Author Note: Edited and re-written on the 2nd of October, 2017.
No meaning behind the song, other than it's David Guetta and I do love me some David Guetta
Chapter 16:
Queue The Smile
Friday night arrives, and the girls and I get ready in their dorm, music playing in the background as makeup pile at random on the floor.
Wearing anything that doesn't cover skin never feels right on me. The white skirt Rachel let me borrow stops just before the knee, but hugs my thighs together, making it a little difficult to move without it slipping up. The red top with its thin spaghetti straps is light and comfortable, if not for the dip, exposing the highlights of my cleavage. Safe to say, I look like a candy cane.
Rachel has her arm around my shoulders, and pulls me in for a selfie with Nicole, whose attire remains warm in grey sweat pants and an oversize t-shirt. Rachel does a small fist-pump in the air. "We're gonna look so hot tonight!"
"I'm more comfortable with jeans than a skirt right now," I say, pulling down on the stretchy, white material.
Nicole sweeps her hair back into a ponytail, and grabs a curling iron while looking at me through the mirror. "You look hot in the skirt, babe. Let me finish up and I'll finish you up."
"I'm on it," Rachel says, her heels making firm sounds against the floor. Her black, short dress makes her legs look longer than what they actually are. "Stand up, let me put some falsies on you."
I blink up at her. "What?"
She waves a small, white packet. "False eyelashes. It goes so well with a winged eyeliner."
I wave her off. "Mascara is fine, thanks."
Rachel rolls her eyes. "How often do you do this? Come on, it's only for a night."
She takes a step forward, and I unconsciously take one back. "Don't hurt me."
"Trust me," she says, "I'm good with this."
"Several stabbings later you mean." Nicole scoffs. "She's perfect the way she is."
Rachel huffs, and I send a silent thank you to Nicole in the mirror. She winks.
"Can I do your hair then? I can make it as straight as mine."
"Will you burn me with the straightener?"
"Nope!" She sequels and gathers a brush and her silver hair straightener from her floor. "Sit on the bed for me, Lilly."
A warm buzz ripples down my back as Rachel gathers my hair, warming my expose skin. It actually feels good, having my hair being played with. I want this feeling to last until the day I can no longer feel anything.
"I told the guys we'll meet them at the front in ten. I still have to get dressed." Nicole fixes her ponytail and grabs the dresses from the closet.
"Have you chosen between the grey or red?" Rachel asks.
Nicole tilts her head as she holds up both dresses, flipping them back and forth, and pressing them against her torso in the mirror. "I like the grey one but it's only a thin piece. And the red is nice, but it makes me look bloated, you know?"
"Do you have any other choices?" I ask, as a warm strand falls down my neck.
"Skinny jeans and a crop top," she says.
Rachel makes a humming noise behind me. " Yeah, try that one on, Nikki."
Nicole rolls her eyes, but she grabs the jeans and off the shoulder top from her bag and throws them beside me on the bed. "This always pisses me off," she says, while she strips down to her strapless bra and matching panties. "Finding clothes that make you feel sexy but comfy costs money, right? But not everyone was born rich or have jobs."
"There's always second-hand stores," I say, trying as I can to not gawke at how amazing Nicole's body looks in those jeans.
"You've only worn those clothes twice, nobody cares Nikki." She tugs on my hair. "Done!"
Nicole pulls the crop top over her head, and says, "Money, Rach. Not clothes. Money. It's always about the money. Damn money! Everyone dies poor in the end." She moistens her lips. "God, I'm drinking tonight."
I glance at Rachel, confusion written on my face. She leans it close. "She does this all the time when she can't decide what to wear. It's like, her way of venting."
We leave with our ID, money and phones in our bras, and long sleeve checkered shirts tied at the waist. The girls shout into the night with giggles slipping off their tongues afterwards, making heads turn in our direction. I don't shout, but I laugh, and it's the best medicine for a night like this.
We see the guys as soon as we leave the front entrance of the campus. Jesse and Raven wear almost identical clothes; dark, thin shirts with massive gaps underneath the armpits, and a design in the centre, except Jesse has a cap on, and his jeans are darker. Noah sticks with his casual solid colour t-shirts. I give him a smile when our eyes catch each other.
Rachel wraps her arm through mine when Jesse directs us to the taxi behind him. I glance at the annoyed look on her face. She hasn't forgiven him just yet.
"Decided to call a cab instead of taking train. Way easier." He makes eye contact with Rachel, but the red-head pulls us towards the taxi and with a whooping sound.
"Hey dumbass," Nicole shouts, and glares at Jesse. "Did you forget there're six of us?"
