Hi! Sennsei here. I apologize if the update is released later than expected. There's a lot going on with work, private life, and my newly adopted furbaby.
But most of all, I don't want to rush and force myself to finish this chapter because this part holds one of the most integral parts of the story (aside from being the hardest and heaviest chapter thus far). I refuse to stick to the deadline I set for myself at the expense of the quality and the reading experience that I want you, guys, to have with this chapter.
I hope this is worth the wait though! I did my best to deliver the emotions and give justice to the characters' struggles. So as we draw nearer to the Epilogue, I want to take this opportunity to give you all a virtual hug as my thanks for sticking with me until here!
Please watch out for Giovanni's point of view and support my upcoming stories, too! ❤️
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Chapter 44
Wound
"You're early."
Gianna revealed herself when she rolled down the car window and removed her shades.
Tumayo ako mula sa bench pagkarating niya sa napag-usapan naming meeting place.
"M-Maaga akong natapos... sa review." Napatikhim ako.
The truth was... I couldn't focus at all after learning about Giovanni's condition yesterday. Alam kong wala na kami, pero hindi ibig sabihin noon, tuluyan nang nabura ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya.
I loved him... And maybe, I still love him.
I clenched my fists at that thought.
No, in fact, I am still in love with Gio. But being in a relationship with him... after learning about his involvement in Tobie's death... would be downright illogical. It felt like a significant error, a violation of common sense, and a betrayal of the rules and rationale I had already compromised for him...
Pinagmasdan kong suotin muli ni Gianna ang salamin niya, animo'y tapos na siyang makipag-usap sa akin.
Hindi na siya bumaba ng sasakyan. Umikot ang driver para pagbuksan ako ng pinto kaya agad akong sumakay roon nang tahimik.
"Saan tayo pupunta?" sa kontrolado kong boses.
Bago ako umalis sa mansiyon ng mga Fabian kahapon, laking gulat ko nang sundan ako ni Gianna para ipaalam na gusto niya akong makausap ngayon.
She said, there was someone she wanted me to meet. Wala pa rin akong ideya kung sino at kung saan kami pupunta. Kaya mas naghari ang kaba sa akin.
The sole factor that persuaded me to heed her words was the possibility that they might lead me to know more about Giovanni's current condition.
"Her office," malamig at tipid niyang sagot habang abala sa phone.
Her...
Who could it be?
An influx of unspoken questions flooded my mind, but I mustered the strength to contain them until the car came to a complete halt in front of an unfamiliar building.
Nahuli kong nagsusuot na ng cap at facemask si Gianna bukod sa suot niyang shades. Nauna na siyang lumabas.
Pinagbuksan din ako ng driver kaya agad akong yumuko para sana maghanda sa paglabas, pero dahil sa takot na makaabala ang tagal ng pagbaba ko, nilakihan ko na ang hakbang sa pag-aakalang maaabot ko na agad ang kalsada.
Mabilis ko iyong pinagsisihan dahil muntik na akong bumagsak at matapilok! Napatili ako. Kung hindi pa ako nasuportahan ng driver, baka nahulog na talaga ako!
"Are you okay? Are you hurt?"
To my greater surprise, Gianna rushed towards me with obvious concern and vigilance.
Hinawakan niya ang braso ko para tignan ako nang maayos. Nakatayo na ako nang normal at nakabalik na rin ako sa huwisyo, pero dahil sa hindi inaasahang reaksiyon ni Gianna, matagal bago ako nakabawi sa gulat.
"I-I'm okay. Sorry," sambit ko kalaunan.
Para siyang natauhan nang magsalita ako. Tumuwid siya ng tayo at inayos ang postura bago iangat sa akin ang tingin.
She sighed and adjusted her slightly askew cap. Dinaluhan kami ng sumalubong sa kanyang bodyguard kanina.
"Pay attention to your surroundings. Gosh," she shook her head and turned around to enter the establishment.
The bodyguard resumed his post as I trailed behind Gianna. Pansamantalang nanatili sa akin ang nangyari. Tinanaw ko ito na nakikipag-usap sa front desk.
The employees must have recognized her but they acted as if they were familiar and used to her visits.
Bahagya niyang binaba ang facemask sa kalagitnaan ng pag-uusap, tinuon niya ang mga braso sa desk, at napansin ko ang maamo nitong ngiti sa mga empleyado.
Gianna Collins Smith...
There was a variety of rumors circulating around her name, especially in the wake of her scandal, often in stark contradiction to one another.
But among these speculations, one prevailing rumor stood out: Collins Smith is living proof that angels exist.
Ilang sandali, nilingon niya ako at minuwestra sa akin na sumunod sa kanya. Ikiniling ko ang ulo ko bago sundin iyon.
Through careful observation, I witnessed the rumor materializing before my eyes. It began to seem more than just a baseless rumor; it held the potential for truth.
After all, I couldn't see any reason for her to go the extra mile and put up with me—her twin brother's ex—if it wasn't for her genuine care for Gio. She must have loved... and cared for her brother a lot...
Pumunta kami sa second floor at pumasok sa isang clinic na halos sakop ang kalahating palapag. This clinic was familiar. I've seen this on Gianna's social media pages, too, promoting the brand as an ambassador.
Pero maliban sa pamilyar na clinic, isang pamilyar na mukha rin ang sumalubong sa amin sa pagpasok doon.
"Good morning, Ms. Debra. We appreciate you taking the time to meet with us."
Lumapit si Gianna para bumeso sa ginang samantalang naestatwa lang ako sa kinatatayuan.
Ngumiti ang HR Director ng Smitten, kung hindi ako nagkakamali, bago suklian ang pagbeso ni Gianna.
"I told you. Don't worry about it, Gia. I don't have a scheduled appointment as of the moment."
Gianna smiled. "But your clinic is bustling with patients."
"They're scheduled with our other providers."
Nilibot ni Gianna ang tingin mula sa reception hanggang sa waiting area ng clinic. Nang nahagip ako ng tingin, tumikhim ito at nilahad ang kamay sa direksiyon ko.
"By the way, this is her. The girl I mentioned yesterday," she then gestured for me to come over. "She's... uhm... Clark's former romantic partner."
