Theia felt like the past few months have been suffocatingly full of event after event that left her shocked and broken, but she never expected this to be one of them. The Night Court heir on his knees, begging for her to let him love her. Selfishly enough, she felt like this may be more heart-wrenching than waking up beside her dead mother. Never, never had she expected romance to lay in her future, but here it was. Nyx, on his knees as he poured his cruel heart to her.
Each move he made was agonizing. Whether it was watching her use the toilet because he didn't trust her on her own, letting her suffer to be the one to help, or urging her to give him every piece of her. Each word that left those wicked lips were another slice of a sharpened blade.
His hands slid to her lower back, tugging her forward. Theia couldn't meet his eyes anymore, so instead she focused on the window behind him. It was an unusually sunny day for winter. She gasped when his lips met her bare stomach again, her fingers squeezing his arm in warning. Theia knew her heart well enough that she was certain that tears would fall if he made any more attempts.
Being alone in her cabin was safe, being forgotten in the village was safe, sleeping in Nyx's arms was safe, but loving him was uncomfortably wrong. She'd never felt any connection toward another person before, even her love for Maia was strained by hatred. Theia knew the signs had been there, but she'd never known what they meant.
"Theia, I've given you every truth. Put a dagger in my heart and I will still beg for you to love me. If you don't accept me for what I've done, I understand, but give me an answer. I'm beginning to feel foolish for being naked on my knees in front of a crying female."
Theia hadn't even known she was crying. Her eye twitched as she lifted two fingers to her cheek, feeling the warm liquid of sorrow. She wouldn't survive without his touch or presence, and pushing him away would leave her dying in solitude. It had been her dream so many months ago, but now, she couldn't bear it if his hands left her skin for good.
"Slowly," she croaked, sucking in a shuddering breath before looking down at him. Nyx's lips were still half-raised into a smile, though his brows inched together. She hated his beauty right then. Hated the curve of his lips, the shadowed beard along his jaw, the angle of his face. Her jaw clenched, fighting the urge to look away. "I don't want to love you, I don't want to be loved by you. If I let this happen, I want it to be slow."
"Anything you wish, Theia. I'm yours, I'm at your mercy," Nyx murmured, his eyes remaining on hers as he leaned forward and pressed another kiss to her navel. Theia felt her bottom lip tremble as the male rose from his knees and hooked a knuckle beneath her chin. He studied her face with such care, it was as though he wanted to remember every detail.
"So beautiful," Nyx whispered, his hand splaying across her lower back as he tilted her chin higher. He leaned forward so slowly, Theia thought he hadn't moved at all. His lips pressed into several spots on her cheek, her nose, and hovered over her lips. "Even if you continue to hate me, it would be an honor to love you."
Theia didn't get the chance to process his words before he kissed her. She had been so used to the hungry, lust-filled kisses that he'd always given her, but this was something entirely new. Every movement was slow and gentle. As his tongue ran along her bottom lip, it was not a demand but a request. Theia felt herself be pulled toward his body by her own accord. He simply held her, but she was free to make the choices.
She brought her hand to his arm, rising onto her toes. She hated him, but Mother strike her dead if she didn't want to be closer. Her other hand slid up his bare chest and hooked around his neck, fingers twisting into his hair. The warm touch of his lips was more intoxicating than any wine she'd ever tasted, and Theia decided in that moment that she'd gladly grow addicted. In her first chance at acceptance, she parted her lips.
Hesitantly, softly, Nyx deepened the kiss. He stole her breath in a way that brought a small sound from her throat, and Theia clung to him desperately. Never had anyone been so gentle and kind with her, and Theia decided that she'd never want it any other way. Hatred be damned, she wanted his love.
Nyx pulled away far too soon. Theia tried to follow, to take his lips again, but he leaned down and nuzzled his face against her neck with small kisses. "Slowly, remember? Let's start by dressing and having lunch. I can hear your stomach," he murmured into her skin.
Reluctantly, Theia dropped her hands from him and stepped back from his arms. Though she had no clothes on the entire time, she felt far more bare without his body against her. Instead of paining herself further by looking at him, Theia turned and walked to the wardrobe to gather clothes for the day. She didn't know how to act, not after those confessions. With a shudder, she began pulling on that familiar Night Court attire. As she reached behind herself to button the fabric around her wings, her fingers were replaced by Nyx's.