Jesse shrugs. "Someone stays on the floor, the other in the boot. Problem solved."
Raven laughs and holds his hands up before him. "I take shot gun..."
"Next time!" Nicole sticks her tongue out and slips in the front.
Raven sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. "Every time," he mutters to himself.
Rachel looks around us. "Soooo being realistic for a sec, what's happening?"
"We'll grab another cab. There're van ones around her,e" Noah says, walking away from the group towards the road. I stare after him, mind reeling back a moment to the kiss he gave me before I left to go to the girls' dorm.
Nicole looks between everyone while she sits in the taxi's passenger seat. "We can always walk it."
"Someone can ride in the boot." Jesse locks his eyes on me, and my stomach drops along with any sense of rationality. Oh no, what if I have to ride in the boot? Will he make me? I cling to Rachel further.
"Just pair off," Nicole says, in almost perfect timing to Jesse's comment. "Seriously, just get in already."
"We sit on each other's lap? Kay, I'm down with it." Rachel tugs my arm. "You can sit on me."
My feet don't carry me willingly, and I stumble to a stop for me to ask, "Isn't doing that illegal?"
Rachel shrugs. "If the cab driver's cool with it." She turns to Nikki. "Can you ask if he doesn't mind?"
Noah comes back shaking his head. "Can't find any free ones."
"Cab says it's cool," Nicole cuts in with a thumbs up. "Hurry up and jump in already, I wanna go."
I can tell the guys don't feel comfortable with the arrangement, and I can't say I don't blame them, but Rachel slides in behind the driver, and grips my arm so I can get a foot in. My hand reaches behind me to instinctively pull the skirt down, all the while wishing I convinced the girls a little more to wear jeans. Rachel's arms come around my stomach. I rest my hands on hers.
Nicole cooes at us. Rachel hugs me tighter. "Yeah, I know, we make the cutest couple," she says, making kissy noises. I poke my tongue out.
Jesse goes in from the other side and sits in the middle, and then Raven follows. I try to swallow in my laughter as the cab jolts from the weight when the boys follow through, but seeing Raven pat his thighs and wiggle his eyebrows at Noah does it for me.
The taxi driver takes off as soon as Noah closes the door, tipping me off balance and onto Jesse's lap with my head on Noah's thigh. I hear laughter, and feel Rachel's arms pulling me back up, but the driver turns another corner, and gravity prevents any movement until the car straightens out again.
The gravity is different. There's a flash, and my stomach drops. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. Why aren't we wearing seat-belts? I'm going to die.
There's laughter and whooing, but I can't seem to be enjoying the thrill like everyone else. Noah's finger press themselves under my head, helping me sit up properly in Rachel's lap.
"You all right, Lilly?" Jesse asks, grasping my shoulders to push me back up.
"Uh..." Jesse still has his hand on my arm, but his eyes shift to Rachel. His behaviour clicks. Rachel's arms tense around my waist. "I'm fine, thanks," I say.
Nicole twists around in her seat. "Hey, Noah, Lillian. You two comfy back there?"
We both look at each other, and his eyes sparkle with amusement. "Yeah. I'm comfy. What about you?"
I tighten Rachel's arms around my waist. "I can't wait to get out," I say.
We get onto a straight road, and Nicole swears. "Awe, I just started recording."
"Should've been quicker," Raven says. Within a few minutes, we enter a bend. This time, Nicole smiles, camera pointing ahead.
Jesse nods to the guys. "Hold onto something, a bend's coming." Raven goes to hold Noah, but his arm slips.
"What?" Noah asks, just as the taxi turns a sharp left. I anticipate his fall before it happens, and brace myself against Rachel as Noah flies to our side, his face planting in the middle of my lap. My instincts tells me to help him up, but my body freezes under its command.
"Shit, sorry!"
"It's fine, it's fine." I say, trying to laugh it off, but my hands are shaking. Nicole shouts as her phone stays on the road ahead. "Can you get up?"
"Yeah." His hand slips on my knee. A shiver passes down my back as Rachel laughs in my hair. The taxi jerks to a sudden stop, and Noah knocks into Jesse's face. Someone moans from pain.
"Can't breathe!" Jesse punches Noah on the arm. "Dude, get off."
"We're almost there."
There are times like this where I think of how annoying these three must've been in high school, but by the way the girls act as they continue to laugh, I'll say it would've been an everyday occurrence. Their interactions make my cheeks hurt and cause stitches in the side of my stomach.
When our feet finally touch the pavement, it takes me a moment to get my balance back.
