Becky's Pov
Im laying on my bed while holding a small black box on my hand. A sigh escaped from my mouth.
My eyes looked at the rooms door as it slowly opens and the loud noise coming from people i know got in.
P'mind entered and immediately closed the door and the noise vanished.
" aren't you going to join us? " she asked as she sat beside me.
I shake my head.
" You sure? its weekends and they want to watch a movie.. And you like watching movies and also freem is here too"
" That's the point ... Freen is here.. I don't want her walking out again and ruin the mood the moment i stepped my foot outside this room. " i said in a low voice.
" I don't think that will happen. " P'mind said but her voice sounded so unsure.
" So.. This is how she felt eh? To be ignored? To be treated like you don't exist?" i asked then stare at the box on my hand.
Its been a week now since freen snapped and slapped me. That slap was really hard but i deserved it.
I tried to talk to her but she keeps avoiding me. And rosé is not really helping. Whenever i try to corner freen even with everyone's help. Rosé will appear and take her away. With an expression 'suit you right coward'.
P'Mind is doing good with the others now. She told me she explained everything to them on why i suddenly acted that way to freen.
And they apologized to me too for not standing up for me that time.
They said they just want me to realize that im over doing it.
But they never expected freen to finally snap like that . They were all shock about what happened that they only found their voice when rosé left.
I told them its fine. That i understand.
" Don't worry ok? We got this. I told you .. We'll help you have freen back. right? " i nodded. She did tell me that. that this time she'll help me to have freen back.
" so?" she looked at me with an encouraging look.
" Not now p'mind. I'll just stay here.. I know freen. She don't usually get mad but when she do... "
" but she loves you.."
" i know but there are emotions that can beat love sometimes.. Just like what happened to me. Fear beat my love for Freen. It didn't disappear. But it hide on the deepest part of my heart. And now anger beat freens love for me. Its still there .. I know that.."
I'm staring at the box on my hand again then rub its corner with my thumb.
" ok. I understand. But trust me ok? Trust us.. And also were trying to convince her to talk you.. You'll have her back. Definitely. " i smiled then nodded.
" anyway whats that box for?" sae asked and looked at the box curiously.
" This? its nothing.. " i said then decided to put it inside the drawer beside my bed. And As i put it in i saw the other black box with J.K. initials on top.
" its for freen, Right? " she asked as i close the drawer.
" Yup. I planned to give it to her after asking her to be mine again. But i wasn't given a chance. And you know why" i said the chuckle softly.
" You will soon.. Anyway. Are you really sure you just want to lock your self here?"
" Yup. Positive.. Just.. Bring me water if its ok.. " i said then smile..
" Sure.. I'll go out now. Just incase you change your mind.. You know what to do. "
Then she stoop up.. Then i looked at my closed drawer.
" P'mind wait. " i called out .
" changed your mind already? "
" nope i just want to ask you something.. "
" sure anything." then she walked back to my bed and sat.
" by any chance. do you know someone named Kim.Jennie?" i asked.
" K Jennie? you mean that girl with a skin so white like snow? big round eyes? back hair? that always emits dark aura around her? You know her? " P'mind asked with amusement.
She got the other stuff right but whats with the dark aura emitting thing?
" Well i guess i know her. But whats with that dark aura thing?"
" shes our classmate in some of our subjects. She's an accountancy student. I mean by the dark aura is.. How can i explain it. I once bumped into her and she just stared at me blankly? like saying get lost"
I just nodded even if i don't really get what she said.
" why are you asking tho?" she asked.
" well.. i just have something she owned that i want to return. " i said then shrugged my shoulders.
...
When p'mind left. I pulled out the small black box again and opened it..
I stared at the content for i don't know how long.
Its a white gold necklace i bought from a shop nearby . And its pendant is a simple plain white gold ring.
I touched the ring and looked at it.
There are words written on it.
'Youre my life'
I sighed then closed the box again. I wasn't able to give this to her. but im still hoping i could.
I returned the small box to my drawer and this time i pulled the bigger box.
I opened it and stared at its content. A couple of black and white pictures. And some letters.
