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Chapter 58
Gusto kong isipin na sa sobrang pangungulila ko sa kaniya, hindi totoong nakikita ko siya sa mga sandaling ito. Maybe my mind was just playing tricks on me.
Ganoon naman talaga, hindi ba? Sometimes, when you are missing a certain person, your mind will try to create a scene where you would be able to experience what you have been longing to happen.
Matagal ko nang gusto makita si Terrence. Matagal ko na siyang gusto makasama. Balikan. Pero masiyadong maraming bagay ang pumipigil sa akin noon lalo pa at iniisip kong sila ni Shannen. O, kung hindi man sila, may iba siyang nakatuluyan.
But seeing him walking closer to me, I realized... that this isn't just imagination. That my mind isn't creating scenes that aren't true.
Sunod-sunod ang pagbagsak ng luha sa mga pisngi ko. I can feel my lips trembling... my chest having a hard time breathing out...
This is real.
He sighed while staring intently at me. His eyes were darker I could get lost in them that I won't probably find my way out.
"Your tears are starting to freak me out," his voice was raspy. "Please tell me I shouldn't be worried about that."
Natawa ako. "You know what I realized when I met you? I became a cry baby."
The corner of his lips curled up. Dinala niya ang kamay sa pisngi ko at marahang pinalis ang luha mula doon. Just the feeling of his hand slowly stroking against my skin turned me more emotional.
"Ako lang ang lalaking iniyakan mo..."
"I know. Don't you think that's something you should be proud of?" I made sure arrogance was on my voice.
He chuckled. "I am. You should be proud of yourself, too..." he said while continue stroking my cheek with his thumb. "Ikaw lang rin ang... babaeng iniyakan ko."
I've seen it a lot of times but I don't think it should be something to be proud of. Kung sa ganoong dahilan ko lang rin siya makikiyang umiiyak ng dahil sa akin, hindi na bali.
"Is a year already enough for you to be healed?" he asked.
"Are you asking about physically? Because if you are..." I smiled. "I'm cancer free."
He's trying to hide the smile on his lips but didn't succeed. It still came out naturally. Maging ang mga mata niya ay hindi rin maitago ang tuwa.
"I always know that you can make it..." he said while drilling his set of dim eyes on mine. Dinala niya ang kamay sa ibabaw ng puso ko dahilan para maramdaman ko ang pagbigat ng aking dibdib. "How about this one?"
Natawa ako kasabay ng pagkalaglag ng panibagong luha mula sa mga mata ko.
"I should be the one asking you that. Within the year of living away from me, have you finally cleared your mind?"
He sighed and licked his lower lip. Mariin niya akong tinitigan at kagaya ng tapang na mayroon ako noon, sinuklian ko ang pagtitig niya.
"I won't say that it was a waste of time because I already know who and what I want on the very first day you left me..." he said, his expression became ever more serious. "But I know you needed it. You needed to heal on your own. A time without me. And I'm sorry if I gave you confusion and insecurities. While I was trying to show you how much I am in love with you, I was also hurting you."
Umiling ako, tumungo sa mga paa namin saka huminga nang malalim. Nang mag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya ay ramdam ko ang kung anong kiliti sa sikmura ko matapos siyang mahuling pinagmamasdan ako sa malamlam na paraan.
"Even if you have nothing towards Shannen, living without each other for the mean time is what we really need, Terrence. Maraming nagbago sa akin simula nang magkasakit ako. While I lost myself in the process of fighting against that cancer... you're right... I gained insecurities. I felt like what you had for me before was just pity. That you never saw me as the woman you fell in love with years ago... here in this place."
Gumalaw ang dibdib niya sa malalim na paghinga.
"It's my turn to ask you this one, Priscilla," he said in a serious tone. "Have you finally cleared your mind this time? Is it still me?"
Natawa ako. Maging siya ay umunat rin ang labi dahil sa ngiting pinakawalan.
"Do I have a choice?" I snapped back and bit my lower lip. "It's still you, Terrence. It will always be you."
Gumuhit ang matamis na ngiti sa labi namin parehas. Mula sa paghaplos sa aking pisngi, dinala niya ang kamay sa batok ko at marahan akong kinabig palapit sa kaniya.
I giggled and wrapped my arms around his neck. I tiptoed a bit to embrace him.
"I missed you, asshole. It took you a year before you decided to do this, huh?"
He chuckled and tightened his hug on my body.
"If you only knew. I had some research and read a book about giving space. It says that I should at least give you a year to figure things out."
Humalakhak ako. "Really? Sa sobrang hilig mo magbasa ay pati ang ganoong bagay ay doon mo hinahanap."
"If I were to ask, I would definitely win you back a week after you called our relationship off..." he sighed. "But I respect your decision. You know, even if I hated you for not including me when you make decisions, I have to admit that you are good at that."
I slightly distanced myself from him and looked into his eyes.
"So you are now letting me decide for us?"
He smiled. "I trust you, and I know you won't do such things that will ruin us in the future...." he sighed. "Just don't decide to leave me again. I already have enough."
Nakakatuwa man marinig mula sa kaniya na pinagkakatiwalaan niya ako pagdating sa pagdedesisyon, alam kong hindi tama kung gagawin ko ulit ang dati at iiwanan siyang walang kontrol sa mga nangyayari.
I was selfish on that part. Being inside a relationship, it should be the two of us that must control things. Hindi ako lang. Hindi siya dapat maiiwan sa isang tabi at susunod na lang sa mga gusto ko.
I manipulated him. Inalisan ko siya ng karapatan para magsalita sa aming dalawa. Umasta akong alam ko ang lahat ng ginagawa ko, na tama ang mga ito.
