Hi everyone,
I know it's been forever. I'm very sorry for disappearing like that. But I have had major life changes recently - moved to a new country, new people, new job and the whole settling down process has been crazy. On top of that, no MaNan inspiration hadn't been helping either.
Anyway, here I am finally, with a new part. I hope you guys enjoy it and don't forget to leave your comments.
Also, I just want to give a shout to all those who kept sending me personal messages and leaving comments asking me to update. It means a lot to see you guys look forward to my book.
Lots of love,
SV
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Nandini was on her way back home in an auto rickshaw trying to control her sobs and wiping her tears at the same time. But no matter how hard she tried, her tears just kept flowing down. The auto driver also looked at her a few times from the rear view mirror but didn't say anything not knowing if he could intrude. Soon, they reached her destination and Nandini walked off paying him a 100 rupee note without asking for any change. She was just grateful that she could cry in his auto without any judgments because she knew she had to start pretending the moment she stepped into her house.
As soon as she walked in, she found Chacha and Chachi in the living room looking worried and tense.
Nandini - Kya hua Chachi? Aap log itne pareshaan kyu lag rahe hai? (What happened Chachi? Why do you both so worried?)
Chachi - Kahaan thi Nandu. Hum poori raat tere liye jaag rahe hai. Tujhe kitne phone kiye, tune ek baar bhi phone nahi uthaya? (Where were you Nandu? We were awake for you all night. We called you so many times, but you didn't answer)
Nandini - Main toh Manik ke ghar pe thi. Maine aapko kal bola tha na ki uski tabiyat kharab hai toh I'll stay back with him. (I was at Manik's. I had told you he wasn't well, so I stayed back with him)
Chacha - Nandini, maine aur tumhari chachi ne tumko bohot freedom diya hai. Humko pata hai tum aur Manik ek doosre se pyaar karte hai and humne tum par kabhi bhi restrictions nahi dale yeh sochke ki you are an adult and tumko pata hai tum kya kar rahi ho. (Nandini, your Chachi and I have given you a lot of freedom. We know that you and Manik love each other a lot and we have never put any restrictions on you because we know that you're an adult and you know what you're doing).
Nandini - Haan Chacha. Of course I know. But aap aise kyu bol rahe hai? Kuch hua hai kya? Mujhse koi mistake ho gayi? (Yes Chacha, of course I know. But why you talking like this? Did something happen? Did I make a mistake?)
Chachi - Nandu. Woh kya hai na.. meri ek cousin hai. Jiska beta kal SPACE ke inter college competition mein participate karne gaya tha. Aur usne tujhe aur Manik ko dekha college mein. (Nandu, one of my cousin's son had gone to SPACE to participate in the inter-college competition. And he saw you and Manik)
Nandini - Haan toh? (So what?)
Chacha - Usne tumhari Chachi ko bola ki Manik ne tumko mistreat kiya. Usne tum par haath uthaya in front of the whole college. And uske baad bhi tum full night Manik ke saath thi. I did not expect this from Manik at all. How dare he treat you like that. And you are so blind in love ki tum phir bhi uske peeche uske ghar gayi because he was unwell. (He told you Chachi that Manik mistreated you. He raised his hand on you in front of the whole college. And despite that, you were with Manik all night becaus he was unwell).
Nandini - STOP IT Chacha. Enough. Aapko kisi aur ne kuch bola aur aapne maan liya? Don't you know Manik? Don't you know me? Aap aisa kaise soch sakte hai that Manik can ever hurt me. And that too physically! Manik will die but hurt me on purpose. Please ensure aap next time se Manik ke against kuch bhi nahi bole. (STOP IT Chacha. Enough. Someone told you something and you believed him? Don't you know Manik? Don't you know me? How can you even think that Manik can ever hurt me. And that to physically! Manik will die but hurt me on purpose. Please ensure you don't say anything again Manik ever again).
She barged out of the living room and straight went into her room right after. This Nyonika nightmare just kept getting worse. The dominoes just continued to fall one after the other ruining everything in her life. Most importantly, her beautiful relationship with Manik. Just last morning, everything was okay. They were happy and content and so in love; and 24 hours later, her relationship was in shambles.
