After almost a week closed in my house, my dad started to be worried about me.
In the first days, I told him I wasn't feeling well, and that I needed some rest. But when he saw how pale I was and how less I was eating, he started to feel very worried about me. And I don't blame him. I just can't stop seeing the scene of the attack. Every time I fall asleep, I see that big disgusting man calling me 'doll' and then hitting me, unmerciful and I wake up screaming, with my father coming into my room to check me.
I want this to stop, I don't want him to get worried about me that much. I don't even know how to justify myself. I told him that I am in that period of the month but he knows I am not because this is not what period makes a girl do. Not nightmare, screaming during the night, starving and paling.
My phone came back after three days and when I picked it up, it was like I had before the attack. No scratches and no bending. When I turned it on, the first things that appeared on my lock screen were all the calls and the text from both Kevin and Antonio and they were all from the day I was kidnapped.
The last text from Kevin was right after he dropped me home and when I read it, I felt my heart cracking.
Kevin
If you only knew how much I feel bad and guilty for what happened to you...
When I realised they took you, I started to feel some sort of fear I'd never felt before.
I thought I could lose you.
And I realised that if one day you'll walk away, after everything, I won't take it well.
I am not saying that you have to stay, I am just realising things.
And I wish things would be different between us.
I hope you feel better and one day you can forgive me.
I didn't text it back. As I read the text, I started to cry and I don't know if it was for the words he used or of the trauma I was still healing of. I only knew that I was and I am confused. I know I should talk to him, we should have a deep conversation and make a point. Decide what to do, and make a position. But I don't know if I can handle seeing him right now because I am weak and my feelings are deep. If I would be in front of him right now, I have no idea what I would do and what my mind would think.
At some point, I will make a decision, but not now.
It's the end of the week and my father has taken some days from work to stay with me, to check on me. I told him it was fine and I didn't need him to oversee me but he insisted and I had to let him do the father.
«What do you want for dinner?» He asks me while we're sitting on the couch, looking at the tv. He put on a comedy movie but I am not even listening to him. He turns his head over me. «Enede?»
As he calls me, I give him my attention. «Mh?»
I can see his eyes trying to read me but he just sighs. «What do you want for dinner?»
I am not hungry, I want to reply but I know he wouldn't accept it. He already dealt with this period of my life, I am not going to bring that again in new life. «Pizza,» I suggest. I don't know if I am going to eat it, but at least I can try.
My dad nods smiling and leaves the couch to call the pizzeria. I turn off the tv because the movie was about to end and I wasn't watching it and I pet Brody's head before feeling my phone buzzing. I take it and I hold my breath when I see it's Kevin again. I sigh and open it.
Kevin
How are you?
His constant trying to know how I feel is making me nervous and not in a good way. I get he is worried but if I don't text you back there is a reason behind it. This time, I'll give him a shoulder so maybe he can turn off his protective big brother side and let me have my healing moment in peace.
Healing.
Kevin
The wounds?
Gone.
Kevin
That's good.
What about the inside ones?
Not gone.
He doesn't reply quickly but I stay in the chat, staring and the little photo of him. He has had the same one since the first day we started to talk while I changed mine three times in a row. I don't like keeping the same photo for too much, I need to change them, even if I have to put a stupid one. Just because they bored me after a while. As 'typing...' appears under Kevin's name, I prepare myself to cut the conversation.
Kevin
They won't go easily, it will take time
I know.
Kevin
I'll let you go, I just needed to know how you feel.
I twist my lips and turn my head up when I sense my dad coming back. He sits where he was before and looks at me. «I just wish whatever you're being through is worth it.»
My gaze is still on my father when I hear drops in his words. «I am fine, Dad.»
He shakes his head. «No, you're not. Either you're falling in love or something bad happened to you.»
Or both. I shut my mind down. «None of them,» I laugh. «I am just living in a bad University period. It will go in some days.»
My dad keeps staring at me, trying to find the fake in my words. «I really hope you're right.»
I face my phone again, typing the text.
Monday I'll come there.
We need to talk.
Whether is the last time or not, we need to.
