Visiting Day. The second I open my eyes, I remember. My heart leaps and then plummets when I see Molly hobble across the dormitory, her nose purple between strips of medical tape. Once I see her leave, I check for Peter and Drew. Neither of them is in the dormitory, so I change quickly. As long as they aren't here, I don't care who sees me in my underwear, not anymore.
Everyone else dresses in silence. Not even Sarai smiles. We all know that we might go to the Pit floor and search every face and never find one that belongs to us.
I make my bed with the tight corners like my mother taught me. As I pinch a stray hair from my pillow, Eric walks in.
"Attention!" he announces, flicking a lock of dark hair from his eyes. "I want to give you some advice about today. If by some miracle your families do come to visit you..." He scans our faces and smirks, "...which I doubt, it is best not to seem too attached. That will make it easier for you, and easier for them. We also take the phrase 'faction before blood' very seriously here. Attachment to your family suggests you aren't entirely pleased with your faction, which would be shameful. Understand?"
I understand. I hear the threat in Eric's sharp voice. The only part of that speech that Eric meant was the last part: We are Dauntless, and we need to act accordingly.
On my way out of the dormitory, Eric stops me.
"I may have underestimated you, Nose," he says. "You've been working well, lately."
I stare up at him. For the first time since I beat Molly, guilt pinches my gut.
If Eric thinks I did something right, I must have done it wrong.
"Thank you," I say. I slip out of the dormitory.
Once my eyes adjust to the dim hallway light, I see Sarai and Will ahead of me, Will laughing, probably at a joke Sarai made. I don't try to catch up. For some reason, I feel like it would be a mistake to interrupt them.
Al is missing. I didn't see him in the dormitory, and he's not walking toward the Pit now. Maybe he's already there.
I stop just before the hallway ends.
Clusters of families stand on the Pit floor, most of them Dauntless families with Dauntless initiates. They still look strange to me—a mother with a pierced eyebrow, a father with a tattooed arm, an initiate with purple hair, a wholesome family unit. I spot Drew and Molly standing alone at one end of the room and suppress a smile. At least their families didn't come.
But Peter's did. He stands next to a tall man with bushy eyebrows and a short, meek-looking woman with red hair. Neither of his parents looks like him. They both wear black pants and white shirts, typical Candor outfits, and his father speaks so loudly I can almost hear him from where I stand. Do they know what kind of person their son is?
Then again...what kind of person am I?
Across the room, Will stands with a familiar woman in a blue dress. I always assumed she never looked old enough to be his mother, but she has the same crease between her eyebrows as he does, and the same dark hair.
Next to him, Sarai hugs a dark-skinned woman in Candor black and white. Standing behind Sarai is a young girl, also a Candor. Her younger sister.
Should I even bother scanning the crowd for Parker or mum? I could turn around and go back to the dormitory.
I stood there with my arms crossed as I scanned the room to see if they came. It was getting lonely standing on my own as everyone else was with their family.
"Is that you Aurora?" A woman called out.
I turned my head. It was Will's mum. Before walking over, I searched the room once more to make sure my family didn't make it, I noticed Four leaning against a railing, staring at me. I looked back over to where Will and his mum stood and walked over to them with my arms still crossed.
"It's great to see you, Aurora!" She smiled as she pulled me into a hug.
I never really had the chance to speak with Will's family but they always seemed to be friendly. I didn't mind her hugging me, out of anything I needed it.
"Her name is now Quinn, mum." Will tapped her on the shoulder.
"Please, don't worry about that, you can still call me Aurora." I grin as we pull away from the hug.
"Your mum and brother couldn't make it today, I'm sorry." Will's mum sympathised.
"Don't be, I already assumed they weren't going to come." I nodded back in response.
Before she could ask me anything else a short, round woman with a black-and-white- striped shirt touches my arm. I twitch, resisting the urge to smack her hand away.
"Excuse me," she says. "Do you know my son? Albert?"
"Albert?" I repeat. "Oh—you mean Al? Yes, I know him."
"Do you know where we can find him?" she says, gesturing to a man behind her. He is tall and as thick as a boulder. Als father, obviously.
"I'm sorry, I didn't see him this morning. Maybe you should look for him up there?" I point at the glass ceiling above us.
"Oh my," Al's mother says, fanning her face with her hand. "I would rather not attempt that climb again. I almost had a panic attack on the way down here. Why aren't there any railings along those paths? Are you all insane?"
