Hailwatcher carefully separates herbs into neat piles, trying not to let the previous day's events get to him.
His throat throbs, and his breaths come out shallow and accented with wheezes.
He separates two leaves from the thyme stock and hurriedly laps them up, hoping to ease the strain on his body.
He considers taking poppy seeds even despite their depressive properties, but dismisses the thought.
Hailwatcher gathers marigold blossoms together, his trembling paws making it difficult to precisely round out the pile.
A rustle at the vine curtain makes him jump at least a tail's length in the air, but he manages to compose himself and glance tentatively over at the mouth of the medicine den.
"..Can I come in, dear?" a gentle voice mews.
"I wanted to talk with you."
Hailwatcher recognizes the voice as Amberfur and feels the knot in his stomach loosen a little.
"..Y-yeah..you can- come in," he mumbles in reply, fluffing out his fur to conceal the scarring wounds on his shoulder and chest.
Amberfur pushes through the vine curtain, and the small gray tom sees that she's holding a newt.
"I miss being in here," she mews wistfully, long fur swishing as she glances around.
"Brings back memories of the old days."
Hailwatcher nods absently, not completely sure where Amberfur is going but willing to hear more.
"Anyways- I wanted to come and check on you, sweetheart," the golden tabby adds, placing the newt at Hailwatcher's paws and sitting down across from him.
"You've been shut in here a lot recently, and you seem more..nervous."
The young medicine cat stifles a grimace, taking a convincing bite of the newt whilst rifling through his mind for a good lie.
"...I just- want to be alone more, I guess," the small gray tom murmurs, shrinking into his pelt as Amberfur casts a skeptical look in his direction.
Amberfur lets out a sigh, shuffling to Hailwatcher's side and giving his head a gentle lick.
"Y'know what? I'll tell you a story. Would you like that?"
Feelings comforted but not willing to let go of his caution, the small gray tom nods slowly.
"..Sure.."
Amberfur grins, flicking her feathered tail.
"Great!"
"This story starts a long time ago, when Thornflight, Raggedfoot, Slightstar, your mother and I were all apprentices."
"When Thornflight was younger, she loved clovers. Especially the ones with four leaves. We would sneak out when we were supposed to be doing apprentice chores and look all over for a special clover."
"Once, your mother went with us and found a four-leaf clover, and she gave it to Thornflight. She wore it in her fur until all the leaves fell off and it withered away."
"..That's nice," Hailwatcher mumbles in reply, trying not to let the curiosity burning inside of him take hold again.
"I have plenty of stories if you wanna hear more," Amberfur mews, giving the gray tom's right shoulder a playful nudge.
"...Okay," he concedes, taking another bite of the newt.
Hailwatcher is unsure how to feel about the situation- bitterness regarding the fact that Amberfur wasn't there when he was struggling badly with Raggedfoot nags at him.
"Who else do you wanna hear a story about?" Amberfur prompts, snapping Hailwatcher out of his thoughts.
Taking a moment to consider, the small gray tom picks at the half-eaten newt lying at his paws.
The little creature has a speckled back and its neck is a little mangled; it looked, in a strange way, like Birchstorm's corpse.
"Um..I dunno," Hailwatcher replies blankly, feeling the fur along his neck prickle.
The golden tabby tilts her head, appearing lost in thought, before perking up.
"Oh! I've got one."
"There was a Gathering we all went to a long time ago."
"We all talked to Shellstar there. He was much younger back then- better-looking, too- and he was teasing Thornflight because she was smaller than him."
"He called her Fluffypaws and wouldn't leave her alone that whole Gathering."
Hailwatcher immediately thinks of Shellstar's lack of professionalism during the alliance meeting and shakes his head.
"After she got tired of him messing with her," the golden tabby continues, "-Thornflight got Rainsong to tell him off, and it worked."
Amberfur smiles down at Hailwatcher, kind eyes glimmering with reminiscence.
Feeling a warmth and comfort he hadn't felt for a while, Hailwatcher flashes a weak but genuine smile up at the golden tabby.
"Looks like you're feeling better," Amberfur mews, licking the gray tom's ear.
"You ready to tell me what's bothering you now?"
Hailwatcher tenses, his tail twitching frantically; neglecting to answer the question, he falls silent as the knot in his stomach increases in size.
"C'mon, kiddo," the golden tabby coaxes, tipping her head to the side.
"I'm not leaving until you tell me what's the matter."
Pushing down the panic rising up in him, Hailwatcher angles his gaze downward and deliberately avoids making eye contact.
"..W-well..I-"
"It's okay," Amberfur reassures, lifting a paw to Hailwatcher's shoulder.
The little gray tom flinches away before he registers what's happening, becoming more frustrated with himself as he sees Amberfur's expression twist with concern and perhaps guilt.
Hailwatcher turns away, not wanting to look Amberfur in the eyes.
"It's just that...with my mom and Thornflight and Birchstorm and Willowstar gone, and Raggedfoot...being, well-" he trails off, shifting his paws in the dirt, "-I can't- I can't do it! I can't take it anymore..."
The words ring through the air, ringing sharply in Hailwatcher's ears.
Scanning through the statement in hopes he hasn't spilled any sensitive information, Hailwatcher freezes, feeling a sob gather in his throat.
After a pause, Amberfur rests her fluffy tail on top of Hailwatcher's, looking down at him with a faint shimmer of sorrow in her eyes.
"..Oh, sweetheart.."
The small gray tom glances away, tucking his trembling limbs in closer and sucking in one deep breath after the other.
"I'm sorry that all this happened...but know we're all looking out for you in our own ways, okay? I know change is hard, and Slightstar doesn't like you all that much, but..maybe he'll come around one day," the golden tabby mews softly.
"W-well, I- don't.." Hailwatcher mumbles back, trailing off into nothingness.