She threw herself on her bed and hid herself in her pillow and cried her heart out. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to convince Manik that breaking up was not the solution. She hated the thought of a life without Manik. How would she survive without his love, his constant support, his protective arms and his never-ending need for keeping her close to him. She didn't know how to live in this city without him. Ever since the very first day she came to Mumbai, Manik has been the center of her universe. First, as her enemy and eventually as her the love of her life and most importantly, her best friend. She didn't know who she could just be herself with if not with him? Who would see through every little emotion she felt. Who would move heaven, hell and everything in between just to get her to smile. How would she live without his kisses, his touch, his hugs and never sleeping in his arms again. Her heart bled at the thought of Manik being away from her. She didn't want this. She wanted him - with all her heart, body and soul.
Nandini heard her room's door being opened and heard Chachi come in. She wiped her tears and sat on her bed, hiding her tearful face from Chachi.
Chachi - Nandini.. kya hua baccha? Ro kyu rahi hai? Mujhe toh laga ki gusse mein mooh phula kar baithi hogi. Maine Murthyji ko pehle hi kaha tha ki kuch gadbad hai. Manik aisa kuch kar hi nahi sakta. But tu toh jaanti hai na tere Chacha ko. (Nandini... what happened? Why are you crying? I thought you must be angry. I already told Murthyji that something was wrong. Manik would never do such a thing. But don't you know your Chacha).
Nandini didn't say anything but at the same time started crying again.
Chachi - Nandu... kya hua beta? Sab kuch theek hai na? Manik theek hai? (Nandu.. what happened beta? Is everything okay? Is Manik okay?)
Nandini - Kuch bhi theek nahi hai Chachi. Kuch bhi nahi. I'm losing Manik. Aur mujhe pata nahi main kya karu? (Nothing is okay Chachi. Nothing at all. I'm losing Manik. And I don't know what to do?)
Chachi - Matlab? Kya hua? Mujhe saaf saaf bolo? (What do you mean? What happened? Tell me?)
Nandini - Chachi. Manik wants to break up with me.
Chachi - Kya? Kyu? (What? Why?)
Nandini - Use lagta hai ki woh meri life kharab kar raha hai. (He thinks he's ruining my life)
Chachi - Usse aisa kyu lagta hai? Aur achanak se yeh kaise ho gaya? Do din pehle toh sab theek tha? Ab kya ho gaya? (Why does he think like that? And what happened so suddenly? Everything was okay a couple of days ago.)
Nandini - Yeh sab uski Mom ki wajah se ho raha hai. (All of this is happening because of his Mom)
Chachi - Uski Mom? Nandu.. theek se bata. Kya hua? (His Mom? Nandu.. tell me properly. What happened?)
Nandini - Chachi... woh Chachi....
She didn't know if she should tell Chachi about Nyonika or not. Manik was ashamed of his mother and she didn't know if he would be comfortable with Chachi knowing these details or not.
Chachi - Nandu. Bata kya hua? Agar tu batayegi nahi toh ander hi ander suffocate hote rahegi. I promise main yeh baat kisi ko bhi nahi bataungi. Apni Chachi par thoda trust kar lo. Shayad main help kar paun? (Nandu.. tell me what happened? If you don't tell me, you'll end up suffocating yourself. I promise I won't tell anyone. At least trust your Chachi a little bit? Maybe I can help?)
Nandini burst into tears once again and lay her head in Chachi's lap.
Nandini - Sorry Chachi. Main aapko nahi bata sakti. Yeh baat Manik ke liye bohot sensitive hai. I don't think Manik ko accha lagega agar maine kisi ko bhi yeh baat batayi. (Sorry Chachi. I cannot tell you. This is very sensitive for Manik. I don't think he'll appreciate if I would tell anyone about it).
Chachi - Accha theek hai. Mat bata. But jo bhi hua, Manik ko breakup kyu karna hai? Tum dono toh bohot strong ho na? Best friends se bhi zyaada. (It's okay. Don't tell me. But irrespective of whatever happened, why does Manik want to break up? You both are very strong, aren't you? Even more than best friends, isn't it?)