I flinched at the sound of that introduction. What was that?
Lumapit ako sa kanila at yumuko kay Ms. Debra, ang Director ng Human Resources sa Smitten, pero sa kung anong rason, ay nakasuot ng puting uniporme ngayon.
To be more particular, she was wearing a white coat with her embroidered name and some title at the end of it. My lips parted in awe, embarrassment, and disbelief.
Who would've thought that we'd meet again like this? After that rash exit interview that I did with her last week? This is so...
"I-It's nice to see you again, Ms. Debra..." I uttered shyly.
Pagkaayos ng tayo, sinalubong ako ng seryoso nitong tingin. Her gaze lingered on me momentarily before she displayed a formal smile.
"Former romantic partner..." she repeated as if it left a bad taste in her mouth. She then shook her head with a sigh. "That's too bad. I was rooting for you, Ms. Ophelia. But it turned out this way..."
Napakapit ako sa laylayan ng damit ko. I felt my hands trembling. Hindi man maliwanag sa akin ang kahulugan noon, pero malinaw sa akin ang gusto nilang ipahiwatig.
If Gio was truly in a serious condition because of me... I would understand their hard feelings for me. I would accept their disparaging remarks wholeheartedly. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself either.
"Let's continue this to my office, ladies. This way."
Nauna na silang maglakad kaya sumunod ako sa kanilang dalawa. I stared at Ms. Debra's back. I could somehow fathom why Gianna wanted me to meet this person. But Ms. Debra's role in this situation was still a mystery to me. How much does she know?
Alam ko, una pa lang, na personal niyang kilala si Giovanni. Pero anong alam niya sa nakaraan nito? Anong kinalaman niya sa nangyayari ngayon? Why do I have to meet her? What is happening?
As soon as we entered her office, my eyes immediately found her nameplate.
Debra Taniya Gipson, MA, LPC
Chief Executive Officer
She's... a licensed professional counselor? And aside from that, she also owns this place? Isn't she an HR Director at Smitten as well?
Lito akong sumulyap sa ginang nang pumwesto na ito sa kanyang desk. Inokyupa naman ni Gianna ang isa sa dalawang silya na kaharap ng lamesa. Sumunod pa rin ako sa kabila ng kaba, kalituhan, at hiyang nararamdaman.
Sensing my confusion, Ms. Debra faced me, maintaining her composed and professional demeanor.
"While it may not be widely known to outsiders, my family has maintained a close connection with the Smiths. I know it's confusing, Ophelia. But apart from being his colleague, I'm actively involved in Giovanni's life as his counselor for almost five years."
Biglang nanuyo ang lalamunan ko. She nodded as if to confirm that I heard her correctly.
"W-Why would he need a counselor?" I asked, trembling. "What mental health concern... is he dealing with? Bakit hindi niya sinabi sa akin?"
I heard Gianna snorting in front of me. "He probably couldn't bear another person telling him he's gone crazy and accusing him of concocted lies."
Napaawang ang bibig ko. That felt too personal. I didn't know if Gianna was just mouthing off her assumptions, or if she knew I did that to Giovanni.
Mas ginapangan ako ng takot sa unang posibilidad. Kung totoo man iyon, gaano na karami ang nagsabi na nahihibang na siya at nagbintang ng kung ano-ano sa kanya, para ganito na lang kadali kay Gianna na isiping hindi ako naiiba sa kanila?
What if I wasn't really any different from those people? Palipat-lipat ang tingin ko sa dalawang babaeng kaharap ko.
Anong gusto nilang palabasin?
"Accusing him..." I trailed off in disbelief. "Hindi ko kailangang gawin 'yon. Siya na mismo ang umamin. D-Don't talk as if you knew what happened..."
"What?" she gasped. "I think you got it backward-"
"Allow me to explain your brother's condition to the girl, Gia," abot ni Ms. Debra sa balikat nito.
Nalipat ang atensiyon ko sa kanya. I wasn't oblivious to the unfolding situation. It was in that very moment that I realized I may have made a mistake. Unti-unting luminaw sa akin ang sitwasyon at ang posibilidad kung anong nangyari kay Gio. Unti-unting nawasak ang puso ko.
Ms. Debra nodded slowly at us, signaling her readiness to share something important. Napukol ang mataman niyang titig sa akin.
"Giovanni was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. He's been dealing with this, Ophelia, ever since he went through a traumatic event... almost five years ago. And I believe you're well aware of this incident, and its profound impact on both of your lives."
I froze for a moment. Lalong nanuyo ang lalamunan ko. It felt like a brutal hammer in my gut, especially because I knew there was no way they'd lie about this. A professional wouldn't take this topic lightly.
She was clearly pertaining to the accident that involved Tobie and Gio.
But post-traumatic stress disorder? Why would the latter suffer from that? How could it be possible when he was the perpetrator himself? Were his guilt and remorse so overwhelming that it led to this?
My eyes moved rapidly in shock, confusion, and worry.
Ang dami kong tanong. Ang dami ko gustong sabihin, pero wala ni isang lumabas sa bibig ko.
Parang pansamantala kong nakalimutan kung paano magsalita. Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin o gagawin. Hindi ko na alam kung anong paniniwalaan ko.
"It's a common aspect of PTSD for individuals to blame themselves for the traumatic event, even when it was beyond their control," Ms. Debra continued which made me snap back to reality.
Bumagsak ang balikat ko nang muli siyang tignan. Saka ko lang natanto ang paghapdi ng daliri sa paraan ng pagkapit ko sa singing.
"Please enlighten me on what's happening," I managed to find my voice despite my unruly emotions. "H-Hindi ko na alam kung anong dapat kong paniwalaan. Tell me the truth. Please..."
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Gianna lowering her head miserably.
Ms. Debra fixated her gaze on me, her eyes brimming with vigilance, as if she were assessing my every word and reaction.
"Giovanni, and the people around him, need to understand that his perceptions have been distorted by the trauma... He has a distorted sense of reality about what happened. But all these years, he refuses to believe my assessment. He strongly believes that his friend died because of him. But, Ophelia, he wasn't."
