(A/N Mentions of suicide in this chapter!!)
We make our way further and further into the Underworld. It might just be me, but something feels different.
A cold chill had settled on us. We seldom speak to one another, never give each other reassuring glances.
Whenever we talk to cheer ourselves up, we can't hold conversations for more than twenty-three seconds.
Yes, I've been counting.
It's a miserable scene. It's even greyer and gloomier than D.O.A Records. I would do anything to be there right now.
Something about the Underworld makes me lose all sense of joy. My usually optimistic mind is plunged into a river of never ending hopelessness. The current is too fast to even attempt swimming out.
We walk along the barren and empty lands swiftly.
The red mist occasionally fogs up all of our vision. When that happens, I sometimes get lost for a few seconds, maybe even a minute. This time, I don't want to count. But in those few seconds, I feel terrified. The Thoughts would even come back if I'm alone for long enough.
Lost forever.
Never found again.
Get out of my head, get out of my head, I chant in my mind, stumbling about like a blind monkey.
Get out of my head, get out of my head.
I knew it's only been a few moments, but it feels like hours.
Get out of my head, get out of my head.
The Thoughts aren't even there anymore, but the despair and coldness still swarm my soul like a flock of black, evil ravens.
Get out of my head, get out of my head.
Where are they? All I can see are red clouds.
Get out of my head, get out of my head.
My legs give way.
I can't take this anymore. This is too much for me. It always has been.
Weak.
Useless.
No one needs me anymore.
Maybe Percy and Annabeth have just left me.
Probably, after what I've done.
'Lily!' I hear, but it sounds muffled.
Percy crouches down in front of me.
I have my head in my hands, sobbing uncontrollably. The darkness grasps my heart, playing with it as if I'm a toy.
But I am a toy.
Just being passed along.
Never truly belonging.
And now I've finally been broken.
Percy reaches in for a hug, but the moment he touches me, I can see that he gasps ever so slightly and retreats.
Percy says something, Annabeth too, but I can't hear them. I feel empty. Hollow.
Annabeth holds the back of her hand to my forehead, before saying something to Percy.
I can't take this anymore.
I shut my eyes.
They were so loud. They were all I could hear. They still rung in my ears, taunting me.
Chanting the same words.
Weak. Weak. Weak.
'Please stop, please stop.'
Nothing was comprehending. Nothing.
'Get it out of my head, get it out of my head.'
My way of coping has always been repeating. Because maybe, if you say it a certain amount of times, it'll come true.
Something warm wraps around me.
I don't care.
I don't care about anything anymore.
I just want everything to go back to normal.
But nothing would ever be normal anymore. After everything that had happened, I doubt that I could even call myself similar to the girl who loved books with all of her heart.
I still love books though. I guess that's still normal.
This was the lowest I'd ever been. I'd never felt so . . . uninspired. Never felt so upset with fate.
When it all seems too hard
And you are crippled with fear
The best course of action
Is to simply persevere.
I don't know why I thought of it. I just did. It was a poem by Ms Moem. Our class name in Year Six is going to be Moem.
Where I remembered it from, I don't know. But the poem helps. It shines a glimmer of hope into my world of darkness.
And it makes me think of my class. I would hate them to see me like this. My class would be so disappointed if I gave up, wouldn't they?
Gods, my class. I miss them more than anything.
'Lily!'
'Lily, can you hear me?'
I open my eyes. Fortunately, I manage to stop myself from crying.
There's a blue blanket wrapped around my shoulders, but I'm still shivering.
'It's going to be okay,' says Annabeth, smiling gently. Her voice was soft and empathic, as if she understood and related to what I was going through. She probably did, knowing how many quests she'd been on.
I think we all face this feeling sooner or later. This feeling that you'll never be happy again, that you're forever trapped in darkness's cold grip. It's easy to fall into, but hard to get out. Right now, I'm facing its wrath. And I can't take it anymore. This needs to end.
I begin to shake my head. 'It's not okay. It never is.'
The words were a fragile whisper.
Persevere.
That's the thing. I've always persevered. For myself, and for others. It's tiring, but I've always managed to do it.
Yet the world is cruel. However much you fight, it will always find a way to turn everything against you. The world is cold and cruel, and I hate it.
I'm not enough for this world. I was never enough in the first place.
Not enough.
Not enough.
The words echo in my mind, loud and clear.
Not enough.
This has to end. All of it.
Not enough.
I cover my ears, hoping, begging it to stop.
Not enough.
Please stop.
Not enough.
Stop.
Not enough.
'STOP!' I yell. Uncovering my ears, I can hear my voice echo around the Underworld.
'Lils.'
I take a deep breath. Then another. Percy and Annabeth were staring at me, looking both surprised and concerned.
I don't think I'd ever yelled like that before. Hopefully it'll be the last time.
Actually, it will be the last time.
I bring out my pen. Euloyia.
I take off her lid, and she turns into a sword. I watch as she glints and shines ever so elegantly. She'd always been so beautiful.
'Lily, what are you doing?' Percy says cautiously, though a hint of panic lies in his voice.
Both he and Annabeth had taken out their weapons, expecting a battle.
They were wrong.
I press Euloyia's point to my chest.