───────── ➶ ⁺ ➴ ─────────
𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗕𝗘𝗟𝗢𝗡𝗚 𝗪𝗜𝗧𝗛 𝗠𝗘
CHAPTER TEN
the only one who's got enough of
me to break my heart
───────── ➶ ⁺ ➴ ─────────
REAL LIFE
"I'LL BE HONEST, looking at you got me thinking nonsense, cartwheels in my stomach when you walk in . . ."
Sabrina Carpenter's voice blasted throughout the kitchen as Luna and Mary Jane moved around, putting away groceries in the fridge and cabinets. It was another typical Tuesday night in North Carolina — except for the fact that Luna hadn't streamed today, instead switching it out for grocery shopping with Mary Jane.
"This song is so unserious, it's genius," Mary Jane commented, shutting the fridge. "Put me in a writing session with her."
Luna raised an eyebrow. "I put you in a writing session with me one time, and all you wanted me to do was write a song about the house plant you wanted but didn't buy."
"That's a valid song, and you know it."
She laughed a little. "Sure, MJ." Luna pressed up onto her toes and placed some more food on the shelves of the cabinet. "I'm talking opposite of soft, I'm talking wild, wild thoughts—"
"Wild, wild thoughts?" a familiar voice repeated, and Luna could practically hear the smirk in his voice. "What'cha mean by that, Lunes?"
Luna turned, her cheeks feeling warm. Foolish was standing there in the doorway — how he managed to sneak in without either of them noticing, Luna didn't know. Behind him were Karl and Nolan, giggling at something on Karl's phone even though Nolan was holding a stack of pizza boxes.
"Not my lyrics," Luna replied. "I write sad songs."
"Luna does have a talent for writing the most gut wrenching songs," Karl cut in, looking up from his phone.
She gestured to him. "My point stands."
Mary Jane put her hand on her hip. "Did you seriously just walk in unannounced, uninvited, again?"
Foolish smiled innocently. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
Mary Jane shook her head. "I knew I should've never given you that key."
"The door was unlocked, actually."
Nolan then held up the boxes in his hands. "We brought pizza."
Mary Jane squinted at him. "I'm listening."
"Your favorite's in there."
"Say less." Mary Jane went to one of their cabinets and grabbed a stack of plates before heading to the living room. "Bring me the pizza."
Luna watched Mary Jane, Karl, and Nolan all go into the living room, a small smile on her face. Never in her life did she think she would find a group of friends like this — just another something that streaming brought to her. They were her favorite people in the entire world and practically kept her head above water. It applied to her west coast friends as well, but she just adored how the little group they had in North Carolina always hung out with each other.
Foolish came up beside her, leaning against the counter and crossing his arms. "What's got you all smiley?"
"I love you guys," Luna responded. "I hope you know that."
He stared at her for a moment, a soft smile creeping onto his face. "I think we all know, Lunes."
"Well, just in case you didn't, now you do." Luna shut the cabinet that she had been organizing. "Did you do anything interesting today?"
Foolish thought about it for a second. "I woke up."
Luna tilted her head at him as the song switched from Nonsense to because i liked a boy. "Wow, Foosh, so interesting."
He laughed for a second, making Luna's grin widen — she always loved his laugh. "This is honestly the most interesting thing I've done all day."
"Talking to me?"
"Yeah." Foolish reached up and ruffled her hair. "You're so interesting, Lunes."
Luna giggled, pushing his hand away. "Okay, okay, enough." Suddenly, the doorbell rang, making Luna pause. She glanced at the door before looking to Foolish, her eyebrows knit in confusion. "Is anyone else coming?"
Foolish shrugged, looking confused as well. "There shouldn't be."
"Hm." Luna started to move towards the door. "I'll get it."
She passed by the others, who had started to eat together in the living room. Luna finally reached the door and opened it. However, nobody could've prepared her for who stood on her front porch.
On the other side of the door was a boy that was the splitting image of Luna, just a couple of years younger. His hair was more curly than hers and his eyebrows were more defined, but other than that, there was the same face shape, the same fair skin, the same freckles that dusted across their cheeks that always became more prominent after sitting in the sun. He had his hands in his pockets and looked a little nervous.