I leaned on her desk as I shook my head desperately while holding back my tears.
"Why? Why would he do that? What makes him hold onto that belief? And what happened to Tobie if it wasn't for Gio? P-Please, tell me! Stop playing charades with me! Please!"
Gianna flinched at my sudden outburst, but Ms. Debra remained calm and collected.
"First, I need you to calm down, Ophelia. This is not the time to let your emotions get the best of you," seryoso nitong sambit.
Saka ko lang napansin ang inaakto ko. Habol ko ang hininga nang lumunok ako nang malalim at bumalik sa pagkakaupo. I focused on my breathing as I gripped on my ring tightly.
Ms. Debra was right. I shouldn't let my emotions take over this time. Kung totoo man ang sinasabi nila, ako ang dapat magbigay ng pasensiya. Ako dapat ang makinig at umunawa.
Nasa kalagitnaan pa ako ng pagpapakalma sa sarili nang biglang magsalita si Gianna sa tabi ko.
Tinuon niya sa akin ang buong atensiyon.
"I've been with Clark throughout his grieving process and emotional journey. I saw how his behavior and lifestyle had changed over time. How he was forced to mature involuntarily. How he forced himself to shoulder the burden and accept all the blame placed on him, particularly by certain relatives and old acquaintances."
I didn't move an inch. Tahimik lang akong nakayuko habang nakikinig sa kanya.
Gianna let out a strained laugh. "It was painful. It was painful to watch him cope with his trauma on his own. He wasn't the brother I grew up with anymore. He tends to brush aside all their stupid comments, but every night, when no one's around, he punishes himself. He made a solemn vow to keep Tobie's memories alive by burying his old self, dedicating the rest of his life to serving Tobie like a prayer!"
Nahugot ko ang hininga. I didn't have the heart to listen to this story, but I needed to hear this. I deserved this punishment for hurting Giovanni. For always hurting him.
I bit my lower lip tightly that I could taste the blood on it as I kept my tears at bay.
"When confronted, Clark kept telling people that he shoved Tobie onto the road, but for Pete's sake, he merely bumped into Tobie's hands while Tobie was holding the ring! It was Tobie who chose to go down the road to chase the ring, n-not him!" Bahagyang nanginig ang boses ni Gianna sa huling sinabi.
I immediately rose my head to face Gianna without any words in my mouth.
"So, I don't understand. Why would everyone blame themselves... when it was the drunk, reckless driver who killed our little Tobie?" Gianna furrowed her eyebrows as she closed her eyes miserably. "N-None of us should be blamed. No one ever wanted that to happen..."
Napasinghap ako. Mabilis kong tinakpan ang bibig nang marinig ang mga sinabi ni Gianna.
I think... no one has ever told me that part before.
Tulala kong nilipat ang tingin sa direksiyon ni Ms. Debra para manghingi ng kompirmasyon. Bilang sukli, tumango ito at bumuntong-hininga.
"That day, when his friend was hit by a truck, the driver was caught driving under the influence of alcohol," Ms. Debra explained with her hands clasped on the desk. "According to the CCTV footage, there was no intentional shoving involved. Giovanni simply bumped into Tobie's hands, causing the ring to slip from the latter's grasp and land in the gutter. When the intoxicated driver failed to turn left, the truck went straight onto the sidewalk—where Giovanni and his friend were located. He was also injured, but the friend didn't make it."
Nanginig ang mga labi ko nang subukan kong magsalita.
"T-That means, Gio..." hindi ko masundan ang sasabihin sa tindi ng kaba at takot na nararamdaman sa mga oras na iyon.
Ms. Debra acknowledged with a nod. "Gio's words about the incident were a reflection of his trauma, Ophelia. They represented his distorted reality shaped by his guilt, trauma, self-blame... and the weight of society's constant judgment and criticism."
Tuluyan nang pumatak ang mga luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan. I gnashed my teeth and clenched my fists in despair and misery.
Fuck.
"Giovanni doesn't deserve all the hate he received when his friend died. He was just as hurt as many, but he suffered more than everyone else."
Ms. Debra distanced herself from the desk and crossed her arms.
"From witnessing and experiencing that tragic event firsthand, to bearing the sins he didn't commit."
I couldn't bring myself to respond and so as Gianna.
Another batch of tears fell from my eyes, so I immediately brushed it away with an annoyed sweep of my hand.
I can't take this anymore. I can't do this.
Pagkapalis ng mga luha, hinarap ko si Gianna. Bakas pa rin ang pait sa mga mata niya nang ilaan niya sa akin ang mga iyon, pero wala na akong pakialam.
Lumuhod ako sa harapan niya at yumuko bilang paghingi ng tawad. Hindi ko man kita ang reaksiyon niya, rinig ko pa rin ang munting singhap mula rito.
"I regret everything I did to your brother. You're right. Gio doesn't deserve any of this. H-He doesn't deserve to be with someone who can't trust him either. For that, I'm sorry..."
Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga nang kumirot ang puso ko sa mga salitang binitawan.
"What are you doing? Would you please rise to your-"
Inangat ko ang ulo para matignan siya nang diretso. Mabilis na pumasada sa akin ang pagsisisi at lungkot.
"Pero nakikiusap ako. Kahit ngayon lang... sa huling pagkakataon, please hayaan mo akong makita si Gio." Nagtiim ang bagang ko, tinitiis ang paghapdi ng lalamunan. "Gusto kong humingi ng tawad sa lahat ng nagawa ko sa kanya. This may not be an ideal time, but I want to check up on him, too..."
Just when Gianna's face was about to loosen up, her eyebrows creased at the same time as her lips frowned in dismay.
"What nonsense..." mahinang usal niya bago tumayo mula sa pagkakaupo.
Binagsak niya ang mariing tingin sa akin. Pinagtaasan niya ako ng kilay.
"Get up. Now that you're aware of his underlying condition, it's time to send you to Clark."
"What..." Napakurap ako.
Naguguluhan akong tumayo mula sa pagkakaluhod nang lumapit siya kay Ms. Debra upang magpasalamat.
I mean, alam kong nakiusap ako na dalhin niya ako kay Gio. Pero hindi ko inaasahan ang magiging reaksiyon niya. She uttered those words as if it was part of today's agenda.
