•Written April 2023•
Summary:
"The test is simple. It's a gamble," the administrator for the 107ᵗʰ floor told them. "You each have to relinquish your most dangerous secret — the gamble is that yours won't be the one everyone else sees. Only the one determined to be the most destructive will be revealed to all.
"So you must make the choice: will you gamble that your worst secret is not the worst of all? If any of you choose not to gamble, the whole party cannot progress. You will get one hour after the secret is revealed, and if the party chooses to disband due to discord...none of you can move on to the next floor."
Content Warning for explicit sexual content.
If you would like to not read the explicit section, you can skip from the ❥ to the ❥‖ symbol (the end mark will always be at the beginning of a paragraph to make it easier to spot).
𝙽𝚘𝚝𝚎: 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝙴𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚛𝚜𝚒 𝚋𝚊𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐! 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚞𝚕𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚢 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚖 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚝𝚛𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚜𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚛! 𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝙸 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚍𝚕𝚢 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚑𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚕𝚜𝚘 𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝙱𝚊𝚖, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚑𝚒𝚖, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚕𝚜𝚘...𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚊𝚞𝚕𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚑𝚞𝚗𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚕𝚘𝚕. 𝚂𝚘. 𝚈𝚎𝚊𝚑. 𝙰𝚗𝚢𝚠𝚊𝚢, 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢!
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"The test is simple. It's a gamble," the administrator for the 107ᵗʰ floor told them.
Aguero felt pretty good about that. If there was one thing he could do, he could definitely make a good gamble. It might get a bit complicated if they had to rely on all of them being good at gambling, though.
"You each have to relinquish your most dangerous secret — the gamble is that yours won't be the one everyone else sees. Only the one determined to be the most destructive will be revealed to all. So you must make the choice: will you gamble that your worst secret is not the worst of all? If any of you choose not to gamble, the whole party cannot progress. You will get one hour after the secret is revealed, and if the party chooses to disband due to discord…none of you can move on to the next floor."
Aguero swallowed. His worst, most dangerous secret…
They all already knew about his fraught past with his family. His feelings for Bam, maybe? That could possibly cause some discord in the group, particularly with Endorsi, and of course Bam himself. But surely others would have secrets more impactful than a bit of errant lust?
Perhaps it was downplaying it to call his feelings for Bam just 'a bit of errant lust', but still. It wasn't anything groundbreaking. (Honestly, who wouldn't love him? It was obvious in the way their entire group revolved around him, Bam operating as the hub that held them all together. He'd made a princess of Jahad throw her oaths directly out the window to chase after him essentially right on first meeting, for fuck's sake. Bam was just…Bam. How could Aguero be blamed for a little bit of intensity?)
"Are you all willing to take the gamble?" the administrator asked. "If you are willing, step forward."
They all immediately stepped forward. They'd come too far to stop now, even if they were certain they would be the sacrifice.
"All of you — good, good, then we can continue. Each of you get into a pod." They gestured to the side of the room where there were a line of pods with a small pallet to lay on in each, and a hinged top that would close down over. "Your most destructive secret will be rooted out, and then you will all experience the unlucky winner's secret together. Good luck."
They all made their way to the pods as directed, and Aguero laid down, resting his hands over his stomach as the lid automatically closed over him.
There was nothing to do but sit in his trepidation and stare at the ceiling of the pod. He wasn't sure how long he would have to wait until it started. Had it already started? Would he know? Would he see what memories it was rifling through and which one it chose? Part of him would rather not know, but the larger part, the part that absolutely needed control of every situation, wanted to see exactly what was being looked through and collected, and by what, and whom it was being seen by. Could it be seen by anyone after this? They hadn't said anything about whether they'd keep those secrets or not, whether the administrator still had access to them. That was potentially worrying and dangerous, but wouldn't be very out of the ordinary for the Tower at all. It was all always about gaining leverage, wasn't it? Using anything in your power to push yourself higher — if not for climbing, then for influence, or better yet, for both.
Suddenly, Aguero found himself forcibly, vividly remembering the test on the 102ⁿᵈ floor.
Aguero stepped into the test room alone, since they had all been separated, and Bam turned to him and smiled — the only other person or thing in the empty, blank, white room. He must have come in first through a different door, or so Aguero had to assume, anyway.
Before Aguero could ask anything about what Bam thought the test might be or why the two of them had been separated only to be put right back together again, though, Bam stepped closer.
"Aguero," he said softly — apparently just because, since he gave Aguero no time for any response at all.
Instead, he kissed him directly on the mouth.
Aguero was lost for a moment, the cunning that was second nature to him (which always had him taking advantage of everything in his reach) only allowing for a small, startled inhale before it made him automatically kiss back for a split second without him even consciously realising. And it was sweet and warm and exactly what he had wanted so achingly bad for so fucking long— But there was something wrong. Alarm bells were fucking screaming in his head with it, in fact, the way this whole scenario just felt so…off.
He quickly pulled back.
"Bam?" he asked. But he was answering his own question as he looked around, instantly taking in every reason everything felt so wrong.
He took a step back, his expression turning cold and flat. "No. Stop pretending to be Bam and tell me how to move on to the next floor."
Not-Bam's eyes went wide and hurt. "What? What do you mean?"
"You're not him and you're shit at pretending. Now tell me what I have to do."
Bam looked more hurt than ever. "You don't…want me, Aguero?"
"No." Aguero said flatly. And it wasn't even too terribly hard to be this harsh to such a hurt looking Bam when he could keep categorising all the ways this was a pretender in his head, and not even a good one, at that.
In fact, it was starting to make him feel a little more harsh toward the fake for the fact that it had had the nerve to try to steal Bam's face. Not even just his face, Bam's entire place in his life.
"Why? I thought— I thought you—"
"Stop it," Aguero snapped. "I'm losing my patience. You're not Bam."
"Why would you think that? I am!"
