𝘾𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙪𝙘𝙘𝙞𝙣𝙤 // 𝘑𝘰𝘴𝘩𝘶𝘢 𝘏𝘰𝘯𝘨

🌿16

~[JOSHUA]

Not every day is a sweet candy in one's life. The tang and spiciness sometimes hits your buds so much that you have to squeeze shut your eyes.

I used to tell myself that saying "thank you" is so tough but now after receiving the coffee milk pack I realized not saying it either was tougher.

I used to think, keeping the gentleman image was nerve-wrecking but I realized keeping the fake cold guy image sucked a lot more.

If it were not for me agreeing to sit beside this bitch, none of it would have happened.

If it were not for me approving Yerin being a known acquaintance to me, none of it would have happened.

Who would have known that out of the whole judacious monstrosity my dad and Yerin's dad were business partners? And the worst part, who would have thought that business partners wanted to continue their partnership so far as to involve their children in this hellhole?

There was a lot to tell her, to chat with her but I forced myself to zip up my tongue.

Or else, things might take a harsher turn and I cannot bear to stand it.

I'm still not over the first blow of it.

"Hey, are you even listening?" Yerin's voice brought me out of my mind bubble.

"Oh yeah, um sorry. Here take it." As much as I hated it, I gave her the milk pack that Haeyoon gave to me earlier.

"Ooh did you get it for me? Joshua you're the best-"

"It's actually from Haeyoon but I don't like coffee milk so you can take it. Or if not, feel free to throw it in the trash can." I tried to sound as nonchalantly as possible yet being severely hurt inside by my own actions.

Like a time frame, I saw the smile on her face falter at the mention of Haeyoon.

"Oh okay, um thanks." I noticed her roll her eyes away as she took the carton.

My temple was having a mild ache as I stressed myself over all this.

"Haeyoon-ah, I was wondering if you would continue to sit here after this..." I heard Jeonghan's voice from behind.

My headache increased while my jaw tightened.

I know I assured him that if he still got feelings for her he can pursue them but deep within it was the last thing I wanted him to do.

I know I was being selfish but my gut feeling told me it was right.

Without waiting for her reply I turned to Yerin and asked her, for I was quite sure for some reason that Haeyoon would sit beside Jeonghan.

"Yerin do you mind if I sit here after the project submission?"

Her eyes glittered at my question as she vigorously nodded her head and replied, "Absolutely not! I would love it!"

Tsk whatever. I don't love it.

And the next moment was a moment of dismay for me.

I eavesdropped on their conversation as I heard Haeyoon saying, "I'd appreciate it. But I enjoy sitting alone so no, I won't sit here anymore."

to which Jeonghan said, "Are you sure? If it's because of Vernon then I can ask him to-"

"No no it's alright! You don't have to ask him anything." She cut him off and gave her final reply.

"Alright, if you say so."

Fuck. No.

Jeonghan why did you let her go.

Haeyoon don't go, please.

I faced back Yerin once again to tell her that I changed my decision of sitting beside her but damn, Mrs Hwang ruined it all by entering the classroom.

How can time be so perfect to fuck me like this.

After everyone turned in their projects, I saw her sitting at her usual seat in her usual self, at the corner of the classroom with airpods plugged inside her ears.

I chewed on my lower lip as I took a glance at her before sitting beside the devil.

Shoot me in the crap right now.

...

Throughout the lesson I couldn't keep my mind in one piece.

Firstly, I was busy studying her moves and gestures in my peripheral vision. Secondly, Yerin kept on whining and boasting about random stuff to which I didn't give a crap about but decided to give a smile to whatever the fuck she was saying because if not, she would complain to her dad which would eventually travel to the ears of my dad and the saga goes on. Thirdly it was my headache.

I wanted to take the coffee milk back but it would make for story part two so I slided it out.

But even in my peripheral vision, I could see her being not so bubbly like she usually is.

Isn't Jeonghan taking care of her?

Or am I going too rough?

Or is she facing a new encounter?

