Virat.
Love
I have seen people in love. Starting from my childhood, I have seen the unbreakable relation my parents shared. The craving I had for something so pristine was impeccable, such that I wanted to harbour my own love story, which would be one of its own kind, different and beautiful from everyone's.
And I needed it to be true.
Just how I felt that, my dream of representing Indian cricket should be true.
My love for someone would be purer than a diamond, it will have the sweetness of the spring, warmness of the summer. It will more passionate than of that of Mirza's, unconquerable and unattainable like that of Alexander's victories. It would be delicate as she wants, stronger when needed, and the respite she wanted to reap after a day's tiredness.
In short.
I pray that the lord let my love for her be her shadow, protecting and caring for her every second. Let my love for her be the guiding light, always standing beside her, holding onto her in her dark days, and when needed, let me be her loudest cheerleader.
But, you don't get what you always want.
Do you?
"Hey, cheeks? What happened?" Rohit pulled me in a side hug, as I tried hard to hide my misty eyes, but the friend I brood daily was getting smarter for his own good, quickly held my hands, and stared at me in confusion.
" Nothing" I tried my feat at something I was terrible at.
" What! Oh. Okay. Guess I am not the one you need right now" Rohit aced at blackmailing, and my kinship was making it better.
"Stop your drama, Ro. I don't feel good." Rohit quipped in distress, made a scrambled face and smacked me vaguely on the back of my head.
"Ah! It hurts!" I relented.
" Exactly. Tell me what is hurting you." I stared at him for a while. His compassionate eyes, his comforting aura, broke me as I leaped on him and cried like a child.
" She broke up with me! Ro! She broke me up in the worst possible way." Probably I was choking him up with the intense hug that I scooped him in, but right now, I couldn't see anything before me other than the eviscerating pain I felt. I could feel Rohit's hand down on my back, running in circles, trying to calm me down, but the heart was still not ready to wipe its tears.
" Shush! Kohli, she didn't deserve you."
" Or maybe I don't deserve love" I separated my frame from his, as he smacked me again. Everything kept aside, I was gonna take a bloody revenge the next time he cries. I am gonna smack him two times, plus the more I am gonna get.
" Everybody in this world deserve loves, Virat. And there is someone out there who will love you selflessly, with out any question. Whom you will prioritize over anything, who will unconditionally bestow her time over you."
" You believe so?" My nose was flushed as if I was infected by flu, but the insecurities I had tied up in my mind needed to go away.
"Of course. If I can find love, you will too." His hands ruffled through my head, as I looked at him skeptically.
" Rohit?" I called out, as a question pondered in my mind.
" Was finding love easy for you?"
Rohit let a childish laugh. As cringe their talks were, they knew they weren't gonna stop.
" Harder than getting on the Indian cricket team. Painful than being dropped down from the world cup team."
Rohit's smile had a different pain.
I could see it.
" And the worst part was that I always had her with me, but still couldn't contemplate it!" Rohit left a laugh out but I could see it, it hurt my friend. His laugh wasn't just a epiphany but a scorn.
" But I met her, that what matters! I hold on to her daily, and that what comforts me." Rohit sighed, the amount of calmness that flushed in his eyes was unmatchable.
I knew that he knew that he had held onto her on the right time.
Otherwise, his bestfriend would have been a different story.
A different man.
And surely not the enjoyable man he was.
" How did you meet your love, Ro?" I asked, as we never discussed it.
"Love was always their with me, Vi. And I had met her the time I was a kindergartner. That is not the question you should ask.--"
_______
Rohit.
" --You should ask me, when did I realise, that she was the one!" I smiled, as Virat just kept his head over my shoulders.
" She is--"
" Awesome?" Virat quipped in.
" That she is! But no, she is mine respite in the darkness. She is mine helm in this world. She is that strong force which held me into this world."
