I can't sleep. My anxiety is through the roof, and I've been pacing for three hours now in the common room. The fact that I accidentally mixed up the notebooks, and gave my deepest darkest secret right into the hands of the subject of my daydreams is blocking me from any kind of peace. It's already two in the morning, and I am absolutely restless. The whole dorm is sleeping, I couldn't possibly stay in my shared bedroom, otherwise I would wake up my roommates, and I don't want any unnecessary scandal.
This is all my fault. It was the stupidest idea to draw my erotic pictures in a notebook identical to my potions one. And I was the greatest fool of the century to give it the exact same title! Couldn't I have written Herbology or any other subject on it??? No, I had to write fucking NEWT potions! Argh, I'm so dead.
Maybe I can sneak into Snape's office and switch out the notebooks before he has the opportunity to see it! Hmm, that's not even a bad idea... but knowing Snape, he probably keeps his door locked with all types of charms and locks, there's no way I can get in without him noticing me. Oh, Merlin, why must I be so utterly fucked...?
Either way, I have to go out a bit. Take a probable last stroll on the grounds to air my head out. A small walk under the moon will maybe help me to accept my inevitable fate, and I might as well start thinking about packing up my trunk, because there's no way in hell Snape will not report my obscenely naughty tendencies to the headmaster, and of course, I will be expelled before I could say Picasso. Dad will no doubt be disappointed, and since I can't finish school with a proper graduation, no magical workplace will accept me, and I'll most probably have to look for a muggle job just like dad. Dear god, this is too sad to even think about. I have to go.
The door opens with a creak, and I sneak out onto the school corridors, desperate for fresh air, so I plan on slipping out to the lake. Sitting under the soothing moonlight and listening to the soft chirping of the crickets will calm my anxious mind a bit, at least I hope so. As I silently make my way to the main entrance, passing through a dark hallway with no windows, I'm contemplating on using Lumos to see better, but I decide against it, knowing the paintings will report my sighting immediately to the teacher on night duty. And we don't want that. So, I walk forward blindly, reaching my hands out in front of me to avoid running into anything, but I almost jump out of my skin as I feel a strong hand grabbing my forearm in the darkness.
"Lumos." comes the deep voice and I go through a mini heart attack recognizing the tone, and coming face to face with my dark potions professor. Snape is on night duty today!? No way, my luck can't get any worse.
"What are you doing outside your dorm at this hour, Miss?" he inquires with a frown, quietly, to not wake the sleeping paintings.
"I-I'm sorry, I just needed some fresh air, because I couldn't sleep." I whisper with a stammer, like a frightened puppy, fear and shame hiding in my orbs. Snape stares me down; the tense silence is killing me in the dark hallway. Then, he slowly lowers his wand to his side from my face, the movement causing his upper body and face to be lit from below, placing some great shadows on his features. I'll be sure to remember this, and put it on paper later.
"My office. Now." he states, with a tone that doesn't tolerate opposition, and my eyes widen in horror. Is he going to punish me for sneaking out? Why would he order me in his office at 2 in the morning? Dear Merlin, I'm royally screwed.
We make our way down to the dungeons in sheer taciturnity, the descent on the circular stairs to his office sending my blood pressure into the skies. I follow his stiff posture nervously, his steps becoming a tad more loud as we reach the hallway to his office, there is no longer anyone that can be disturbed by our noises. He opens the heavy door, strolling in with momentum. I shimmy my way in after him, grasping the side of my arm, setting a barrier in front of my chest subconsciously, closing the door behind me quietly. Snape gets behind his desk, opens a drawer, and takes out the black leather with pink flowers, slamming it down on the table harshly.
"Explain this filth." he orders with icy, sharp knife-like words, and a shudder rattles my spine upon hearing the brand-new tone the professor gives me. Oh, so I won't be punished for sneaking out. I'll just be beheaded for my previous fatal mistake. I'm so scared of being berated, judged, thrown out, expelled and everything bad one can imagine, that I just say the plain fact coming up in my mind first.