I thought she was doing this to make me suffer and regret what I'd done to her brother, to make me realize my mistake, and apologize to Gio.
What are the odds... that she's doing this to bring us back together? To rekindle our relationship? After what I've done to Gio, how could she stomach that, right?
Ayokong umasa. Mahirap din ito para sa kanya, para sa pamilya nila. I hurt their family. Dahil sa akin, nagdudusa si Gio ngayon. Worst, I relived his trauma.
He was starting to improve for heaven's sake! But because of me, his recovery was compromised again! I wasted his progress... He was back to zero...
Habang nasa byahe, tinatak ko ang plano sa isipan ko.
I wanted to apologize to Giovanni. Even if he no longer wished to see me anymore, I would humbly ask for his forgiveness, understanding that he might not be ready to accept it. That's okay. I will wait and I will be patient.
Just as he had shown me patience before.
Sinandal ko ang sarili sa upuan at mariing pinikit ang mga mata. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko pa rin maintindihan hanggang ngayon.
Why was he so eager to help me rebuild my life, when he was the one in need of my help and support? When he also needed fixing?
He was the one always cheering me on and encouraging me. How could he hide all of this? How could he endure his hidden wound while tending mine?
I thought I blamed myself enough for Tobie's tragedy, to the point that everyone could be absolved from any responsibilities. I thought I took all the blame and punished myself enough. But turned out there was Giovanni... assuming all the accusations in front of everyone, sacrificing his life as if selling his soul to the devil.
Dahan-dahan kong minulat ang mga mata nang nadama ko ang pagbagal ng sasakyan.
In the end, he was consumed by his own demons. I could've done better. And I wish I had done things differently.
"We're here. Watch your step while getting off the car," lingon sa akin ni Gianna habang tinatali ang mahaba niyang buhok.
Tumango ako at tinanggal ang seatbelt. Sinunod ko ang payo niya. Syempre, ayokong makaabala ulit tulad ng kanina.
Pinagmasdan ko ang magarang mansiyon sa harapan ko. Hindi ko inasahan ang lakas ng hangin sa bahaging ito kaya medyo nilipad ang buhok ko.
Nilibot ko ang tingin sa malawak na lupain at matayog na istraktura.
Hindi na nakakapagtaka kung bakit malakas at sariwa ang ihip ng hangin dito. Pinalilibutan ng naglalakihang puno at mga halaman ang driveway mula sa kanilang gate hanggang sa mismong mansiyon.
My lips parted as I surveyed the landscape. Just when I believed I had grown accustomed to Fabian's grand mansion, this entire manor surpassed all expectations.
As I followed Gianna, escorted by a butler and two servants, I still couldn't believe I set foot in such a luxurious, high-end estate. Every wall, corner, and structure exuded sophistication and glamour like a gigantic masterpiece, complemented by the exquisite Victorian architecture that beautified their home.
But... home? My lips curled. It felt like an insult to the estate.
It was a damn palace.
I couldn't help but be enthralled by the whole place. First time kong makapunta rito. Kahit ang makita ito, ngayon lang.
Kung hindi sa amin o sa labas, sa penthouse lang kami ni Gio madalas magpunta. I've been with his family, too, but I only met them twice after we became official—at a party and a family dinner.
Sinong mag-aakala na darating ang panahon na makakatapak ako sa tahanan ng mga naglalakihan at pribadong personalidad na ito? But I remembered... at what cost?
I secretly slapped my cheeks to compose myself.
Okay, I should get a grip. Hindi ito ang panahon para ma-distract sa ibang bagay, Riz. You came here for a reason. And that reason was somewhere inside this big mansion.
Pagkapasok nang tuluyan, panibagong antas na naman ng pagkamangha ang umalon sa sistema ko. The entire mansion really did speak volumes to the people residing it.
Great people like them deserved a grand home like this. But also, it made me realize that they really lived in a different world. These people were so out of my league.
"Our parents aren't home yet, but we're expecting them to come for dinner," ani Gianna nang lingunin ako sa likuran niya.
I nodded slowly. "Pasensiya na sa abala. Don't worry, I won't take long."
Medyo tumagal ang tingin niya sa akin pero humarap na rin sa nilalakaran kalaunan. Inabot na niya sa mga kasambahay ang dala niyang gamit.
Sinubukan din nila akong alukin ng maiinom o makakain pero tumanggi ako. Nalipasan na ako ng gutom. O siguro, sadyang wala rin akong gana kumain pagkatapos ng lahat ng mga nalaman ko.
"K-Kung ayos lang, pwede ko na bang puntahan si Gio?"
Nasa kalagitnaan kami ng hagdan nang tumigil siya para harapin ako.
"Well, apparently, hinahatid na kita sa kanya ngayon."
"Oh." Namilog ang mga mata ko. "O-Okay. Thank you."
Pansamantala akong pumikit dahil sa kahihiyan. Pero bukod doon, abot-abot ang tahip sa dibdib ko nang malaman kung saan kami patungo ngayon.
As we made our way toward Giovanni's room, a surreal feeling washed over me. It was akin to stepping into an unfamiliar lion's den, an environment entirely foreign to my senses.
My entire body quivered with an intensity that I couldn't ignore. It became evident as we approached the room far from the others on the second floor.
Tahimik ang bahaging ito ng palapag. Wala ni anino o bakas ng ibang tao. Tumindi ang kaba ko, lalo na nang ilahad sa akin ni Gianna ang pintuan.
"We can knock on his room. He needs rest. He's unstable most of the time, yes. But we can come near him with his permission. Just don't... cross the line. Or do anything that can trigger him."
Natigilan si Gianna bago pinasada sa akin ang tingin.
"Right. His triggers. We must remove anything that can trigger his flashbacks," she muttered as if she was only talking to herself, but I got it.
Napatikhim ako at nilibot din ang tingin sa sarili ko. I was wearing a plain shirt and pants. I didn't have much accessories except for...
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang naalala ang singsing. Mabilis ko iyong tinanggal at pinakita kay Gianna.
"This one."
I noticed how she swallowed hard before she nodded in relief.