"I know this is new, I know this is scary. Honestly, I've never experienced anything like it, either. We will learn together, okay? It doesn't have to be frightening, I'll be with you the entire time," Nyx spoke softly, pulling her hair from her shoulders as he finished the last button. Theia nodded, swallowing thickly as he pressed a kiss to her head. She turned and met his eyes, feeling the intensity of them through her every vein.
"I don't know what I'm doing, Nyx. I was only meant to help the village," she whispered. He pecked her nose and grinned.
"I know. You still can, but I might be a tad bit more annoying through the process," he responded. She wanted to smile, but the muscles in her cheeks didn't answer. She should've smiled, she had no reason not to. That thought made her frown. Nyx brought a hand up and brushed her hair back, gripping her head as he pressed another kiss to her forehead. "Let's go eat, and then you can wallow."
Nyx gave her no chance to respond. He slipped a hand around her waist and led her out of the bedroom. He'd put his clothes on from the night before, but he didn't seem to mind. Instead of returning to his own room to change, Nyx gladly led Theia to the dining room. It was obvious what had come between them, with their reddened lips and disheveled hair. That was apparent in both the High Lord and High Lady's faces as soon as the two walked into the dining room.
Theia felt heat rush to her cheeks as Nyx led her to the chair beside Feyre. As if it wasn't obvious already, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head as she sat down. Theia felt dread rise in her belly as she forced herself to lift her eyes from the table and to Rhysand as Nyx pulled his own chair out. Before he could sit, Rhysand stood and gripped his shoulder, giving the male a pointed look before the two left the room.
Theia dropped her eyes again, feeling the urgency to tug her legs up and curl into a ball of embarrassment. Before she could even consider it, Feyre cleared her throat. With a slow puff of air, Theia lifted her head. Feyre had her chin rested on her hand, a brow raised and a knowing smile on her lips.
"Would you like to explain what just happened or should I just eavesdrop?" The High Lady didn't seem uncomfortable at all; if anything, she spoke like a friend eager for gossip. Theia parted her lips, unsure what to say to her lover's mother.
"Well-"
"Stick to the way he just kissed your head and is grinning like an idiot. I don't want to know about my son's tendencies in bed," Feyre interrupted, giving Theia a quick look of disgust. Theia felt her cheeks burn brighter as she shook her head.
"Of course. I just, well, I don't truly know either. He- um- claimed to love me? I've never been in this situation, I don't know how to navigate it," Theia confessed, hiding her face in her hands. Feyre let out a small laugh, her hand clapping onto Theia's shoulder.
"I must say, I don't know much about Nyx's throes in romance, nor if he has dabbled in relationships more than the stories I hear from the camps. I will say, however, that I expected this from the first time he asked me to visit your home. I think he has had this planned for a long time, Theia. I need to know, did he force you into accepting this?"
Theia dropped her hands onto the table and shook her head. "I don't think so. Now that he has said it, I can remember the signs. I should've noticed it all before, then perhaps I wouldn't feel so confused. I feel like it was sudden; too much too quickly. I've never been interested in romance before Nyx came around, and I don't want to disappoint him."
Theia didn't know why it was so easy to expose her thoughts to the High Lady. Maybe it was because Theia was desperate for answers, desperate for anyone to talk to. She had spent so much time with Feyre in the past weeks, it seemed like second nature to feel comfortable around her.
"Your feelings are yours. Now, I should be saying something that'll protect Nyx's heart, but I've had my share of blind love. I was given everything by a male once, the first time I'd ever been cared for, and I thought that everything he said was the truth. I believe he loved me, absolutely I do, but I think I only loved him because of what he had done for me. I don't want that for you.
"I don't want you to feel obligated to love Nyx. Do you understand what I mean? It's far different with my past because I found my mate and I found true and real love with my family, and that is why I don't believe my love for Tamlin was more than being grateful for what he had done for me. Of course, I want to see my son experience love, but I don't want that if it means you go into a relationship that you do not truly want."
Theia studied the High Lady in utter awe. Never would she had expected her to suggest thinking twice about falling for Nyx, but she had. The High Lady didn't want her to go into a relationship with Nyx simply because he confessed his love, she wanted her to truly love him back.
"What I'm trying to say, is that I believe that you should wait and ensure you truly love Nyx before jumping into everything. You remind me so much of myself not long ago, and I don't want you to make the mistakes that I did. Each move I made brought me to this life, but you cannot be sure of that for yourself. Think of yourself first, Theia. And I will make sure that Nyx does not smother you until you make that choice."