I sighed. I need to find this Kim Jennie I need to talk to her and returned this to her.
I just hope she hasn't made her final decision yet.
So she's an accountancy student.
If youre wondering what course we took.
Its Business management. Its so funny how we ended up with this.
after the first week of school. We decided that we need to choose our course.
With that they made a big dice. Every side has a course written on it.
Then Irin rolled it. It ended up at business management. I thought that idea was crazy.
But we all did took up B.M.
so is Freen since she told me she'll take up course same as mine.
everyone is doing good. Noey and Irins relationship is improving.. In a way that Noey show more 'emotion' now..
Like if she's jealous she'll hit Irins head. If she's annoyed she'll elbow Irin's arm. If she's bored she'll pinch Irins cheek. If she's hungry she'll give irin a burning glare. So basically. she's a sadist. But only to Irin.
Irin on the other hand don't seem to mind but she do her revenge by stealing kisses from Noey Which always make Noey blush for a second and before Irin could notice it Noey is already composed and ready to hit her again.
Im wondering when will Noey confess to Irin.
Another fact we learned about her which really annoys Irin is that Noey also likes cute younger girls. Not in the bad way.
Example of this is Engfa a middle school girl. Engfa seems to like Noey a lot which adds to Irins annoyance .
but we learned that she has a crush on Charlotte. but this didnt lessen irins annoyance to her.
P'nam who unexpectedly have soft heart.. Joined the boxing club which didnt surprise us all. We even guessed that if the school has wrestling club. She'll choose that one.
Lisa joined the Paper Club ( this club manage the school news paper..) as their comic artist. Together with me. I'm the clubs official photographer . I will take pictures of events that happens n the school. Buts so far the school hasnt had any.
Then Freen.. She joined the drama club and I'm happy for her. She finally choose something she really like to do. I often watch her on their practise And took pictures of her before and she's really good. But now all i can do is sneak in so that i can watch her.
Thanks to their president who happened to be a friend of mine when we are in high school. I can easily sneak in and out with out being noticed.
Rosé. What can i say about her.. She's a member of the club that i really love and also an official member of the track team.
The truth is.. I envy her. She can run. She can do what ever she wants. And now freen is with her.
Even tho she said those words to me back then. I know she just don't want freen getting hurt. I know she love Freen. Even without freen telling me. I know because its obvious. The way she looks at her. The way she treats her.
I actually think they are perfect. Rosé wont hurt Freen the way i could possibly do. Rosé has seen her mother suffer and I'm sure she wont let that happen to Freen
That thought made me finally decided to let go of freen. I know Rosé will be there by her side No matter what happen.
But then. My selfishness strikes in again. I realized i cant lose Freen. Coz if i do. Id rather die without trying to live..
This time I'll do my best to have her back no matter what.
I won't let go of her until my last breath. I won't.
And then.. Mind..
Mind Sawaros. I feel guilty whenever i look at her this past few days.
Because now i remember her. I was arranging her clothes when i saw it.
The yellow pen Freen gave to me when we took our entrance exam at Rangsit High School.
I thought i lost it. But when i saw it again. I remembered that i gave it to a really nervous girl who i met at the entrance exam of Gap. I fely really bad for not remembering her at all.
Where in fact she didn't forget me. I know she didn't. Even if she hasn't mention our first meeting.
Maybe she don't want me to feel bad. She's a nice girl. I'm really glad i met her.
She actually seems to be my best friend now more than Irin
i sighed and closed my eyes. Going to Gap is really a great thing.
Meeting people like them...
I was about to fall asleep when i heard the door opened. Thinking its just P'Mind..My eyes remained close.
But as she gets closer. My eye brows twisted.
I know this smell. The smell of strawberry mint..
I slowly opened my eyes and a blurry image of a girl appeared. But im sure who it is.
" P'Freen " i whispered.
She placed the tray she's holding on the side table.
" Don't think too much. I just lose the bet so i have no choice. Its already 1:30 and you haven't eaten so they told me to bring this to you. " she said without looking at me.
