Summary:
So I asked my friend to give me a crack pairing from Harry Potter (read: took out a gun and ordered him to give me a crack pairing) and he gave me Cedric Diggory x Draco Malfoy. Then I ordered him to give me a prompt for this pairing, and he and I came up with the plot for this.
Or:
Draco has a crush on Cedric.
Cedric is dating Harry.
Jealousy ensues.
.
I'm usually better at summaries than my own writing, so just read this. It's better than the summary, that's all I can say.
Oh, and this is crack. Complete crack.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Instead, Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling.
Beginning Notes:
There's another piece of writing I'm currently writing for this ship, this is just the one with the plot idea he gave me.
- Denial crossed with Jealousy only causes Mayhem -
Featuring: Draco Malfoy, Cedric Diggory, Harry Potter, and random Gryffindor and Slytherin students. (Characters might be OOC)
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Draco does not like Cedric Diggory.
Sure, he did create those "Support Cedric Diggory" badges to get the attention of Cedric, but that meant nothing.
Draco Malfoy does not carry any sort of feelings for the seeker and captain of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team.
....At least that's what he tells himself.
But he was telling the truth!
Draco couldn't like Cedric, they were both male!
....Then again, Blaise is dating Ron, and they're both male.
Whatever, Draco isn't gay anyways.
And if anybody says something different, then they were wrong!
....Right?
Whatever, I've got to get to Potions.
As Draco walked down the hallway corridor, he heard something.
He turned around and saw-
Harry Potter and Cedric Diggory making out.
Draco felt his blood boiling and an instant desire to tear Potter away from his Cedri-
oh.
Oh.
OH.
Crap.
Snarling, Draco said, "If you two can't keep your mouths off of each other, at least snog somewhere else, not in the hallway corridor!"
Blinking, Harry only responded with, "What do you mean, Malfoy? Am I not allowed to make out with my boyfriend wherever and whenever I want?"
And there was the reason Draco really couldn't like Cedric. Cedric was dating Potter. Only meant that Draco constantly felt like saying Avada Kedavra whenever Potter and Cedric were snogging or doing some lovey-dovey shit.
Draco hated it.
Still, it doesn't mean he liked the badger.
Badgers and Snakes just didn't interact. It was always Lion and Snake, or Eagle and Badger.
Wait a minute, wouldn't that mean I like Potter? Nope, because I don't find any sort of attraction toward Scarhead. It's always been Ced'ic- nope, I like nobody. Especially not Cedar- Wait- Cedar? Nope, I ain't giving him a nickname. Draco mused to himself as he entered the Potions classroom.
Ah yes, Potions has always been my favorite class, mainly because Professor Snape always gives me good marks like the excellent student I am. Yup, and it has nothing to do with the fact my father may have bribed him or something, yep definitely not that-
"If you're quite done staring at the wall, Malfoy, I suggest we start on the project."
"Huh, wait what?" Draco said in sudden surprise as he turned around to see Ron Weasley looking at him.
"Didn't you hear Professor Snape? He's partnered us up to make a potion. I think it was called Anemone?" Ron said.
Somewhere over the rainbow, Hermione Granger yelled, "IT'S AMORTENTIA, RON!"
"WELL HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT!?" yelled back Ron.
"OH I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE BY PAYING ATTENTION FOR ONCE, YOU DANG FAGGOT!" Hermione responded.
"YOU'RE ONE TO TALK." retorted Ron.
Hermione gasped. "I DO IN FACT PAY ATTENTION, THANK YOU VERY MUCH."
"I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE FAGGOT PART, YOU IDIOT. WE ALL SEE YOU AND PANSY GIVING EACH OTHER GOO-GOO EYES." said Ron with a "Hah!"
"AND HERE I WAS THINKING THIS STORY WAS MEANT TO BE ABOUT DRACO AND CEDRIC SITTING IN A TREE, H-O-M-O-SEXUALITY."
"THE H-O-M-O-SEXUALITY IS STILL THERE GRANGER."
"OH JUST GET ON WITH IT AND DO YOUR PART IN THE STORY, WEASLEY. NOW THAT WE'VE BROKEN THE FOURTH WALL, THE AUTHOR IS QUESTIONING HIS LIFE CHOICES AGAIN."
With that, Ron turned back to Draco as the whole room reacted with shock as the fourth wall had just been broken and the author is wondering why he is writing this. Oh, I know why, it's because his gay ass combined with asking a cute boy for a crack ship is only a recipe for disaster. All jokes aside, Ron finally turned to Draco (YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, LET ME HAVE A SAY IN THIS STORY. 'RON SHUT THE FUCK UP.' MAKE ME ZABINI. 'I ALREADY DO.' HOW!? 'I FUCK YOU, REMEMBER!? ...shut up. 'Just get back to the story my dear future husband.')
"So yeah, back to what I was talking about. Professor Snape paired us up into partners for making this potion called Amortentia, a super powerful love potion that smells like your dopey love or whatever you're attracted to or something like that." Ron said as he read it off a piece of paper that looked like a script.
"Uhhh ok then," Draco muttered.
"Anyways here's the list of ingredients because the author is too lazy to search it up on the internet and copy and paste it here." Ron said as he handed Draco a piece of paper that had the words "Amortentia Ingredients And Recipe (Just pretend the ingredients and recipe is there)" printed on it.
"Ok then?" Draco just stared at the paper for a few seconds before going to make the potion.