Kevin
Sure, I'll be here all day.
I put my phone away and take a deep breath before letting all the feelings slide on my body. In whatever way the conversation will go, we need to clear things up and now that my mind feels a bit better after what happened, I think I can afford a full normal conversation with him. Despite everything, he saved me.
Technically, my father did. If he didn't give me the Apple Watch, Kevin would have found it harder to find me. I don't even know why they didn't take it off. Maybe when I arrived there, it was already gone and they didn't feel the need to throw it away. However, I have to thank Kevin to have saved me.
Leaving out that he is the main reason why I was there in the first place.
—
When Monday arrives, my mind starts to feel weak against the knowledge to meet Kevin.
I washed the clothes he lent me, even if I didn't know if he wanted that, and put them into a bag after that, I sit on my couch, staring at some point in front of me while waiting for Antonio to give me his car. I didn't want Kevin to come to pick me up, I wanted time alone while I go there so my mind can still think clearly before losing sight. Antonio offered to drop me there himself, but then he had to wait either inside or in the car, so I declined his deal and I asked him to just give me the car. I would do the rest.
When my phone buzzes, I take it and read my best friend's text telling me he is down. I greet Brody with a kiss on his little muzzle and he snuggles it against my face before letting me go away.
When I am outside, I do double-check around to be sure there is no one and Antonio notices my alarmism. «Are you sure you want to go alone?» He asks once he is out from his Smart EQ.
I give him a calm gaze. «It's not Kevin that we need to be worried about,» I comment before smiling at him and hugging him. «I'll be fine. I'll text you when I am back home so you can come and pick up the car.»
«All right. I hope whatever you two need to talk to will find the goal,» he sighs before smiling me back and giving me a cheek kiss.
I jump in the car, throwing on the passenger seat my stuff and then drive away from my street, heading to the parallel centre's roads before entering the outskirts. I have learnt Kevin's house street like mine and I haven't driven there a lot. But still, to not face him I checked the outside all the time I was going there. I know very well how to arrive and once I see the trees, I know I am there.
The Mazda and the Audi are back, parked outside the house as they never left. They both look like new, as he bought them instead of fixing them. I park Antonio's car behind the Audi and then step out of the vehicle before walking towards the door. I am not stopping, I am not hesitating. I need to do this as quickest I can. The more I wait, the more the doubts grow up, with the feelings and with everything that goes around this.
I ring the doorbell and after not so much, the door opens.
But once the door in front of me is opened, my heart falls and all my strong walls become like paper. This is when I realise I cared about him more than I've always wanted to think about. Because of the purpose I come here for, jump on the second floor and my attention and worries go on him.
Kevin is standing right in front of me with his left eye black and a deep cut on his upper lip. It doesn't seem so old, so it may probably happen between Sunday and Saturday. He hadn't it after the attack so either they found him and had a fight or I don't know who did that to him.
I try to raise a hand against his wounds but he steps back, letting my hand falling the air. «Come in,» he murmurs distant, stepping aside to let me walk in and I do while my chest is tightening.
Whatever has happened, it must have taken him down morally because I can sense the tension and the distance he is giving to me. I turn around to face him again once he has closed the door. «What happened?» I ask looking right into his eyes but he is making it very difficult and this coldness he is taking out is freaking me out.
Kevin inhales sharply before finding my eyes. I am not that close to him but I can see that the white around his blue iris had a blood spot and it makes me feel the pain he has felt or is still feeling. «It doesn't matter,» he answers and these words make me even more upset and angry.
«Stop saying that every time I ask something like this. There must be a reason if I want to know,» I beat back, stepping closer to him and this time Kevin doesn't move from where he is. His lips are closed to form a straight line and his expression is empty but I know that he is feeling something inside.
Once I am close enough, I again raise my hand to touch his face and this time he lets me do it. He shudders when my skin touches his but he stays still. I move my fingers around the black eye very slightly afraid to hurt him. Seeing it from this distance, confirm my doubts about it being fresh. I move my focus to the cut on his lip and I can see that it hasn't been taken care of deeply. I don't know who did that but I sense that once I'll know I won't be happy about it.