The truth is, most of the time, I am impulsive in making decisions. Hindi katulad niya na kalmado at nag-iisip nang mabuti.
And yet, he's still accepting things as if everything is his fault. He's surrendering just because he loves me. Just because he doesn't want to let go of me again.
Wala nang kahit anong salita pa, muli akong tumingkayad para yakapin siya. Gumapang ang mga kamay niya sa bewang ko at marahan akong hinapit palapit sa kaniya.
"I'm sorry. Sa lahat ng nagawa ko sa'yo noon, humihingi ako ng tawad. Huwag mong iisipin na sa mga pinagdaanan natin, ikaw lang ang nagkamali. Ako ang unang nagkaroon ng pagkukulang sa ating dalawa. Pasensiya na rin kung... hindi mo maramdamang sapat ang pagmamahal ko sa'yo."
I heard him sigh before placing a soft kiss on my temple.
"Hindi ka nagkulang. I just love you really hard that even you can't surpass it..." he said huskily. "What I feel for you, Priscilla, is already beyond my control. Kaya huwag mo na subukan lagpasan. Umpisa pa lang... talo ka na."
Natawa ako, ramdam ang pag-uumapaw ng puso. Siguro nga ay kailangan ko na rin tanggapin na hindi ko kailanman magagawang pantayan ang pagmamahal niya para sa akin. At least I can't show him that. But maybe, in my own little ways, I can.
"Patay na patay." tudyo ko.
Matunog siyang ngumisi. "Gandang ganda lang."
We both chuckled and hugged each other in front of the Casa Vallejo. I don't think we still need to hear each other's explanations why all of those things in the past happened.
Naniniwala ako na naging paraan 'yon ng tadhana para hubugin kami parehas para sa isang hinaharap kasama ang isa't isa. Being with each other and growing old together is what we really desire amidst all the trials and chaos.
"The healing process is done. My woman is now back on track. Can we now go to the excitement part?" he whispered on my ear.
Hindi niya pa man nasasabi ng tuluyan, pakiramdam ko ay may ideya na kaagad ako sa ibig niyang sabihin. Still, I want to hear whatever he meant by that.
"And that is?"
He breathed out. Para bang sa dami ng beses na niyaya niya ako noon ay nakakaramdam pa rin siya ng kaba sa mga sandaling ito.
"Can you marry me now?" his tone was begging me.
I knew it.
Matunog akong ngumiti at bahagyang lumayo para tingnan siya sa mga mata. Pansin ang pag-alala sa mga mata niya at nasisiguro kong iniisip niya maaaring tanggihan ko siya katulad noon. Kung hindi naman, tatanggapin pero muling paghihintayin.
"I was given the chance to live longer, Terrence. A second life so I can be with the people I love. I want to cherish it and make the most out of it..." I smiled as another wave of tears flooded my eyes. "This should have been done a long time ago if doubts and trials didn't come against our way. So yes, Terrence. I will marry you. Right away."
His eyes suddenly turned bloodshot. Maging ang tungki ng kaniyang ilong ay nagsisimula na rin mamula. Natawa siya, hindi magawang alisin ang tingin sa akin.
"Can we fly back to Manila tomorrow? I have to marry you as soon as possible. Baka magbago na naman ang isip mo."
Humalakhak ako. "Whenever you want, Terrence. I'm up for a quick and simple wedding."
He's trying to suppress his smirk but still failed. Instead, he just bit the lower part of his lips and hugged me again.
"We'll do it with the whole family tomorrow night. A grand wedding."
Hindi na ako nagtataka pa na magagawa niya ang ganoong bagay sa mabilis na panahon. With all the power and connections he holds, preparations will be a piece of cake for him.
After Casa Vallejo, we both went back to Burnham park for the kids. Hindi na natuloy pa ang alok niyang pagkakape. Maybe we can do it tonight if there's still a chance.
Saktong pagkarating namin doon ay katatapos lang ng kambal mula sa pagsakay sa bangka. Alexene was the first one who saw us. Her almond shape eyes grew round.
"Daddy?!"
Sa sigaw na 'yon ni Alexene ay napatingin na rin si Alexandre sa amin. He stopped from walking. Habang si Alexene, hindi na nagdalawang isip pang bumitaw sa pagkakahawak ni yaya at tumakbo na palapit sa amin.
"Omg! Daddy!"
Terrence prepared himself. Bahagya siyang yumuko para salubungin si Alexene at nang makalapit ito sa kaniya ay kaagad niya itong binuhat at inilagay sa isang bisig.
I gestured to Alexandre to come closer. Kaagad siyang sumunod at naglakad palapit. Inabot niya ang kamay kong nakaabang at hinila siya palapit sa akin. Tiningala niya si Terrence.
"You are here, Daddy!" Alexene cheered, her arms were encircled around his neck. "Are you going to stay here with us?"
Terrence chuckled and poked the tip of her nose.
"Yes, princess."
"But until when po? Are you going back to Manila right away?"
Sinulyapan ako ni Terrence, may kahulugan ang mga tingin. I smiled at him and shook my head. Nagbaba ako ng tingin kay Alexandre na titig na titig sa ama niya.
"I knew it. You are the man I saw earlier, Dad..." he said. "You are stalking us."
Kumurap kurap ako. Nakita niya si Terrence kanina? Ibig sabihin, ito ang dahilan kung bakit tila nakakunot ang noo niya habang may tinitingnan sa kung saan?
Terrence chuckled. Ginulo niya ang buhok ng anak na ngayon ay nagsisimula na rin matawa.
"You caught me, buddy."
Napailing si Alexandre, may ngisi rin sa mga labi dahilan para mas lalo siyang maging kamukha ng ama.
"Welcome back, Dad." he uttered that made Terrence smile.
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