Cold.
In more ways than one, I was cold.
Sitting outside at night when the seasons were gradually changing towards winter definitely wasn't the best, but it was one reason why.
The night air kept me rooted beneath the tree I had picked despite the cloak around my shoulders.
I had plenty of time to think things over by myself without interruption.
Torture wasn't a line I condoned crossing, for myself or others. However, this was extreme. This situation, couldn't be remedied by reasoning alone.
Didn't mean I liked it at all.
My heart felt cold with this newly discovered information.
That was the next reason.
"Olivia." Hanji's voice met my ears like a sharp wind breaking my peace. "He won't talk, we need your plan. Eren's life depends on us right now."
I scoffed quietly and brought my knees closer to my chest.
"Get his buddy, and set up a fake story. You've worn Sannes down significantly as is. You've gone this far, might as well break him." I hissed bitterly, digging a hand into my shortened brown hair.
"Look, I'm sorry. This situation probably reminds you of what happened with your father, but-"
"It's bigger than us. This isn't the same. It's not about me. I've heard it all. I don't know what's worse Hanji, the fact that I'm not helping, or that I'm letting it all happen. Either way, it's bad. Eren has my support, but this situation... It can burn. You have my idea, so take it. I need time to cool off." I spat sarcastically, looking at my dumbfounded friend.
They were silent in shock for what seemed like forever. "Thank you. Your idea will help us."
"Don't.... Don't thank me for this. I'd rather kill someone than subject them to this." I bit back coldly.
It's true.
I'd rather show someone mercy by killing them, than letting them suffer. It just... Wasn't right.
"Okay. I'll come check on you later. Don't let yourself freeze for too long." Hanji murmured softly, taking their leave from my side.
Doubt it. Too much is going on. And if we get answers... Well. You won't be checking on me.
I glared at the ground as if it had some sort of fight to pick with me.
This was all because of some stupid political struggle, and of course, no one could handle the situation like a grown adult.
They had to pull children into the mix. How vile.
On top of it all, they had the belief that ignorant bliss was better than the truth. Blind, the whole lot of them.
If I were even a little bit religious, I'd say they all deserved to be purged, but that was a toxic way to look at it all.
Very toxic.
There was a fine border between the lines I was walking. I had to be careful, or else I'd be no better than those corrupt politicians.
I couldn't let myself drop to such darkness.
Why does our political system have such large flaws?
A particularly loud scream from the basement launched my mind into a panic, sending loud and explosive memories through my head.
My father stood above me, bloody chains in hand and a menacing smile stretched across his lips.
Cold blue eyes stared me down with such malice that it sent my heart racing like it used to way back when.
He's not here. He's not! This isn't happening.
You're far away from him. Look away.
So that's exactly what I did. I looked away, and screwed my eyes shut tightly.
After a while I hesitantly peeled both eyes open and let out a breath I had no idea I was holding in.
He was gone.
"I really need to figure myself out." I clicked my tongue in frustration and rose to my feet.
My booted toes tapped the ground a couple times as I thought to myself.
Who am I now? Who am I supposed to be? Surely not a heartless woman.
Is that where I'm headed again?
I shuddered at the displeasing thought.
No. That's not it. I'm just growing cold again.
Not heartless.
Lately, nothing I've done has been true to who I once was. I killed someone just to survive.
She will haunt me forever, just like the rest of the dead I have seen.
Not a huge difference there, but this time it was direct. It was me, not an outside force.
On top of that, I may have to do it again.
That's chilling in itself. I'm becoming jaded and bitter.
Levi tried to put my mind at ease in his own way, but I can't rely on him to constantly call me out.
There is no other way to see myself. I'm a killer. I betrayed myself, and now, I have to adopt a new mentality.
I can still save people. I can help them. That doesn't have to change.
I just can't afford to lose my life over it.
I have to survive. I have to get smarter. I have to view this as a war. Everything is a battle.
