Lena left shortly after my brothers did, but I had asked her to join us again in a few days to check in with her. Night had fallen and neither of my brothers had returned. Aslin didn't seem to care too much that Az was still gone, but I caught her a few times peering out the tall windows.
"Hello," The deep rolling accent of the Dradans met my ears, pulling all three of us out of our thoughts.
I had a book open on my lap, though I hadn't read a single line in quite some time. The words had bled together and my thoughts swirled out of control. As restless as the waves that crashed against the rocks near the shore. Lena's stricken face, and her words about her despair. How many had died? How many had wanted to die while I was wrapped up in self pity?
I was aware that the servants here were doing it to help pay for their families. I hadn't known that they were dying though. There had been a time when I was younger that I asked Rasten why some of them had disappeared, but he had told me they bonded with someone and left. Why had I believed him?
"Aldon." I snapped the book shut, stifling my sigh, "To what do we owe the pleasure?"
He and Izaak stepped further into the sitting room. My gaze drifted past them and I internally scolded myself for looking for him. An attraction to the broody male was not something I should be entertaining. Not to mention the fact that I knew nothing about him and he didn't seem to be a great conversationalist.
"We figured we should talk to you after the king told us what he wanted." Izaak replied.
"Took most of the day just for him to get to the point," Aldon complained, sitting down heavily and rubbing a hand over his weary face. "So, he wants to use us to help create a peace treaty and trade routes."
"Correct." I managed not to squirm, but began picking at the fabric of my dress, my sister and Aslin glancing between the three of us.
"And how do you feel about this?" Alson prompted, red eyes honing in on me.
"I will do what I must to better my country," The words came out smoothly, even though at the moment I'd rather be helping my brothers with dismembering someone.
"So you don't mind going somewhere you've never seen?" Izaak asked, stretching out beside Aldon, their muscular thighs brushing.
"Did you?" I countered.
"No, but we haven't been isolated our entire lives." Izaak raised a brow challengingly.
"Where is Knox?" I finally asked, deciding to switch to a safer subject.
"At the docks," Aldon relaxed against the couch, stretching out his long legs, "He wanted to make sure everyone was behaving themselves."
"Are you okay with this?" I asked, the words falling out before I could process them.
"I suppose." He glanced over at Izaak who was frowning, "We are a package deal though."
"I'm aware." They don't seem surprised that I know, but Izaak was shifting uncomfortably.
"Az!" Aslin was launching herself across the room before the rest of us had time to register his presence.
Red stained her dress from where he gripped her thighs. A guttural growl rumbling through the room before he turned on his heel no doubt to clean up and do things I'd rather not think about. Killian stepped into the room next, his hands also dripping with blood that he quickly wiped on his pants. His eyes remained black, his lycan still close to the surface.
To all of our surprise Knox leaned up against the doorframe, a dangerous smile twisting his lips. Righteous fire danced in his eyes, his smile faded when he looked at me though. His look of disapproval made me want to curl up and disappear, that heavy feeling returning.
"What were you up to?" Aldon asked, eyes narrowing suspiciously at his brother's hands.
"Helping." He replied simply, like that was all the information needed.
I swallowed down all my questions, but was unable to pull my eyes away from him. Searching for traces of blood as he strode past me. He didn't smell like blood, but he smelled cold, like winter. The only one who smelled like metal and person was my eldest brother leaning back against the wall.
"Are you going to tell us what happened?" Fia finally asked, her eyes narrowing suspiciously before her mask slid back into place.
"Lena was right about those two." Killian's voice was rough, his lycan still too close to the surface, "They admitted it after some coaxing. So Az and I were taking them off to be dealt with when we stumbled upon Knox."
Said male stiffened, his eyes narrowing slightly.
"He suggested some ideas for what we could do without killing them." Killian's eyes slowly turned back to emerald, his voice smoothening, "They were made an example. Now Rasten won't get on our case about hanging knights from the walls and anyone else who thinks they can start messing with the females will see them..."
"What exactly did you do to them?" Fia asked, her fake smile dim in comparison to the excitement lighting up her eyes.
Lycans were very quick to anger and violence. Our beasts lurking behind a human facade ready to burst to the forefront whenever possible. When there is a perceived slight or threat against us or those we love, rational thought no longer applies. There is only the rage that burns through us. Revenge is something all lycan are familiar with, something every last one of us will end up craving at some point in our lives.
This mostly extends to mates and family. When Aslin was kidnapped a few months ago my brother stopped at nothing to get her back. The male who took her had been a father figure to him, but that didn't stop him from tearing him apart to get to his mate. I suppose Killian feels something similar, the need to protect what he believes is his. This kingdom and the people in it.
"Ripped out their fingernails," The black was back, my brother reveling in the memories of the pain he had caused to those he viewed as threats, "Branded them as what they really are. That was Knox's idea."
Aldon smirked, glancing over at his brother, "That is a similar punishment to what we have in our country. Those who have forced themselves on others are branded by the one they hurt."
"How do you know the victims aren't lying?" Again I spoke without thinking, memories of my father snarling that I was lying about being touched making me forget who I was with.
