Author's Note: I'm enjoying screwing with Anakin. >:)
~ Rivana Rita
He should not be so surprised when the Council decides it would be a good idea to send him to bring Gunray to Coruscant. It's pointless since Anakin has no idea exactly what transpired before, but they don't care. It's not that he's complaining. It's just... that Ahsoka is currently with Master Unduli, except they're both with Obi-Wan... and Anakin is here with Barriss.
And he doesn't judge her for what she did in the future, but he still finds himself watching his back all the time, and he can't help expecting her to betray them somehow.
He just really, really does not want to talk to Barriss right now.
At least she doesn't know what happened, but that doesn't go too far, seeing as she won't know why Anakin doesn't like interacting with her.
Ventress will, of course, attack, and Anakin is prepared for that. She'll be fortunate if she makes it off here alive herself. Though he admittedly can see why she's upset with the Jedi, it's not enough to excuse how she embraced the Dark Side and became what she is today.
Assuming Ventress is the one to attack, of course.
Anakin himself just needs to get to Dooku. The others are pointless.
They have Gunray at least, which should be a lead to uncovering Sidious. That is one hope Anakin clings to fiercely. He and Barriss are currently trying to question Gunray. The Neimoidian is stubborn, to say the least, but Anakin has dealt with this before, and they need answers.
Gunray is a coward enough that it makes it easy to get information out of him. Anakin threatens to drug him which will make him talk, and that's enough to make Gunray start talking on his own. He doesn't give them much before the Separatists attack. He's just admitted that the Separatists get information from some of the top people in the Republic when Anakin is commed with news of that attack – he had felt the jolt of the cruiser a moment before.
"It's Grievous," one of the clones in the area tells him, and that's all Anakin needs to know to give Barriss orders to stay there, along with a warning that he has a bad feeling about the Senate Guard Captain Argyus – which he still does, though he's seen no signs of betrayal yet – before he takes off to join the fight.
This is the second time he encountered Grievous, and he never once met him before. That's... unusual. It seems like he and Obi-Wan have all but swapped roles in that regard.
He doesn't know why he never expected that. Of course, things will largely be different. Though Anakin knows Ventress will probably be here, too, which isn't good. Barriss probably won't be able to fight her alone.
The trip to the attack point takes far longer than Anakin expected, but he takes the time to meditate anyway, to gather the Force in around himself, letting it wrap around and fuel him. They can't lose Gunray this time. Anakin has failed to stop far too much already. He wasn't able to stop the Malevolence faster. He couldn't save all of Domino Squad. He's only worsened everything with Ahsoka.
Fighting Grievous didn't go well on the Malevolence, but there's no choice now. Anakin must deal with him.
It would be best if Anakin could just get rid of him, permanently.
The cyborg is, of course, slaughtering his way through all the clones in the hangar when Anakin arrives. He lashes out with the Force, hurling Grievous backwards. He slides back, stabbing his lightsabers into the ground to slow himself, snarling.
Anakin draws on the Force to carry him, and he jumps across the distance between them, lightsaber ignited.
Grievous stands, making a sound that Anakin thinks is supposed to be a laugh. It sounds more like a cough. If he weren't the monster he is, Anakin thinks he might find some sympathy for him – it's clear enough that his lungs and everything inside there was badly damaged in whatever happened to him. Whatever made him lose himself entirely. Maybe it was once a person, but it's not anymore – there is nothing left here, except blind bloodlust. "Anakin Skywalker," he croaks, pulling himself to his full, towering height. Anakin looks up at him, expression impassive. "Perhaps it is true that you have not known fear. I will teach it to you."
"I'd like to see you try," Anakin shoots back and lunges at him. Grievous splits his arms in half, reaching for his other two lightsabers as he fends off Anakin with the two hands he's currently using.
His blows are hard, and they'd be enough to send any normal person stumbling back. Anakin isn't normal, though. He's a Jedi – not really but – the Force is his ally, and it holds him firm.
He gives ground when he has to, but Anakin presses the attack as much as he can. If the clones weren't so busy fighting for their lives, he's certain they'd just be watching, awed, at the whirling blur of blue and green lightsabers.
Mostly, Anakin just circles around him, only using the distance when Grievous shoves him away to regain momentum. Staying constantly on the move always helps with that.
Except Grievous is all metal, and much taller than Anakin and twice his strength, and even if Anakin's right wrist can significantly withstand it, the rest of him can't.
The one benefit of having a mechanical arm is that his hand, at least, can never get sore. It can't get worn out the way human limbs so easily do.
He doesn't give ground, letting the Force flow through him and fuel him. Grievous must be stopped, and no matter what reasoning Palpatine and Dooku have for what they've been doing, even if they truly are doing this for the greater good, Grievous is not. He's blinded by vengeance and sheer insanity, and something so deeply dark screams of wrongness in the Force.