«It was my father,» he admits with a hushed voice. He probably didn't want to tell me because he knew the reaction I would have but I try to stay firm with my expression. «He came here yesterday, full of rage. He is not happy about what happened with The Cleaners. We kept the wall between us for years. They never knew how to touch us and the same us with them. It was a war with no contact,» he keeps saying with his eyes far away from me and his expression hard. «He called me weak. A useless, vulnerable weak because they now know how to attack us.» He moves his eyes on me. «Because they know I have a weak spot.»
«You're not what he says, you know that,» I sigh out moving my hand from his face to his shoulder and stopping it there but he shakes it off as I speak and passes next to me.
«He is right,» he retorts and this time his voice is louder and full of regrets. «If I only would've been a bit like him, all of this didn't happen.»
I move my body in the opposite direction so I can again see him and follow him towards the couch where he stops before the stairs. «Don't be hard on yourself. There is nothing wrong in the way you are and it's way better than how he is.» I am trying my best to make him feel better but the big question is: why am I trying to do that?
Why am I trying to make him feel better? He should feel guilty, and blame himself for having put me and his work family in danger. Why am I trying too hard to make him feel like a good person? As he nominated his father, I trembled. I probably never hated someone like him. But not because he is Kevin's father, but because he is a father that has put a fourteen kid in a position to kill someone just for the purpose to see if he was capable or not to be strong and a future Mafia Leader.
«If you were emotionless, I wouldn't be here,» and I mean I would be dead at the first moment.
«That's the whole point,» he lets out with a loud voice, turning in my direction so our gaze meets. «If I was able to not feel anything for you, I wouldn't have put you in danger since the first moment.» He is not moving but I want to, I want to go closer to him but I stay where I am. «He told me that for a useless girl, I have lost my mind and my goals and when he called you like that... I pushed him. I lost my sight and I let my rage out on him but he has always been stronger than me and this is how it ended.»
After he has said everything, a little drop of blood fall from the cut on his lip and I brush away all his words to walk faster and go closer to check the wound. «It needs to be treated,» I assert while pushing two fingers under his chin so I could see better the cut and then I move my eyes to his. «I don't care what you're thinking. I am pretty sure you have an emergency kit or whatever to treat that in this museum of houses. So please move and go take it for me.»
I let his chin go and he smirks at my order and then obeys, leaving me alone in the living room where I drop my stuff on the couch and take off my jacket.
Now I have a weak spot. I didn't want to be his or whoever else weak spot. I have never liked to be the reason why someone becomes fragile or puts themselves in danger. I wanted to stay out of this but apparently, you can't decide to do it. They just feel and in the end, that's what pushes people to do reckless and stupid stuff. And now Kevin's father is mad at him because he knows The Cleaners will get closer and closer to them just because if they touch me, his son falls.
Kevin is coming back along with the little white bag with a red cross on top of it. He hands it to me with still a little smile on his face and while he does that, the cut just goes worse. «Here, missy headstrong.»
I take the bag and give him an annoyed expression as he called me in that way again. «You should shut up, the cut could get worse,» I give him a mock smile before nodding to the couch so we could sit there.
He follows my lead and we sit next to each other, with him routed in my direction while I open the little bag and pick from it the sanitiser and some cotton where I drop the liquid. When I turn my face in Kevin's direction, his eyes hit me and I try to control whatever my body is feeling right now. The only thing I am sure of is the burning I am feeling against my skin. I gently put the cotton on the cut keeping my eyes on that.
I don't know if it burns or not but Kevin handles whatever he is feeling well. I try to do what my father taught me to do if I ever would be hit by someone and he couldn't take care of me.
Not that this cut needs deep medication; it's just important to disinfect it so it won't get worse.
This is probably the first time we are this close voluntarily. He is holding his breath and I am doing it slowly because I have the fear it is too fast, like my heart. Knowing he is staring at me, I move my eyes slowly away from the cut to the cotton, I need to move them but not in his direction. I can't afford his gaze right now. I feel my stomach having a rollercoaster ride.
