Since Trident won't come to me, I'll have to go to him. As soon as I leave my parents' estate, I'm racing through the wilderness to get to Kaden and Emmerson.
It takes me a minute to track them, since Emmerson is out circling the park like a good employee. At this time of year, her job is more of a formality than a reality. High season is long gone, and it'll be a few more months before the weather is suitable for camping again.
Three weeks until the ceremony, and I don't know if whoever has been fucking with Kaden's head is doing it to try to screw me or him or has a much larger plan. Why would someone need to hide? Why would a witch need to hide?
Trident is in hiding because my parents are unpredictable, and my pack has still has a strong enough collective fire that he can't smother us. Yet another threat I never considered when I was denying the ceremony.
Letting the pack get too weak creates problems on multiple fronts, but I didn't want to see if after Clara betrayed me. My rage clouded my judgement, and then my feeling for Emmerson just made that cloud thicker with other emotions. Too dense for me to see all the hard truths circling me and my pack.
I flexed my ability to choose, to steer the course of my own life, and I could have easily driven us all off a cliff. Quite literally.
My birth order never gave me a true choice, but I liked the idea for a while. Being able to walk among the humans, having Emmerson see me for Aidan instead of as the first son.
"Kaden," I call when I get close enough to him in the woods. He doesn't crave the connection with Emmerson like I do. I'd be sitting beside her in the cart, but he lopes around on the edge of the woods, close enough to intervene but otherwise a silent presence in the dark. I've been that guy in her life too, and I've found I much prefer taking a seat. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me you've had a witch in your head?"
"A witch in my head?" His brows draw down, and he looks both annoyed and confused. "What the fuck are you talking about? You confusing me for you? You've got a witch in your head. If I peer closely enough, I can probably still read the giant Fuck You on the scrolling tape."
"I asked Trident to do that, so I am aware."
"Mom and Dad are so pissed about that."
"Whatever. You're missing the point. Dad tells me a witch has been screwing with your memories. Concealing their identity."
"No," he says with an emphatic head shake. "Dad's fucking with you."
I release a breath of frustration, and I stare him down, trying to get into his head. It used to be easy for me, as natural as breathing, but the longer we've gone without the ceremony, the harder I have to work to access the simplest things.
"Get the fuck out," Kaden says, swatting me away.
"Let me see." I shove him back. "Both our asses are on the line if someone's planning to stop the ceremony or come after the clan."
He stops fighting me, and for once in his life, he gives me full access. Right away, I can see what Dad meant. There are clear gaps, things being covered over or outright taken.
"I can't believe you were sleeping with a witch, and you didn't tell me," I say.
"We were both keeping secrets." He tips his chin in Emmerson's direction, but she's already further down the path. "Besides, you were all up in your feelings about Clara letting some other wolf get a piece of her."
"That wasn't why I was angry." Part of it was that, but if she'd owned up to it when I asked, I could have lived with it. Possibly. Fuck it, probably not. Then I saw Emmerson, and all the rules got a little fuzzy on me. Whatever bond I've got with Clara, it doesn't appear to require exclusivity. We can still want other people, which is, honestly, a surprise.
"Whatever. Keep telling yourself that." Kaden rolls his eyes. "It wasn't just the lying. Your ego is too big to take her having any sort of feelings for anyone else once she'd had you."
It's so fucking annoying that he knows me so well. I didn't get how she could want someone else, but I do now.
"We need to find someone to undo whatever's been done to you, and while we're at it, we can figure out who Emmerson is."
"What she is," Kaden clarifies. "And how are we doing that? You got another witch on speed dial?"
"We'll find Trident," I say.
"Just find him? Like it's easy? You think Mom and Dad haven't been looking for him since he put that flashy banner in your head?"
"I'm not indebting the clan to another witch."
"What'd you have to give up for that lock and key?" He tips his head toward mine.
"Not telling." More than I should have, less than I would have. At the time, I'd have done anything to protect Emmerson. Wise or not, I still would. Including agreeing to this farcical ritual with Clara that'll secure the clan power and make it impossible for me to ever be with Emmerson, no matter what she is.
Once the ceremony is complete, Clara and I will be mated for life, but it's worrying that neither of us is inclined to feel that way right now. Yeah, we want to fuck, can barely contain ourselves when we're in a room together, but the connection seems to end there.
Whether it was Trident's spell or how it would have gone anyway, there's no love or affection in this match. Raw animal lust is the slot I landed on from the fated mate roulette wheel. Maybe everyone does. If I was on better speaking terms with my parents, I might have asked.
"You're going looking for Trident, and I'll what—be on babysitting duty?"
Emmerson is almost out of sight, and I can feel the way my chest squeezes at the thought of being too far away from her. Even if we've got our own private SOS signal, if I'm too far away to help, I'm no good to her. Besides, after the message in the footprints the other night, I've got no idea whether the plan is to separate me and Emmerson, make it easier to get to her or get to me—whatever the end game is here.
"No," I say. "If I go, we all go."
With that decision made, I leave Kaden on the edge of the woods to jog up to where Emmerson is driving along abandoned camp sites.
"You up for a road trip?" I ask, and she jumps at the sound of my voice. Sometimes I forget how naturally silent I move.
"When I'm off work?" she asks, putting her cart in park.
"Now. Soon. As soon as we can."