Aguero narrowed his eyes. "Look, you pale imitation: this is not a hunch, it's not an anxiety, it's not a paranoia. It's a dead certainty with plenty of evidence behind it, which only begins with there not being another fucking door in here for Bam to have come in through first, and Bam absolutely not being the type of person to suddenly kiss me in the middle of a test scenario."
An administrator materialised in the middle of the room.
"You're saying you reject this manifestation?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure?" the administrator pressed.
"He's not Bam."
"But he could be. You could be happy here. Not have to worry about the stress out there."
"No he couldn't and I wouldn't," Aguero shot back tersely. "Bam would still be out there without me."
"But this Bam actually wants you — this is your deepest desire, isn't it? Do you not want to stay with a version of him that would actually have you?"
"It's not actually him," Aguero grated out, sick of repeating himself. "I don't care if he wants me—"
"I think this shows you do," the administrator corrected calmly.
Aguero crossed his arms and set his face stubbornly. "It does and it doesn't. Your interpretation of my desire is flawed." He looked back at Not-Bam. "What do you think about Rachel?"
"I don't think I ever really loved her at all," Not-Bam replied immediately. "I think I just clung to her because she was the only person I knew for so long. I can't ignore all the things she's done to me — to all of us — though, and I can't forgive them either. I can't help resenting her, but I don't want revenge, I just hope I never see her again and that she doesn't make it to the top of the tower. She doesn't deserve it. I wouldn't blame or resent you if you killed her, though, not anymore."
"See?" Aguero said, putting a hand out to gesture toward Not-Bam. "A Bam like this, in this world, is just all wrong — it's not Bam. That's not my desire at all. My desire is impossible. My desire is for a world to exist where it's sensical for Bam to naturally be this way. I want the world to have been kinder to him. I want things to have been better. And I want…yes, obviously I want him to love me beyond friendship. But that isn't possible, nothing you can do can make that possible. Even putting me in the most immersive lucid dream won't make that possible, because the real Bam will still be out here, still suffering, and won't even have my help. And that is not what I want. That is the opposite of my greatest desire. Why would you think I'd ever be open to abandoning him?"
"Do you really think you have such a perfect grasp on him? Do you know for sure what is or isn't 'really Bam'? What if his feelings on Rachel change, what if they become exactly like his?" The administrator gestured at Not-Bam. "What will you do? Will it shatter your worldview? Will you want to come crawling back to the safety of your stable image of him?"
Aguero shrugged casually. "They might. But there would be a logic to it, something to follow, something that made sense. And he would probably talk to me if he wanted help or second opinions on more conflicted feelings about her, so I'd likely see it coming. Even if he didn't, I'd likely see it in his behaviour whenever she came up in conversation or whenever we had the misfortune to run into her again."
"He'll never love you back, though. Not the same way you do. Not like this Bam can."
Aguero gritted his teeth. As if he didn't already fucking know that all too well. "Are you not listening? I. Don't. Care. I just want to be his friend."
"It's clear you want more," the administrator corrected, infuriatingly exacting.
"I just need to be his friend!" Aguero revised irritably. "I'm not stupid enough to expect anything else, and I don't need anything else! I'm just going to stay by him and help him reach the top of the Tower if it fucking kills me!"
"Are you sure that friendship is guaranteed, though? What if he finds out about your feelings for him and leaves?"
"I don't think he would. That's not like Bam. He treasures friendship too much."
"How can you be so certain, though? The future is never set in stone, and if you leave now, you can't come back. This test and this Bam of your desires will not still be here, it will never be available again. You may lose him for your desire, and then have nothing left. But you could stay with him here and never have to worry about losing him again, never have to worry about him turning his back on you."
"THAT'S NOT BAM!" Aguero shouted, finally losing his temper. "I don't want a fucking puppet! I would have to worry about losing him! I would lose him forever the moment I chose to stay! And he could very well die and be completely lost out there without me, and I would have no idea. Do you think I want that?!" He gave an angry sigh. "I don't fucking care. I don't care if I can't come back, because I don't want your puppet! I need to watch actual Bam's back! I don't fucking care if he does leave me! I don't think he will, but if he does, he can certainly turn his back on me, but he can't make me turn my back on him. It would be harder, but I'm a problem solver, and I will do my fucking best to keep watching his back and helping out from a distance. I'm not going to abandon him! He can't make me, and you and your shitty little puppet certainly can't."
The administrator was quiet for a moment, and then they smiled. "Alright. Congratulations. You've passed the 102ⁿᵈ floor test."
Aguero gave a deep sigh of relief.
"Six seconds. Quite the record. Not sure anybody will be able to surpass that one." They frowned consideringly. "But, you never know, I suppose."
"Sure felt like a hell of a lot longer with how long you made me argue with you," Aguero said dryly.
The administrator waved their hand dismissively. "The negotiation is important — is often the most important part — but the point of certainty is what I'm most interested in. You recognised the truth of the situation almost immediately, had absolutely no doubt, and didn't even consider the thought of staying. The negotiation was merely a formality for you; the rare cases like yours…you were never going to change your mind. That much was obvious."
"Then why did you make me fight you on it for like ten minutes?" Aguero asked, annoyed.
The administrator smiled again, and Aguero kind of wanted to slap it off. "Well, I have to be fair and try my absolute best to convince everyone to stay."
Well, at least Aguero had passed, even if it was an infuriating process.
"Congratulations!" the administrator told them all again, once everyone had made it through. "You have all decided to turn your backs on your deepest desires and progress to the 103ʳᵈ floor. May you all continue to be satisfied with your decisions. No turning back now, after all!"
They all avoided each others' eyes, and Aguero wondered what exactly everybody else's reasons were — how similar or wildly different they might be to his own.
The memory faded, blurring into a different memory of Aguero leaving his lighthouse much too late at night and climbing into his bed. It must have been sometime soon after the last memory, since he recognised the room he, Bam, and Rak had been staying in on the 103ʳᵈ floor.