I smile a little. A few weeks ago, I might have found that question offensive, but now I spend too much time with Candor transfers to be surprised by tactlessness.
"Insane, no," I say. "Dauntless, yes. If I see him, I'll tell him you're looking for him."
She thanks me and walks away. I turn back to Will and his mum. I should really leave them alone, give them some privacy.
"It's lovely to see you again but I really should be getting back." I say looking between Will and his mum.
"It was lovely to see you again, Auro- Quinn." She smiles and I walk away.
As I turn around, I felt a weight in my heart. The weight of disappointment. What I said to Will's mum was true, I suspected Parker and my mum wouldn't turn up, but I think you always have a bit of hope.
I continued to walk past Four who was still leaning against the railing. I could sense him looking at me but I didn't react and continued to walk towards the rooms.
I go back to the dormitory while everyone else spends time with their families and find Al sitting on his bed, staring at the space on the wall where the board usually is. Four took it down yesterday so he could calculate our stage one rankings.
"There you are!" I say. "Your parents were looking for you. Did they find you?"
He shakes his head.
I sit down next to him on the bed. My leg is barely half the width of his, even now that it's more muscular than it was. He wears black shorts. His knee is purple-blue with a bruise and crossed with a scar.
"You didn't want to see them?" I say.
"Didn't want them to ask how I was doing," he says. "I'd have to tell them, and they would know if I was lying."
"Well..." I struggle to come up with something to say. "What's wrong with how you're doing?"
Al laughs harshly. "I've lost every fight since the one with Will. I'm not doing well."
"By choice, though. Couldn't you tell them that, too?"
He shakes his head. "Dad always wanted me to come here. I mean, they said they wanted me to stay in Candor, but that's only because that's what they're supposed to say. They've always admired the Dauntless, both of them. They wouldn't understand if I tried to explain it to them."
"Oh." I tap my fingers against my knee. Then I look at him. "Is that why you chose Dauntless? Because of your parents?"
Al shakes his head. "No. I guess it was because...I think it's important to protect people. To stand up for people. Like you did for me." He smiles at me. "That's what the Dauntless are supposed to do, right? That's what courage is. Not...hurting people for no reason."
I remember what Four told me, that teamwork used to be a Dauntless priority. What were the Dauntless like when it was? Maybe I wouldn't have broken Molly's nose. Or fought Peter to the point where he was at bed rest.
I feel a pang of guilt. "Maybe it will be better once initiation is over."
"Too bad I might come in last," Al says. "I guess we'll see tonight."
We sit side-by-side for a while. It's better to be here, in silence, than in the Pit, watching everyone laugh with their families.
My father used to say that sometimes, the best way to help someone is just to be near them. I feel good when I do something I know he would be proud of, like it makes up for all the things I've done that he wouldn't be proud of. But then again, he was the one to leave. Not me.
"I feel braver when I'm around you, you know," he says. "Like I could actually fit in here, the same way you do."
I am about to respond when he slides his arm across my shoulders. Suddenly I freeze, my cheeks hot.
I didn't want to be right about Al's feelings for me. But I was.
I do not lean into him. Instead, I sit forward so his arm falls away. Then I squeeze my hands together in my lap.
"Quinn, I...," he says. His voice sounds strained. I glance at him. His face is as red as mine feels, but he's not crying—he just looks embarrassed.
"Um...sorry," he says. "I wasn't trying to...um. Sorry."
I wish I could tell him not to take it personally. I could tell him that I never remembered a time when my parents were intimate. Maybe if I told him that, there wouldn't be a layer of hurt beneath his flush of embarrassment.
But of course, it is personal. He is my friend—and that is all. What is more personal than that?
I breathe in, and when I breathe out, I make myself smile. "Sorry about what?" I ask, trying to sound casual. I brush off my jeans, though there isn't anything on them, and stand up.
"I should go," I say.
He nods and doesn't look at me.
"You going to be, okay?" I say. "I mean...because of your parents. Not because..." I let my voice trail off. I don't know what I would say if I didn't.
"Oh. Yeah." He nods again, a little too vigorously. "I'll see you later, Quinn."
I try not to walk out of the room too fast. When the dormitory door closes behind me, I touch a hand to my forehead and grin a little. Awkwardness aside, it is nice to be liked.
~~~~~
Quinn has the worst family lol.