"We have thread seers." Izaak replied, his lips pursed together while the other males watched me too closely. "They can read the threads that bind people together. Sometimes they can even see what happened to make a thread a certain color. If the moment was significant enough."
Fia saved me from the stares, "Killian why haven't you gotten cleaned up yet?"
"Maeve," Aldon called for me, embarrassment heating my skin, "So do you mind having both Izaak and I as your mates?"
And here I had thought I managed to escape this conversation. The eyes fell upon me once more. Except for Knox who was studying the snow that began to gently settle on the ground below. I couldn't say yes. Could I?
No.
Even if I was fine with being with more than one male it wouldn't be right. Not when every dream I've had since they arrived had featured a certain broody male. Not when my body craved to see what his skin looked against mine. To feel him against me. At least that's what dream me wants.
I could talk with Aldon though, we could be friends. Would it be better to choose the ones who you could see yourself getting along with? Or should I go for the one that sends my body burning just by being near him?
"I..." Blinking I tried to straighten out my thoughts, but they continued to swirl most featuring the dreams I've been having. "I don't know."
"Maeve," Killian grabbed my hand, I hadn't even noticed he had gotten closer, "Come. We should have a moment to talk about this before you make any firm decisions."
"Okay." I heard myself agree, but sounds seemed to come from far away. My mind had sunk below the surface, hiding me from the unknown.
~~~
"Are you okay?" Fia asked, relaxing against the multitude of fluffy pillows on her bed.
"I don't know what I'm doing." I confessed, flopping down on bed with her, "I don't want to be with Aldon and Izaak that way."
"But you do with Knox?" She didn't hide her surprise, eyes widening and her voice rising slightly.
"I guess?" It came out like more of a question than it should've, "I seem to get along well with Aldon and Izaak, but I don't want to be with them if that makes sense."
"It does." Fia chewed at her lip, eyes narrowing, "But you do want to be with Knox in a physical way, just not for conversation."
"I suppose," I shifted with discomfort, "I feel like I've seen glimpses of who Knox is or could be, but glimpses aren't enough to tie yourself to someone. Nor is attraction a good enough reason."
"Why not?" Fia challenged, sharp eyes narrowing, "Why can't you be with him just because you think he is attractive? We both know you shouldn't choose Aldon and Izaak. So why are you hesitating?"
"I'm scared," I finally admitted, the confession lightening the weight on my chest, "I don't want to chain Knox to me if he doesn't want me. Especially if we end up not even being able to be friendly with each other."
"Didn't you hear the way Entha was speaking about him?" Fia raised a red brow, "The females there don't want him because it's only him and no one has seen his shift. So... you might be his best choice as well."
"Doubtful." I mumbled.
"Hello, gloomy girls," Killian called, shutting the door as he strode into the room, "Still talking?"
"Unfortunately," I replied, sitting up, "You smell less disgusting now."
"Thanks," He rolled his eyes, taking a seat on the bench by the window, "Have you decided what to do yet?"
"No."
Yes.
Sort of.
"I think Knox is the best option," Killian said firmly.
"Why do you think that?" Irritation crawled across my skin, my fingers tapping against my thigh, "We haven't even known any of them for more than two days. Why do I have to choose either of them yet?"
"Because like you've been saying this is your duty. To better our kingdom." Fia snapped, her teeth gritting together as she glared at me, "You keep saying you can handle this so fucking handle it."
"Harsh," Killian chucked, easing the sharp sting of her words with his laughter, "You have five more days before Rasten wants them out of here."
"Only five?" I frowned, my brows furrowing, "I thought they were here for two weeks."
"He is getting antsy." Killian frowned, "So you need to choose before he makes the choice for you and we all know he wanted you to bond with Aldon."
"What should I do?" I rubbed at my chest, pain splintering outwards.
"Decide." Fia was clearly done with this conversation, "And let me get some sleep."
Killian rolled his eyes but stood anyway, "Shall we?"
"You can go." I stood as well, "I'm going to the library first."
"Of course you are." He teased, waving a hand before striding out of the room.
"Good night, Fia." I said softly, earning an annoyed grunt from her before leaving.
I tried not to take it personally, she must be stressed too. It was never easy to have someone leave. We both learned that when our brothers went to stay in the mountains. The ache that was always there when one of our siblings wasn't.
My way to the library was a slow affair, trailing my fingers over coarse stone. Taking my time studying the tapestries that lined the walls. Some of them depicted old rulers, others fierce battles.
My father had never been meant to rule, not like this. Not without my mother to guide him. It was her bloodline that started everything. It was her blood that gave us green eyes and deep red hair. I only knew things about her because of my brother and some of the books in the library. They weren't focused on my mother, just talked about the legacy of our family.
My mother had been an older sister, just like me. Except her younger brother passed away when he was only one. Some of the books say he drowned in a tragic accident. Others hinted at foul play. His name was Tri and he was going to be the next king. Sometimes I found myself wondering that if that baby had grown into a king what he would have wanted for the kingdom. I imagined a brighter future with an imaginary king.