"Hi, Luna," Sol Hayes greeted.
And suddenly, just like that, Luna Hayes felt her entire world crash around her.
Her body froze, although her hands felt shaky. It seemed that her heart had sunk all the way to her stomach and her breath lodged itself in her throat. Sabrina's songs and the chatter from the others seemed to fade to a dull ringing in her ears, and her mind felt like it had been sunk deep underneath the water. Luna hadn't seen her younger brother — or talked to him, really — since she left home at twenty-one and he was eighteen. Now, she was twenty-three and he was twenty.
Luna never really talked about her home life much — definitely not online, and not to her friends. The only one who knew everything was Mary Jane. With the career that she had, Luna was always subjected to being criticized. Her greatest critics, however, were her parents.
Growing up, Luna always had a suspicion that her parents favored her brother over her. Her and Sol were always close despite that, except when Luna decided she wanted to pursue streaming and music. Luna and her parents got into fights practically every night at dinner over it — her fighting for them to let her do what she loved, them yelling at her that she wouldn't go anywhere and wouldn't make it. Sol tied into it because, throughout it all, he didn't say a word most of the time, just being a God damn bystander. He never advocated for her side, he never checked up on her when she cried in her room. In some instances, he agreed with their parents, saying her jobs weren't real.
It caused their relationship to be strained, and when Luna finally turned twenty-one and gathered enough money from streaming and her music, she moved from Maine to North Carolina with Mary Jane. It had been two years since then, and here Sol was, in the flesh. Luna's heart pounded against her chest. She didn't know why he was here, especially now.
"Lunes?" Mary Jane called from behind her. "What's—" She immediately stopped in her tracks beside Luna, her gaze hardening. "Oh."
Sol gave her a nervous grin. "Hi, MJ."
"That's Mary Jane to you, actually." Mary Jane crossed her arms. "What do you want?"
"To talk to Luna."
Talk? Talk about what? It had been two years, what could they possibly talk about? Sol's eyes flickered over to Luna — the same shade of brown as hers — and although all she wanted to do was tell him to go away, there was a sort of vulnerable shine in his eyes that reminded her of when they were kids.
"MJ," Luna said, her voice shaking. "Would you . . ."
Mary Jane instantly understood. "Noah, Karl, Luke, Nolan, we're leaving."
"What?" Nolan asked. "We just got—"
"Nolan." Mary Jane's voice was cold, telling them she wasn't messing around. "Now."
Luna stared at Sol for a moment before nodding her head. "Come in."
Sol stepped inside the house, glancing around for a moment. Karl and Nolan all passed by with plates of pizza in their hands, sending suspicious looks to Sol. Sol seemed to shrink back away from them — probably because their looks were also deadly, judging by Luna's reaction. Luna watched the three of them go, the house becoming eerily quiet.
And then, finally, Foolish came. However, instead of leaving, he stopped right in front of Sol. Sol was tall, but maybe it was just Foolish's nature that made him seem like he was towering over him. Foolish glanced over to Luna and immediately sensed something was wrong.
"Who the fuck are you?" Foolish demanded.
"Noah," Luna interjected, looking up at him. "Go. Please."
He didn't budge. "Luna."
"It's okay." Luna knew that probably wasn't true, and she didn't even find the strength in her to give him any sort of fake smile. "Just . . ."
Hesitantly, he nodded. He didn't give another look to Sol and left, heading next door to his house. The only one left who was Mary Jane, who was still probably contemplating to hit Sol over the head or not.
"MJ, you can tell them," Luna stated, knowing the boys must've been confused.
Mary Jane's eyes trailed across her face. "You sure?" She then — like always — read Luna like a book, immediately knowing that she trusted them wholeheartedly. "Yeah, you're sure."
"I'll come over later," Luna promised.
Mary Jane gave her a nod before looking back to Sol, a dangerous look in her eyes. "If she comes back to me crying, you're fucking dead, you hear me?" She slowly walked towards the door, her eyes narrowing further. "I'm watching you."