A wrongness that Anakin – even if he's not half-Force, he really doesn't know anymore – feels the instinctive urge to clean out and be rid of it.
He doesn't know much about Grievous. All he does know is from the Force, from what he can feel, and that says everything he needs to know. The cyborg has lost everything – his planet, his home, his family, his body, his mind. To kill him would be a mercy to him. Moreso, it would be a mercy to the innocents he's massacring, and it would be Justice to those lives he has already taken.
To the many dead bodies scattered at Anakin's feet even as he fights, all his boys. The ones he was entrusted to protect.
It takes a lot of jumping and dodging to avoid the flailing lightsabers. Anakin suspects Dooku not training Grievous in any particular form was intentional – it makes it deadlier and harder to locate his weaknesses if he's random.
But his weaknesses are quite apparent – the bits of organic matter left inside his mostly metal body.
Which means, yes, delimbing him first.
Ahsoka doesn't like that. She wouldn't want him to do that.
He doesn't want to do that, but they're mechanical anyway, so what could it hurt? He did it before. It's another need-to-do thing.
No questions.
The clones have dealt with the droids in the area, though, and of course, they're moving to help Anakin. As if he needs help.
He senses their weapons rising, and Rex is the first to fire. It gets his attention, and Grievous steps back, snarling again. It's not until now that he obviously realizes he's vastly outnumbered.
"Hold your fire," Anakin calls to them, anyway. If they attack, Grievous will use their shots to kill them.
The cyborg predictably uses the moment to take off anyway, after shoving Anakin back several feet. He's heading deeper inside the ship, closer to where Gunray is, likely intent on finding him.
Rex being Rex starts shooting again anyway. All his brothers are, actually.
He's not getting distracted to pay them attention, though, instead, running towards them.
Anakin can already see it happening in his mind, and as the Force whispers of danger. Not for him, but for his family.
Grievous is moving towards Rex and Jesse – the two standing in front of him, and even if they're backing up, it won't be fast enough. He's going to kill them merely out of spite as he passes.
And Anakin will not let that happen. Never. This cannot be one of the changes of his time travel. He's felt this before, a sort of burning energy under his skin, and he catches the plasma blades mid-air with the Force.
Nothing Grievous or anyone could do would be enough to break that. He's growling, straining against it, but Anakin stalks towards him, one hand extended to hold it firm. He jerks Grievous back towards him away from the doorway, jumping at him again.
Rex fires his blaster again, and this time, it glances off the cyborg's shoulder, leaving a smoking hole in its place. It didn't hit anything... inside him, at least Anakin doesn't think so.
Anakin isn't thinking right now. He knows that, but he's too angry to care, because Rex nearly died, and suddenly, he remembers what Sidious said, but it doesn't matter right now because he needs to end this. Fast.
The cruiser suddenly jolts violently, and Anakin nearly falls, but he draws on the Force to steady himself.
Seeing Grievous flailing would have looked more amusing if not for the fact that he lands on all his limbs and takes off for the door. Anakin shoves himself upright and sprints after, but by the time he catches up, Grievous has already made it to the lift. Wonderful.
He'd have thought of throwing his lightsaber at it to stop it if he could have, but it was around the corner, and he was one step too slow, so all he can do is stop and stand there for a moment, panting.
Rex and the boys come to a stop behind him. "Thank you, sir," Rex tells him.
It's ridiculous how his chest tightens by it. "Think nothing of it. We must find him." If he hadn't been so lost in his anger, he could have won. That's what Sidious said, isn't it? And Dooku? That the Dark Side will always call to him, and he can never rip it out of himself, no matter what he does?
***
Ventress distracted Barriss – and injured her – so Grievous could find Gunray, Anakin finds out afterwards. Sending Grievous was a good idea for the Separatists. Anakin failed this time, too, and no matter how many times he tells himself that it was clearly meant to happen, it doesn't help.
He should have stopped that.
Gunray literally got dragged out by Grievous. Anakin honestly wishes he'd seen it, for all the pain Gunray put Padme and all of Naboo through.
Predictably, Gunray is making public complaints to make the Jedi look bad. Anakin would find it amusing if it weren't so annoying. The only benefit is that they successfully tracked the ships Grievous and Ventress escaped in. A larger force is being sent to deal with Grievous and Ventress was.... tracked to where they suspect Dooku is. Maybe. Anakin is exceedingly grateful that he and Obi-Wan are sent there immediately, though he's a bit confused as to why this happened. Is it a trap, or did Ventress genuinely not know that they were being tracked?
Anakin finds it hard to believe she wouldn't. She's a Sith assassin, after all.
And he used the Dark Side. He... was warned about that, but it happened by accident, and he... he doesn't know what to do.
