i know? i have to make noises so the teacher wont listen to you snoring!" Again he jokes - at least thats what i am hoping for.
"me? i never snore!"
"how do you know that?! you are asleep!" okay, he has a point. "where is everyone else by the way?!" i start peeking around.
"home?!"
"why are you here?!"
"because you slept like an idiot and i couldnt let you alone.." he whispers. i sit there staring like a fool.
his eyes again meet mine. but now he isnt looking at me like before.
somehow it feels differnt.
"why?!" i ask.
"should i just leave you here then?!" he asks getting up, gathering his things. "seungkwan..." i announce and he turns around.
"what is it again?" i know he wants to take a step closer but he doenst. "thank you!" i announce.
"i... want to say something to you!" he announces.
i feel my heart racing.
why is my heart racing? i must be extremely stupid.
"i am sorry!" he announces and i narrow my eyebrows. "about what?!" i dare to ask.
"for the past, the way... i left, everything!" he announces and now i feel my heart dropping out of my chest.
looking down i just dont know what to say. "its okay!" is the only thing i whisper.
"its not okay, we were friends!"
"i... i get it... you wanted to try some new things and discover life, its really okay..." i then force a smile and i find him staring surprised.
"is that what you were saying to yourself all this time?! you were trying to find a way to excuse me?" by his wide eyes i could tell he is surprised i still take his side, even now.
"dont do that, cause its my fault!"
"i know, but i am okay with it now!" i now smile genuinely. "i am not the same anymore!" he announces.
"i... know!" i look down and he smiles. "i'll make it up to you someday!" he lets me know.
"you are doing it right now!"
"by helping you with chan?!" he smiles so clueless. "by helping me with the drama club. indeed, you are really handy kwan!" i let him know with a smile.
he stares down at me quite shrprised i acknowledged his help, even if i am late.
"i... i have something else to say too!" he takes a step closer and i get up. at this moment i could even hear my own heart beating.
it didnt last for too long.
my phone rung to destroy this moment. "i-i am sorry! i have... to pick it up!" i announce as soon as i spotted vernon calling me.
kwan gave me the green light. long story short vernon was in a a desperate need for help so i hang up quickly to rush to him.
"i am sorry seungkwan, i have to leave... vernon did something stupid again!" i announce and the boy nods quite disappointed.
he tried to hide it though.
"you should go then!" he smiles, scratching the back of his neck. "see you tomorrow?!" i ask and he nods with a smile.
i guess this convo will have to continue some other time!