My doubts follow me to the training room. I can feel the other trainees' eyes on me as I walk in, their whispers and rumors trailing behind me like a swarm of bees. I can sense their judgment, their questions, their doubts about whether or not I can really do this. Maybe they're right. Maybe I'm not cut out for this after all. But I'm here, and I'm not going to give up.
The training is brutal, pushing me to my limits and beyond. I stumble through the steps, my feet heavy and clumsy. But I keep going, pushing myself harder and harder, determined to prove that I can do this.
Later that night, I needed to see someone who would understand.
I enter the recording studio, my heart racing with anticipation. Kooyoung was already there, fiddling with the soundboard. He turns around as I walk in, and I can tell he's surprised to see me.
"Minlee, what are you doing here?" he asked, his voice laced with concern.
"I couldn't sleep," I said, shrugging my shoulders. "I needed to do something, so I came here."
He nodded in understanding. "I know how that feels. I'm here pretty much every night."
I walk over to him and look at the soundboard. "Can you show me how this works?"
He smiles and nods. "Sure. It's actually pretty simple once you get the hang of it."
We spend the next hour going over the soundboard, and I start to feel a little more relaxed. Kooyoung is patient and encouraging, and I appreciate it more than I can say.
As we work, we start to talk more and more. We discuss our favorite music, our hopes and dreams, and even our fears. I tell him about my anxiety and my struggles with my confidence, and he listens intently, offering words of wisdom and encouragement.
"You're so talented, Minlee," he says, his voice soft and sincere. "Don't ever doubt yourself."
I smile, feeling grateful for his kind words. "Thank you, Kooyoung. That means a lot to me."
Eventually, we take a break and sit down on the couch in the corner of the studio. We talk about our families, our hobbies, and even our favorite movies. As we talk, I find myself feeling more and more comfortable around him.
We're laughing, joking around, and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I can really be myself around someone.
"Can I ask you something, Minlee?" Kooyoung says, breaking the comfortable silence between us.
"Of course," I say, turning to face him.
He looks at me, his expression serious. "Do you ever feel like you're not good enough?"
I hesitate for a moment, then nod. "All the time. Especially when I'm around all these talented trainees. It's hard not to compare myself to them."
"I know what you mean," he says, his eyes searching mine. "But you have to remember that you're here for a reason. You're talented and you deserve to be here."
I smile, feeling grateful for his words. "Thank you, Kooyoung. You always know the right thing to say."
He chuckles. "I don't know about that. But I do know that you're one of the most talented people I've ever met. And I'm not just saying that because I'm a judge."
I blush at his compliment, feeling my heart skip a beat. I wanted to touch him, to feel his arms around me, but I knew that was forbidden. He was a judge, and I was a contestant. It was written in stone that we couldn't cross that line.
But then he leaned in, his breath hot against my ear, and whispered, "I can't stop thinking about you, Minlee."
My heart skipped a beat, and I turned to face him, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks. "What are we doing?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
"I know," he said, "but I can't help the way I feel. Being around you is like a drug, and I can't get enough."
And then, without warning, he leans in and kisses me. It's soft and gentle at first, but then it deepens, and suddenly we're lost in a sea of passion and desire.
It's like nothing I've ever felt before. It's like I'm finally waking up from a long, dark dream, and I'm seeing the world in a whole new light. Kooyoung makes me feel alive, like anything is possible.
We break apart, gasping for breath, and I look into his eyes. There's a warmth there, a kindness, a sense of understanding that I've never felt before.
Afterwards, we talked for hours, lost in our own little world. We sang together, laughed together, and even danced together. It was like nothing else mattered in that moment.
But eventually, reality set in. The sun was rising, and we had to go back to our separate lives. We both knew that what had happened that night was forbidden, but we couldn't help how we felt.