"Amberfur?"
The small gray tom tenses at the interjection, hazarding a glance at the medicine den's trembling vine curtain.
To his dread, Raggedfoot stands just inside, leg lifted stiffly in the air as usual.
"Hm?' Amberfur replies, looking over at her mate but not seeming particularly happy to see him.
From the way they're looking at each other, Hailwatcher can tell that the two have fought recently.
"Rosebush needed you for something. She's in the nursery," the cream and black tom mews flatly, shaking out his pelt.
Amberfur nods, giving Hailwatcher a gentle lick on the head before rising to her paws.
"We can talk another time," she murmurs, offering the small gray tom a kind smile.
Hailwatcher manages to smile weakly back, through the pang of comfort he feels withers under a harsh glare from the corner of Raggedfoot's eye.
As the golden tabby leaves, muttering something harshly in her mate's ear, Raggedfoot pauses a moment before advancing slowly toward Hailwatcher.
"Talkative today, aren't we?" he taunts, a chilling menace evident in his expression.
"I- er- well-" the little gray tom stammers, shuffling backward until he brushes up against the wall.
He feels dizzy from hyperventilating, and his heartbeat thunders in his ears.
"Slightstar won't be pleased to know that you've been running your mouth," Raggedfoot continues with a sneer, scoring the ground with his claws.
"N-no...that's not-" Hailwatcher sputters, breaking into a coughing fit and cutting himself off.
"It's your own fault," the ShadowClan deputy continues, lifting a paw to examine his claws.
"You should've just minded your business, but it's too late for you now."
Feeling the blood in his veins turn ice cold, Hailwatcher stiffly angles his head upward; dread keeps him frozen in place.
"What do you mean by- too late..?"
"You heard me," Raggedfoot replies nonchalantly, shaking dirt from one of his paws.
"You've blown your chance."
Hailwatcher barely suppresses the worst of his panic at these words; Raggedfoot turns away and Hailwatcher clambers after him, managing to grab hold of his former mentor's good leg.
"Please don't tell him," Hailwatcher whispers, holding in a sob.
"He's going to kill me."
Raggedfoot's eyes flicker with some of the warmth Hailwatcher recognizes from his youth, but it's quickly covered up by cold indifference.
"It serves you right," he replies callously, sneering.
"You didn't want my help when you ran to Thornflight. You won't get it now."
Raggedfoot rakes his claws down Hailwatcher's cheek; the gray tom loosens his grip from the shock and Raggedfoot frees himself, kicking Hailwatcher in the face before pushing his way out of the medicine den.
Hailwatcher gasps, feeling blood trickle through his fur and watching it drip onto the ground.
He wishes that he hadn't been out in the forest the day of Birchstorm's murder, and admonishes himself for being so careless.
He scrambles beneath the herb shelf, dreading what will become of him, and trembles.
Hailwatcher doesn't bother looking up as the sound of cats entering the medicine den hits his ears.
A cold dread seeps into his body, rendering his shaking form rigid and stiff.
Pawsteps- three sets- approach Hailwatcher; the first to reach him delivers a kick to the paws covering his face.
The small gray tom sputters, paws jerking outward, and glances up at a rather amused Slightstar through widened eyes.
Raggedfoot lingers behind with an expression laced with frigidity, and Nightwish stands beside him, a smirk toying with her features.
Hailwatcher retreats further into the corner but feels otherwise resigned to the whims of the cats standing before him.
Slightstar methodically creeps forward, claws unsheathing and gleaming in the dim light.
The ShadowClan leader's eyes glimmer with a subdued version of the cruel, thrilled look he's seen at points before; having it be directed at him, though, sparks a new terror in the pit of his stomach.
"What a shame," mews Slightstar mockingly.
"...I- I-" Hailwatcher stammers, recoiling with a quiet whimper.
The small gray tom yelps as Slightstar lunges forward and grasps his scruff, stiffening as he's hoisted upward.
The silver tabby carelessly drags Hailwatcher across the ground; the ShadowClan leader enters the back chamber of the medicine den.
Hailwatcher lets out a pained wince as Slightstar slams him into the ground and places a paw on his back, claws digging into his skin.
"I gave you a chance....but I suppose you're just too dim to keep your mouth shut."
Slightstar rises to his paws and takes a few steps backward.
"..Have at it," he mews to his cohorts, nonchalantly seating himself at the mouth of the tunnel bridging the parts of the medicine den and proceeding to smooth down his fur.
"Gladly," Nightwish trills, flicking the tip of her thin tail and creeping forward with a gleeful purr.
Raggedfoot strides closer, expression unreadable.
Scrambling backward despite pain coursing through his body, Hailwatcher presses against the wall as hard as he can muster and murmurs a fervent plea to StarClan that this wouldn't be the end.
Nightwish approaches first, bending down in front of Hailwatcher and taunting him with a facetious pitying look.
"Don't scream," she whispers, clutching his face with her claws.
"They won't hear you."
Hailwatcher stares in shock for a few heartbeats before getting sent staggering by a blow to the face.
The little gray tom crouches down and returns to his original hunched position, feeling blood from his twice-reopened wound wet his face.
A second blow hits his shoulder, and a third leaves a slice in his ear.
Over and over claws strike, leaving wounds all over; Hailwatcher feels the blood dripping down and wetting his fur, and he knows that it's probably freckling the walls.
He lets out a pained cry, but knows that no one will care.
Exhausted now, Hailwatcher senses that the strength behind the blows has faded somewhat; he feels himself slipping into darkness.
Desperate to catch a glance of something other than the blood-spattered paws covering his eyes, the small gray tom peeks through a gap as his vision starts to falter.
The last things he sees before everything goes dark is a flurry of stars and a nebulous figure crouched in front of him.