She then completely left. The house was now completely silent — no music, no chatter — and felt very empty, the air thick with tension. Luna moved away from her brother, going over to the coffee table where the pizza boxes were left. Absentmindedly, and also to keep herself busy, she started to close them.
"Those are your friends?" Sol questioned.
"Did you come here to talk to me about my friends, or something else?" Luna responded shortly. "And seriously, what made you come out all the way to North Carolina to talk to me?"
"It's not like I had a choice. You would've ignored all my texts and calls."
"Yeah, well, I wonder why." Luna stood back up straight, putting her hands on her hips. "Cut to the chase."
Sol paused for a moment before his eyes caught on her neck. "You haven't taken your necklace off."
On a chain around her neck were two charms — one of the sun, and one of the moon. It had been a gift from Sol on one of her birthdays. Even after all that happened, she never found the strength in her to take it off. Mostly, because of one thing.
"Because I made a promise I wouldn't," Luna replied simply. "You keep diverting away from the subject at hand that, keep in mind, I still don't know what it's about. Sol, please. Why are you here?"
Sol took a deep breath. "I . . . it took some time, especially from you being gone, to realize that mom and dad's mindset is fucked up. I agreed with them only because they wanted me to see it that way, even though now I see that this is what you were born to do. The streaming, the music . . . it's all valid." He stared at her seriously. "I'm sorry, Luna. That's why I'm in North Carolina. I left mom and dad, and I needed to say sorry."
Luna froze, staring at him. Even though she didn't want it to happen, tears sprung to her eyes. Never did she think that Sol would come all the way from Maine just to tell her sorry. She appreciated the gesture, she really did, but after everything, she wasn't sure if just one simple word would make it better. It was a selfish thing to say — she knew that. But she had built up these walls in her mind and in her heart to protect her from her family, and it was fucking scary to think about tearing them all down just like that.
"Thank you for the apology," Luna told him, moving just a little closer to him and crossing her arms across her chest, as if it would help keep the pieces of her together instead of crumbling to the floor. "But, Sol . . . I just can't forget everything that happened just like that. I mean, you stood there and said nothing as they called me a failure and a disgrace to our family, just because my job wasn't traditional. You just let them, and you agreed with them."
Sol swallowed nervously. "I know, Lunes. God, I know. And I regret it every single day."
Luna felt a tear slip down her cheek. "You're my little brother. I'd do anything for you, you know that. But it's not fair to come here expecting forgiveness from me, especially after two years. The wounds that I have from mom and dad, some even from you . . . they haven't healed fully."
Sol nodded slowly. "I know. I get it."
"Listen, Sol." Luna paused for a second, wiping a tear off of her cheek. "I'm really glad you've come to your senses, but . . . I need more time before trying to rebuild something with you."
Luna then reached up and unclasped the sun and moon necklace from her neck. She looked at the bunched up metal in her hand for a second before offering it out to Sol. Sol's eyes flickered from her hand to her face before taking the necklace.
"When I ask for it back, it means I'm ready," Luna said quietly. "Until then . . . keep it."
Sol closed his fingers around the necklace. "I will." He slipped it into his pocket. "Thank you for hearing me out, Lunes. I don't even think that I deserve that."
Luna gave him a watery smile. "It's like I said — you're my little brother."
"I'm just glad that I have a chance to get my big sister back." Sol cleared his throat. "I — um, I should get going then."
Luna nodded and went over to the door. "Sol, before you go . . . just, please know that I don't hate you."
He gave her a tiny grin. "I know. Bye, Luna."
Sol opened up the door and left, entering the chilly air of October, the sky starting to turn dark. Luna watched him go, letting out a shaky breath as more tears filled her eyes. Her hand reached up and clutched at her chest like it would stop her heart from hurting — newsflash, it didn't.
Even if it had been only a few minutes, just Sol being here brought her back to all those fights, how much she screamed, how much she cried. Those were Luna's darkest memories, the ones that she so desperately wished she could forget but were burned into her mind. She had gotten better about not dwelling on them, but seeing her brother again showed her flashes of him criticizing her with so much venom in his voice that Luna didn't recognize him anymore.
