"I hope it's not too presumptuous of me to ask for you to accompany me for the memorial rites," Lady Li said to Zi-ning as their carriage trundled in through the main gates of the palace. "I was hoping to invite you over to the manor for tea a little earlier, but unfortunately there were too many arrangements for the memorial that needed my attention."
"Not at all, Madam. I'm honoured that you would think of me," Zi-ning replied.
The invitation had arrived at the Han manor two days ago, resulting in quite the flurry back home. Everyone was up in arms to find out that Lady Li had personally invited Zi-ning to enter the palace for the late crown prince's memorial rites, and Minister Han was only more than happy to oblige. The same could not be said of the other women of the household. Meisi hurled insults at her every time they crossed paths, and although Lady Min and Meiyan said nothing, Zi-ning knew they were fuming because there were sounds of things breaking from inside Meiyan's quarters every now and then.
Even though the ministers and their wives would be required to attend the memorial ceremony, the same could not be said of their offspring. Zi-ning had been bestowed with an honour that Meiyan and Meisi would never have.
Lady Li lifted the curtain of the window slightly, then she sighed. "I've told him many times that he no longer has to carry out these memorials, but he won't listen," she said quietly. "The dead have been gone for so long. Surely it's time we put them to rest..."
Zi-ning guessed that the "he" that Lady Li spoke of was the king. In her past life, she had attended two of these memorial ceremonies before, when she had been Ru-wen's consort, but she had only been able to see Lady Li from afar then. At that time, she remembered having a passing thought about King Shunde's piety and devotion towards his older brother. On hindsight, it was a pity the bond in their brotherly relationship had not been passed on to Shunde's own sons, else the tragedy she had experienced would not have happened.
The carriage did not stop in front of the great hall, where the rites would take place later in the day. Instead, it took them to the Winter Blossom Hall, which had once been Lady Li's quarters when she had been crown princess—and had somehow been kept vacant ever since.
The moment Zi-ning stepped out, her gaze was met by a sea of winter blossoms in bloom, weaving to form an exquisite tapestry of soft pink. It was obvious that the gardens of the Winter Blossom Hall had been carefully maintained, and when they walked into the front hall, the tidiness and orderliness of the space said the same about the interior of these quarters. It certainly did not look like a place that lacked an owner.
Did they tidy up because they knew that Lady Li would be coming? she wondered as she ran her fingers over the cold surface of an intricately carved and likely very expensive white jade guanyin that sat on the rosewood shelves. Not a speck of dust anywhere.
It was strange enough that Winter Blossom Hall, which was one of the most luxurious and centrally located living quarters in the royal palace, remained devoid of a new owner ever since Lady Li moved out. It would be stranger still for the palace attendants to bother keeping it this pristine all year round.
"My Lady," the chief attendant of the Hall, a middle-aged woman with greying hair tied in a neat bun, came forth and bowed respectfully to Lady Li. She ushered them through the front hall and down a corridor that was once again surrounded by winter blossom trees, before they arrived at an octagonal pavilion next to a small lily pond. A pot of jasmine tea was already brewing on its burner, and a small plate of green bean and osmanthus cakes beside it.
Lady Li beckoned for Zi-ning to sit down, after which, the attendants poured out two cups of perfectly warmed tea.
"This place is beautiful," Zi-ning remarked, raising her cup to her lips.
"It is, isn't it? It used to be called Peony Hall, but Shunzhi had it renamed because he knew I loved winter blossoms. He also had all those blossom trees planted everywhere." Lady Li smiled as she looked towards the pale-pink blossoms, and her eyes glossed over as if she were looking wistfully into a fond memory from the past. A time when she still lived in these quarters, and her beloved husband was still by her side. She wiped a tear from her eye. "Look at me, getting all sentimental again. This is why I don't like to come back to this place. Why don't we talk about something else?" The lady paused, picking up a green bean cake. "What do you think of the Shadow Lord?"
Zi-ning coughed and spluttered, choking on her tea.
Lady Li laughed, reaching over to pat her on the back. "There's no need to get so flustered. It's just a passing question," she said. "I was only curious, considering how he risked his life to rescue you from those bandits. Are the two of you..."
"No!" Zi-ning shook her head vehemently. "There's nothing going on between us."
A slight furrow appeared between Lady Li's brows. "Would it be so bad even if there was? There are many young ladies who would be glad to have the Shadow Lord's favour. He is a very eligible young man."
Zi-ning hesitated. Was the lady offended by her response? But why?
"It is I who am not good enough for the Shadow Lord, Madam," she replied honestly.
Or anyone.
A momentary sadness clouded her mind. Perhaps this was a timely reminder that she needed to sever this entanglement that seemed to have unwittingly formed between her and Du Zhenghuan. She only had one goal in this life, and that was to seek revenge for the injustices she had suffered in the past. She was nothing but a vengeful ghost, and this was a lonely path that she was determined to take.