He was utterly exhausted and fell asleep almost immediately, and it wasn't too long before the vague, empty darkness started to materialise into a dream. At first it was just blurry flickers and positive feelings mixed with a small tug of longing — a flash of gold, chestnut brown, a familiar smile.
He felt a hand cup his cheek, and then Bam was there in front of him, both of them floating in white space, feeling so much like the test of desires on the 102ⁿᵈ floor. This time, though, when Bam smiled at him and moved closer, nothing felt off at all.
Bam closed the distance slowly this time, leaning in centimetre by centimetre, giving Aguero time to pull back before their lips finally touched. Aguero was barely breathing, and he could feel Bam's soft breaths on his lips, and, unable to take the anticipation, he was the one to lean in that last little bit and meet Bam's lips.
They were soft, and warm, and slightly chapped, and tasted of nothing at all but skin, the way Aguero's own tasted when he absentmindedly tore at the skin of his lower lip with his teeth, and Aguero thought they were perfect. Admittedly, he probably would have thought they were perfect no matter what they were like, but he was flying a little high right now, and his normally strictly logical, rational, and orderly brain was a tiny bit out of sorts. That might be a bit of a problem if it continued too much, but he wasn't sure he minded just right now. It was kind of hard to mind anything right now.
❥ Bam kissed him again, a little more open mouthed, and Aguero tilted his head a bit more to fit with him better, one hand sliding into Bam's hair and the other over his waist like they simply belonged there, as they pressed closer against each other like puzzle pieces finally slotting together.
Bam's hands slid over Aguero's hips, squeezing slightly and pulling him even closer, and Aguero made a low, pleased sound in the back of his throat, and suddenly they were lying on Aguero's bed, as if they had been there the whole time (as if the bed had even existed in the dreamscape a moment ago). But it gave neither of them pause, the transition feeling natural to them in a way that abrupt oddities only can in dreams.
Their kisses deepened, and Bam's hands slid under Aguero's pyjama bottoms and down over his ass, pulling him down harder against him. Aguero ground down against him and they both moaned.
In another transition that could only make sense to them, suddenly Bam was on top, grinding steadily against Aguero.
He broke away from Aguero's mouth to start kissing down his face and then his throat, and Aguero's shirt simply disappeared from existence as he made his way down, with slow, sucking kisses as Aguero panted, his hand clenched in Bam's hair.
"That's so fucking hot," Aguero whimpered out. "Oh my god, I've wanted to fuck you for so long, you're so fucking sexy." Apparently his brain to mouth filter's weakness was Bam's tongue, but Aguero wasn't sure he gave a shit because Bam's tongue. That was a hell of a good tradeoff if he'd ever heard one.
"Yeah?" Bam asked against his skin, looking up at him through his lashes as he kissed the base of Aguero's throat.
"Yeah."
"Good." Bam smiled against him before skimming his teeth over Aguero's throat. "That means I can have you like this as much as I want." He pressed another kiss to his skin, and then looked back up at Aguero, his eyes looking like molten gold, and so soft and sincere as he reached up to stroke over Aguero's hair, his fingers briefly toying with his earring as they passed. "You're so gorgeous like this, Aguero."
Aguero made a small, helpless little noise and pulled Bam back up to crush their mouths together.
They ground against each other ceaselessly, kissing desperately as frantic fingers clutched at each other, and Aguero felt himself drawing nearer and nearer to a climax.
"Good?" Bam panted against his lips. "It's good?"
"Perfect," Aguero gasped back. "Perfect, it's perfect, you're perfect." So fucking perfect.
He knew he was babbling nonsense, but Bam smiled down at him, eyes shining like everything about that happiness was sincere, like something about Aguero was enough to make him happy, to make him feel good. Like something about Aguero was just plain good. Like something about Aguero was enough.
Aguero wanted to save this moment, every little aspect of it, forever. He wanted to be able to come back and feel all of these emotions again, to see Bam in this moment again with the taste of him on his tongue and his skin tingling from all the places Bam had kissed and kissed and kissed. He wondered if this was the sort of thing you could distill down and capture in a lighthouse. He wondered how many moments he could squirrel away, and if he'd ever even get the chance to try; if Bam would ever let him taste perfection again, or if this was his only chance.
"Are you close?" Bam asked, punctuated with another short, sweet kiss, like he just couldn't stand not tasting Aguero's lips for more than a few seconds.
"Yeah. You?"
"Yeah." Bam kissed him again, and then pulled back slightly, stroking the hair back out of Aguero's face. "God, you're so beautiful," he whispered reverently, and leaned in again, kissing him hard and making Aguero feel like his heart had suddenly started beating twice as violently in his chest—
❥‖ There was a loud, abrupt growling sound, and Aguero's eyes snapped open.
"Fuck," he couldn't help gasping out, staring up at the ceiling with wide eyes as it all snapped together in his mind. He put his hands over his face, as if he could hide away from reality, but alas, it was still there. Rak was snoring loud as fuck, and he'd just had a fucking wet dream about Bam. Bam who was right fucking here in the room with him. Like two metres away.
Aguero took a deep, bracing breath in, held it for a few moments, and then let it out in a harsh puff as he flopped pathetically onto his side and let his hands drop. Shit, he was flushed all over and hard as a rock and his boxers felt damp with precome, and Bam was still right fucking there. Why did life have to do this to him? (Or could Rak have at least waited a few minutes to start snoring loud enough to wake the dead so Aguero could have finished the fucking dream and, you know, finished? Fuck, Bam was probably awake too, then. Was it creepy to wish he hadn't woken up? Aguero had never been under the impression he was a good person anyway, though, so…oh well, just add it to the pile, if it was, he guessed. He'd just rather Bam didn't find out and get creeped out, because that was a whole different story, but his thoughts were probably (hopefully) safe in his head. God, he really didn't need another thing to be paranoid about.)