"Jesus, we almost forgot... Now, hide it. Put it in your bag or something."
Tumango ako at ginawa iyon. After several evaluation, we were ready.
Talagang kabado ako. Now that I thought about his triggers, the biggest problem at hand was... me.
I realized I was a living trigger in the eyes of Gio. I was a constant reminder that he was wounded and broken. But all this time, he managed to endure my presence to help me heal my personal wounds, only for me to hurt him in return.
By any means, I was meant to harm him, huh? Fuck.
Gianna knocked on the thick door. No one answered inside. Napatingin siya sa akin bago ibagsak ang tingin sa seradura.
Pinihit niya iyon at isang tulak lang ay nabuksan niya rin agad. Nanatili ang tingin niya roon.
"He usually keeps his door unlocked, as per the family's protocol. To ensure easy access for us to check on him. But if he wants to be alone or have privacy, he has the option to lock it."
She glanced at me attentively.
"But if we knock or call for him, and we don't receive any response within three minutes, we are authorized to enter by any means necessary."
I was caught off guard by that information. She didn't have to tell me this protocol, but now that I heard about it, I was instantly filled with sorrow.
"Gaano kadalas mangyari 'to?" Hindi ko na napigilang itanong. "I mean, you sound so used to it... that it disturbs me..."
"The last time was two years ago." Napaiwas siya ng tingin. "That's why we believed he had fully recovered. And then you came into the picture. We thought you were aiding his healing process, but it turned out like this... Like no progress has been made at all."
I blinked. It was like a slap in my face.
Binalik ko na lang ang tingin sa pinto kahit sa loob-loob ko, gusto ko nang bumigay.
Nothing hurts more than knowing you inflicted torturous pain and suffering on someone, all while remaining oblivious to it. And it was too late.
Hindi na ako naghintay pa ng hudyat mula kay Gianna. Dahan-dahan ko nang tinulak ang pinto at tumapak sa loob ng kwarto ni Gio.
It closed without notice. Gianna probably closed it for me.
Ginala ko ang paningin sa buong silid. Malawak ito at kumpleto ang gamit. Malinis ang paligid pero parang hindi ito nasisilayan ng liwanag dahil sa dilim.
I stepped forward to survey the dark room further. It was hard to convince myself that he was here somewhere. The bed was empty. The tables and couches are well-kept. There was no sign of Giovanni anywhere. Not even his scent or shadow.
Kung hindi ko pa maririnig ang mahinang tunog ng isang makina at ang munting liwanag sa loob ng isa pang mas maliit na silid, hindi kalayuan sa kinaroroonan ko, baka pa tuluyan na akong nawalan ng pag-asa.
Napalunok ako nang malalim nang magpasya akong lumapit doon.
For sure, he heard Gianna knocking earlier, right? He probably sensed the door opening and there was an actual person inside his room other than him now. Sa loob ng dalawang taon na nakilala ko si Gio, hindi lingid sa kaalaman ko kung gaano katalas ang pandama nito.
I was certain that he was aware of someone approaching the room.
But to my surprise, as I inched closer to the doorway, I was taken aback to find him engrossed in a certain task and oblivious to his surroundings.
He was wearing a comfortable white shirt and black sweatpants. But over his shoulders, there was something else I couldn't name yet.
Not even a single glance was spared in my direction, nor did he show the slightest hint of reaction.
Instead, Gio was focused on the sewing machine, maneuvering it with precision on a specific fabric. Hindi ako makapaniwala sa nakikita ko.
As I stepped closer, I recognized what this room was made for.
It was an atelier, a sewing studio within his very own space. Nagkalat ang iba't ibang uri ng tela sa mga lamesa at dingding. Napupuno ng kulay ang silid sa kabila ng madilim nitong kapaligiran.
Hindi man masyadong maliwanag sa loob, pero natanaw ko ang makukulay na sinulid at iba pang kagamitan na maayos na nakasalansan sa mga istante.
I also noticed several racks filled with a diverse array of clothing patterns and finished products hanging on them.
I held my breath in surprise. Did he create all of this? He knew how to make dresses?
Nang dumapo muli sa kanya ang tingin ko, saka ko lang natukoy na medida pala ang nakasabit sa leeg niya.
Sa sobrang pagkamangha, hindi ko na namalayan ang tuluyan kong pagpasok, saka lang natauhan nang biglang tumigil ang tunog ng makina.
Preparing to explain myself, I worriedly faced Giovanni. He stopped what he was doing while his distant eyes fixated on me.
The soft glow of the night light emanating from his lamp cast an illumination on half of his face, creating shadows that highlight his distinct facial features.
My mind went black. It's been more than a week since I last saw him, but it felt like forever...
Sa mga oras na iyon, parang hindi ko kilala ang lalaking nasa harapan ko.
"Gio..."
After rehearsing my first words repeatedly in my head on the way here, I failed helplessly.
His eyes were petrified but they remained indifferent. After a while, he blinked and shifted his gaze toward his work, before turning to me again.
"What are you doing here?" he asked in a reserved tone, as if keeping me at a distance to prevent any sentimental connection.
Binalik niya ang atensiyon sa ginagawa. Nahuli ko itong nililigpit ang mga gamit niya. Nag-panic ako. I didn't mean to interrupt his work.
With a precise snip, Gio severed the thread that connected the sewing machine and the billowy white fabric, before lifting the latter in his hands, folding it with utmost care like it was a fragile artwork.
One wrong move and it would shatter into pieces.
Sinubukan kong lumapit. But before I could even take a single step, Gio's gaze darted down to my feet defensively, on guard for any impending threat.
My mouth was slightly agape as I tried to process what I had seen. What is happening? Is that really... Gio?
Sa pag-aakalang wala namang pinagbago kay Gio bukod sa lamig ng pakikitungo niya sa akin, saka lang bumuhos sa akin ang katotohanan.
No matter how normal-looking he was right now, I shouldn't let it deceive me. Giovanni was hypervigilant and disassociating. He was somehow detached from the present moment. From the reality that happened four years ago.
When that realization dawned on me, I instinctively covered my mouth with my trembling hands to contain my shock and growing worry.
