Chapter Twenty-Five: Nothing Serious
***
I hardly slept last night and it was starting to show. For starters, now that the theory had jumped into my head, it didn't want to leave. It didn't make much sense - sure, Andy was seeing Alex's ex, which could be considered quite shitty and firmly against the friend code. But that didn't mean he'd go behind Alex's back and start trouble with a brother Alex wanted nothing to do with, for good reason.
But I couldn't stop thinking about it, and it was starting to hurt my brain. Not to mention I still hadn't heard a word from Alex, and it didn't seem like I would for a while. Whatever was going on with Matthias must have really spooked him. Maybe it wasn't hard to ignore me - he's had years of practice - but complete radio silence? It's never happened before.
I could hardly pay attention in class today. I had just about enough brain power to sit with Daisy in the library at lunch, when she kept sobbing into her sandwich. I didn't repeat what Tyler said to me because it'd only make her feel worse, though as soon as the right opportunity arose, I would.
When the end of the day came, I was nothing short of thankful. If it wasn't for Daisy, I probably would have looked to get out sooner than I had.
On the way out, I turned to my best friend as I said, "are you sure you don't want me to come over?"
"Yes, Kels. As much as I want you around right now... I think I just need to be alone." Daisy sniffled.
I patted her back. "Okay, if you say so. Remember I'm just a text away."
A weak smile escaped her, one that tugged my heart-strings. "Thank you."
Truth be told, I didn't particularly want to be alone myself, not with Alex having gone AWOL, but I knew Daisy was going through a flurry of emotions right now. She needed her space as much as I probably needed mine.
As I was about to walk out of school, I got a text. My heart fluttered slightly, much to my confusion, but as I pulled it out to check, I saw it was from Gina.
Mom: Gone last minute shopping with Dad. Won't be home. Be back soon! Xx
Great. It appeared that I was completely alone tonight.
I was half-tempted to go over to Alex's place to see if he was home, but I doubt he'd appreciate that even if he was - if he's avoiding me, I'm sure the last thing he'd want is for me to randomly show up.
I was half tempted to check my phone just in case he did reach out. But that'd be bordering on pathetic. How funny; a couple months ago I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing.
Instead, I decide it's probably best to try and distract my mind with something else. The more I worry about Alex, Matthias, Andy and everything else circling this fucked up situation, the more likely I am to break out into hives. If Alex wasn't reaching out or talking to me, he must have a good reason.
Or he completely despises you now that you got onto his oldest brother's radar.
I get out of my thoughts before they wandered further into that.
Just as I reached the doors, I felt someone tap my shoulder. Immediately whipping around, I was shocked to find Mike staring back at me - we hadn't interacted in a while, and the last time his name was mentioned to me was in conversation with Alex, who didn't want me hanging around him anymore.
I supposed with Alex not being his usual guard-dog self, there was nothing holding anyone back.
I put a smile on my face as I said, "oh, hey. Been a while."
A sheepish grin makes its way onto his features as he scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah, I know. I've been a bit nervous about coming up to you, if we're being honest."
That took me by shock a little, considering we'd already hung out one-on-one, and we shared a class together. "Wait, really?"
"Yeah, a little," he admitted. "I've been warned away from you. Didn't want to take my chances, you know?"
I didn't need to ask to know who warned him away from me. I was aware of that much at least.
I couldn't help but say, "oh... right. The eternal bodyguard."
He chuckled awkwardly. "Yeah... but since I couldn't really see him around anymore, I figured I'd talk to you now. I like you, you know? As a friend, of course, but I like you nonetheless."
I swallowed hard, keeping my smile on despite how awkward this conversation was getting. It might have been better for us to have gone our separate ways - I could have gone home and wallowed in self-pity or something just as productive - when suddenly Mike perked up and began speaking again.
"That makes me sound like a real pushover. I promise you, it wasn't like Alexander told me to stop talking to you and I decided to ignore you off his words alone. I did it out of respect for your relationship with him. I would never come between anyone."
"There is no relationship." I choked out. "None."
For some reason, those words weren't easy to leave my mouth, even though they weren't technically wrong. Alex and I weren't together - we were merely two former enemies that slept with each other from time to time.
And yet...
Some of the words Alex last said to me haunted me, even now.
Because if you didn't mean anything to me, I would have never accepted his fucking deal!
"I didn't mean a romantic one. It's clear to anyone you two don't exactly get along." Mike continued on, oblivious to the internal battle I was fighting. "But it was obvious it was something a little more. I didn't want to get on anyone's bad side interrupting that."