She has approached me a number of times asking the reason behind the sudden behavioural change in me but I turned her down every single time.

I now get the feeling of being in Jeonghan's shoes but I can't tell her the reason.

I'm not brave enough to bring it up to my own mouth because I don't want her life to get entangled in a rat trap like my life.

...

The first half ended.

I closed my books and glanced over to her to find her reading something, probably revising her presentation which is after the lunch break.

I heard Jeonghan and her talking about it earlier in the discussion and that she was quite nervous about it.

At least I will get a few minutes to be with her alone on the backstage. Maybe I can then make up for all of this crappy sorcery.

I even forbade her to join us for lunch. What a fool I am.

I heaved out a deep sigh as I picked up my lunch box and walked out of the classroom with the guys.

Even though I laughed and chatted with them my mind was going back to that specific corner of our classroom every now and then.

But soon my eyes widened as I saw it turning to reality.

I quickly diverted my eyes back to the food on the table as I saw her approaching me, or let's say our table.

My palms formed dabs of sweat as the urge to control myself from not talking to her grew weaker.

What if she decides to be a stubborn bean and sits with us?

That is great indeed but what about me? How will I resist myself? How will I protect her?

My thoughts got interrupted when I heard Jeonghan chiming out, "Haeyoon you finally-"

"Joshua can I talk to you for a minute?" she asked emotionlessly cutting Jeonghan off which I found ridiculous.

I put on my cold guy mask once again and spoke, "Not now, I'm busy-"

"I won't talk to you after this. I promise." There was a weird calmness in her voice which was as if it indicated a huge storm.

The whole table felt silent as they sensed the seriousness of the situation.

After about five minutes, I let out a fake deep sigh and finally said, "Alright, stay true to your promise." I replied coldly as I got up and followed her to a quieter part of the canteen.

She finally stopped and turned to face me with arms crossed over her chest.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Her face didn't reflect any specific emotion but it was enough to scream that she demanded legit answers.

"Tell you what?" I asked emotionlessly, folding arms over my chest as well.

"That you had a g-girlfriend?" I clearly heard the crack in her voice but that didn't get me more surprised than her question.

I have a what??

For fuck's sake since when?????

I don't even know the basic rules of dating so who the fuck became my girlfriend now!?

As much as I wanted to scream the words out, I maintained my calm image as I asked her sassily, "Why does that bother you?"

"I never said it bothered me but you could've told me earlier directly that I was bothering you instead of ignoring and giving me indirect replies." her voice reached its superlative of cool.

"You weren't bothering me tho-"

"Of course I was! That's what you tried to tell me during these last few days! You won't talk to me, you won't tell me where I went wrong, you would give away things that I gave you! Yes Joshua, you did say 'you're bothering me' in morse code!" she snapped out.

After pausing for a moment she shouted at me again, "If the coffee milk was such a disgusting thing that why did you even accept it in the first place?! I wouldn't have minded if you spat that disgusting coffee but why did you give it to Yerin!? Answer me, Joshua!"

She panted rapidly.

I was kind of preparing myself for this bash but still I felt a bullet go through my heart.

I wanted to hug and let out every single fucking reason to her but whenever I think of doing that, the picture of her possible fate flashes before my eyes.

I can't let her be ruined.

If staying away means protecting her then I'd still opt for it, no matter how painful it can get.

I sighed and gave her my harshest reply in the calmest way possible.

"My gentle way of rejecting won't shut you up so I had to choose this. Hope that satisfies your doubts. Now if you excuse me." I purposely bumped my shoulder against her and walked past her to prevent myself from breaking down in front of her.

I stopped in my tracks when I heard her summoning my name once again.

"I thought you said you would stay by my side forever, Joshua Hong."

Ouch.

I didn't turn around.

"I guess some promises are just meant to be broken." She said walking up to my front, her eyes glistening.

Ouch.

Placing a hand on my shoulder she uttered out her harshest comeback, "Anyways, I'll keep my promise even if you can't keep yours. Just watch out for your girlfriend and... good luck on your relationship, I guess."