"Gio, a-ako 'to. Wala akong gagawing masama. I'm here to talk to you. I'm here to listen..."
Binawi niya ang tingin bago umahon sa pwesto. Marahan niyang nilapag ang gawa sa isang mesa.
Napalunok ako, hindi malaman ang gagawin ngayong nandito na.
"Please give me a chance to be there for you..."
Mahabang katahimikan ang bumalot sa buong silid. Tinuon niya ang mga kamay sa lamesa at yumuko roon.
"You left me."
Parang dinurog ang puso ko. Those words were enough to explain why we were in this situation right now.
"You lost that chance when you chose to walk away."
He was mad at me, but I could take all the negative feelings he had for me. All his hatred, disgust, and hostility. I could accept them from him.
"I'm sorry I'm stupid. I-I didn't know the truth-"
"I told you the truth. I didn't lie to you—when did I?" he interrupted and glanced at me over his shoulder. "But I understand it was hurtful. No matter how honest I was, you left because I hurt you."
Hirap akong umiling. Pinagmasdan niya ako nang ilang sandali.
"I was honest, but the truth was hurtful," he repeated critically like he needed it to remind himself of that fact.
Dahan-dahan akong lumapit sa kanya, desperadong itanggi iyon dahil mali ako! Mali ang lahat ng ito!
"Now I know what really happened before. And I can tell that you did nothing wrong, Gio," marahan kong kumbinsi sa kanya. "You just happened to be there..."
Natigilan siya roon. Kinabahan agad ako dahil baka mali ang mga salitang ginamit ko. Baka pumalpak ulit ako. Imbes na mapabuti ang sitwasyon, baka lumala lang dahil sa kapalpakan ko.
"What I mean is, you're just-"
He nodded and turned to face me. Pansin ko ang pagbigat ng hininga niya kaya tumindi ang takot ko.
"I was there, that's why more than anyone, I know everything. Why can't y'all understand that?"
Kumunot ang noo niya at sinubukang panindigan ang titig sa akin.
"I was there four years ago. I was there when it all happened. I was there every fucking day."
Nag-init ang gilid ng mga mata ko. I involuntarily took a step forward to show him I was there with him in the present moment. That he was here with me, not elsewhere.
Umiling agad siya na para bang alam ang nasa isip ko.
"Elia, you need to listen to me. I am stuck... right there... forever."
I was taken aback by the weight of his words. Gio ran a hand through his hair as he tried to catch his heavy breath.
Miserable akong umiling sa kanya habang takip pa rin ang bibig ko, pilit nilalabanan ang paglabo ng mga mata at paghapdi ng lalamunan.
"No, please. Gio, listen to me," halos pagmamakaawa ko sabay lunok nang malalim.
He shook his head slowly, refusing to listen to my nonsense. Hahakbang pa lang sana ulit ako nang maglakad na siya palabas ng silid.
Kabado akong sumunod sa kanya. I had no idea what he was capable of doing right now. I knew I shouldn't walk on eggshells around him too much to avoid enforcing the stigma, however, I couldn't help but worry!
Sinundan ko si Gio hanggang sa tumigil siya sa harap ng pangunahing pinto ng kwarto. Walang kahirap-hirap niya iyong binuksan. Doon pa lang, alam ko na agad ang binabalak niya.
Sa takot na layasan niya ako, o palabasin niya, mabilis akong sumugod para pigilan siya sa pagbukas lalo ng pinto.
However, because of his sudden turn in my direction, I was surprised when his shoulder bumped into mine. His broad and solid shoulder against mine that was light and frail.
With an impact that strong, I squeezed my eyes shut as I braced myself for an inevitable fall. But seconds later, it didn't happen. I didn't feel any pain from the crash.
Instead, I felt a sturdy frame enveloping my waist. Pagkamulat, tumambad sa akin si Gio. I figured he caught me before I could even meet the floor. But there was something in his expression that terrified me.
Gio froze for a moment. I felt his body rigid with shock, fear, and disturbing calmness. Kaya naman agad akong umayos ng tayo. Napansin ko agad ang epekto sa kanya ng nangyari.
It was just a simple accident at face value. No one was hurt. But not for Gio.
No one was hurt now, but back then, someone died like this.
Gio stepped back, his eyes widened in terror while breathing grew erratic. I instantly knew that moment, he was transported back to that painful memory.
Halos bumaliktad ang sikmura ko sa takot.
"G-Gio, no..."
Dahil sa muntik kong pagkatumba, ako na ang malapit sa hamba ng pinto. Gio was in the inner part of the room compared to where I was, and he continued backing off slowly.
My heart pounded in my throat. It felt weird witnessing it firsthand. I saw how his gaze grow more distant, as if looking through the present, and into the haunting past.
His eyes were shaky, as if he was watching a fast-moving scene in front of him.
As if I was there, but there was someone else in his eyes.
I tried drawing nearer to him as he stepped back. Kinailangan niya pang kumurap nang ilang beses bago tuluyang mahimasmasan.
His face scrunched up as he tugged his shirt desperately. Like he was out of oxygen, suffocated or something. Nabablanko na ako. Gusto kong sumigaw para humingi ng tulong pero napangunahan ako ng takot.
Dadaluhan ko pa lang sana si Gio nang bigla na lang siyang nagmadali patungo sa drawer. Binuksan niya iyon at hindi mapakali kakahanap sa kung ano. Na kung pwede lang itaob ang buong lagayan ay ginawa na niya.
"W-What do you need? I can help you."
Sinubukan kong lumapit pero halos mapatalon ako nang para siyang nahihirinan o ano!
His face started to redden and a faint memory flashed through my head.
Hindi ko man nasaksihan ang nangyari noon, pero pamilyar na rin sa akin ang tagpong ito.
This wasn't the first time Giovanni saved me from a fall. He also did it last time. At Mackenzie. When I was trying to retrieve the handouts from his hands while he meddled with my errand.
Muntik na akong mahulog sa hagdan noon. Nagalit siya. At pagkatapos, hinanap niya ang bag niya at...
I swore under my breath. Tumakbo ako patungo sa studio.