Once I think the wound is enough clean and disinfected, I move my hand slowly away and drop the dirty cotton on the table. «You should put ice on it to reduce the swelling,» I whisper.
I move a little back so I can have air and I finally meet his eyes. He is saying nothing, he has a first expression while he stares at me and I am wondering what he is thinking about. «I am sorry he hit you,» I speak again. «Knowing I am the reason why he did that.» I didn't realise that until I said.
Joe hit him because of me.
Kevins shakes his head. «It's not your fault. You did nothing, it's... just him being him.»
«It's not an excuse to hit your son just because it's in your being,» I face my fingers. «It's just not right.»
I feel his fingers again on the skin of my chin when he puts two of them there and pushes to make me raise my head so we can look at each other again. «I am fine,» he admits. «Now that you're here, I am fine.»
«Please, stop,» I sigh. «You know this is impossible.»
«That's why I want to follow your plane,» he finally says, pulling away his hand from me. «After what happened to you and what he did to me, I realised that this is not the way I want things to keep going: behind him with my head down and obey all his orders just because one day I have to replace him. He already thinks I am a failure, I am going to give him a reason to think that.»
I nod slowly, wrapping my mind around his words. «Are you sure?» I ask. I know that right now I shouldn't push him to think twice about the choice but I want him to be sure that once he steps in, there is no way out if not the front door.
«Never been more sure,» he comments smiling. «I am done. I want to walk away from all of this. I just hope that exposing him, won't put me in jail too.»
I move my eyes from him to the view out of the lake. «I mean, the only one who knows what you may have done is your father, right?» I give my attention back to Kevin who nods. «And most of the things you've done were because of him, not because you wanted to.»
«It doesn't work like that,» he says. «Even if he forced me, he wasn't pointing a gun. I did what I've done because I wanted his validation. Because back in time, I thought I needed to do this and nothing else. Growing up, I slowly decided that I wanted to walk away but right now I am too into it. To go away, he needs to go down.»
I scratch my neck. «I have a contact,» I admit watching his reaction. «He is a Private Investigator. I know he works mostly around corruption and the mafia. I know that the police would never listen to us, so I think I can ask him to collaborate. To help.» I give Kevin time to think about it before adding: «He will probably do the big job: put him in jail. But before that, we should give him good evidence.»
«Have you already talked with him?»
I shake my head. «I was waiting for you to be part of this.»
He moves his sight to mine and slightly tilts his head on the right side. «You could've done this without me. You planned everything by yourself.»
«With you not in, it would've meant put also you in the exposed side. You could've ended up in jail with your father.»
«And what's the problem with that?»
I narrow my eyes. «Are you trying to make me say something specific?»
Kevin smirks before shaking his head. «No, absolutely. I am just asking why were you waiting for me when you could've done this alone. And also putting me in jail, what's the matter with that?»
«I know what you want to head and I am not going to say it,» I retort shrugging and then picking up the bag where there are his clothes inside. «Even if I am still mad about the fact you undressed me, here are your clothes.»
I hand them to him and he chuckles. «I know you preferred to be aware of it so you could tell me not to stop, but I am still a gentleman.»
I stand up. «And this is the time when I go back home,» I snort with a nagging tone.
He laughs and takes my hand to pull me back down. «I am joking, come on,» he says and I look down at him while he still holds my hand. «I won't make any other dirty jokes, I promise. But don't go.»
«I'll go, sooner or later,» I warn him while sitting back down.
«I know, but for now you can stay. You can tell me more about the plan and the details of it.»
«Am I still taking self-defence lessons?» I suddenly ask.
Kevin shakes his head. «No, because you're not going around alone again. If you want, I can train you but not because you'll need it.»
«Wait a moment,» I say raising my hand. «Are you going to follow me like a puppy?»
«Yes,» he says with no hesitation and that surprises me. «I don't care what you think, what you want to do or whatever. If you go out, you tell me and I come.»
I make a complaint noise while pushing my head on the back of the couch. «This is not what I wanted,» I quip and blow before turning my head to look at him again. He is still smiling, as if all this is a joke but I am seriously considering the idea of closing myself in the house and never leaving it.