But I'm happy. At least i was able to talk to her again and see her face closer Again..
She's about to go but i instinctively stretch out my hand and reached for her hand. She stopped and looked at me.
" P'Freen. I.. "
" I don't want to listen to you. Not now and i don't even know when will i be ready. " she said and tried to pulled her hand away.
" I know.. Just.. " then i thought of the box. I hurriedly took it out without letting go of her hand.
" Here.. Take this. . Hmmm. Think of it like its my heart. . You don't have to open it now. Just open it if you still want to give me a chance.. . You can also throw it away. Its up to you. Its yours anyway. You can do what ever you want with it. . " i said then put the box on her hand.
I lay on my bed again the cover my self with the blanket. then i heard her footsteps. The door opened then closed again.
And there she's gone again.
.........
Its Monday and i dont know why but they seems so excited.
" P'mind? "
" Yes? "
" Everyone looks excited.. Why?" i asked. Not literally everyone tho. Just them. My roommates.
" This is your chance to have Freen back. Its already planned. " and before i could ask again. Our professor entered.
" Good morning class.. I have an announcement. " i cant help but to look at my back.
Freen is seating beside Rosé and they are talking.
"We are going to have a 4days and 4nights trip" professor Luxsulax said. She's our adviser. Also the teacher we first met who said shes rooting on Freen. I wonder if she still do.
" Don't be so excited yet. This isn't going to be a simple trip. We will have lots of activities.. A team building and this class will be divided by two And i already have the leaders. the top one and two of the schools entrance exam. " i looked at Freen again but shes not looking at me. Shes staring at professor Luxsulax like shes an alien. Obviously. she's not listening again.
Then prof Luxsulax spoke again.
" Your team mates will be announce on the first day. and we'll immediately have exciting activities. Same with the second and third day. The forth day will be your free day. You can do what ever you want just make sure its not dangerous. " she said then wink which made my classmates start giggling.
Then i raised my hand.
" Yes Ms. Armstrong?"
" Are you sure i'll be the team leader? If its a team building.. Im sure... The activities will be ... You know.. " i said then lower my head. This is what i hate.
" Dont worry. You don't have to join the activities but im sure you'll be a great leader " then she nodded at me. I sighed and nod lightly.
" I already talked to your other professors and Mr.Saint . today's class will end here so you can prepare your things. Because we'll be leaving tomorrow at 3am. "
" What? tomorrow?"
" waaah! Will my parents let me? "
" Professor isnt that too fast?"
I think so too. I looked at her as she shake her head.
" Dont worry about your parents.
I already called them yesterday. And they all agreed. except for Ms. Armstrong's.."
Owh I already saw that coming.
i just sighed then looked out side the window. why did she made me the team leader if i cant come? shes weird.
" They said they will only allow Ms. Armstrong if.. Ms. Chankimha will go. and thats what your father said too.. You can only go Ms. Chankimha ifs. Armstrong is going. "
I bury my head on my desk.
Do they really think we're still like we used to be?
" So, Are you two going? "
" as if i have a choice right? " i heard her said.
I stood up.
" May i leave now? You said the class today ends here.. " and without her answer i left the room.
I don't care if they think what i did was disrespectful.
I might die anytime if i stayed longer in that room. I know its my fault but the way she speaks...
I feel miserable. I never imagined Freen saying those kind of words.
I just walked and walked. I don't even know where i am. Then i saw a playground. I sat on one of the metal swing.
I forgot my bag. I hope P'Mind or any of them will bring it home.
and to my luck. It suddenly rained.
I sighed and didn't bother to go somewhere to avoid getting wet. I looked at my watch. Its only 11am.
I stood up and went under the slide to shelter my self from the rain. Im already soaking wet but at least the rain will stop hitting my skin.
I bended my knees and hugged them tight. I'll just hide here for a while. I dont want to talk to anyone yet.
I need to think. Should i keep pursuing Freen?
But this is what i want before.. For Freen to live without me.
And now its happening. She don't even want to talk to me. Maybe i should really let her go.
Maybe that's really the right thing to do now.