"Will your padawan accompany you on this mission?" Master Plo inquires. There are only Jedi here because they need to keep it quiet about Anakin's time travel.
Anakin glances at his former master. He should talk to him about that, but he can't yet. He just doesn't know how, but he needs to, because time is being lost, and it's only getting worse. "We will leave her at the Temple," he replies, "Confronting a Sith is not a matter a mere padawan should be involved in." He can feel Obi-Wan's eyes on him, but he stubbornly refuses to look at him.
"Your mission is to find Count Dooku," Master Windu commands, "We will deal with Grievous."
Anakin nods automatically, and the hologram turns off, leaving him and Obi-Wan alone. "Anakin," he says, "You know you cannot keep her there forever."
He thinks of their last mission together when they argued. "I know, Master."
"She must learn what it means to be a Jedi eventually."
Anakin can't look at him. "We argued," he says quietly, "I see something is... upsetting her."
"For that, you would continuously leave her there?"
"I can't take her somewhere when she's not ready."
"How long will you say she's not ready?"
"Do you want her to come here," Anakin can't help snapping, fists clenching. He wants to cry. That's all he seems capable of doing anymore, anyway. "Would you have her come here and die?"
"Anakin, that is not what I meant."
"Then what do you mean?!" he bursts out, "I know you are hurting her. I know I struggled with it at that age as well."
"What are you talking about?" He doesn't exactly sound angry, but he also does, and Anakin nearly flinches back automatically.
"She yelled at me, for trying to help her," Anakin replies, somehow successfully meeting Obi-Wan's gaze, until he just can't and looks away. "She thought she had to do it on her own."
"That is how we learn to be, as Jedi," Obi-Wan chides, "And she is progressing enough in her skills here. She must act on them."
"She nearly died!" Anakin yells, "I saved her life because she believed she was capable of taking on a full battalion of droids on her own!"
"She is ready," he replies, "It's you that isn't."
"What does that mean?" Anakin snaps. He wants to cry, to hit something, to see it break, just something. He's broken. He knows that already, he has ever since he talked to Dooku after the Malevolence, but he...
"I no longer entirely understand the person you have become," Obi-Wan continues, "But I know you are afraid."
"How would you know that?"
"I was when I first took you," he replies, "But keeping you there was not what anyone needed."
"Truly," Anakin looks at him disbelievingly, "You would be grateful enough to have me gone – with how frequently you complain about me."
Obi-Wan quite nearly gapes at him. "Since when did you believe that?" he demands.
He doesn't know that he entirely does. It just sort of... slipped out, because he can't understand why anyone would want him around, period, right now. He would be lying if he said he never thought about what it would feel like for a lightsaber to burn a hole through his heart – if it'd hurt worse or replace the emptiness he already feels. "You always keep me away from you. Every time you have a choice – you... always. You never wanted me." Suddenly, it occurs to him that he hasn't sensed Qui-Gon since he spoke with Sidious. That is... odd, considering the Force ghost likely already knew, unless he didn't and just left like Anakin wishes he could leave himself. "And either way, that has no benefit in locating Dooku."
Obi-Wan is staring at him. "What happened last time?" he asks instead of addressing the point. Of course, he didn't, because they both perpetually dodge topics that upset them. Obi-Wan never tries to fix anything. He's always too afraid to try, and Anakin is frankly mind-boggled by it. He fears failure himself, but never enough to stop him from trying. It's only enough to keep him moving.
"It didn't... happen last time," he answers slowly, "But when we encountered Dooku, we... had to do it a bit more stealthily." Why does he think Obi-Wan will have a fit about this?
***
Obi-Wan doesn't appreciate Anakin's idea for how they get to Dooku, but he has no strategic room to object. There would be nothing particularly unlikely about a lone Jedi – not Anakin, at least – infiltrating Dooku's ship if it was after a brief skirmish with the 501st – one that they already preplanned a backtrack for.
To object to it would mean having to take back what he already told Anakin about that, and he can't do that. He knows Anakin has always struggled with attachments, but he needs to learn to let go.
Obi-Wan has no idea how to teach him when he himself is struggling so much with the same thing. Because he doesn't want Anakin to go anywhere near Dooku, not after Geonosis, even if Anakin knows what he's doing, and Obi-Wan knows he can't constantly keep Anakin from taking risks. It has to be Anakin's choice now. He's a Jedi Knight, but Obi-Wan is incapable of letting him go.
And he has no idea what to do about what Anakin said, the "you're hurting her" that seemed so sincere and honest no matter how much he wants to disbelieve it. He knows he and Anakin had struggles they were never truly able to overcome. He knows he hurt Anakin, but he was doing what he had to, to make him a better Jedi. Anakin knows that. It doesn't seem like he accepts it, though.