"Well you're wrong." I said, the words feeling like poison in my mouth. Why was this so hard? I didn't have a problem bad-mouthing him before. "But I don't blame you for steering clear. He's not always in his right mind."
By now, the crowd around us had almost cleared up quickly, leaving not many witnesses to see where this conversation carried us into. I was pretty much done with it, understanding now why Daisy wanted her own space.
It wasn't even because this was quickly turning into something I wanted to erase from my mind. Sure, it was cumbersome, but it wasn't awful.
Maybe it was the sex-withdrawl. Or maybe it was something else.
Mike said, "can we start this over? I think I started this over completely wrong."
I pursed my lips. "Sure, that's fine."
"So, um, would now be a good time to ask if you're still down for hanging out tomorrow? There's a cool karaoke place not far from here... but I'd get if you didn't. I didn't exactly steer this conversation in the best place. I'm pretty bad at talking to girls, as I've just obviously presented."
I completely forgot about that. Maybe it would have been wise to say no - I wasn't sure how I felt about anything, and going out with Mike again might be the worst idea I could make now. But Alex wasn't around and Mike was nice enough. He'd be good company for the meanwhile.
So against my better judgement, I replied, "yeah, sure. Pick me up at my place?"
He erupted into a huge grin, the first time I saw it during this entire time.
**
I don't get to be miserable at home for long. I was resting on my bed, scrolling mindlessly through social media when a knock interrupted me. I sat up, let the person in and Gina strolled into the room, a happy grin on her face. In her hand was a scented candle.
"Got you a present." She said, walking over to me. However, upon noticing the sour expression on my face, her smile wavered. "Oh no, what's wrong?"
"I'm a teenager. We tend to get angsty a lot."
"No, that's not it. Something's on your mind - I can tell. Want to talk about it?"
Dammit. I forgot how good my parents are at reading me.
I debated whether I wanted to tell Gina a vague story to see her input on it. But then I quickly decide against lying again, and in the end I end up scooting over to where Gina sat on the edge of my bed, and I rested my head on her shoulder.
"Oh," Gina said, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. "You're very upset."
"I'll get over it eventually." I mumbled, staring at my bare wall.
"Boy problems?"
I nodded silently.
She said, "Alexander?"
I suddenly looked up at her in surprise, wondering how she managed to come to this conclusion after very minimal input from me. I knew that she was good at reading my expressions, but not even Gina is a wizard. For her to figure out so fast...
Gina gave me a wry and knowing smile. "Oh, Kelsie. You can't honestly believe I didn't see how much you two mean to each other. When you were kids, you were both such great friends. When you fell out with each other... Well, despite what you said on the matter, it was never real hate. I'd always thought it was just deep hurt."
I pursed my lips at the idea. I used to think I didn't feel anything for Alex outside of hate and annoyance. Sure, back when we were friends and had the whole argument that led to us falling out, it stung back then.
But now?
What if...
"Is that really what you thought?" I asked quietly.
Gina nodded. "You were never the hateful type. When I met you as a little girl, you were always so sweet and kind. You didn't have a bad bone in your body. What happened with Alexander back in middle school was unfortunate, but not even that could make you fester that sort of hate. And Alexander... well... I haven't seen him much lately, but it always appeared like he cared about you."
I wanted to retort back that he felt the exact same thing I always did, but that felt like a bitter lie even in my head.
Gina wrapped an arm around me and brought me closer to her. I let myself get enveloped in that hug, the tension in my muscles slowly relaxing.
"I don't know what happened this time, and you don't have to tell me if it doesn't make you feel comfortable." Gina said to me, resting her head on top of mine. "But you know that if you ever had anything you wanted to vent about, I'm here. I'll always be here, no matter what."
"Thank you," I whispered. "You're the best mom I could have asked for."
For a moment, I felt Gina freeze. She lifted her head off me, and cupped my face so that I could glance at her. And for that moment, my heart stilled. But then a wide grin broke out on her face and her eyes welled up with tears.
"Oh, Kelsie." She said to me, "You're the best daughter I could have asked for. I'm so happy I get to be in your life."
And then we hugged for a really long time, and I got to forget about Alex for a little while, and the haunting feelings that Gina might've been right; that I didn't dislike him as much as I thought I did.
How I might actually... but those feelings drifted off way into the night.
•••
Yes, I'm still alive lol. Just not the best at finding time to write... unfortunately. But here we go, after nearly a year!