Everything is about life and death from this point on. I'll take threats seriously and cut them down as they come.
No more confusion or wallowing in this paralyzing self-pity. The past is the past, use your knowledge and move on.
The resolve that had dwindled since the capture of Reeves, ignited again, diminishing any doubts I had in my mind.
Kill or be killed. Just make sure you keep an open mind. Try peace first, always.
Taking a deep breath I turned to face our hide out. Just in time it seemed.
The door swung open and Levi stepped out into the darkness, wearing casual attire instead of what he had on before.
His gear was firmly strapped to his body which clued me in on the situation.
Levi had information.
I watched as he scanned the area, looking for me through the trees. His sharp eyes landed on me and without any hesitation, he began walking towards me.
Not wanting him to be the only one moving, my feet led me to him, over some bushes and into the open environment before him.
"You have new information." I observed quietly.
"Yes, but we have a moment." He breathed tiredly. Clearly, today was rough for him too.
Here I was, being absorbed in my own mind, so much so, that I neglected the man I loved dearly.
I neglected the mindset of those close to me.
For as intelligent as I was, I was also terribly stupid.
Deciding my next course of action, I spoke. "How are you holding up?"
"All things considered, I'm doing fine. You seem much more in control of yourself." Levi observed, stepping up to me and placing a warm hand on my shoulder.
Any sane person would have recoiled from his touch seeing as it was responsible for such torment, but I didn't.
I didn't even feel the horror I did earlier. Levi may have done something I saw as completely wrong, but he didn't take it lightly either.
It would be wrong of me to scold him for actions he already saw as cruel.
Levi probably hated himself for it, that was punishment enough.
After all, he did once tell me he wasn't used to delicate application of his hands, tone, or personality.
"You did what had to be done. I think I've found a way to adjust faster. I don't have to stop saving people, but I can't let my need or wish for peace get in the way constantly. I'll be okay, in time." I gave Levi a small smile and blushed as he ruffled my hair slightly.
"That's my girl." He huffed in pride, taking me in, anew, with his dark gaze. "So I take it you're not mad at me and Hanji then?"
I shook my head. "You may have done something cruel, but it's just like a garden. We have to get our hands dirty to get somewhere. You had to bloody your hands to get answers. The situation... May have been too similar for comfort, but I am no longer the victim of my father's sick game. This was NOT right, but I understand, that you two are already beating yourselves up over it. I'm sorry that I was so cold earlier. It's been a really long day."
Levi searched my face, looking for any deceit or something that would falsify my words, but he didn't find it.
Content, he leaned in and planted another peck on my forehead, burning my already flushed face to a new height.
"Glad to hear it. You had every right to be upset, don't apologize for expressing your emotions. If anything, I shouldn't have been such an ass. You shouldn't have to walk on glass with me." He let out an exhausted sigh and dropped his head onto my right shoulder.
I reached up and ran my fingers through the pitch black hair on the back of his head. "We were both in the wrong. Let's move on. Tell me what's going on."
A deep groan erupted from the man in front of me as he pushed his head harder against my shoulder.
"You had the right idea from the start. He believed what he did was right, and that his comrades would carry on the loyalty to the King. That we should be thankful for the sacrifices they made. Once we used your idea, he broke down. We've repaid him for the death of the pastor. According to him, the Reiss family is the true royal family." Levi sounded disgusted, having more than one hint of it when he spoke.
Oh, Levi...
Realization dawned on me.
"So that means... Fritz is a fraud. That means that... Historia really is our way out of this political nightmare. Where are they?" I pushed him away and rocked on my toes, slightly excited.
This was big.
"Calm down. Hanji is gathering everyone to talk about it. If you're so interested, then let's go inside." Levi complained.
"I'm not just interested. This is a need to know piece of information." I grabbed his hand and dragged him back to the cottage.
Before we entered, I made sure to squeeze his hand in reassurance, and then let it go so that he had assurance of privacy.