I can't go around and pretend to have him right on my back, checking on me and moving as I do. This is so annoying but on the other hand, I can understand his sense of protection, after what happened. He wants to prevent another attack, I get that. But if I decide to go out with Antonio and Giacomo again, it means either I invite Kevin too or he will stay far away but ready to come if it's needed.
When I move my focus out of the window, I see the sunset appearing far away at the end of the lake. I have never been here at this time of the day or if I did, I never noticed this beautiful view. I jump off the sofa to start forward the glass and keep my sight of the sun disappearing behind the trees and the orange-blue shadow hitting each other but making a beautiful contrast. I am more of a sunrise person, but the sunset has its vibes. I always love to watch them on the beach, before entering the night. It's a chaotic moment, not like the sunrise. When I am on the beach, at sunset, I am surrounded by music, dancing and people making a photo of it. When I watch the sunrise, it is a quiet moment. There are not many people watching it, no music, and no photos. Just a relaxing moment while you see the day starting -or ending, depending on what you're doing.
I have to admit that I would love to live here just for the view. «Can you swim in that lake?» I ask slowly, keeping my eyes on the view outside.
«Yes.» His voice is closer than I expected. «I use to do it, every summer. It's relaxing because it's always quiet here,» he admits and this time I feel him next to me. I don't move, I try to focus on the sun disappearing in front of us, so I don't have to fight with any of my feelings. «But it's very cold, even in summer,» he laughs and I lift my head in his direction.
The gold light is hitting his wounded face but still lighting his blue eyes, making them sharp. He is giving his focus to the outlook and I am staring at him because right now, even if he is wounded and his gaze is hardened, I find him one of the most beautiful men I've ever met. Not that I have seen so many men in my life, but since the first moment I met him, I have always admitted to myself that he is very handsome. And now that I know him better, I can confirm my opinion. But he is not just that sexy man you see and wants to bring into bed, at least not for me.
After you start to know him, you find his inside even more attractive. His posture, confidence and his way to be make him charming. I don't even know how he was single at first, but maybe because -as he told me- he should have a distraction, considering his lifestyle and I don't blame him to think that, I just find it very selfless because even if he has a very difficult lifestyle, it doesn't mean he can't find love and happiness. I think everyone deserves that, good and not.
«Why do you always stare?» His question catch me off guard and I feel like a kid being seen while stealing. I move away from my sight so I can back face the sunset that now is coming to be the night.
«You do that too,» I fend off.
Kevin chuckles and walks back. «And I told you why,» he retorts before heading to the white wall that leads to the kitchen. I follow him silently but think about the time to go back home.
I don't wanna my father to be back from work and not find me there. I already owe him so many explanations, I am not going to tell him that I am seeing Kevin again. Not that he suspects anything, but he probably thinks that my change of humour is because of him and the way I am slowly eating less is making my dad, not like the guy.
«I don't stare,» I say while picking up my stuff on the way to reach him in the kitchen. «I observe.»
«It's the same,» he says and catches one of the apples on the island. «It's just what people say to hide the truth behind it.»
I give him an annoyed mock look before shaking my head. «I observe, stare. Call it however you want to.»
«Stare,» he underlines and bites the apple.
I roll my eyes and sigh before pushing my elbows on the cold marble. «I have to go,» I warn him. «Not because I want to but because my father is also checking on me. I suddenly feel like the America President, where the threat is in every corner.»
Kevin narrow his eyes and look deeply at me. «You've lost weight. Is that why he is checking on you?»
I quickly cover my body with my arm, hugging myself. How did he notice? «No, he is just worried. He has noticed my come and go and that something is in my head.»
I see with my side eye that he is approaching me. Once he is right in front of me, he lay his head to have a better look. «Aren't you eating?»
«I said I am not losing weight,» I simmer stepping back. «Stop saying that.» It triggers me. After what I have been through with my mom, I am not going to repeat the same old days but when I am nervous, scared and overwhelmed my appetite stops and I can't eat. I feel nauseous just thinking about the food.