Nandini - I also thought that we're very strong. Aur hum humesha saath rahenge. But ab pata nahi, how do I convince him? Aapko pata nahi kal raat woh kitna weak aur vulnerable tha. I knew he needed me. Aur aaj subah he woke up and told me that.. we can't be together... kyuki usse lagta hai woh kitni bhi koshish kare, he will never be able to get over his demons aur uski life mein humesha aise moments aayenge which he will have to deal with. And usse lagta hai I deserve much more. And he's holding me back. But usse yeh samaj mein nahi aa raha hai ki woh akele aur bhi zyaada weak ho jayega. We both are each others strengths. But woh mujhe apni life se shut off kar raha hai. (I also thought that we're very strong. And we'll always be together. But now, I don't know how do I convince him? Do you know how weak aur vulnerable he was last night? I knew he needed me. And today morning, he woke up and told me that.. we can't be together... because he thinks no matter how hard he tries, he will never be able to get over his demons and he'll always keep having these moments in life which he will have to deal with. And he thinks I deserve much more. And he's holding me back. But why doesn't he understand that he'll end up being weaker if he's alone. We both are each others strengths. But he's shutting me off.)
Chachi let her say everything that was in her mind and vent out. She kept running her fingers through her hair trying to comfort her. Once she finally stopped crying, she decided to tell her what she thought.
Chachi - Nandu.. tujhe pata hai, jab hum kisi se pyaar karte hai na, tab hum woh insaan ko saare troubles or pain se protect karna chahte hai. Aur tum exactly wohi karne ki koshish kar rahi ho Manik ke liye. Aur yeh bohot acchi baat hai. But tum yeh realise nahi kar rahi ho ki Manik bhi toh same cheez kar raha hai. (Nandu.. do you know, when we love someone, we want to protect them from all troubles and pain. And you're doing exactly that for Manik. And that's a good thing. But you don't realise that Manik is doing the exact same thing for you.)
Nandini looked up at Chachi confused. What was she saying?
Chachi - Manik ko lagta hai ki woh tumhe bohot sara pain de raha hai aur woh bhi uske issues ki wajah se. Aur shayad woh tumhe apne pain se protect karne ki try kar raha hai? (Manik thinks that he's giving you a lot of pain and that too because of his issues. And maybe he's trying to protect you?)
Nandini - Par mujhe woh pain se koi farak nahi padta. I just want to make sure Manik theek hai. And shouldn't we be supporting each other through good and bad times? Main selfish kaise ban jau jab usse meri zaroorat hai? (But I don't care about this pain. I just want to make sure Manik is alright. And shouldn't we be supporting each other through good and bad times? How can I be selfish when he needs me?)
Chachi - Tujhe pata hai Nandu, hum ladkiyaan genetically wired hoti hai to only 'give' in a relationship. Hum physically, mentally and emotionally; hum humare partners ke liye sab kuch sacrifice kar sakte hai aur karna bhi chahte hai. So tera aisa feel karna bohot normal hai. But you have to understand, ki kuch cheezein humare control ke bahar hai. (Do you know Nandu, we 'women' are genetically wired to only 'give' in a relationship. We always want to sacrifice ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally for our partners. So it's very normal for you to feel like that. But you have to understand, that some things are just not in our control).
Nandini looked at Chachi with a lot of questions. It was maybe for the first time, chachi was actually being a mother to her, instead of a friend.
Chachi - Manik ki life mein abhi jo kuch bhi ho raha hai. It is his personal battle. Yeh usse khud overcome karna hai. Tu humesha uska haath pakad kar usse right direction mein nahi lekar jaa sakti. Yeh teri duty or responsibility nahi hai. Aur honi bhi nahi chahiye. There are a few things jo life humein sikhaati hai aur humein usse apne aap seekhna hota hai. (Whatever is happening in Manik's life currently, it's his personal battle. He has to overcome it himself. You cannot always hold his hand and lead him to the right direction. It's not your duty or responsibility. There are a few things life teaches you and you have to learn them yourself).
Nandini - Aur mera itna pyaara relationship? Should I just let it go? Manik mujhse duniya mein sabse zyaada pyaar karta hai. How can I let him go? (And want about my beautiful relationship? Should I just let it go? Manik loves me more than anything in this world).