"Hmmm"
" Ritika-has been always there for me. Even if I wasn't. Even If I was never there for her graduation. She has been always their for my milestones. From my small inter batch victory, to my Ranji centuries to my debut, to my suicidal days, to my two double centuries, she never left my side. Not even for once." I had tears in my eyes, as my voice cracked. Those days, were bitter yet were the sweetest, because of her presence. And now when I realize it, I feel more of a prick because I couldn't understand her before.
I was so stupid.
" You were stupid, Ro. Had it been me, I would have known that she was the one for me!" Virat just mouthed my thoughts.
Yeah, I know Vi. Though--"
" You were suicidal when? why don't I know about it?" He shot another idiotic question at me.
" Because I wasn't serious--"
" Even small, I had the right to know, bitch!" Virat pulled my hair in resentment.
"I told no one. Ritika just told Yuvi pa and Yuvi pa couldn't keep it in his stomach and from there Mahi Bhai got to know." I shoved that idiot's hand from my hair.
" Still you should have told me! I had the right to know."
" Now don't go overthinking that we aren't close enough and all. Because we weren't at that point of time" I stated some facts in his empty brain. He still looked at me for assurance but hummed as I gestured that he had nothing to think about it anymore.
"I was all she needed. And maybe, she was what all I wanted. But I was too dumb to understand."
"Flashback"
Motu sharma!
Motu sharma
Motu sharma!". The kids in my class teased me, as I teared up on the scene. I was not the one to get under the bullies, but today was different. My eighteen year old heart had just been crushed upon by one of my close friends as I saw him kissing my girlfriend, Shalini. I had an altercation with that guy, which led to confrontation with Shalini who had clearly stated that I was an idiot who couldn't crack into the under-19 team, while my friend, Rohan, the stud did! She also said that I was a fatass and didn't deserve anyone.
" What the hell?!" Ritika shouted as she stood before me.
" Look here comes the saviour!" Shalini didn't stand down.
" Well the girlfriend couldn't do it, so the best friend had to intervene!" Ritika taunted back, as Shalini fumed.
" I am not this fatso's girlfriend" It hurted, bad. Being call upon something you had no hand on, was ridiculous and incredibly painful.
" Believe me, he has no interest in being a slut's boyfriend, Shalini!"
Ritika slammed her with her poisonous words.
" How dare you call her a slut!?"
" Shutup Rohan! Just shutup! Don't you have a little bit of shame?" Just a little bit?" Ritika shouted, her only motive at that time was to protect me.
"What? Shame? And you are the one talking about it? Aren't you the one who hated them being in a relation and always had your eyes on Ro?" Rohan's slick voice hurted Ritika but I was too consumed by my pain to understand it.
" Atleast I didn't bribe or licked someone's ass to get what I need?" Ritika smirked, as she countered
" What did you say? I am gonna complain to the principal." Shalini's shriek and satanic voice had Ritika retching.
" That all you and your looser boyfriend can do. Believe me, Ro don't need you, but I promise that you will come begging to him to get back with you, and then I'll see what he does." Ritika swore, as I stared at her. She was defending me, and I should have been happy, but I don't know why, I felt anger surge into me. I wanted shalini. She was my true love and Ritika had no right to control my feelings.
She was my best friend, and she needs to stay that way.
"He will clear the under-19 and throw it on your face, you idiot." Ritika said and pulled me away from there towards are school gazebo.
" Kyun ki tu yeh sab?" I said in anger.
" Accha, so you were finding it fun, to be insulted by that slut--"
" Don't CALL her a SLUT! She isn't" I thundered as I saw her flinching. A trail of hurt surged through her eyes, but my anger had clouded my common sense and all I wanted was to take my steam off.
Which unfortunately bursted upon Ritika.
" Ro-main bas tereko defend kar rahi thi--"
" Listen, I don't need a girl to defend me. I am more than capable. Aur kya boli tu, I don't need her?
Fuck you, Ritsy.
I fucking need her with me.
Aisa kaise bol skti hai tu usse-
She must be hurt because of you, just because of your words which was not needed. I could have got her back. I would have cleared the under 19 team and she would have come back to me--" I berated my best friend in the worst possible way. She fought for me and I hated her for that, but I was a seventeen year old and my heart was still stuck up at the girl who I was fazed with. All she could do, was stand there and listen to my crap, while I continuously spewed shit out of my mouth. Those words were undesirable, and I so wish she had slapped me hard.
