"SO, AND NOW we have this," Pamela mused, leaning backwards so that she was staring at the ceiling, flat on the bed. "You and the twins. At opposite sides. Enemies, but for real this time."
Livia said, "I wouldn't consider us enemies."
"But you're arguing and don't get along. You've gone from the heroes of each other's stories to the villains. How did that happen?"
Livia replied, earnestly, "I don't know."
"I think that's the first time you've ever not known something," Pamela said wistfully. "A few years ago I'd have rejoiced in the fact that you were not all-knowing. Now, I just don't know what to say."
They sat in silence there for a little while. It was already past midnight and the house was quiet. The beach outside was dark and the waters a dark abyss that threatened to engulf them if they stepped too close. It was almost like they were sitting at the side of the pits of hell, staring into the inferno. Livia joined her sister, lied down, hair splayed out on her sheets.
"I don't know what to do."
"I can tell."
"I talked to them earlier," Livia swallowed, "well, you're aware of that. They said... they said that we were falling apart a long time ago. All of us. It made me really upset."
"Were we?" Pamela asked, and she didn't need to turn to know that her sister was frowning. While for most of her life Livia had been the fiercely protective older sister, sometimes a bit too protective, Pamela always had her back too. They didn't get along sometimes, it happened with all siblings, but when they needed it they were always a shoulder for the other to lean back on. They were both each other's mountains.
"In a way, yes." Livia stopped. "I think, I think the moment Melody was gone, we started falling apart."
And then, the expected silence that always accompanied any mention of the name. Melody Martinez. In a way the girl was immortalised in all their thoughts, even though she was long gone, nothing but ashes. Despite being memory, she was constantly there, constantly with them, not as much haunting as much as just... wishfulness. Wishing that she was still there, knowing that if she was everything would be better than it actually was. She was more flesh and bones than anything else Livia knew.
Melody Martinez.
Oh Melody, what would you do if you were here now?
But Melody didn't answer, because she'd left years ago.
Quietly, Pamela asked, "What else did they say?"
"That they don't actually hate me."
"Did they apologise? For what they said last year?"
"No." Livia waited for a moment, then said, "You know, we never knew what quite happened with Veronica. No one's mentioned anything about her all year. Her brother doesn't post on social media and I don't follow her."
"I do," Pamela replied. "She mostly posts parties, hanging out with her friends, I think she's going to some university in London."
"Did she and Amphion...?"
"Nothing about that, if it did happen. Actually," Pamela frowned, "I checked the people who liked her posts a while back. Amphion wasn't among them. Wait." She sat up and grabbed her phone, quickly tapping a few buttons before showing Livia the screen. "Amphion doesn't follow her anymore," she said with some astonishment.
Livia pushed herself up too. "Wait, what? Did they get into an argument?"
"Maybe," Pamela said, brows knitted tightly together. "I have no idea what to expect with these people these days, honestly. Like, I never expected Amphion and Zeth to say anything like that..."
"I was a bitch before, though."
Pamela shook her head. "No, not really. Like, you can be one sometimes, but everyone knows you don't actually mean it. It's just your way of caring for us, being bossy. None of us actually take offence. Don't take what they said seriously. Lila and Brie still love hanging around you, and Sarah never liked you in the first place."
"I know," Livia sighed. "I thought about it a long time after that, I know most of what they said was just because they were angry and surprised, and I didn't exactly start that conversation on a good note. Still doesn't mean I can forgive them, though."
"I don't think you should forgive them," Pamela said quietly. "Not unless they apologise. Obviously, you should apologise too, for how you reacted. And I assume, from your personality, you've said some pretty shit things as well."
"I did."
"Yeah, but that was in response to them. They should be the ones to apologise first, and then you should apologise to them in return. Do you want to keep this secret?"
"We can't keep it a secret forever," Livia pointed out. "They'll know one way or another. Aurelius might be having the exact same conversation with them right now for all I know. They'll keep Victoire in the dark about it, though, they think she's weaker than she really is."
"They think that of all of us," Pamela laughed. "They always still see me as some baby who needs protecting. I'm more than capable of fending for myself, thank you very much."
Livia glanced at her sister, sixteen years old, in her prime, beautiful and glorious, radiant as the sun's beams, with a sense of confidence and elegance that could not be rivalled, and smiled. "Yes, yes you are."
Pamela turned to face her, and then unexpectedly wrapped her in a warm hug. "I love you, you know? And whatever happens, even if they all turn against you, I'll be by your side. If you want me to stop talking to the twins I will."
"That's not necessary," Livia asked, returning the embrace, burying her face in Pamela's pyjamas. "I don't mind you guys staying friends. There's no reason to force you to cut them off because of a few stupid things they said to me. I don't think I'll get along with them for a while, but it shouldn't extend to you. Don't hold it against them either, yeah?"
"What will you tell the others?"