Chachi - You have to let him go kyuki tum bhi usse iss duniya mein sabse zyaada pyaar karti ho. (You have to let him go because you too love him more than anything else in the world)
Nandini - Matlab? (What do you mean?)
Chachi - Matlab abhi uski life ka jo pain hai, woh usse overcome karne ki soch bhi nahi raha hai. Woh sirf yehi guilt mein jee raha hai ki woh tumhe bohot pain de raha hai. Toh kya yeh tumhari duty nahi hai ki tum usse kam se kam ek guilt se free kar do? (It means that he's not even thinking about overcoming his actual pain right now. All he's thinking about is his guilt of putting you through so much pain).
Nandini looked at Chachi wide-eyed when this realization dawned on her. She was increasing his pain by pushing him into being in a relationship with her. Why didn't she see it this way? She never would want to be the reason behind Manik's pain. She wanted to, in fact, take it all away.
Chachi - Nandu. I know yeh time tujhe bohot difficult lag raha hai. But Bhagwanji pe vishwas rakh. Sab theek ho jayega. Aur Bhagwanji se pray kar ki Manik apni life ki jo bhi problem hai, usse strongly face kar sake aur bohot jaldi, sab theek ho jaye. (Nandu, I know this time is difficult for you. But have faith in God. It'll be okay. And pray to go God that Manik finds the strength to face his troubles. And it'll all be okay very soon).
She realized that Nandini was now in deep thought. She knew she had made up her mind to let Manik go. To be honest, it hurt her to see them part ways too. But life had its ways of testing the strongest people. And she really hoped Manik and Nandini found their way back to each other.
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Manik sat in the very same place for as long as he could remember and was just staring into space since Nandini left. Everything that had happened in the last couple of days was playing in his head non-stop and of course whatever Nandini said too. His heart, as usual, leaped towards whatever Nandini had said. He wanted to believe every word that Nandini said and believe that things would eventually fall into place and he would be happy one day. But in this process of ensuring he gets his happiness, he was ruining Nandini's life. He had treated her so harshly and had spoken to her so rudely in his anger and pain and the worst part is that he didn't even know what had gotten into him at that moment and how he could do that to the only person who meant the world to him. She didn't deserve this. He didn't want to spoil her life in his quest for happiness. He just wasn't worthy of her.
He then heard his friends walking into his room. All of them had come to him first thing in the morning to check if he was doing okay. They saw him sitting on the floor against his bed looking like a bigger mess than he was last night. They had assumed that Nandini would handle him and he would be back to normal by this morning but he was anything but normal. And Nandini was nowhere around.
Cabir - Manik...
Mukti - Manik. Tu theek toh hai? (Manik. Are you okay?)
Manik didn't say anything but just continued to stare into space. He could hear his friends calling out to him but none of their words registered in his head. Cabir shook him a little to break his trance and that's when he looked around and realized his friends were in his room. But Cabir also realized that Manik was once again burning with fever.
Manik - Tum.. tum log yahaan? (What are you guys doing here)
Alya - Yeah. We came to check on you.
Dhruv - Tu theek hai na Manik? (Are you okay Manik?)
Cabir - Usko phir se fever ho gaya hai. Wait, I'll ask the butler to get his medicines. (He's running a temperature again. Wait, I'll ask the butler to get his medicines.)
He got up and used the intercom to ask the butler to get a paracetamol and something to eat for Manik. But what was confusing him was that Nandini was not around when he was so sick. Last night, she had refused to go home despite Manik not opening the door for her and right now, she was nowhere to be found. And Manik looked worse than ever. Had the two of them fought? He immediately discarded that thought as he knew Nandini would not pick a fight with him when he was in such a state of mind. And then, a sudden realization dawned upon him. The two of them had broken up. He didn't know why but looking at Manik's state, he knew this was the only possible explanation. But he didn't want to believe it. He couldn't believe it.
Cabir - Manik... Nandini kahaan hai? (Manik... Where is Nandini?)
Mukti - I know. Where is she? Kal raat toh yahin thi? (I know. Where is she? She was here last night?)
Cabir - Manik... Where is she?
Manik - She left.