Patting the shoulder lightly, I watched her disappear amidst the crowds while I stood there like a statue.

Guilt was far to describe the turmoil that was going inside of me.

I promised her never to leave her side yet I left her.

I promised myself never to shut her down from the happiness of life again yet I did it.

I promised myself to be true to her always yet I hid myself from her.

I broke her again.

I made her cry again.

I made her lose trust again.

I spaced out the rest of the time after I went back to join the table.

Some sorceries are too difficult to be sorted out.

...

The bell rang indicating the end of lunch break.

And the beginning of a real-life game for me, as well.

We all chatted about the presentation though I was not really paying attention to them and just bobbing my head in a while as we walked to the auditorium.

'Hope all of this doesn't affect her presentation.' I said to myself as I seated myself on the cushioned chair and glanced over my papers for the last time.

I heard the ass of someone sitting down next to me but I didn't bother checking for I already knew who it was.

"Why did you lie to Haeyoon?" I asked coldly. Honestly I wanted to punch her face but didn't want to make a scene now.

"Huh? What are you saying-"

"Why did you tell her that you are my girlfriend?" I finally faced the whore with a dark face.

"Oh did she complain to you-"

"Stop playing around and answer my question, Seo Yerin." She was testing my patience at this point.

"Am I not?"

"What? What do you mean?" I squinted my eyes at her reply.

"Am I not your girlfriend?" She repeated herself once again, her voice trying to sound a bit seductive this time.

If throwing up on her face was an option, I would have chosen it without hesitations.

I was about to say something else but she spoke again.

"Do you want me as your girlfriend willingly or...do I have to ask for dad's assistance, hmm?" I found her smirking evilly.

"You know, it ain't gonna end well for your little friend if I chose it."

Yes I know. I fucking know it all. And that's why I'm still bearing up with all this bloody bullshit.

"What are you- why do you have to drag her in our family matters?" I frantically asked her.

Not gonna lie, I panicked at the thought of her telling dad.

I won't let dad lay his fingers on her. Never.

"Tell her to stay within her limits which is staying away from you and I'll stop bothering too." She uttered those words so innocently yet so evilly.

I wish I could strangle her to death. I don't care about the consequences, just wish to throttle that dipshit to hell.

"Fine." My nostrils flared in anger as I felt the hot air but it didn't seem to bother her as she proceeded to hold my hands.

Without having any other choice, I continued with her disgusting act while my eyes turned away to search for her.

My eyes stopped at Jeonghan but shockingly the seat beside him was empty. Nervousness was written over his face as well.

I scanned the entire auditorium for her presence but no, she was nowhere to be seen.

There were just a few seconds left for the programme to begin and where is she?

Forgetting whatever happened between us, I took out my phone and called her.

Switched off?

For some reason I didn't get a good feeling about this.

"Excuse me, I have to use the washroom." I said to Yerin as I got up.

"What? You can't be going now! The programme is gonna start at any moment!" She continued to pull me back down.

"Yeah don't worry I'll-"

"Joshua, Yerin keep calm and sit down!" The principal's voice made me back down from my plan.

The presentation began.

Students began to be called out one by one yet still no sign of her.

Neither was she picking up her calls nor had she seen her texts.

She isn't that dumb to forget about it right?

Absolutely not! She was revising it during the lunch break.

Then where did she go?

My name got called out.

I wasn't feeling the best but I tried my best to present myself and my presentation.

I don't know what the fuck I blabbered but I got a pretty good round of applause and compliments from teachers and students.

But that was far from being enough to kill the tension in my heart about her.

And finally, her name got called.

"Our next candidate is Ms. Park Haeyoon."

No response.

"Ms. Park Haeyoon, you're requested to come to the stage for your presentation."

Goddamn Haeyoon, show up just.

I'll treat you to every ice cream after this, just show up please.

C'mon Haeyoon-

"Ma'am she is not present. I heard she is hiding somewhere." Chaewon's voice created a rumble in the auditorium.

"Alright, thank you for the information. And sorry for the inconvenience. We'll proceed with the next candidate." the anchor announced.