Livia pulled away, blinking. "If they ask? I don't think Lila will, she knows how important privacy is more than anyone. Brie might get curious. Sarah, definitely, but she'll go to the twins, not me, for answers. I'll give them a shortened version. That they got into a fight with me about Veronica and we said some really nasty things about each other. It's half the truth anyways."
She was far too embarrassed to admit anything more than that. It wasn't necessary either, and would only further complicate things, which she didn't want to do. She wanted to keep everything as simple as possible. Nobody needed to know the details. That was between them, and now Pamela as well. But she couldn't keep it in forever, and there wasn't a better person to tell than her sister.
"So... what are you going to do about the twins?"
"Exactly what's going on right now. We won't get along, I don't think I'm ever going to willingly hang out with them, but when we do have to be in the same room for more than five minutes, we'll try our best to be civil to not raise suspicion."
"It's going to be very complicated to explain to the parents."
Livia nodded. "That's the main problem." She pulled her legs closer to herself. "Like, can you imagine what ma would do if she figured it out? She'd rip them apart, piece by piece. Not just them, me too."
"Nai nai would laugh at you for hours," Pamela sighed. "Yeah, I understand why you kept this a secret for so long. I wish you told me a bit earlier, though."
"I didn't think it was necessary. I don't know, part of me thought that for some reason, maybe we could just act like last year was a dream and continue on as if that argument never occurred at all. Obviously that's not how things went."
"This summer will be fun," Pamela mused.
Livia let out a snort. "Yes. Fun. That's one way to put it."
—
AS EXPECTED, LILA and Brie kept quiet about the whole situation the next day. They didn't hang out—the Carmen/Anderson household were having some kind of bonding session since Ben was down too, so Livia ended up staying in the house for most of the day.
But not the whole day. Which was a slight mistake on her part, because when she did go out for a walk in the afternoon (because she'd slept too late the night before), she bumped into Sarah Hepburn, making her way out of the Calvert-Egerton mansion.
Their eyes met. Livia was standing on the pavement, Sarah the garden pathway of the Calvert-Egertons.
Silence. And then, Livia acknowledged the other girl with a slight dip of her head.
"We should talk," Sarah's voice rang out. Sarah Hepburn was a very pretty girl. A thin, oval face, dark green eyes, a mane of vibrant scarlet hair and pale skin Livia once envied. She wasn't much smaller than Livia, who was the tallest girl in the group.
She wore a black t-shirt and dark blue jean shorts, and she had a backpack that she'd flung over her shoulders. Upon seeing Livia, though, she allowed it to drop to her side. Her chin was raised.
"Well," Livia replied coolly, "I don't intend to do it in front of the Calvert-Egertons' mansion. Are you going to the bus station? I'll walk with you there."
Stiffly Sarah responded with a nod. The two of them started making their way down the road. The bus stop was not very far away, so both girls seemed to mutually agree that they ought to just get down with it.
Sarah said, "The boys just told me what happened last year."
"Oh, did they."
"It was slightly unexpected."
Livia thought she'd panicked. But instead she was wholly calm. Sarah wasn't the kind of person who'd laugh at her for that. Sarah was more than willing to laugh at her for many things, but not for having fallen in love with Amphion. And Sarah was one of the few people who had realised how annoying Veronica was, even though she'd seen that as a good thing rather than a bad one.
"Was it." Livia didn't say anything more than was necessary. She didn't want to give Sarah any ammunition, and she knew Sarah was itching for it. There was nothing, precisely, to look down on Livia regarding this situation. The only thing she could mock Livia about was also something that crossed her own line. Thus, if Sarah wanted to start a fight, she'd have to get something out of Livia's own mouth right now.
Over the last year, she'd dissected and analysed all her friends, again and again, Sarah included. She knew how they all worked now. Knew what to expect from them. Sarah was waiting for Livia to give her anything, and the old Livia easily would have. The old Livia would be spitting tack by now, defending her fragile ego and her porcelain face. The new one found that she simply didn't care.
It was a nice, welcomed change.
Sarah turned her head to face Livia, halting her steps. "You've changed," she observed curiously. "Was it because of last summer?"
"I'm eighteen now," Livia replied, one brow raised. "I'm not the same girl I was before. Neither are you."
"We've all grown up," Sarah said ruefully. "That is a good thing, I think."
"Last night, they said that we started falling apart a long time ago."
A whole evening had passed, yet that was still an itch Livia couldn't resist scratching. Pamela had given her two cents. Now Livia wanted Sarah's. Sarah, who was one of the smartest people she knew. Sarah, who part of Livia had always looked up to.
Sarah's brows furrowed. "They didn't say that to me earlier." But then her expression cleared. "But then again, I don't think they told me everything about last summer either. Some deal between you?"
"I asked nothing of them, except to try and keep it away from the parents."
"Well," she commented, "I can't say anything about that." They were still standing still. The residents of No. 6 Gabert Street had recently vacated the mansion, and no one had swooped in to acquire it yet.