Rak gave another floor-shaking snore, and Aguero let out a quiet, pathetic sound that was half sob, half hysterical laugh. Fuck.
After a few moments, he pushed himself up out of bed and carefully made his way to the bathroom, since his raging erection was showing absolutely no signs of going away on its own, and lazily directed a lighthouse in invisible mode to follow him.
He didn't turn the lights on in the bathroom when he got there, nor did he light up the lighthouse. He really didn't want to be faced with his shame.
Instead, he stripped in the dark, and turned the shower on by feel, turning it as cold as possible, before stepping directly into the spray. He flinched violently, biting his lip hard and holding his breath to keep from letting out an actual shriek. Holy shit that was fucking horrid.
He slapped his hand against the wall and squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his jaw as he tried to bear through it. Oh god, life would be so much easier if he could just fuck Bam senseless instead…
No. Fuck. Bad Aguero! He should really not be having those thoughts. Especially not right now. (Kind of hard not to think about fucking Bam in the shower now, though, while his mind was going in those directions. Fuck, what was wrong with him? No warm, sexy showers, Aguero, only terrible, icy, evil ones. Please fucking focus!)
Holy fucking hell, this was the worst.
After a couple more minutes, well after his dick felt like it was regretting its decision to be an external organ rather than internal (where things were nice and warm and not subject to torture by freezing cold water), he finally turned off the horrid water, after giving a brief, cursory touch of his hand just to make absolutely certain that he was as completely unaroused as he felt. He imagined, were they sentient, his genitals would be frantically assuring him of that fact as if they had been waterboarded — which, they sort of had been.
He stepped out of the shower and brought the lighthouse over, turning off invisible mode and lighting the room in a dim blue glow as he reached in for a towel to dry himself, and then quickly redressed, grabbing new boxers from the lighthouse as well.
Then he left the bathroom, the lighthouse lighting his way, until he turned it to invisible mode again as he opened the bedroom door.
Well. That was awful, he thought, as he climbed back into bed, but at least it was over. Now he just had to hope it didn't fucking happen again. Ever. (Yeah. Right. When had his luck ever been that good? And, more logically…how likely was he to stop wanting to fuck Bam absolutely stupid anytime soon?) Ugh. Fuck the test of desires. Fuck it up the ass with a goddamn cactus.
The memory blurred again and then faded, and Aguero focused back on the inside of his pod, feeling as if he were emerging from a deep dream.
Had he been shown those memories because that was the secret being taken from him, or because that was the one everyone had seen?
His pod opened.
"You have one hour," the administrator's voice rang out.
Fuck.
Oh god, he was going to die. Everyone had just seen that — Bam had just seen that.
Aguero heard everyone clambering out of their pods and closed his eyes, taking a deep, bracing breath. Well, there was nothing for it — he was going to have to face the music eventually, and it wouldn't do to look like he was hiding.
He sat up and turned to sit sideways in his pod, his legs dangling over the side, conspicuously not joining the rest as they gathered to sit in a vague semblance of a circle on the floor a few metres away, in the middle of the room.
The administrator was nowhere in sight, but that didn't necessarily mean they weren't watching or listening. It would be silly to make an assumption like that in the Tower.
Aguero crossed his legs, and then his arms as well, and gave the group a flat look, reminding them all very well that he was still Khun Aguero Agnis, and he would still not take kindly to any bullshit.
There was a tense, charged silence amongst the entire party.
Bam was staring down at the floor, looking rather pink in the face, and ordinarily Aguero probably would have found that cute, but right now he didn't like it much at all, since it was a clear indicator that Bam had taken what he'd seen to heart and probably would not be forgetting about the embarrassment of Aguero's lifetime anytime soon. He just hoped it wouldn't make things too awkward between them.
"Well," Shibisu finally broke the silence, sounding much more casual and unaffected than Aguero suspected he actually was, "if Khun being gay as shit is the most destructive secret in our whole group, I think we're doing pretty well!"
Aguero sighed deeply and put his fingers to his temple, briefly closing his eyes again. Could have been a worse ice breaker, though, he supposed.
"Yeah, seriously, did none of you have any worse secrets?" Ran deadpanned. "Personally, you're all on my shitlist now for subjecting me to that."
"Hey, you didn't have a worse secret either!" Anaak shot back.
"Not my responsibility," Ran said reasonably. "One Khun already stepped up; we've done enough."
Rak gave an irritated snort. "Why are we sitting around talking? What do we need an hour for? Blue turtle wants to mate with black turtle, what else is there to discuss? Let's go to the next floor already!"
"Thanks Rak," Aguero drawled sarcastically as Bam blushed a deeper red. "You're really great at the finer points of humans."
Rak threw his arms up. "It's not my fault you turtles don't make any sense! He's not even good for producing offspring!"
Aguero put his hand over his face and groaned. "It's not about that, you stupid crocodile! No discussion of offspring!" he said sternly. "Or mating!" he added, on second thought.
Rak gave another annoyed huff, but, surprisingly, shut up.
Aguero looked over the group. "Any more grievances?" He eyed Endorsi, who had been looking increasingly stormy.
She scowled harder as their eyes met. "Yes," she growled. "And you know it."
He crossed his arms again and just looked at her, waiting for her to go ahead.
"I can't believe you've been secretly plotting to go after Bam for who even knows how long, when everybody knows I've been after him since the beginning!" she exploded.
"Yeah, plotting, that's definitely what I call this," Aguero said sarcastically.
"Shut up, Khun!" she snapped. "Everybody knows you're a crafty little sneak, and you make plans so quietly and so far in advance, and nobody has any fucking way of knowing what you're up to if you don't want them to! For all I know this is all part of it!"
He gave her a dead-eyed, disbelieving look. "You're joking. You're absolutely joking. Please tell me how the fuck it makes sense in your little pea brain that I — probably the most private person here — wanted to publicly share a fucking wet dream with all of you, including a member of my goddamn family."