Dhruv - It's okay. Ghar gayi hogi. She'll come back in a few hours. Pehle tu uth aur aaraam se bed pe let jaa. (It's okay. She must've gone home. She'll come back in a few hours. Why don't you get up and lay down on your bed).
Alya - I know... you'll get a cold sitting on the floor for so long.
However, Cabir cut both of them and asked Manik in a threatening tone.
Cabir - Kya kiya tune Manik? Don't tell me main jo soch raha hoon, woh sach hai? (What did you do Manik? Don't tell me what I'm thinking is true?)
Manik looked at Cabir with eyes filled with pain and hollowness and Cabir knew that Manik and Nandini had indeed broken up.
Cabir - Are you fucking mad!
Mukti - What the hell Cabir! Kya hua? Aise kyu react kar raha hai? (What the hell Cabir? What happened? Why are you reacting this way?)
Cabir - Manik and Nandini broke up!
Mukti/Dhruv/Alya - What?!
Cabir - Manik bol... Kya hua? (Manik.. say.. what happened?)
But Manik didn't say anything.
Cabir - Manik...
Alya - Did.. did she break up with you because... because of what happened in college yesterday? Because of.. Because of how you spoke with her?
Manik shut his eyes with guilt, self-loathing and unprecedented anger on himself as he remembered what he did last evening one more time.
Mukti - Just apologize to her Manik. I'm sure woh maan jayegi. You were going through hell that time. Tune purposely usko hurt nahi kiya. You would never do that. (Just apologize to her Manik. I'm sure she'll be fine. You were going through hell that time. You didn't hurt her on purpose. You would never do that).
Cabir - I don't think she has broken up with him for that. Nandini would never break up with Manik when there's so much shit going on in his life. Issi ne kuch kiya hoga.
Manik - That's exactly why I HAVE TO LET HER GO CABIR! She'll ruin her whole life if I stay in it.
Cabir - What stupid logic is this Manik. Pagal ho gaya hai kya? (Have you gone crazy?)
Dhruv - Haan buddy. Tu bohot zyaada soch raha hai. Aisa kuch nahi hoga. (He's right buddy, you're overthinking this. Nothing's going to happen).
Manik - Why aren't you guys understanding? Tum logon ko dikh nahi raha hai how am I ruining her life? You all saw how I behaved with her last night and she, without thinking about herself, was here sitting outside my room to ensure I was okay. (Why aren't you guys understanding? Why can't you all see how am I ruining her life? You all saw how I behaved with her last night and she, without thinking about herself, was here sitting outside my room to ensure I was okay.)
Mukti - That's because she loves you Manik.
Manik - Of course I know that Mukti. She loves me way too much. And jab tak main uski life mein hoon, she's not going to think about herself. I will always be her first priority and she will let go of all her dreams and aspirations for me. (Of course I know that Mukti. She loves me way too much. As long as I am in her life, she's not going to think about herself. I will always be her first priority and she will let go of all her dreams and aspirations for me.)
Cabir - Come on Manik. Give her some credit. She is doing well for herself. She's doing okay. She's a strong woman. And she can handle it. She can handle you better than anyone else.
Manik - And just because she can 'handle' me, I should be selfish and keep taking everything from her for my betterment. How can I be that parasite, Cabir?
Mukti - What's wrong with you Manik? You're not a parasite.
Alya - Mukti's right. Why do you keep underestimating yourself, Manik? You are a good person Manik and you're an even better boyfriend.
Manik - Really Alya? If I was such a good boyfriend, why were you scared to come near me when I was angry in all of the 7 years we were together? In fact, forget about Alya, none of you came near me other than Dhruv. Why? Because all of you were scared of how I would react when I was angry. But Nandini, she never backed down. No matter how angry I was.
Cabir - But Manik, yeh bohot puraani baat hai. Tujhe bhi pata hai how much you have changed since then. (But Manik, that was the past. You also know how much you have changed since then).
Manik - Mujhe bhi yehi lagta tha Cabir. I also thought that Nandini had just managed to calm my demons down. But with whatever happened last night, I realized that I can never get rid of my demons. (Even I thought so Cabir. I also thought that Nandini had just managed to calm my demons down. But with whatever happened last night, I realized that I can never get rid of my demons).