Our relationship was separate from our work. As it needed to be.
* * * * *
After a long explanation and a total of three yawns from me, we had almost caught up on the situation at hand.
"So they plan to eat Eren?" Armin asked fearfully.
Mikasa's eyes were wide, appalled and horrified by the information.
Couldn't blame her. Here we were, idle in a room close to a table with a picture of the enemy on it, and she was desperate to get Eren back in one piece.
"Yeah. Eren remembered a conversation between Ymir and Bertholdt. In that conversation, Bertholdt said something about someone being eaten by Ymir." Hanji confirmed, letting us in on the missing context.
I put my hand to my lips, attempting to break down the situation.
So if Titans stem from humans, then how do we get Titan shifters?
Do they have to eat someone? What kind of someone. It can't just be a person.
I've seen thousands of people die to the Titans, and none of them have become human again.
So what is it?
"Based on this, we can speculate. Ymir used to be a mindless Titan just like the others, until she consumed someone- someone from Bertholdt and Reiner's group." Everyone at the table across from Hanji, Levi, Moblit, and me gasped. "We've never seen a Titan turn back into a human by eating before. That said, Reiner's comrades aren't normal humans. And there's a different set of rules for humans that can turn into Titans."
Titan shifters... They were all Titan shifters! They all have a different ability! So is it inherited by eating one of them?
Just like the traits?
What about memories? Or thoughts?
Hanji pressed on. "My thought is this: If a Titan eats someone with that power, then it'll transform back into a human. What's more, they'll obtain whatever powers that human had. In the battle the other day, Reiner was throwing Titans at Eren as he tried to run away. He knew that Eren had the power to take command of feral Titans with his scream. If Eren's death would've meant that power was lost, he wouldn't have risked it. I think he hoped that one of those Titans would eat Eren and take his power."
I let out a hum in thought. Hanji was absolutely brilliant with their thoughts, and I was only one second behind them.
"So what's your point?" I asked, raising my gaze to my friend.
"My point is, if the government has a Titan of their own, they'll use it to eat Eren." Hanji concluded grimly.
I shook my head in denial.
That can't be right. Just months ago they found out about shifters, how would they know? How could they have one?
I know there are more shifters, but if they had one... Then why now? They could have used it long ago for control.
Much easier to control those in fear... Hm...
Mikasa rushed towards the door, catching my eye. Levi intercepted her and rested a hand on her shoulder.
She turned to face him with a scowl as he spoke. "Calm down. I know you wanna get Eren back, but going on a rampage won't help with that. Anyway, we're heading for Rod Reiss' estate. Prepare to leave at once."
I groaned and stretched.
"Sir!" The team chimed.
No rest for the wicked, I suppose.
One by one, everyone left the room. I followed behind Hanji and Levi, standing next to Moblit.
"I'll go tell Erwin everything we've learned about the Reiss family. I'm sure he's waiting to hear from us." Hanji reported, putting my mind at ease by a little bit.
"Right." Levi responded curtly.
"You head for Lord Reiss' estate. I'll find you when I can." Hanji continued as we descended the stairs.
It was time to plan a rescue mission.
"Hanji, be careful. There's a chance that there will be heavy resistance at some point. This is going to be a victory or complete annihilation for us." I warned as we got to the ground floor.
They turned to look at me.
"Well, think like Erwin, and everything should be fine." Hanji gave me a brave smile and then grabbed their cloak off the coat rack.
"See you soon Hanji." I spoke warmly, giving my friend a quick hug.
It was a make or break situation, and I had to make sure that I did everything within my power to protect my team.
This rescue mission, depended on my ability to strategize and execute proper communication.
If something went wrong, it was highly possible, that the Scouts would be finished.
Unfortunately, Hanji had to worry about their side of things by themself. I had to do the same for mine.
This wasn't going to be easy.
But difficult is what I was used to.
This would be entertaining.