"I gave you the wrong notebook." my eyes are blocked open, my body is numb, I can't bring myself to look him in the eye, instead I just keep my gaze at the flowers on the cover. I'm paralyzed by embarrassment and fear. Snape's eyes widen a bit in surprise and outrage, he didn't expect me to throw him the simplest answer there is.
"The wrong notebook? You do realize I could have you expelled for this if I so wanted to? How dare you humiliate me like this?" he hisses, venom dripping from his mouth as he slams the words in my flesh like nails, pinning me to the spot with his burning, angry gaze.
"I'm sorry, sir." I hang my head in shame, clammy hands trembling, balled in a fist. I'm preparing myself for the worst sentence to arrive, staring at the stone floor with mournful eyes.
"Has it ever crossed that pea-sized brain of yours that if any other teacher saw your- art, they could easily misinterpret it, and that would result in me losing my job instantly! Did you even think about how seriously I would be held accountable? Not to mention, this would shine an awful light on the both of us!" the chiding flows out of him, thundering words making me curl up mentally more and more, until I'm almost a trembling ball on the floor.
"I'm sorry, I-I didn't think of the consequences..." my voice seems to have left me as I breathe out the words in terror, awaiting the moment when the bat announces that I'm no longer a part of this school.
"Precisely. You should be beyond thankful I was the first to find these, and no other teacher got to see them." his tone softens a bit, and the potioneer starts pacing slightly in his office with hands locked behind his back. "I don't even know what kind of punishment would suit your outrageous act. Why do you even paint pictures in this fashion? If you have such talent and interest in painting, can't you put a landscape or still life on paper!?" he makes an aggressive movement with his hand in mid air, accentuating his confusion and displeasure. Stopping in front of his fireplace, he stares a bit into the fire, and I gain a dot of courage to speak, panic prompting my mouth to try and save my butt from being expelled.
"Please don't punish me, professor." I plead with him silently. "I promise not to paint anything of the sort again, just please let me go this once." my fingers are clasped together, the words like a prayer falling into the heavy atmosphere between us. Snape doesn't move from his position, keeping his tense posture, his fist nestled in his other hand at his lower back, a small distance between his feet.
"I will write to your father about your disgraceful behavior. Tonight. Now get out." the professor says coldly, and I let out the breath I was keeping inside.
I don't dare to argue with him. Mentally I thank the gods for letting me off only with this, and after I regain my strength to move my feet, I slowly make my way towards the desk, reaching for my notebook.
"Don't you dare touch it." comes the hiss from the teacher still standing motionlessly before the hearth. "Consider it confiscated. Go."
How did he see what I was doing? Does he have eyes at his nape also? I quickly retract my hand to my chest like a scaredy-cat, and run out of the menacing atmosphere, with my heart beating in my throat. I better send a warning letter to my dad before Snape's letter reaches him. I don't know what the professor intends to write, but I will not be depicted as an angel, that's for sure.
My sprinting steps are knocking hard in the night, I don't care anymore if I'm being a bit loud, the paintings on the wall all shushing me as I pass them, but I pay them no mind. I barge in the common room, throw myself on the couch, the fire placing calming shadows on the table before the comfy furniture. Taking a piece of paper and quill in hand, I start to formulate my words with haste.
"Dear dad,
Soon you will receive (probably) a howler from professor Snape. He will berate me in his letter, and tell you, that I painted disgraceful pictures of him, and that I humiliated him in the worst way possible. Please, when you read those words, don't be mad at me. I got a small liking to the professor, and you know how I am with my paintings, so yes, indeed, I started painting nudes of my teacher, and he found out. I promised him to not do it anymore, so please don't be disappointed in me, I didn't mean any harm with my actions. No one else knows about the pictures, no need to be concerned. I simply put my feelings on paper, like I always do. Forgive me for causing you trouble.
I love you.
Your dear daughter."
I place the parchment in a red envelope, step over to my dorm window, and whistle with two fingers. My beautiful chocolate brown owl lands on the windowsill shortly, and I tie the red paper around her leg, telling her to fly as fast as possible with the important message. As the bird takes flight, I can only pray, that my letter gets opened first...