"I can't leave my job," she says. "I need the money. And that's not an exaggeration. Without the money from this job, I can't get my degree. All of that might seem trivial to you, but it's my ticket out of the shitty life I've had so far."
I rub the back of my head. On that note, she's not going to like missing an indefinite number of her boring classes either. If I had magic, I'd snap my fingers and make her a nurse. Magic all the knowledge into her brain. I've only ever asked witches to take or to protect, but I bet they can add stuff too. Who knows what I'd have to offer for that favor, though.
"I have to go look for someone," I say. "But I can't leave you unprotected."
"The friend who switches off with you sometimes, he can watch over me while you're gone."
The thought sends a surge of violent protective energy through me. There's a difference between leaving her for an hour or two when I'm within running distance and leaving her for days across a distance I can only guess at.
"No," I say. "That won't work. I need you with me."
"Why?"
"I don't know how long I'll be gone."
She stares at me for a long beat. "You don't think I'm human, but you don't know what I am. Going with you might throw away any chance I have at a normal life. If I lose this job, if I lose my place at school..."
For the most part, I've been avoiding close proximity with her whenever we're talking. She remembers me consistently, and I can be in the same room with her, and it's only my thoughts that spin a little out of control. All of it is bearable because I've forced myself to keep anything physical to a minimum—no more teasing caresses she doesn't remember, no more pushing the envelope in ways that drive us both a little mad with lust. We both need clear heads.
But I can't leave without her, and if I don't go, we're all in danger. Maybe not enough danger to warrant what I'm about to do, but I have an inkling that I can get her to go against her better judgement.
"Em," I say, extending my hand and drawing her out of the cart. She comes willingly because she trusts me, and she shouldn't. Not right now. When I want something—really want something—I'll go to any length to get it. Some part of her must know that, but it's not the conscious part, the one taking my hand now. I draw her flush against me, and there's a small rush of air between us. She's surprised.
When she meets my gaze, I run my thumb along her cheek, and I can see the lust haze descending over her eyes. She wants me, the same way I want her, but this connection between us, when I really let it flourish, feels supercharged, more even, than what I've had with Clara, which is fucking terrifying. Except with Emmerson, I seem to be able to keep it to a low hum by maintaining physical distance, even when we're in the same room. With Clara, the distance didn't matter. My blood wanted what it wanted.
I can't explain any of this, but when I nuzzle my nose against hers, and Em's eyes flutter closed, I know I can get her to agree. That she'll follow me anywhere if I ask.
The only problem is—I'd follow her too. Through the gates of hell, into the furthest depths outer space, to the bottom of the deepest ocean—there isn't anywhere I wouldn't go, anything I wouldn't do, if only she asked.
I graze her lips with mine, and she lets out a little sigh that almost sounds like a cry. But I understand that little noise more than I've ever understood any sound she's made. Being this close to her is like coming home, and I grip her chin and deepen the kiss.
And then I fucking forget why I started this, why I shouldn't have touched her, but I understand why a part of me will always crave her for the rest of my life. She's in my blood, in a different way from Clara, but she's there, nonetheless. It makes no sense, but for now, I'm done fighting what I want.
"Aidan," she murmurs against my lips. "Aidan, please."
"Come with me," I say, "and I'll give you whatever you want." I trail a line of kisses down her neck, and she presses herself tighter against me. Fuck it. This isn't enough, and I lift her up, push her back into the cart, and it rocks under the pressure. My lips seek hers again. I can't get enough. Now that I've let myself take a sip, I want to down the whole drink.
"Don't stop," she says between kisses. Her voice is breathless and so turned on that it's like an aphrodisiac, tempting me to tumble into the spiral with her.
"You've got to be kidding me," Kaden says from the woods, loud enough we can both hear. "We might be on the cusp of a major disaster, and you're fucking her, again."
"Again?" Em says, confusion coating the desire in her voice.
"The last time we did this," I say, as I keep kissing her, "caused some problems."
"Like what?"
"Nothing you need to worry about."
"Wrong!" Kaden calls from the shadows. "Caused something we all need to fucking worry about if you're going to do it again. One lust surge is more than enough. Put her down, Aidan. Think with the right head for once when you're around her."
It takes almost a superhuman effort for me to stop kissing her, lower her legs to the ground, and step back. Even as I do, she's following me, as though we're two magnets incapable of separating for long.
"Are we going looking for Trident or not? Emmerson, are you in or out? He's not going to leave town without you."
"I'm in," she says, breathless, reaching for me.
"You got what you wanted, brother," Kaden says, "but don't you always."
"I do," I say, and I force myself to put some distance between me and Emmerson. Each step takes more effort than it ever has before.
"I hope cracking that connection back open is worth it," Kaden says.
Emmerson runs her hands through her hair, but she can't stop looking at me, seeking me out in the darkness.
I've got what I wanted, but I think there's a good chance I've also made things between us a thousand times more complicated again. We'd become friends, friendly, and the sexual connection was at a bearable hum below the surface.
But it's not humming anymore; it's roaring, and I'm not sure how long I'll be able to ignore the noise.
Sorry about last week! It was a long weekend here, and I thought I'd have time to write, but then I did not. As some of you know, I'm writing this one while trying to write one on Radish too (The Billionaire Baby Daddy).
I am hoping to have a bonus for Before Thirty up within the next week too. I haven't forgotten about those, but I have been busy doing other things (including promoting Miss Matched, which releases on June 13th).
Anyway -- same time next week?
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