A tear fell from her cheek onto her arm, snapping her out of whatever state she had been in.
Pull yourself together, Luna.
She shut her eyes, trying to take a deep breath, even though her chest felt tight.
Bury it down deep, Luna.
Luna reached up and used the sleeves of her hoodie to dry her face.
Go show your friends you're fine, Luna.
She could've gone upstairs and cried in peace. However, Luna knew that they would all come over again anyways, and after what just happened, being with them was all she wanted. She rubbed her hands against her face again, trying to rid herself of any crying, and attempted to take another deep breath (which didn't work.)
Luna shut off the lights downstairs, grabbed her keys, and locked the door behind her. She sniffled as she walked down the stairs of her porch, hugging herself as she walked on the sidewalk to the house next door. However, when Luna looked up from the ground, Foolish was sitting at the bottom on his own steps. Foolish's eyes caught on her, and once they set on her frame, they softened yet also filled with some sort of fire — anger, maybe. Luna slowed her pace slightly as she went up to the house.
"Why are you sitting out here?" Luna inquired.
Foolish shrugged. "I was waiting for you. Wanted to make sure you were okay."
"Well, I'm fine." Luna brushed past him, walking up one of the steps towards the front door. "Is everybody else—"
"Luna." Foolish stood up and grabbed her wrist, making her stop in her tracks and turn back towards him. "MJ told us everything. About your parents . . . about your brother."
She nodded slightly, still struggling to breath properly. "Good. I told her to. But I'd rather—"
"Luna," Foolish cut in, pulling her back down from the step to stand in front of him. He looked down at her with such gentleness that her breath caught in her throat. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Luna insisted, but it didn't really help that her voice caught on the word fine.
"You don't have to hide anymore," Foolish told her. "Especially not from me."
Well, why the fuck did he have to say that? It was like something hit Luna all of the sudden, and her vision got glassy. She let out a sob that had probably been building up ever since she saw Sol, and against her own willpower, she rose up onto her toes and threw her arms around Foolish's neck. Foolish seemed to freeze for a moment, but he soon put his arms around her waist, one of his hands running up and down her back softly.
"Him being here brought up so much," Luna whispered, sobbing through it all. "I'm just — I'm so tired."
"I know," Foolish responded. "You're so strong, Lunes."
His hand suddenly stilled on her back. Suddenly, it was replaced by just his one finger, tracing across her back in a pattern. Luna was confused on what it was for a moment, but then she felt the five points.
A star.
Oh my God.
Luna moved closer to him, and in response, Foolish just seemed to hold her tighter, continuing to trace stars on her back. Luna wasn't sure how long they stood there, but all she did know was that this — this felt like home. There were really no words to how comforted Foolish made her feel. It was like she could breathe better now, and although her crying hadn't stopped, she wasn't so hysterical.
"All right, where is he?" Mary Jane demanded, followed by the sound of a slamming screen door.
"He left," Luna told her, her voice slightly muffled by Foolish's shoulder. She pulled back away from him — instantly missing the warmth and comfort — and sniffled, wiping her hands against her cheeks to get rid of her tears again. "I told him I needed time."
Mary Jane looked over at her, a frown instantly appearing on her face at the sight of Luna's blotchy face and watery eyes. "I'm so sorry, Lunes." She put her hands on either side of Luna's face and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Let's go inside, yeah?"
Luna's voice shook. "The pizza's still in the house. I'm sorry."
"Princess, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. It's okay, we'll just make Luke get it. Come on."
Luna nodded. She gave a small, watery smile to Foolish for a moment. Mary Jane then put her arm around Luna's shoulders and led her up the stairs. However, when they reached the top, Mary Jane glanced back at Foolish for a moment and mouthed thank you.
Foolish nodded. He stood there, watching as Luna curled herself into Mary Jane's side as they went into his house. His eyes slid over to her house for a moment before shaking his head and walking inside after the girls, his mission now to make Luna laugh as much as possible.
-ˏˋ ♥̩͙♥̩̩̥͙♥̩̥̩ ˊˎ-
oh my luna :( she's so matilda and you're on your own, kid isn't she