Livia gave it some thought, and then she said, "After this summer, it's all over. I doubt I'd ever see you again."
"You're not escaping Amphion, though."
"Does it matter?" Livia asked, one brow raised.
Sarah's eyes narrowed. "Do you know your problem, Livia Wong?"
"Please, by all means. I'm all ears." And Livia was curious. Once upon a time she'd have run away at that comment. She most likely had, from those exact same words, from the exact same girl, in the past. But now she did want to know. She realised that she was dying to know what Sarah Hepburn thought was wrong with her.
"You're arrogant. Not in the way Amphion is, where he's brash and honest and open about it on the surface, but even he doesn't believe half his own bravado deep down. You're arrogant in your core."
"I don't think I get what you mean." That wasn't a riposte. That was a genuine comment.
"Of course you don't," Sarah let out a mocking laugh, "it's why we never got along. You never understand anything, Livia, and you never stay around long enough to get it either. Or calm enough, but honestly both are the same thing. You get angry and you run away, isn't that always how it worked?"
"I think running away is a very human response to getting angry. And I usually only got angry while I was defensive anyways. It's self-protection, nothing to be ashamed of."
"Oh no." Sarah shook her head. "That's not the only reason you ever got angry. You got angry all the time, Livia. At the smallest things. I found it hilarious, when you started arguing with Veronica the moment she appeared."
"It wasn't until she opened her mouth that I started disliking her. And don't lie to me, you thought the same."
"I waited until a few days of being together to decide that I disliked her person and character. You decided in less than a minute."
"That's not arrogance," Livia pointed out, one brow raised. "That's me being judgmental and prejudiced. And that, I openly admit."
"But that's not your biggest flaw. It's pride. You never quite saw any of us as your equal," Sarah let out a sigh. "But that's alright. It's not like you were the only one with any problems among us anyways."
Sarah looked like she had more to say, but then she shook her head.
Livia murmured, "If you want to say anything else, you might as well do it now. I doubt we'll have much of a chance to speak privately with each other in the future."
Sarah eyed her. "You really have changed, have you? Is it because of last summer?"
The same question as she'd asked minutes before. Livia smiled and shook her head.
"That sped it up," she answered honestly, "but I think I would have gotten here sooner or later anyways."
"Right." Sarah looked distracted. She'd straightened out her naturally curly hair before coming here, and it was almost as if she looked completely different. Her style, too. Sarah didn't use to wear so much black and other dark colours, but it was almost all she'd seen her in so far. The Sarah from last year preferred the white and beige. It was a rather extreme change in stylistic choice.
Upon inspection Livia realised that Sarah had painted her nails as well. She never used to do that. Her nails were now painted a deep, dark scarlet, and Livia had to admit that this new style suited her far more than anything else she'd seen the girl in before. The old Sarah was not someone who could be described as a fashionista or a girl of style. This one was. This one was far more comfortable in her skin, but there was still that tinge of melancholy to her. As if she saw more than any of them did.
That had always been one reason why she disliked Sarah. In a way, Livia had always been intimidated by the other girl. She always seemed to know so much more, so much better, and Livia wasn't someone who liked to play second fiddle.
Jealousy. Last year Amphion had accused Livia of being jealous of Veronica. Livia was jealous of far more people than just Veronica, and Sarah was the next person on her list. Sarah, who somehow managed to get flawless grades without breaking a threat. Sarah, who always seemed to figure things out before anyone else did. Sarah, smarter than all the rest of them.
And Sarah disliked her because she was apparently too arrogant. Even though Livia felt like she'd been nothing but humble, perhaps too humble, letting the twins and everyone else step all over her for so many years without ever fighting back.
Livia suddenly decided to say, then, her one attempt at fighting back, "I'm not the only one who's changed."
Sarah looked down at herself. At her nails. At her hair, at her clothes, and then looked up and smirked.
"It was about time, I think."
—
THE CONVERSATION WITH Sarah was far more peaceful than Livia ever thought it could be, but then again the two had never outwardly clashed. Everyone knew it, of course, even their parents sensed it, but they always still passed on civilly on the surface. A comment or two here and there hurt no one, or so they always thought.
Livia finished her brief walk and headed back to her house and received an invitation with Lila to go out to the nearby shopping mall tomorrow. Livia inquired whether Brie would be present, and Lila said that Brie was attending a football session at the local club. It was something she did every year, so Livia wasn't surprised. She agreed, of course.
There were some things she couldn't tell Lila if Brie was there anyways. This was a good opportunity, and Lila probably intended for some things to be spilt in the first place.
Lila was someone she was happy to reveal a bit more of the details with. For starters, she wouldn't tell anyone else. Anything you told Lila Anderson remained strictly confidential. And she had a good way of analysing things and getting straight to the point that not even someone like Pamela could match up to. Had to do with her upbringing, Livia always secretly thought, though she did her best not to mention Lila's childhood if she could.
No point bringing up old scars. That was something Livia understood very well.