The once quiet room was now filled with whispering and low-laughing sounds as memes and gossips began to be made about Haeyoon being a scaredy cat.

But I knew for a reason, something wasn't right.

She might break down but won't back away from a challenge, especially when it comes to academics.

I saw Mrs Hwang calling someone and telling something angrily but it wasn't audible to me due to the distance.

My eyes fixed on Jeonghan as I noticed him sitting stiffly with a tough expression on his face.

Shit. This got messed up too bad.

...

I rushed up to Jeonghan once everything was over.

"Han!" I called out for him.

He turned around raising an eyebrow. Darkness was visible over his pale skin.

"Where is sh-"

"If it's about her, then stop bothering me and fuck off. I don't know her anymore-"

"Don't repeat that mistake again. She might be-"

"Oh really?" He stepped in front and blocked my way, "then tell me where the fuck is she and why the fuck she didn't even pick up her calls!?"

"She might-"

I stopped when a group of guys walked past us uttering a gossip but it was enough to swing my head for a second.

"...yeah yeah, and you know what? She is in the principal's office right now. Serves right for making out with a janitor in the bathroom after all haha!..."

Jeonghan and I looked at each other with horrified faces.

But soon he blurted out, "Now you know everything. If still choose to believe her then go on, fuck with that prostitute. But don't pull me in this mess-"

"Jeonghan, Jeonghan you're repeating your mistake. Stop believing whatever you listen to and try to find the truth for yourself. You admitted yourself and she is a composed and sophisticated person then tell me how can she do such a thing?"

"She used to be a composed and diligent person but not anymore. People change over time and so has she. Try to see that for yourself, Joshua."

"So you mean you'll believe a random stranger and neither your friend who once used to be your crush and nor even yourself, huh? How low is your self-esteem, Yoon Jeonghan?"

"You motherfucker-" he raised his fist to punch me but stopped mid-air and said instead, "Stop pressing me over my sentiments. If you have so much self-confidence and find out your tRuTh and feed it to yourself."

"That's what I'm gonna do unlike you who's gonna keep fussing and later on repenting on your mistakes, you worthless scarecrow!" I spat the words over his face as I walked out of the building to the principal's office.

There was a not so thick yet not so thin crowd when I reached the principal's office.

"So you were really in the washroom during the whole presentation, huh?" I managed to get into the crowd and get a glimpse of the commotion everyone was enjoying.

She was standing with her head hung low with Mrs Hwang and Mr Lee at her sides as they tried her like a criminal.

She slowly nodded her head.

"Did you mistakenly think that you'd outsmart everyone huh? Very wrong move Haeyoon. Now pay it with detention till 5 pm everyday until the excursion. And if you think to outsmart once again by being absent then you can stay absent for the whole year." Mr Lee announced.

"Everyone dismiss." His order slowly made the crowd fade out.

This can't be true.

There must be something.

If she really hid herself then there must be a reason behind it.

She doesn't deserve this detention. Something is seriously wrong over here.

I can't let her take the detention alone.

But I'm afraid to join her detention because of dad.

The day I break off my dad's limits, it's over for everyone.

"Haeyoon..." I gently called out as I watched her walking away through the now empty hallway.

She stopped on hearing her name but didn't turn around.

I walked up to her. She still had her head hung low.

"Are you-"

"Yes I'm completely fine and I did have sex in the washroom, if you came here asking about that. Now fuck off." She talked without looking at me and was about to go but I blocked her way.

"But I was wondering if you would like some ice cream..." I mildly smiled at her.

She finally looked up to me but her vision wasn't any near to soft. Her eyes were bloodshot red but didn't radiate anger while her jaw was too tightened as if all the teeth could have shattered.

Thankfully it didn't shatter but the words she spat out the very next moment shattered my hope into a trillion pieces.

"Save that sweetness for your girlfriend, you asshole." She pushed me aside and walked away, disappearing into the greater part of the building.

I wasn't prepared to witness the disaster she was about to shape into, in the forthcoming days.