*LADLALELELELELALE TIME SKIP TO WHEN THE POTION IS MADE 'CUS I'M TOO LAZY TO WRITE THE SCENE MYSELF*
"Now that the potion is made, the author tells me (read: pointed a gun at my head and threatened me) to ask you what the potion smells like and to get really close to your face and be all like 'sO mAlFoY, DoEs ThE pOtIoN sMeLl LiKe HaRrY 'cUs YoU'rE tOtAlLy In LoVe WiTh HiM, rIgHt!?'" Ron once again said while reading from a piece of paper.
To which Draco only yelled at the fourth wall, "WHAT IS THIS STORY SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT AGAIN!?"
And the author replied with, "DRACO WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL. NOW, I BELIEVE YOUR LINE IS 'It smells like Cedric because I have no clue what Cedric smells like and I don't really care to know.'"
So Draco just turned to Ron and said very bluntly, "It doesn't smell like Potter, dumbass."
"Oh." Thus, Ron deflated like a hot air balloon, and then (again, just like a hot air balloon) he inflated, and then, very eccentrically, he yelled, "SO WHAT DOES IT SMELL LIKE!?"
Draco blinked and then replied, "It smells oddly like Cedric, for some reason. Oh well, doesn't mean I'm in love with him or anything."
Ron stared at him and then said, "MALFOY, HOW MUCH DID YOUR FATHER DROP YOU ON THE HEAD WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD!?"
Draco let out a gasp and said, "I AM SO UTTERLY OFFENDED RIGHT NOW RON. HOW DARE YOU INSINUATE SUCH A HORRID CONCEPT!?" Ron only rolled his eyes as he said, "Oh quit it you drama queen, I'm only saying that you're the densest person I have ever met."
"OH NO YOU DIDN'T, YOU'RE THE REAL DRAMA QUEEN HERE. OH DON'T ACT ALL SURPRISED AND OFFENDED, I'VE SEEN YOU CRYING ON THE FLOOR BECAUSE BLAISE WON'T GIVE YOU YOUR MORNING KISSES AND HUGS."
*large dramatic gasp comes from Ron 'cus go fourth-wall breaking :D*
"OH YOU DARE, SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU WHINY LITTLE-"
Then all of a sudden a wild Hermione (don't mind the casual Pokemon reference here guys, it's totally not my pet fox typing out this story for me) interrupted with, "Ron you were supposed to question Draco multiple times if he had a crush on Harry, not engage in a conflict on who's the real drama queen."
"Way to go, Hermione. You just busted out a spoiler for the people reading this," said Ron.
"Oh please, we all know you're doing all of the fourth-wall breakings. I'm only trying to help the poor author out because he started this story out with a serious story in mind and now it's a crack story where no one's taking anything seriously, there's a lot of fourth-wall breaking, Pansy's going around throwing Skittles on people and yelling 'TASTE THE RAINBOW BITCHES,' and the author is having breakdowns because of it all."
The entire class is now staring at Hermione.
Suddenly, Ron broke the silence by turning to Draco and saying VERY LOUDLY I MIGHT ADD, "YOU LIKE HARRY RIGHT!? YOU MUST BECAUSE TODAY EVERYONE SAW YOU ACTING VERY JEALOUS TOWARDS HARRY AND CEDRIC WHEN THEY MADE OUT IN THE HALLWAY EARLIER AND THE ONLY LOGICAL EXPLANATION IS THAT YOU LIKE HARRY 'CUS IT HAS TO BE HARRY AND DRACO NOT CEDRIC AND DRACO."
Draco only stared at Ron with horror. "NO WAY JOSE. Scarhead is way too arrogant to be my type. Besides he's-" At this point Draco started choking out the words, "dating *choke* Ce *loud choking noises* dRi *insert more loud choking noises* C."
Then Ron started staring at Draco with this kinda face: :|
"If you say so Malfoy."
Then the bell conveniently rang.
"Welp, you better get to your next class, Malfoy. Oh, and you shouldn't like Harry. If you did, then I'd probably be constantly threatening you as the author's best friend does to his boyfriend."
Now Draco's face was like :| as he responded to Ron's statement with, "Okayyyyyyyyyyyyyy then. Moving on. See you never Weaselface."
So yeah, the rest of Draco's day was random Gryffindor and Slytherin kids going up to him and asking him if he liked Potter.
Draco kept responding with a "One, I do not like Potter. Two, never ask me again if you know what's good for you, *insert whatever year the poor kid that asked him is in.*"
The day continued like that up until like the 999th kid came up to him.
This time it was Lavender Brown at lunch.
"Sooo, Malfoy. I just have a one-teensy little question."
"I don't even know you."
"Too bad. Anyways, my question is, do you like Harry? Like as in 'You have a crush on him' like."
Standing up, Draco glared at the entire Great Hall and yelled down at Lavender, "I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING CRUSH ON POTTER, AND THE NEXT KID THAT ASKS ME THAT IS GOING TO GET A FUCKING MAMBA IN THEIR DORM ROOM."
The next thing you know, a wild Colin Creevey squeaked out, "So, who do you like? If it's not Harry-"
In his anger, Draco did not realize the consequences of what he was about to say.
"I DO NOT FUCKING LIKE POTTER. I LIKE CEDRIC!"
The entire Hall was silent.
Until...
"You like me?"
Draco turned around and saw Cedric and Harry staring at him from where they were talking to each other.
Only one thought came to Draco's mind.
Oh shit.
Ending Notes:
Yeah, uh, not my best work. Believe it or not, I started this story out with an actual idea in mind. And now....we have this.
So yeah, this will remain a one-shot for now.
Hope you liked it, and have a good night/day.