"That's exactly the type of thing you would do! Exactly because nobody would ever suspect it!"
Aguero just blinked at her. "I don't even know how to rationalise with this. I don't know if you're even capable of thinking straight right now, but Bam isn't your personal property to call dibs on. He's a person. Who gets to have his own emotions and choices — including but not limited to being attracted to fucking Rachel, or nobody at all. I don't know why you think there's a set number of options here, or that he has to pick one, because, considering his past patterns of behaviour, he's really not very likely to get in a romantic or sexual relationship with anyone in this group at all, including both of us, so you're fucking ridiculous to think this is a competition."
"THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN ABOUT THE PLOTTING!" Endorsi yelled, lunging to her feet and looking around wildly at everyone. "Do you see this? Do you see this shit?" She threw her hand out at him. "That is exactly what you would say to take me out of the running so you can just carry out your plans with no hard competition!"
Aguero tipped his head back to look at the ceiling exasperatedly. "There. Is. No. Competition. And Bam is right here. Do you think it feels nice to be talked about like a toy to be fought over?"
"Well none of this would be a problem if you just recognised that I was here first and backed the fuck off!"
Aguero's head snapped back down to look at her, and he leaned forward, narrowing his eyes. "You know what, Endorsi?" he hissed. "You're so fucking selfish. You're immature and paranoid and egotistical and selfish. You don't give a single fuck about Bam, do you? Not really. Because all you ever think about is what you want, nevermind that he has rejected you again and again. You just think that you want it, and so it will be. You started trying to court him first, so you somehow deserve him as some prize, like he doesn't get any say in it, like it's just inevitable that he'll have to eventually choose you because you've persevered or you're just too amazing to turn down or whatever bullshit.
"You never even gave a shit that if he did accept your advances, it could cost his life, because you're a fucking princess of Jahad and you're not allowed to have a relationship! You just wanted him — fuck his wellbeing, right? You act like he's a prize, and what will you do if you ever win it? Will it lose all its allure? Is he still a person to you? Or is he just a game, because right now you're acting like exactly that; you act like you don't care about anything but winning, and you'll do anything at all to make sure you do."
"Fuck you!" Endorsi yelled, her face red with anger. "I do care about Bam, and you don't know shit! You just like to talk like you're so fucking smart, but there's dozens of things in this Tower that could make him love me if I didn't care about him, if I didn't care about it being real!"
"Great to know you've thought about it," Aguero said dryly.
"Just because I know doesn't mean I've thought about it! And he's already got a fucking target on his back! We're all going up against Jahad! Don't pretend it would even make a difference!"
"Yeah, now, but you started hitting on him on the fucking floor of tests! From the very beginning, before we knew anything! You never cared!"
Endorsi's fists were balled up tightly and her eyes blazed with fury. "You're such a piece of shit! Some day he's gonna realise what an absolute prick you are to everyone around him, and that that just makes you rotten to the core, and maybe then he'll finally fucking drop you like the poisonous trash you are!"
"Stop." Bam said, quietly but firmly. "Both of you. Please just stop."
Aguero slowly sat back again and looked over at Bam, and Endorsi huffed, but sat back down on the floor, crossing her arms tightly.
"I want to stay friends with both of you," Bam said. "Stop trying to make that harder for each other." And then, a little more quietly, "I don't want to lose any more of my friends."
"...Sorry," Aguero muttered.
Endorsi looked away from both of them. "Fine," she said reluctantly, after a moment.
Bam looked around the room. "Is there anything else we need to address, or can we move on to the next floor?"
Everyone was silent.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆
"You know, Khun, I really never could have fathomed what your internal dialogue was like," Hatz said while they were all having dinner almost a week later, "but I can't lie, it's kind of fucking hilarious. You're so straight faced, I didn't know you thought like that."
Oh, great, so they had been privy to his thoughts too. Awesome. Aguero sighed. They must have experienced the memory exactly as he had, which was…even worse, but at the same time also not any worse at all, because honestly, could it get much worse? Embarrassment had a threshold, right? After a certain point, nothing mattered anymore.
"Could we just stop talking about it," Aguero said flatly. "Forever."
Anaak laughed. "I dunno, it's kind of fun seeing you flustered. You're always so composed."
He glared at her. "I'm not flustered," he monotoned.
"Khun, my love," Shibisu said solemnly, "I know my boy well and you are, you're just trying to hide it."
Aguero rolled his eyes. "You don't know shit."
"Well Bam is getting flustered," Endorsi interrupted. "So maybe be quiet."
She wasn't lying. Bam had flushed pink and was very fixedly staring down at his plate, apparently trying to pretend the conversation was not happening at all.
Anaak rolled her eyes. "I think you're the one who doesn't want to hear about it. Still jealous? Khun's the one who got embarrassed."
"Maybe I'm just trying to be considerate of Bam's feelings!" Endorsi defended.
Anaak sighed, not looking like she really believed Endorsi, but waved her hand to dismiss the topic anyway. "Fine, fine, we'll leave it alone."
"Thank you," Endorsi said stiffly.
The table turned quiet and awkward for a bit after that, until Wangnan bravely jumped in to change the subject.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆
When Aguero exited his lighthouse a little more than two weeks after the infamous and dreaded day of the Test That Changed Everything, Bam was sitting on Aguero's bed, looking pensive. Aguero stopped short.
Bam's eyes snapped up to his, and he patted the bed beside him.
Instead of asking why Bam was on Aguero's bed instead of his own, and cornering him to have some sort of sit-down, Aguero merely sat and waited, trusting that Bam would get to the point. It was pretty likely it was about the test of secrets on the 107ᵗʰ floor anyway.
Bam did, in fact, get to the point — knowing Aguero well and skipping entirely past the obvious statements and pleasantries he didn't care for, like 'I wanted to talk'.
Instead, he jumped straight in with, "Do you still want to kiss me?" and Aguero immediately kicked himself for the whole warding off pleasantries thing. It might've been nicer to gear up to that one.