"You always keep me away from you. Every time you have a choice – you... always. You never wanted me."
Obi-Wan can't say how much those words hurt. He may not have wanted Anakin at first, but he wouldn't give him up now for anything in the world. It scares him, because that is an attachment, but it's one past his ability to control. The most he can do is yes, what Anakin said, try to keep him away, but Anakin will never let him do that. He never has.
It scares him, sometimes, how it seems like Anakin will follow him past the end of the galaxy if he has to.
But in the end, it's... what they are. And no, Obi-Wan is not appreciative of Anakin going to confront Dooku. But it's just as he told Anakin – he is the one who's not ready to let his padawan go if he must. He probably never will be either.
***
Anakin tries – and fails – to release his nervousness into the Force. Normally, it helps, but right now, he's far too afraid for anything he tries doing to calm him much. He's going to see Dooku again, and now, he needs to make sure he can get something to take down Sidious. He needs... information, proof, anything. Yes, the Councill will take action against him. It doesn't matter, though.
All that does is that the Clone Wars is brought to a faster end and Ahsoka is alright.
He is trying hard not to think about what he was telling Obi-Wan earlier either. He can't believe he was finally able to voice what has been bothering him so deeply for years. Obi-Wan didn't really acknowledge the point, though. Maybe Anakin was wrong, after all, and whatever Obi-Wan was doing to them... is what he's supposed to be? That doesn't seem right, but he already feels bad for thinking otherwise – of course, Obi-Wan would never willingly hurt them.
Assuming Ahsoka's struggles aren't being triggered simply by how much Anakin is struggling, that is. He should never have blamed Obi-Wan for it.
But it's true – Obi-Wan would never give Ahsoka the... closeness she craves. They never shared that deep a bond before, or maybe Anakin simply isn't remembering it that clearly; he's not sure.
Obi-Wan never hesitated to leave Anakin somewhere to deal with the fallout they left behind, but Anakin could always find his way back through the tendrils of light-Force that tethered them together. He has always felt that, he thinks. Obi-Wan has always been special to him in a way he could never understand.
Their bond is far stronger than Anakin has shared with anyone else – it's a blinding light that binds their mind and souls together, forever. No Force-bonds break through time, but they fade, through Anakin can't ever imagine this fading, even after years of disuse. He hopes he will never have to fear that, though.
With his master, it's always been complicated. Unnecessarily so.
Anakin can feel him now, and he knows he's unhappy, though he can't say what it is that Obi-Wan is upset about. With him, it could be anything.
Anakin loathes how it feels as if he's always chasing, always trying to find his former master and figure out what in the galaxy they are to each other, though he thinks maybe he already knew – he just doesn't want to accept that they're something Obi-Wan will never agree to be.
"You're the closest thing I have to a father."
"Then why don't you listen to me?"
His point was obvious enough – either he won't have it because it's not the Jedi way, or because Anakin isn't enough for him, and Anakin has never been able to tell quite which one it is.
He doesn't want to try anymore, but it doesn't matter what he wants – it never has. He has to keep trying, because... if he doesn't, he has nothing.
Except Sidious, of course.
Which Anakin will never, ever turn to. He refuses to accept it.
"The boy, he your son?"
"No. He is my padawan. Something between a student and an apprentice."
He still remembers how fast, just days before, Palpatine had called Anakin his son, even if it was a lie to get them both out of trouble. It was Palpatine who took him somewhere to help people. It wasn't Obi-Wan who ever wanted to stay and help when people needed it unless it was to benefit the Order. It always upset Anakin, because as his mother said, the biggest problem in the galaxy is that no one helps each other. And the Jedi don't do that as much as Anakin once thought they did, either.
He thought they stood for something that they clearly do not. Once, before... the Festival of Light happened.
Before Obi-Wan used him in every way Anakin thought he would never have to fear again, because he was supposed to be free.
And the truth of it had been in the Force, when Palpatine said it, even if it was only after their first meeting since Anakin saw him years prior on Naboo, and it didn't make sense, but it does now.
Obi-Wan betrayed their... friendship and used it. Sometimes, Anakin thinks everyone is losing their way in the war, and he fears now, more than ever, that the same might be true about himself. He's not... okay. He is using the Dark Side more readily, and he has ever since his mother died, even if it's only in fleeting moments, because he did earlier in a desperate effort to save Rex. It has always been different with Anakin, though, so he shouldn't be... surprised Obi-Wan made an exception for him. He shouldn't feel as betrayed as he does, either. He can't help it, though, so all he does is what he always does, bury it.
Pretend it isn't there.
He needs to focus, anyway. He's going to talk to Dooku, and that will require his full mental space.
He knows the Sith will use everything he can against him, and somehow, Anakin has to be ready.
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