" Rohit! What the hell are you saying. She cheated on you. Do you believe whatever you saying? You think she will come back to you after whatever--
" SHUT UP Ritsy! Not a word. She cares for me I know that--
" I too care about you Ro--
" But I fucking need her, don't you fucking understand?" I shouted so bad, that the world seemed to stop and stare back at us.
I probably would have regretted it later, but right now I didn't care.
" And what about me?"
" I don't care about you!-"
" Ro, how can you say that?"
" Listen to me Ritsy, we have been best friends but you have no right to interfere in my relationship. I am not going to--
Wait Ro. Before you say anything hurtful, just answer my one question--" I looked at her, not realising the blunder I was creating.
What?
Do you need me, Ro? Anymore? Is that girl more important to you than me?" Ritika looked at me, while I stared at her in agony. She had posed the question, I never thought she can. I was angry at her for no reason but my stupid brain was stupid enough to not consider that.
And I did it, the worst mistake of my life.
" No, Ritika. I don't!" I stared right into her eyes, my glare was crushing up her soul, but I couldn't bear the pressure I felt at that moment.
" Then if that's what you need, I will make sure that Shalini be with you at every po--point of your life. Even if I am not their. You will get what you need." Ritika whispered, her heart crushed down into pieces by someone who she had thought to be her closest.
Maybe that's what hurt the most.
Him being the one to do it.
Ritika--" It was too late to take back whatever I said.
_______
You were a jerk Ro for doing that!" Virat claimed as he looked at me disapprovingly.
" I know that. If I had been in her place, I would have never forgiven myself." I wiped my own tears, remembering those days still made my skin feel stiff. The horror I had felt at that time, the scared feeling was so fresh. It has been years since then, but I still felt, what if Ritika chose better?
What if she chose to not be with me?
I would have never made it upto here. I would had probably ended up in a hell hole.
" But Ritika being a sweet heart, she did, didn't she?" Virat asked, scrunching his nose in dismay.
" Yeah, maybe I was blessed that way!"
I shrugged my head, as I remembered the anguish I felt when she stopped talking to me, and cut lose ever connection.
________
There had been no day, that I hadn't remembered her, my best friend. I had regretted every moment I said those words to her. I cursed the time when I lost my patience and calm. I cursed myself for being such a dwindlewinnie to do so. I had failed her terribly, her trust in me wrecked like a rotting worm , and whenever I wanted to rekindle again, her anger and ignorance towards me made me feel the graveness of the situation.
I didn't deserve a sweet friend like her.
She didn't deserve my atrocious and carcass behaviour.
She was a diamond, while I was just roadside trash.
Three months, I had done nothing but practised day and night, without any rest, and after six months I had cracked into the team.
The under 19 team.
And as she promised she had talked Shalini into being my girlfriend again, and she had came running back to me, while Rohan had left her for some other rich girl.She did her job, and again went back to her own shell, creating a hard impenetrable layer, which no one could crack.
And with open arms I had welcomed Shalini.
After all, that what's I needed?
Didn't I?
Then what about the void I always felt? The balck hole in my heart, which was consuming my every emotion.
I shared my ventures and memories with shalini, but she didn't welcome them like Ritika used to.
She used to celebrate my small victory like a festival. I loved that about her.
I had tried to shrug off the thoughts that clouded my mind.
And move forward with my life without, Ritika.
But I couldn't.
Because my heart knew, nothing was right.
Every time I had a international anecdote, I needed to share it with someone.
Someone who was not shalini, my then girlfriend, who claimed that she loved me, but I always knew better.
But someone who was named Ritika, who was my best friend, and finding her absence in my life, will open all my wounds, about how I had hurted her with my venom laced words.
My life, was stuck in a loop, and I just wanted to share things with her, laugh with her, goof around with her, tease her endlessly.