Then again, it probably would have been a kick in the gut no matter what.
Aguero's mouth tensed briefly, but there was no point in lying to Bam. It wasn't going to get him anywhere effective. It wasn't like Bam was going to just forget the vivid imaginary sex Aguero had conjured them having. "Yeah. But I don't—" he added quickly. "It doesn't matter. I'm not expecting anything from you, I still just want to be your friend."
"I don't." Bam said plainly.
Aguero blinked, stunned into silence for a moment at Bam being so harsh in a way that he usually wasn't. He'd seen Aguero's memories though, hadn't he? Fine. Aguero could accept this. But Bam had to know there was no making Aguero stop acting like a friend, even if from a distance. He couldn't just stop caring, and he couldn't stand by and watch Bam risk his life when there was something he could do to help.
"I want you to kiss me," Bam said, just as frank as before, halting Aguero's thoughts in their tracks.
Aguero…really wished he could say the world righted itself, but…this didn't make any fucking sense either. What?
"What." was all he could say, blankly.
"I want you to kiss me," Bam repeated. "Or I could kiss you, but I don't really know what I'm doing."
Aguero just stared at him for a long moment.
"Why?" he finally asked, faintly.
Bam gave a sort of half-shrug. "I didn't…consider that I might want to do any of those things. Until I saw your memories. Watching it was…appealing. And I found myself thinking about trying those things with you for real, but I was a little confused because I didn't know if it was just because of the memory. I thought about it a lot, and tried to imagine those things with other people to see if I was interested too, but I wasn't. I asked Rak about what he experienced in the memory and how it made him feel, because honestly he's the only one I expect not to ask too many questions or really care or gossip. But he didn't feel anything like I did. So I think…I just want to kiss you. I guess I didn't really realise that was an option before." He paused and met Aguero's eyes again. "Is it still? Can I kiss you?"
"I…yeah," Aguero said weakly, still trying to process the fact that Bam was apparently…maybe actually…attracted to him. God, he didn't think he'd ever processed anything half so slow in his life. "I don't— I don't really know what I'm doing either," he warned. "Just— I've—" He flushed slightly. "Well, I mean, I go through a lot of information, I wasn't researching it specifically…" Yeah, it was probably better to shut up now. He wasn't doing himself any favours.
Bam smiled, not seeming at all bothered by Aguero's awkwardness or the prospect of him potentially researching kissing like a freak. "Then we can figure it out together," he said brightly, and leaned closer. "So can I kiss you now?"
"Yeah," Aguero said. His throat felt so dry it came out like a whisper, but Bam heard him anyway and leaned in, tilting his head a bit, and Aguero leaned in to meet him.
Bam's lips, it turned out, were not very soft at all. They were chapped, however (which had surely been incorporated into Aguero's dream from passive observations). Their lips met in a few clumsy, slightly open-mouthed kisses, and Aguero realised Bam tasted vaguely of peanut butter, which was kind of a thrillingly intimate discovery. He thought he had probably been right before, in his dream, when he had thought that he'd probably consider Bam's mouth perfect no matter what it was like, because he definitely thought this was perfect — way more perfect than that stupid dream (this was real, this was actual Bam, in his arms, skin to skin, mouth to mouth, sharing breath. The real Bam, solid and alive, who couldn't just disappear upon waking, couldn't just slip through his fingers like smoke).
Bam smiled again as he pulled back, and his eyes were shining with happiness and maybe a little bit of mischief, and Aguero's heart squeezed in his chest because this was so much better than the way dream-Bam had smiled at him, the way his eyes had shined, because this was real, real, real.
"Hey Aguero?" Bam murmured.
"Mm?"
"I think we kind of suck at kissing."
Aguero let out a small laugh. "Yeah." They really kind of did, and it was hard to be self-conscious when Bam was still smiling at him like that.
"We should probably spend some time fixing that."
Aguero gave another incredulous laugh. "Yeah," he agreed fervently, trying not to sound too dazed and lovestruck, and probably utterly failing.
Bam kissed him again. "Practise makes perfect," he mumbled against Aguero's lips, before giving him another kiss.
"Mm," Aguero hummed, half in vague agreement, half in pleasure, his eyes shut as he leaned into Bam, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek. Because, as much as they weren't fitting together quite right yet and hadn't gotten the hang of reading each other's movements, and were both still a little hesitant and unsure…it was still Bam. Bam was kissing him, and it made warmth flare in his chest, it made his stomach flutter, it made his skin tingle pleasantly everywhere Bam touched it, and Aguero loved it.
Bam ran a hand over his waist, leaving warm little electric currents in its wake, and Aguero wondered if this was what Ran felt like when he took a lightning pill.
It didn't take long before they shifted to lie down on the bed to kiss more comfortably, both of them lying on their sides, with Aguero's arm braced over Bam's head to lean partially over him, and Aguero didn't know how long they continued kissing like that for before they jolted apart at a shout from the hallway.
"You greedy turtles!" Rak roared. "The last two bananas! Those were mine! Mine! Who ate them?!"
Aguero sighed deeply and let his head flop down beside Bam. "Well, there's always something."
Bam started laughing quietly, and shifted closer to Aguero to lean their foreheads together and slide his arm back around his waist. "Always something," he agreed. "I guess everything has to end. But I think we're definitely improving."
"Are we? I think we still need some practising."
"Oh, for sure," Bam agreed readily. "Gotta be the best. And we can't slack off. They say you lose skills you don't use, you know."
Aguero laughed. "Can't throw away all that hard work, then."
Bam smiled and gave him a kiss, pulling him closer with the arm around his waist. "Mm. Definitely not."
Their lips met again in a few soft kisses, but soon the sound of stomping coming down the hall reached them, and they broke away again.
"Oh for fuck's sake," Aguero said, exasperated.