We line ourselves outside the club of Amor, and there's a different kind of stitch in me now, one that I've experienced on the first day of Uni. I wrap my arms around each other and move when the line gets shorter. Nicole and Rachel laugh to themselves, and Raven bets Jesse to take several tequila shots while Jesse complains about his nose.
Noah's fingers brush beside me. "You okay?"
"Fine," I say, and hug myself tighter. "Just nerves."
"Stay close to us, and don't accept drinks from anyone."
"In two lines guys!" One of the bouncers says, walking down the queue and making hand gestures. "Come on, in two lines."
A couple beside us push in front, separating Noah and I from the group.
"Seriously?" My arms tighten around each other. "This is already too much." How can I ever think this is okay?
"We'll see them when we walk in," Noah says, putting a comforting arm around my shoulder. My stomach makes a fluttering notion at the contact. "You'll forget about everything once we're inside. Just give it a chance. Once you take a shot, you'll feel better."
I shake my head. "I rather not drink."
"Your choice." The corner of his mouth rises. "You look nice, by the way."
"I feel out of my skin, to be honest."
"There's nothing wrong with getting out of your comfort zone." The line moves up. "Get your ID ready."
My fingers link around his warm hand without so much as a pause. "Wait with me?"
His fingers respond around mine. "Yeah, of course."
Noah passes his ID to a big, bold man in a heavy black jacket. He glances at Noah once, looks at the ID, and allows him entry. Noah moves to the other side as I show my ID to the scary bouncer.
For a second I doubt I'll be let through, until he nods and passes my ID back.
"That wasn't so bad, yeah?" He grins from ear to ear as a lady stamps our pass on the back of our arm.
I expect him to release his hold when Nicole motions us to hurry up, but he only tugs me behind him. My neck feels sweaty. My heart beats in time with the bass, almost as deep and heavy as the visual movements on the speakers. There are streamers and glitter of red, and emoji kisses and hearts printed on cardboard hanging in red wool.
Nicole must've seen Noah holding my hand, but she doesn't say anything about it, and grabs my other hand instead. "The guys are at the back as usual. Rachel and I are going bathroom first. We'll meet you there soon." She leaves us with a smile, but I frown after her. Why was I not invited with them?
A ray of light shine around the girls as they walk up the stairs to our right, avoiding the giggles of hype teenagers coming down. Noah tugs my hand to a small hallway of red and purple lights, and the parting of double doors with more streamers hanging down. The music blasts even louder than the heavy bass. My entire body tingles with the atmosphere.
Noah doesn't stop moving to admire the scenery. We step down a pair of stairs and onto sticky carpet. The room smells of alcohol and musk, but nothing odorous. From the corner of my eye, a couple makes out in the corner of the bar.
"How are you feeling?" Noah shouts over the volume.
"All right," I shout back. "Ask me again in a couple of hours."
His laugh vibrates to our hands, and I imagine the tone to be light with humour. He guides us to the back corner of dark curtains and small booths fit for seven, with red table lamps and more streamers covering the wall. When we near the boys, Raven thrusts a beer in Noah's free hand. He holds up another one for me.
Before I can comment, Noah jumps in for me. "She's not drinking mate."
"Not yet," Jesse says, and downs a glass of overflowing clear liquid spilling from the corners.
"No," I say, feeling alive in the music. "I'm not drinking at all."
Jesse shrugs.
The floor of dancing bodies grabs my attention fast. There's no way I'm allowing Jesse to ruin this good mood.
The boys chat to themselves for a while, and I play with my phone absentmindedly as I spot a guy talking in girl's ear. He looks buff in a blue shirt with white trimmings, giving a neon glow. His hand around her waist slips lower but his eyes looks at me. Even in the barely lit place, his mischief eyes find mine. He winks as his hands continue to wonder.
My eyes dart away, and I slide closer to Noah.
It takes the girls a while to show up, but when they do, they don't stop to drink with the guys.
"We should've brought you with us," Rachel says, and grabs my wrist gently in her palm. Nicole grabs Raven's beer and takes a large sip, making her cheeks look like a chipmunk. "Come on, we're gonna dance. They're playing a remix of David Guetta on level 1."
Jesse jumps up from his seat. "I'm coming!"
"Why don't you just stick with your tequila?" Her hand tightens around my wrist.
Jesse makes no acknowledgements to Rachel's glare. "It's level 1, babe. Tequila can wait for me."
"You owe me two drinks loser!" Raven thrusts two fingers in Jesse's vision.
Rachel widens her eyes at me. "So, you coming?"
It almost sounds pleading. "Yeah, I don't mind."
Rachel turns to the other boys, asking them the same question. Raven holds his bottle bear. "I'll finish this off first."