While I was looking around earlier, I noticed a strange bottle on a shelf. I thought it was out of place. But it was a packer bottle!
Mabilis ko iyong nahanap sa kaparehong pwesto kung saan ko siya natagpuan kanina. Bumalik agad ako kay Gio habang binubuksan na agad ang takip ng bote.
Nang matagpuan niya iyon sa kamay ko, awtomatiko siyang tumayo para hablutin iyon. Tinaktak niya ang pills sa palad bago ihagis ang mga ito sa bibig niya.
Everything happened in a flash that I almost forgot how to fucking breathe!
I found my whole body shaking. But it was least of my concern now. Binawi ko mula sa kamay ni Gio ang bote para takpan at itabi.
On the other hand, he was still struggling to catch his breath when he decided to sit on the floor, leaning against the drawer behind him.
I offered him the bottled water I saw on his nightstand and I felt relieved when he accepted it.
"Thanks..." sa namamaos niyang tinig bago uminom.
After finishing the water, Gio placed his left elbow on his knee and then rested his head on his fist.
I remembered Gianna's words from earlier. It was painful to see him like this.
Even now, I could tell that he was still pacing back and forth to the now-and-then based on his subtle movements and muted reactions.
Napagpasyahan kong lumuhod sa harapan niya at haplusin ang kanyang braso.
He blinked rapidly before looking at me, as if he snapped out of his reverie. Binasa niya ang pang-ibabang labi at tila nabahiran ng gulat, kahihiyan, at galit.
I sighed and moved closer to him—carefully—fearing he might snap and lash out if not.
I pointed to my area. I held his unstable gaze to get his attention.
"Gio, look. You're here with me... right now. A-At this moment..." My throat trembled, but I decided to continue when his ruthless gaze met mine.
"And you were with me, Gio, for the last couple of years... Don't you remember the days we were together? Happy and in love? Huh?"
His Adam's apple moved when he swallowed. Mariin niyang pinikit ang mga mata habang habol pa rin ang hininga.
Ginamit ko ang pagkakataong iyon para dahan-dahang lumapit sa kanya nang tuluyan.
"Don't tell me, during the time we spent together, all you did was suffer and repent in that place... i-instead of living in the moment with me. That can't be true, right? You weren't there, Gio. Over the past few months, your heart and mind were always with me. I know that..."
My lips trembled but I managed to display a faint smile when he looked at me.
"Tulad na lang ngayon. Nandito ka. Nandito ako... Today is Tuesday afternoon, then it was a Saturday morning. That incident happened outside, but we're inside your room now, Gio. We are safe here together. It means that nothing... and no one... can harm us."
Gio licked his lips again. There was a certain implication of silent ease on his face when he stared at me longer than the previous ones, which told me I was doing this right.
I convinced myself I could work this out. I just needed to help him ground and stay in the present moment.
Ngumiti ako sa kanya. Sa sandaling mas bumagal ang paghinga ni Gio, inabot ko naman ang kanang kamay niya at hinaplos iyon nang marahan.
His lips were apart when he glanced at our hands together. I felt his tense body loosened a bit.
"You are not Tobiah. You will never be him because you are my Giovanni. You are my boyfriend. You are the one I fell in love with the most."
I bit my lower lip and sighed guiltily.
"And whatever I did last time, it was my fault. You did nothing wrong. Thank you for telling me your truth, Gio. Thank you for being brave enough to bare your deepest wound to me, even if you knew it might hurt me, I still thank you for your honesty. I mean it..."
His jaw hardened. "The truth doesn't matter now. I'd rather you leave me... than be constantly tormented by the past... through being with me."
I couldn't believe his words. Kumunot ang noo ko at umiling sa kanya.
"How could you say that? Ganyan ba ang nararamdaman mo ngayong nandito ako? Do I torment you by being here with you? A-Am I burden to you now, Gio?"
Inangat niya ang ulo mula sa pagkakasandal at lalong naging kritikal ang tingin sa akin.
"I bear this fucking wound and I'm completely broken, Elia. I am the burden," may hinanakit at pagod sa kanyang boses. "So spare yourself from this burden. Don't do this to yourself-"
"We can't do anything about it now and it's okay! It's okay, Gio... You're fine... It is what it is. I know you're wounded, but it's fine... You are wounded... but the wound is not your responsibility, Gio, the healing is."
Gradually, tears glistened in the corner of his eyes as they threatened to fall. His jaw tightened and he evaded my eyes. They were full of guilt, shame, and despair.
Gio pressed his nose bridge as he squeezed his eyes shut. But because of that, tears ran down his cheeks slowly.
Nanikip ang dibdib ko. Parang hindi ko kayang panuorin ang pinakamatatag na taong nakilala ko, na nababalutan ng panghihina at pagsuko.
"I thought I got over it," Gio said, his voice quiet.
I instantly knew what he meant.
"That's where we went wrong—believing we had to get over it." I smiled weakly at him, gently squeezing his hand. "When the truth is, we have to get through it..."
I realized we've been living in survival mode since that accident. We suffered a lot. We spent so much time and energy on the wrong path.
Huli na nang natanto ko. Hindi solusyon ang paglimot dahil sapat na pruweba na ang ilang taong pagdudusa namin, na hindi malulutas ng paglimot ang problema.
If we get over it, we skip the important stages of the healing process. That's why we must get through it—get through all the stages to get used to the pain.
Healing is not about forgetting. It's about getting used to the pain until you can remember the tragedy without struggling.
The wound will remain forever, but it doesn't mean it can't heal and mature over time. Sometimes, a warrior needs a battle scar as a birthmark of their resilience, right?
"Leave before you regret any of this."
Nagulat ako nang kinalas niya ang hawak ko sa kamay niya bago tumayo.
Sinundan ko siya. Binuhay niya ang lampara sa tabi ng kama at naglakad naman patungo sa atelier.
I stalked behind him confused. I thought it was getting better! What is this?
"I told you I won't. I want to be here with you. I'm so sorry for leaving you that day. Napangunahan ako ng gulat, takot, at galit. But please understand that I was hurt-"
Tumigil siya sa harap ng nag-iisang lampara sa loob ng atelier.