Bam laughed and pushed himself up from the bed, before leaning down again to give Aguero a quick peck. "We can practise more later," he promised, and then went over to his own bed, sitting cross-legged on it and taking out his pocket to busy himself on it.
Somehow, he still looked ridiculously tantalising like that and it made Aguero want to close the distance and kiss him again (perhaps Bam just existing made Aguero want to kiss him, though. His brain was probably broken or something), so Aguero decided to play it safe and retreat back into the safety of his lighthouse before Rak could come in in a snit and catch them in a compromising position because Aguero apparently had absolutely no self control anymore. Ah well. He'd just have to hope he could regain his rationality and self control regarding Bam sometime soon — hopefully once it finally set in that this was real, and when he felt secure it wasn't going anywhere, and when it stopped feeling so goddamn groundbreakingly novel.
For now, though, he was probably going to spend the rest of the evening unable to fully focus because he could still faintly taste peanut butter and feel the echoes of Bam's body, his hands, his lips against him, all over him.
By the end of it, Aguero wasn't even slightly up to his normal standard of productivity, but he considered it a good day nonetheless. How could it not be?
⋆ ⋆ ⋆
That night, once the lights were out and Rak was snoring (softly, thankfully. For now, at least), Aguero heard Bam get up, and opened his eyes to see his shadowy figure coming over to stand next to Aguero's bed.
"Hm?"
"Can I sleep here with you?" Bam asked.
Well why the hell not. Not like Rak was going to say anything about it.
Aguero lifted the covers for him, and Bam climbed over him and under the covers, immediately snuggling up against Aguero and snaking an arm around his waist.
"You're so warm," Bam murmured, and pressed a kiss to his shoulder.
It was nice, and Aguero settled in to sleep with a smile on his face, but in hindsight it should have been a fucking warning.
Oh yes, why the hell not, Aguero, invite the greedy warmth-seeker into your bed with no second thoughts!
Bam was a prolific blanket stealer. A hoggish little caterpillar in his cosy cocoon of other people's fucking blankets whilst they froze to death trying to pry a single corner from his unconscious iron fist.
After three nights of this, Aguero preemptively rolled himself up in his blankets before Bam could get into bed.
Bam made a bereft noise when his hand hit bare bed in the dark. "What is this?" he asked as he crawled over to lie next to Aguero. He tugged at one edge of the blanket. "Give me some of the blanket!"
"No. This is mine," Aguero growled. "Bring your own blankets."
Bam let out an amused huff. "You don't want to share with me?"
"I would be more than happy to share with you, Bam. The problem is, you don't share. You steal. Like the esurient little blanket thief you are."
Bam cracked up, probably at just how bitter Aguero sounded over it, and then quickly tried to muffle his laughter with his hand, so as not to wake Rak.
"Well I'm glad you find it funny," Aguero grumbled.
Bam took a deep breath and tried to calm himself, reaching out to cup Aguero's cheek. "I come to you, a flawed man—"
"A flawed man who is going to bring his own goddamn blankets to bed from now on," Aguero said flatly.
Bam laughed again. "Okay, okay, I will go get my own blankets," he said in a tone that very much implied Aguero was being ridiculous. Probably because he had not spent an entire night (several nights!) completely without a blanket while his partner happily hogged them, snug and warm, looking as if he hadn't a goddamn care in the world.
Bam gave Aguero a kiss, and then got up to get his own blankets.
When he settled back in, he looked at Aguero expectantly. "Happy?"
"Marginally more so."
Bam sighed. "Now I can't cuddle with you as close anymore, though."
Aguero paused for a moment, and then gave a sigh of his own as he shoved his blanket off, putting it to the side away from Bam and rolling up on his side. "Mine." He pointed back at it. "Yours." He pointed at Bam's blanket. "For later, when you inevitably burrito yourself." He raised his arm in open invitation.
Bam smiled and scooted closer, throwing his blanket over both of them and plastering his body against Aguero's. "Thanks, Aguero." He tilted his head to give him a slow, lingering kiss.
"Mhm," Aguero agreed absentmindedly, and opened his mouth, deepening their kisses.
It was a long time before they actually went to sleep, but neither of them really minded.
And somehow, no matter how much they burrowed into their respective blankets in the coming days, and then weeks, Bam always seemed to end up half on top of Aguero by the time they awoke, unconsciously seeking the heat of his skin and burying his face against his neck. Aguero couldn't really say he minded that either.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆
Aguero poured himself a mug of coffee and glanced around the kitchen. He really did not feel like actually making anything for himself right now. …Toast it was, then. Maybe some fruit if they had anything besides bananas. He really didn't feel like getting into it with Rak right now either.
He slumped against the counter as he waited for his toast to cook. God, he was so fucking tired. He wished he didn't have so much work to do, because just staying in bed with Bam was tempting as hell right now. Aguero wasn't even sure Bam had fully woken up when he'd left, he'd just groaned and rolled over, pulling his blankets up higher around his shoulders. So Aguero had written it off as a lost cause, kissed him on the head, gotten dressed, and left.
Thankfully, by now, after a few months, he had gotten pretty desensitised to Bam and didn't feel like he was losing his goddamn mind all the time with the need to just touch, touch, touch, because he'd never thought he would be allowed, and who knew when Bam might pull back out of reach again?
Honestly, he was surprised nobody had said anything. He had a great poker face, but he knew they had to be staring at each other a lot, and he wasn't too sure what all the looks in their eyes would reveal. They'd also both been pretty fucking absent for a while whilst they were still struggling to keep their hands to themselves — since apparently Aguero wasn't the only one incredibly distracted, and Bam was eager to explore. But still, nobody had said a word. Which really made Aguero suspect they, or at least most of the group (the ones who gossiped amongst themselves, anyway, all of whom would certainly tell Endorsi, and he couldn't imagine that being a quiet reaction) somehow just…hadn't put it together.