My life felt like a black-ridden world, without any colour, without any happiness.
She had promised something and she kept her words.
But those words no good to them.
Because I was miserable without her. And she was dying without me.
Cut to 2011, when I lost my form again Shalini had broke me in the worst possible way again, and even though I knew she was going to do something horrendous with me, I had know idea why it felt like I was in a storm, unable to get out of its power.
My heart was shredded into pieces, and I had that feeling that my life held no value, no importance and my existence wasn't substantial enough to go forward with.
I wanted to get out of that world, as soon as possible, without any hassle.
My mind was cooking up theories of how big of a problem I am for this world.
And how I needed to be get ridden off, as soon as possible.
That's why I stood there, infront of mumbai bridge, contemplating on whether to give away or hold onto this useless life.
And believe me, all the reasons pointed towards the latter.
Tears sprung down my cheeks, but there was no one to wipe them away.
I was all alone in this harsh world
Maybe there were people, but I was to tired to contact them, and share my misery.
But god had different plans for me.
Beautiful and bright plans!
And I couldn't thank him enough to open my eyes that day.
" What are doing there? Ro?" Her voice, after two years, sounded like the most honest, sweetest voice ever.
But I was in a delusional enough to think that my end was near and I was hearing the voice of someone my heart called for.
"Ro, look at me. I am right beside you. And you are not delusional. Get down of the bridge. We will talk." She held my trembling hands with her shivering ones.
Tears were unstoppable.
She was worried, her voice held that tension for me. And it made me feel as If I was needed. I obeyed her words and got down of the bridge, and stood infront of her, with shame and million of emotions, every one of them trying to find an outlet.
" What the hell were you thinking?Why are you so stupid! Kabhi mere baarein mein socha! What would have happened if you did something stupid? Mera chodh! Aunty ke baare mein socha yeh step uthane se pehle!" Ritika held my collar, as rage filled her up.
" I am tired Ritsy. Of this world. There is nothing left for me anymore. I don't wanna live!
" Itni jaldi tired ho gaya tu? You had wished to buy the costliest flat for Aai? Then what happened to those dreams?
Dream?
She talked about those dreams which broke me to this extent!
Please Ritsy!--
" Hear me out! Ro! I am ordering you. Come with me!" Ritika glared at me, her nose flaring in anger.
" Why are you doing this Ritsy? You should let me be. My presence will taint your dreams too!" My words stung me, but she deserved a better company then mine.
"SHUT UP , RO! Why are you talking like that?"
"What should I say, Ritika! I am a failure. And I turn people around me a failure too!"
"Who said so?"
"Her."
"Shalini?" She smiled at my naive self. I nodded vigorously, as I wiped my tears. She gave me a compassionate smile and cupped my face. I stared at her intently, which was the least I could do. She knew she could cure me, and so, here she was tending to my broken heart, like always.
"Ro. I never told you. But let me tell you one thing-" She held my hand in her soft one and pulled me towards the bench, which was rusted due to its years of standing" --You deserve this world, more than anyone can ever deserve. And even if I am not there with you, don't even think or let anyone tell you, that you are alone or your future is futile, because even you don't know what it holds. Who knows, that you will be one of the greatest batsmen of our country?"
"Ritika, do you think so?"
"I don't think so, I believe in it! You understand?" Her gaze had the same love and honesty, that used to make me thank god, for her presence in mine life. But today it was different, because my heart felt what peace was after ages. The void she had created had surprisingly find its destination to the trash can. She brought me back. Her smile seemed to lit up my whole world like diwali lights, and the jitters I felt sitting beside her made me spurge like a balloon. I wanted to stare at her beautiful face for eternity, without any stop.
"What are you staring at? I am still angry at you!" Ritika pouted, as she turned the other side with her fake anger.
And Suddenly, I realized.
I never needed a Shalini.
My heart always yearned for the girl who was with me since kindergarten.
And I was dumb enough to not know it.
I always needed my best friend with me, beside me, holding my hands in ups and down, laughing through thick and thins, but still with me, sticking to me like a leech. She was the one my heart beats for the loudest, not Shalini. She is my medicine, my respite in this dry world.