"From the day we met, I knew I'd hurt you eventually."
Pinatay niya ang ilaw. Sa kabila ng kadiliman, batid ko ang pagharap niya sa akin.
"I hurt people. And I'm quite good at it," his deep voice rasped.
Ramdam ko ang paghakbang niya papalapit sa akin.
"You know it better than anyone else. You did warn yourself not to get involved with me, didn't you? You should've listened to your instinct while you were at it, Elia."
"I never regret trusting and loving you," mariin kong salita.
"Maybe now..." his voice was laced with suspicion. "But until when? I will only hurt you because I'm crazy. I'm not as sane as him. I'm a fucking psychop-"
"You know you're not," I gnashed my teeth, glaring at him as he neared me. "You know you're not crazy. You're just traumatized and unjustly misunderstood, because you're the calmest person, you are always in control."
Pinigilan ko ang sarili na magtaas ng boses, pinapanalangin na sapat na ang bigat ng bawat salita para maabot siya.
He stopped just a few inches away from me when I gulped and decided to reach his face, trembling and miserable.
"And people love messing with the calmest person, then call him crazy when he reacts..."
His brows snapped together, holding back something that resided in him.
I caressed his jaw with my cold fingers. A muscle in it twitched. His watchful eyes remained on me.
"And yes, I know it more than anyone else, Giovanni. I know how people can easily judge others because it's more convenient... than knowing and understanding them..."
Iniwas niya ang mukha sa kamay ko. Hindi ko nagustuhan ang pakiramdam na nakabitin ang kamay sa ere, kaya nilapag ko iyon sa kanyang dibdib.
Mariin niya iyong pinukulan ng sulyap bago muling inangat sa akin ang tingin.
"Takes one to know one, huh?" he snorted, a hint of vulnerability peeking through his facade.
"Indeed, it does." My words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of truth. "That's why I chose to know you better, to trust you, and love you the second time..."
A shadow of bitterness crossed his face as he let out a slow, sardonic chuckle.
"Let me correct that. I let you get to know me. I orchestrated the stage. I pulled all the strings necessary to earn your trust. Without that, you won't even take a look at me."
My jaw fell in disbelief. "When you said that, you meant pursuing and courting me, right? Aren't they normal and necessary to win my favor as your prospective girlfriend?"
His eyes told me he was so done with me.
"I don't have the knack for doing things the normal way. That's not how I operate."
Tumango ako. "We have different approaches to doing things. I know how you operate since day one, Gio. So what? Don't you have other things to say to turn me off?"
Kung makatingin siya sa akin, akala mo nakikipaglokohan ako sa kanya. He sighed, trying to remove my hand from his chest.
"Look, I'm in a bad state of mind right now. I'm still working on my healing-"
"And I'm proud of you, sweetheart."
His forehead creased, mouth still ajar from being interrupted, when he grazed his tongue against the inside of his cheek.
"You're not doing this."
"I am. Watch me. I'll make you proud, too."
His face turned gravely authoritative behind his declining patience. With a single step, Gio asserted his dominance over me.
My breath hitched.
"Tell me... What do you expect me to do if you keep doing this? You want me to jump for joy, burst into laughter and say, 'well, that's just fantastic'?"
He stopped his attempt to remove my hand. Instead, he guided it to rest around his waist, while his forearm found support on the doorframe, firmly pressing me against the wall behind me.
My hearted pounded in my throat like a brutal hammer.
"Or perhaps you desire something more intimate?" He leaned in closer, voice lowering to a seductive whisper. "You want me pinning you against the wall like this, our lips meeting passionately, hands traveling all over our bodies, until we surrender to the heat of the moment fucking?"
Naghuramentado ang puso ko. His words ignited a whirlwind of dirty thoughts in my mind, causing my whole face to flush as I tripped over my own words.
"It's literally that easy, r-right?"
Nangatal ako sa kalagitnaan ng pagsasalita nang dumilim agad ang ekspresyon niya, hindi pa man tapos ang sasabihin ko.
He pushed himself away from me and glowered.
"If you're here to play games with me, leave."
"Wait, that's unfair," mabilis kong tutol sa kanya. "You're the one who suddenly pounced on me and talked dirty. I'm just playing along. I mean, if it helps you, why not?"
Puno ng iritasyon at sarkasmo ang ngisi ni Gio. Akmang tatanggalin na niya ang kamay ko sa bewang niya nang hinigpitan ko pa lalo ang hawak sa kanya. Marahas siyang napabaling sa akin.
"Do I look like I'm kidding?" His eyebrows furrowed.
Nagparte ang mga labi ko nang magtama ang tingin namin sa ganoong posisyon.
I caught his eyes faltering to my lips when I opened my mouth. Namungay ang mga mata ko.
"No... You look so serious when you said that... like you mean it..."
"Get off me," may pagbabanta sa tono niya.
Hindi pwede. Tuluyan ko na ring pinulupot sa kanya ang kabilang kamay ko.
"What if I don't?"
Bumigat ang paghinga niya. "Things will get ugly."
"I'm pretty sure you're not."
"You won't like it."
I smirked. "Let me see."
Gio cursed under his breath. Ramdam ko ang unti-unting pagluwag ng kamay niya sa akin hanggang sa bumagsak at pumulupot na lang ang mga ito sa bewang ko, habang nilalabanan niya ang pagbigat ng mga mata.
He licked his lips leisurely. "I told you to leave, but you didn't. I gave you the chance."
"I won't leave," I craned my neck to get a better view of my man.
His eyes studied my face. "I've heard that before."
Despite the angst in his voice, I only heard a man in need of reassurance. I smiled faintly at him.
"I came back, didn't I? But I won't leave you again... not now. Not ever. Let's stay with each other from now on."
"Fine..." Gio watched me menacingly as he traveled his large hand over the sensitive skin of my neck. "Don't tell me I didn't warn you. You're not leaving. You'll stay the night here with me."
I gasped and trembled in anticipation when his thumb delicately grazed my lips.
His gaze smoldered with an intense, carnal desire as he leaned in close to my ear.
"But I cannot guarantee you any sleep tonight," he whispered darkly.
May 26, 2023
#GCSeries1
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