He was more than willing to take advantage of that for as long as it lasted. It really wasn't their business anyway.
And it was also kind of funny, especially when they weren't trying particularly hard to hide it. Just last week, they'd been sharing the loveseat, with Bam curled against Aguero to rest his head on his chest, and Aguero's arm around him, absentmindedly running through his hair. Hwaryun had been ignoring them from an armchair across the living room (she'd ignored their whole relationship, actually, even though she surely knew), but when Wangnan had entered the room, he'd just stopped and stared for a few moments.
"Um," he had said, when he finally collected himself. "No offence Khun, really, but, Bam…does this sort of thing not make you uncomfortable at all?"
Bam had looked up at him, letting them all sit in an uncomfortably long silence, before he'd finally simply said, "No," and looked away again.
And Wangnan hadn't really been able to argue with that.
Aguero's toast popped out of the toaster, and he quickly spread some peanut butter on it and found a lightly bruised apple half-hidden on one corner of the counter. Hopefully someone hadn't already laid claim on it, because it was his now. Oh well, they were planning on taking the floor test tomorrow, and then it would just be on to the next place anyway. The food needed to be eaten, and they'd get more on the next floor.
He brought his food and his coffee in to sit at the table and almost turned right back around, because Rak was sitting there, and immediately glared up at him.
"Two. Bunches. Of bananas." he demanded.
Aguero rolled his eyes. Fine, so they had locked him out last night. Again. But he was being pretty overdramatic about it, really! Who can even eat that many bananas before they go bad?
"One," he said flatly, deciding to cut his losses and go ahead and sit at the table, since there was clearly no running from this now.
"No! You owe me! I was tired! You could have at least warned me."
Okay, that was fair, they definitely should have messaged Rak, but they hadn't planned to have sex, things had just kind of…spiralled a little bit. Aguero had only had the presence of mind to lunge up (what could have very well been much too late, with a bit of bad circumstance) with an 'Oh fuck!' and frantically lock the door before Bam grabbed him again, and, you know, he just really hadn't been thinking about Rak much at the time. Honestly, it would have been weirder if he had been, so the crocodile should actually be thanking him right now.
Aguero, however, did not say any of that, because he wasn't stupid enough to think it would go over well with anyone present, so he just clucked his tongue, took a bite of his toast, and stayed conspicuously silent.
"Wait, what does he owe you for?" Shibisu asked.
"Locking me out!" Rak roared indignantly, though it wasn't very intimidating in his compressed size. "Again! I'm getting sick of it."
Anaak's brows creased. "Why does he have to lock you out of the room when he could just hide away in his lighthouse if he wants privacy so bad? That's rude."
It was like watching a slow-motion trainwreck, knowing exactly the damage that was about to be dealt, but unable to do anything but sit and spectate.
"What?" Rak sounded confused. "Not when he's alone; when he and black turtle are mating!"
Anaak and Shibisu's eyes went comically wide, and Hatz choked on his coffee. He at least had the grace to spit it back into his own cup as he coughed. Kind of gross, but at least nobody had to clean it up, and it was all going in his mouth anyway, Aguero supposed, wasn't it?
Aguero took another bite of his toast and chewed it slowly, watching everyone process that, apparently too stunned to speak just yet.
"Why is it always you?" Honestly Aguero had said it more rhetorically than actually directed at Rak, but Rak answered anyway.
"What did I do this time?" he complained. "Can't talk about mating when we have to be in your head seeing you dream about black turtle, can't talk about it when you lock me out of the room for mating — when are we ever allowed to mention the obvious?"
"Nobody else had picked up on that yet, Rak," Aguero sighed. "It was only obvious to you."
Rak paused. "Oh." But he quickly rallied to defend himself. "How was I supposed to know! You've been nesting together for months; I thought turtles did that when they decided they were a pair!"
"Sometimes," Aguero said exasperatedly. "But that doesn't mean other people know."
"Who's nesting together?"
Aguero turned to see a sleepy and confused looking Bam shuffling into the room.
"Us."
"...Oh. Rak finally spilled the beans?" Bam asked.
"Yep," Aguero confirmed.
Bam flopped down into the chair next to Aguero. "Well. Good morning," he greeted everyone.
"Months?" Shibisu asked incredulously. "You've managed to keep this from us for months?"
"It's not my fault you're unobservant," Aguero said utterly unsympathetically.
Bam just shrugged when Shibisu looked to him instead, and snatched the other piece of toast from Aguero's plate and took a bite.
Anaak started laughing. "Oh my god. Oh my god, I can't believe— Endorsi's going to flip her shit."
Bam grimaced. "I'll…talk to her."
"Well good luck," Hatz said. "Not sure you can say anything to make it safe for Khun to step a toe out of his lighthouse for the next two weeks or so, though."
Bam's face went hard and determined, the way it did in battle, the way that reminded his friends that Bam, as sweet and friendly as he was, was really not someone you wanted to ever be on the wrong side of. "I can and I will."
And there was really nothing else to say to that, was there?
⋆ ⋆ ⋆
After breakfast, Bam lingered in the kitchen as Aguero started the dishes, since it was his turn.
"You don't have to stick around," Aguero told him. "You can go back to bed, or whatever you were planning on doing."
Bam made a considering noise and stepped closer, wrapping an arm around Aguero's waist and pressing a kiss to his shoulder. "I do want to go back to bed, but my plans also involve you being there."
"Too bad, I have a lot of work to do."
"Which is why you should let me help you, so we can get these done quickly and you can give me half an hour to start the day off right."
Aguero looked over at him, his stare flat, but Bam was unfazed.
"I heard Rak say he was going out. We won't have to worry about him being upset about being locked out again."
Aguero sighed. "Twenty minutes. And you better be serious about helping me get through these quickly."
He handed Bam a newly cleaned, soapy plate, and Bam smiled as he stepped up beside him and stuck it under the tap to rinse clean. "Okay. I'm happy with that."