Noah holds up his own bottle. "I'll wait with you."
The bass goes low and slips into my skin. "You're not coming?"
He leans in close to my ear, and his light stubble brushes my cheek. I squeeze his hand, but I don't move back. "Stay close to the girls, yeah? And don't go off with anyone who you're not comfortable being around. I'll meet you up there soon."
He squeezes my hand back.
Nicole slips between us and drags me away while singing along to an unclear remix. When we turn a corner and walk back up the carpet steps, the hair on my neck rises. Noah and Raven's silhouette disappears before I have the chance to check if it's Noah I feel looking.
The back of my heels ache a little as we walk up the two flight of stairs beside the bar. I steady myself with the railing, brushing my fingers over the brick walls as I go. Level one, I remind myself. This is only level one. The moment the wooden floorboards come to view, Nicole takes Rachel and my hand and drags us out to the almost full dance-floor, where in moments, the girls take the spotlight.
"Come on, Lilly!" Rachel moves her arms above her and shakes her long, red hair around her face. I follow with little co-ordination, but the motion stops when someone bumps into my back, pushing me up against a group of girls, making one of them spill her drink.
Daja vu.
"Sorry, I'm sorry!"
The girl holds her hand up. "Accident," she says, and turns towards her friends.
I really don't know what to make of this. She's not mad. She's not throwing a tantrum. She's still having a good time.
I look at Jesse dancing closely beside Rachel, and feel the questions popping up one after the other; all jittery and messy to understand. It was an accident when we bumped into each other that day, and he treated me terrible.
Nicole graps my upper arm and spins me around to face her. "You good? Don't worry about it. Come on, dance with me."
I can't stop the questions, even with Nicole laughing in front of me. I can't let go.
"God, it's been ages," she says, and her hips move accurately to the music.
"How often do you come here?" I ask her.
She leans close. "This is my second time here. What I mean is, it's been a long time since I've gone out."
"I think I overrule you there," I say. "This is my first time."
Nicole raises her brow. "At a club?"
"Going out with friends."
"Get used to it." She spins me under her arm. "This isn't gonna be your last."
A hand suddenly appears around my waist, tugging me back against their thrusting hips. My pulse fires up faster than normal. I look Nicole straight in her eyes, the lights washing over her face until a grimace takes over her soft expression. She rips the strangers hands off of me, but the rush of my blood has imprints of where I was touched.
Noah wraps a hand around my waist. "Not interested."
The stranger wobbles and holds his hands up beside him. "Just having f-fun."
"Fuck off."
The stranger's eyes darkened, a dangerous aura wraps around his bulky figure. I grip Nicole's arm back, but she holds on, glaring at the drunk man with as much intensity as he is.
I can't breathe. My limbs froze in place as he walks towards her.
"Nicole," I say with as much warning as my small voice can allow. "Stop. Come on, don't worry about it."
Blond hair comes in front of the drunk man and Nicole. The drunk man stumbles back from an impact. I release a sigh, but my grip on Nicole remains intact. She, however, goes rigid.
"Do we have a problem?" Jesse asks, standing in between the drunk guy and us.
"Not at all man," he manages to say, walking away. "Fuckin' sluts."
Jesse moves, but Nicole's quick to grab him. "No! It's fine, he's gone."
Bodies continue to dance, like the intrusion has no affect on anyone else. But when the music is loud, who can really blame them?
Jesse takes a quick look at me and nods. "You good?" I nod, and he moves to pat my shoulder. "Don't let these guys take advantage of you. Some of them are just too drunk to even notice."
"Are they all like that?" I ask them, as the song transitions over to another one.
Nicole shakes her head. "There's always some bad eggs wherever you go. Don't worry, we got you."
I glance at Jesse for a second, wondering if the word 'we' means him as well, before looking back at Nicole. "I believe you."
Rachel comes dancing beside us, and in moments, the music sweeps them away. I dance as best as I can, holding onto Nicole's hand as she moves her body in time with the beat.
She encourages me to dance, but all I do is move back and forth. She laughs, and brings us closer. "Like this." She moves her hands on my hips, moving them in tune with her own. I feel the difference, the confidence that comes off of her, and try to copy.
"That's it!"
Rachel glances over and whoops, coming towards me to dance at my front, holding my hands as she swings. With Nicole behind me and Rachel in front, I let the rhythm flow in me. For a wild second, I close my eyes, and shake my hips from side to side, just to have a taste of forgetting about the drunken and lustful eyes in the room, for not having to worry about the voice in my head whispering negative assumptions of what I look like in a crowd of experience clubbers.
That wild second turns into a full song.