Kevin is giving me one of those worried looks that I hate. I move away from him, pick up my stuff and stop back again in front of him. «Since I dropped University, I am always free. So, whenever you can, you can come to pick me up and we can discuss the plan. I'll call the PI and see if he can help.» I change the topic of the conversation, hoping he will understand my uncomfortable mood about talking about that stuff.
He is still giving me that worried look when he nods. «Sure, I'll let you know,» he says with a distant and inattentive voice before moving aside to give me space to head back to the door.
He walks right behind me and once I am at the door, I wait for him to open it for me. I give him a look, to check again the wounds. «Take care of them. At least the cut.»
«No need to worry.»
«You took care of mine, lemme do the same,» I add with a stiff tone, remembering him that I had also a lip cut and bloody wrist.
In a moment of seconds, he is catching my arm and pulled down my hoodie's sleeve to check the scratches. They aren't dark anymore but you can still see the red shadow of them. I haven't taken care of them but because they weren't that bad. He already did the big I didn't need to do more. The ones around my feet are even better because they weren't too tied.
His touch is gentle and soft and my skin reacts always so well when our skin brushes. Then he leaves my hand slowly and nods. «I will take care of it, don't worry.»
«Mh, sure,» I retort before shaking my head and giving him the back to walk towards Antonio's car.
Once I am in the car, I wave at him and I only see him going back inside when I head to the end of the street.
—
Back at home, once I am in the house, my dad is sitting at the dinner table, waiting for me.
Oh no, I don't like how this is starting.
Brody runs in my direction to greet me and I pick him up, patting his head while he snuggles against my neck. I give my father a confused and worried look before he chins me the chair next to him.
He knows about the University.
He knows about the attack.
He knows about Kevin.
«In three weeks it will be your mom's death anniversary,» he starts with no boundaries and my heart flips hearing that because I almost forgot it. «And I sense that this your being negligible and fragile is because of that.» I am imagining wiping my sweat off my forehead while he says that.
Not that he is fully wrong, but my rejecting food is not connected to my mom. «But Dad, I'm fine.»
«You're eating less, you're isolating, you're spending more time in the house than everywhere else,» he explains what he has noticed. «But I have also noticed how often you take Antonio's car. To go where I don't know but I suppose you can tell me.»
«Why are you checking on me so hard lately?» Now I am mad. «I can't have my bad days that you quickly think the worst of it.»
«Yes because last time you had a down moment I almost lose you.»
Silence looms over us before I find the strength to speak again. «I am not starving, I am not rejecting food. I am fine. I'll be fine. You need to back off and let me live my damn life without feeling the urge to visit me like I am one of your patience.» I stand up and leave the room.
In my room, Brody jumps on my bed next to me and gives me a puppy face, checking if I am fine. When I give him a comfortable gaze he cuddles against my body, finding a smooth position and slowly closing his eyes.
I move mine around the room while gently petting the dog's head.
I am not starving.
I am not rejecting food.
I am fine.
I am just trying a way to live these new things in my life in the best way ever but sometimes is just hard because I wasn't prepared for that. I still have nightmares of Nando's face and him hitting me. I am afraid wherever I go, he is there waiting for me.
I don't complain about Kevin following me around, I feel safer when he is with me but I would like to live a normal life.
Also with him.
I feel sorry for what I said to my father and I know he is just worried because he has seen some signals but I am really fine.
I am just trying to deal with my life and my feelings.
AUTHOR SPACE:
Happy Sunday, people. Sorry for the late post but I had big days.
in this chapter we see a fragile Enede after the attack, dealing with it by not eating and being super nervous. But as soon as she sees Kevin, everything blows away. She always puts herself in second place and takes care of others when she is the one who most needs help. When she sees Kevin's hurt, she can't help by worrying about him and forgetting why she was there.
Kevin had this fight with his father who hit him just because he was frustrated about Enede's attack. But that pushed Kevin to finally stand up for himself and do the plan. He wants to expose his father, not caring if that will also lead him to jail. He just wants his father to pay and Enede is happy to hear that.
Will the plan work?
Lemme know what you think about this chapter and how the story is developing for you!
Love ya,
Benny :*
CHAPTER COVER MADE BY ME.