Dhruv - Manik. Yeh sirf ek one off incident hai. Tu itna seriously kyu le raha hai isko? Tujhe pata hai jab tujhe panic attacks aate hai tab tera dimaag bandh ho jaata hai and you don't realize what you're saying or doing? (Manik. This is just an one off incident. Why are you taking it so seriously? You also know that you stop thinking when you have panic attacks and you don't realise what you're saying or doing?)
Manik - Doesn't matter Dhurv. No matter what I was feeling or going through, I CANNOT treat Nandini like that. I CAN NEVER let it happen again. Isiliye, I have to let her go. It doesn't matter even if it kills me to do that.
Mukti - Manik.. Please ek baar phir soch le. I know how it feels like to live without love. And trust me, it gets very lonely. Don't let her go. You'll regret it. (Manik.. Just think about it again... I know how it feels like to live without love. And trust me, it gets very lonely. Don't let her go. You'll regret it).
Cabir - I agree with Mukti Manik. It is too painful. Aisa mat kar apne saath. In fact, aisa Nandini ke saath bhi mat kar. No matter how strong she is; but when such a deep relationship with someone breaks, it changes your life forever. She won't be the same again. Nor will you. (I agree with Mukti Manik. It is too painful. Don't do this to yourself. In fact, aisa Nandini ke saath bhi mat kar. No matter how strong she is; but when such a deep relationship with someone breaks, it changes your life forever. She won't be the same again. Nor will you.)
Manik - We haven't been the same ever since we stepped into each other's lives. And I know my Nandini. Woh dheere dheere apne aap ko sambhal legi. She is a phoenix. She'll rise from this. (We haven't been the same ever since we stepped into each other's lives. And I know my Nandini. She'll eventually pick herself up. She is a phoenix. She'll rise from this.)
Mukti - And what about you? How are you going to deal with this?
Manik didn't know what to say. The thought of a life without Nandini felt like someone had stabbed his heart or someone was strangling him making it impossible for him to breathe. But he knew he had to learn to live through this pain for her. Nandini always showed him a silver lining behind every horrible situation and the silver lining here was Nandini's well-being and her happiness. And he could give up his life for her. So he will learn to live with this pain.
Manik - I'll survive. I'll learn to live without her. I have to... She has taught me how to live life. So I'll do that and try to become the man she deserves. Agar main 10% bhi successful ho gaya na, I'll be happy. (I'll survive. I'll learn to live without her. I have to... She has taught me how to live life. So I'll do that and try to become the man she deserves. Even if I am 10% bhi successful, I'll be happy).
He was in tears now. Just the thought of her never coming back into his arms, never feeling her hugs or kisses, and to never feel her endless support and care for him again, broke him down. He was literally crying now. All his friends were surprised to see him cry this way. They had seen Manik hurt, angry and in pain a million times before but he had never cried in front of them.
Mukti straight went and gave him a hug, followed by Alya and finally even Dhruv. All they wanted to do was comfort their friend who was broken beyond repair. And the worst part was that they couldn't do anything about it.
Cabir just silently looked at Manik and thought to himself on how once again, love could change or ruin someone's life in a split of a second. No matter what and how much one puts in their relationships, love cannot conquer all. In fact, it wasn't just about love. It was about how unfair life has been to someone and how they choose to travel in these rocky roads of life.
He knew Manik loves Nandini more than anything else in the whole world. Even more than his own life. But the wounds Nyonika had given him had damaged him so much that even though it was killing him to let Nandini go, he was doing it because her well-being mattered to him more than his.
Of course his decision was 100% wrong. Giving up on Nandini meant giving up on his own happiness. But he knew that Manik had deep-rooted issues that he needed to resolve. No matter how much Nandini supported him and tried to fix him, there were a few things Manik needed to learn about life. And he needed to learn how to fix them himself too. Nandini cannot hold his hand and lead him every step of the way. He needed to learn how to walk by himself too.
However, at the same time, he also knew that Manik and Nandini would find their way back to each other. They always did. In some weird twisted way, their lives were entwined in a way one couldn't comprehend. But if he believed that if there was some goodness left in the world, the universe would conspire and bring Manik and Nandini back together again, and this time stronger than ever before.