Someone like Zhenghuan deserved better.
Lady Li clucked her tongue. "You should not undervalue yourself," she said. "I hear that you are the subject of contention between several princes, including the crown prince of Hua. Surely that reflects what your worth is like in the eyes of others?" She paused, then added as an afterthought, "If I were you, I'd say Du Zhenghuan is a far better choice of a husband than any of the princes."
Zi-ning flushed with embarrassment. Thankfully, she was saved from needing to respond by an interruption from the chief attendant, who announced the arrival of one of the emperor's stewards.
"My Lady, His Majesty requests for an audience with you in the imperial study," the steward said.
Lady Li nodded. She stood up, turning to Zi-ning. "I'll make a trip to the imperial study. You can rest here in the meantime, until the rites begin," she said.
After the lady left, Zi-ning turned her attention back towards the blossoms, basking in the peaceful silence of her surroundings.
Crown Prince Shunzhi must have loved Lady Li very much, to have built this little piece of heaven for her.
Even though the former crown prince had left well before his time, at least he had left Lady Li with nothing but good memories and enough love to last her a lifetime. Once upon a time, she had believed that someone loved her enough to do the same—but she had been sorely mistaken.
Her thoughts drifted towards Zhenghuan.
I wonder if I'll see him at the memorial rites later...
#
King Shunde paced up and down in his study, occasionally looking towards the open doorway in anticipation. He adjusted his waistband, smoothing down the front of his sober black memorial robes. Did he look okay? It had been a whole year since he last saw Wanle, which was far too long. What would she think of him now?
"Your Majesty, Lady Li has arrived," a steward announced.
Shunde immediately turned towards the entrance, just in time to see a graceful silhouette step in. His gaze softened.
Each time he saw her, she looked even more beautiful than he remembered. It felt like he had been returned to his younger days, when he first met her as a child of ten. She had been dancing in the palace gardens then, and the butterflies had fluttered upon her fingertips. It was a scene that he had etched into his memory and would never be able to forget.
"Wanle, you're finally here," he called out, a smile stretching across his face. He waved his hand to dismiss all the attendants.
Li Wanle walked towards him, stopping a few steps away to drop to a curtsey.
A few steps too far.
"Your Majesty," she said.
The light in Shunde's eyes dimmed. Nothing had changed. Wanle was still as distant and aloof as always, reminding him of the gulf that lay between them. She was his brother's widow, and he, a king who had everything—but not what he wanted most.
He reached out his hands and gently helped her back up. "I've said many times that there's no need for such formalities between us," he said. "What happened to the days when you'd just call me Xiaode..."
"That was a long time ago, when we were but children," Wanle replied. "You are the king of Duan now."
"Indeed." Shunde gestured towards an empty chair, offering it to her. "If only Zhenghuan would be willing to share this burden."
Wanle sighed. "Shunde, we've been through this many times. From the moment Shunzhi gave his life for this kingdom, I no longer wish for me nor my son to have any ties to this crown. It has already cost us too much... Far too much."
"But this position rightfully belongs to Zhenghuan. He is more than capable of sitting on this throne, of fulfilling his rightful destiny!"
"But that is not what he wants."
"Then what does he want! To guard the border forever? To give up his birthright? To leave this palace behind the same way you did?" Shunde bellowed.
His frustration peaked, aggravated by the mild indifference on Wanle's face. This was how she always was towards him, ever since Shunzhi died. It was as if her soul—that vibrant, spirited girl that he had always held inside his heart—had been lost forever on that battlefield, together with his brother.
She was this way. Zhenghuan was this way. Could they not see his intentions? Why did they not understand him?
"Shunde, that's enough," Wanle said sternly, her curved brows knitting in a frown. "This is the royal palace. The walls have ears." She looked straight into his eyes, and the sadness in them wrenched at his heart. "It's been so many years since Shunzhi left us. It's time for us to let him go... All of us..."
But if I let him go, that also means letting you go. Wanle, I'm not sure I can do that.
He was pathetic. He had loved her since the first time he set eyes upon her. He had loved her when she donned the dazzling vermillion of her wedding robes and wed his brother. He had loved her when she returned from the dead, a widow alone and in grief.
And he loved her still, even if she would never know it.
Shunde closed his eyes, exhaling deeply. After a long moment of silence, he finally said, "If this is not what he wants, then I will not force him."
"Thank you, Shunde."
She was smiling at him as she said that, yet she could not see his heart breaking.
If this is what you really want, then I will grant you your wish.
This is how he would continue to love her, as he always had.
"Let's not talk about these matter anymore," he said, locking his feelings deep within him, like he always had. "It's been a while since we last met. Tell me, how have things been on Taishan?"