My last and true love.
For her I was ready to change to any extent, because she meant the world to me.
"Yes, we do need to talk, but we got a lifetime for it" I whispered to her, while she stared at me. Her brown orbs in the moonlight shone like little pearls, and I fell for her more.
"Do we? What if you don't need me again?"
"That will happen when I die, Ritika!" I swore as I pulled her in a hug, the emptiness that I always felt, vanished into thin air, as a surge of warmness filled me through. Her transcendental smile, her honey--filled voice, her wholesome presence brought comfort to me, as she snuggled into me in tears.
We had missed each other. Terribly.
"Codswallop! I won't let you die." Her words felt rejuvenating like the spring's first bloom.
I knew I had met her. The one for me. Forever and always.
-------------------------------------------------
" I am so happy for you Ro, you got the love story you deserve!" Virat wiped his own tears as he was going through a same rough patch, but he didn't had any Ritika to hold him like his best friend did.
"I am happy for myself to, Vi. Believe me! After a hectic long day, bad or good, I know someone with the intent of relaxing me, hearing my woes is waiting for me, and I can't thank god enough for it" Rohit side-hugged me.
"I wish I could have someone!"
"Bro, wait for the right time. God has planned something far more beautiful than your imagination!"
" You think so?" Virat asked, skeptical of any such things turning out to be true.
" Arre,.I believe in it. Tereko jhelne waali koi toh hogi hi!"
" What do you mean, that I am unbearable?" Virat asked as he smacked Rohit on his arms.
" You know the truth better!" Rohit pushed him away, laughing out loudly.
" Ro--"
" What are you to fighting on again?"
Mahi entered the room hell tired after handling all those conventional shits that accompanied as a con of being the Indian captain.
" Nothing, Mahi Bhai! What are you doing here?" Virat jumped on Mahi, as he forgot every dubious thought that was crossing on his mind with his mere sight.
" Virat, it's my room, baccha. Main idhar nhi aunga toh kidhar jaunga?" Mahi said sarcastically.
"Oh, I completely forgot!" Virat bit onto his tongue and got away from Mahi. The three of them settled on the bed, while Rohit kept his head on his lap, after a five minute rock papper scissor game with Virat, while the latter had to settle on shoulder.
Those two had to fight for every petty thing in this world, otherwise the indigestion they had was unadmirable to everyone.
" So care to fill me in?" Mahi asked them, slowly.
" Nothing happened, Mahi Bhai!" Virat tried to show how happy he was with him, but Mahi Bhai knew him better.
" Cheeku--" Mahi Bhai's calm and soft voice was enough for Virat to break down.
" She broke up with me, Mahi Bhai!"
"We all knew she was gonna do that, cheeku!"
"It hurts Mahi Bhai! She was my first love!"
"It will get better with time cheeku! Believe me--"
" I don't want sympathy Mahi Bhai! How do you know it will get better? You are happily married to Sakshi, who is your first love. Then how do you know that it will get better for me?" Virat vented his inner turmoil. Things got better for Ro, things were always better for Mahi Bhai, it was his life that never got on track.
Then how was this man so sure that his will get better.
Mahi's eyes got misty remembering his own past, and Virat saw it.
" I am sorry, Mahi Bhai. I shouldn't have spoke like that but--"
" It's okay Vi! You don't have to worry about it!" Mahi wiped the tear that dared to fall down.
"Mahi Bhai, its not ok. We are sorry!" Rohit hugged him.
" Sakshi was never my first love, Cheeku!"
" What?" Both of them, questioned in bewilderment.
" Yes it's true. Cheeku, I know the pain of loosing your first love, and believe me, I know it better than anyone." Mahi quoted, as tears made its way down his eyes. He knew his Cheeku, was taking it the hard way but to keep his hopes up, he needed to share his pain.
The pain he hid from them.
And its beautiful aftermath.
__________________________
Hehe,
Just a random Rohika-Virushka-Mahisakshi thing.
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