I will regret it. No matter how much I want him right now, I can't bring myself to do it. I know what I'm about to say to him will hurt him.
"I can't, Charles. Its not fair for Max and Charlotte. ", i said. "before i met you again i was so sure about max. and now you're back in my life turning everything upside down. I'm not even sure I've ever gotten over you. I can't do that on max. I can't do this to you and neither can I do it to myself."
"I understand."
"How can you not feel bad about Charlotte?"
"Because our relationship was already crumbling before you. We fight every day. she's a loving person but it's not working out between us anymore."
"then why didn't you break up with her?"
"'Cause if I broke up now, she'd think it's because of you. And it would be partly because of you"
"Why?"
"are you that blind? Because I'm getting feelings for you again. you were my first love You were my greatest weakness and you still are. With you I get weak immediately. And I wasn't happy for a long time until you came back into my life. It's killing me inside to see you with Max.", he said and sat back down on the bed.
I didn't know what to say. My heart jumped for joy but at the same time it broke.
"You feel something for me too. Be honest with me and with yourself."
Either feelings develop again or they never really went away. I'm so confused.
"I do. but it's so complicated. I don't want to hurt Max."
"So you'd rather hurt me?"
"no!", I don't t know what to do.
"Be honest with yourself. do you love him?"
"I don't know.", i confess. I have feelings for Max but i don't know if its love.
"then why are you with him? Why?", he asked.
"'Cause I thought I was over you", I tried to hold back my tears. failed.
"I'm gonna break up with charlotte. What you do is up to you. But make up your mind. You shouldn't lie to Max. It will hurt him more than you breaking up with him. And as for me, don't think of me when you decide. You should do it for yourself. not for me.", he said and i nodded.
"Good night Charles."
"Good night Azalea."
I walked back to my room. Max wasn't there. I decided to write him a message.
I lied when i wrote I'm going to sleep. Its 4 a.m. and he's still not here. I tried to sleep but i couldn't. Firstly because Max is not there. Secondly because I don't know what to do. I'm so confused.
I decided to call him one last time. If he doesn't pick up then I go to sleep.
"Hello?", picked up a woman. I hear laughter and loud music in the background.
"Who's there?"
"I'm Marta and who are you?"
"Azalea. Is Max there?"
"Baby a woman named Azalea wants to talk to you.", she said and my mouth dropped open.
"ohhh shit", I heard a group of boys say. yes oh shit.
"Hey Azaa. Whats up?", he tried to play cool.
"Whats up? Are you kidding me? You are in a club?", i asked angrily.
"Yeah the boys wanted to celebrate."
"Aha. And who is martha?"
"Azaa chill. Its just a girl we met here."
"Why did she call you baby?"
"I don't know.", he said laughing.
"Are you drunk?"
"Maybe."
"are you kidding me? I've been waiting since 11 p.m. and you get drunk? Are you at least having fun with martha?", i said angrily.
"Yeah. She is very nice."
"Then fuck her. Idiot!", i said and hung up.
unbelievable. Max was such a nice guy. He was so sweet and kind and made me feel loved. Wow.
Tears fell down my cheeks. I was so exhausted from the day. I forced myself to sleep and actually fell asleep quickly.
***
I woke up to the sun shining through the window. I turned around and realized that max didn't come back.
I picked up my phone and didn't see a message from him. Wow. thanks for nothing.
I got up and went to brush my teeth. Then I got dressed and packed my suitcase. Unfortunately I'm not flying back to Monaco until tomorrow. What am I supposed to do all day now?
I decided to go down and have breakfast there. When I entered the dining room I saw most of the drivers. I grabbed a tray and just grabbed a coffee and a croissant. I made my way to the table where Lando, Carlos, Daniel, Pierre and Charles were sitting.
"Is there still a place for me?", i asked and they all looked at me.
"Sure. sit down.", Daniel immediately said with a smile.
I sat down between Lando and Daniel and Lando looked at me a bit worried.
"What's going on? Why are you looking at me so worried?" I asked.
"You do not know?" he said and then looked around.
"What do you mean?"
"nothing.", he immediately said.
"What's going on guys?", i asked and looked at the boys.
"He can tell you himself" said Charles, nodding in one direction. I looked over and I saw Max enter the room. He came towards us and I took my eyes off him.
"Azalea can I talk to you?", Max asked me and everyone looked at me. I nodded and got up. Lando grabbed my wrist.
"I'll be there for you if you need me later.", he whispered and I smiled.
Max put his hand on my lower back and led me out of the room.
"Did you see it?"
"What?"
"Azalea, I'm so sorry." he said and looked at me sadly. I already thought what he would say to me. "I shouldn't have gone with the team yesterday. I want to be honest with you and if you break up with me, I understand. I slept with someone. I was totally drunk and I got so mad at you because I have a feeling you still have feelings for Charles. And I let her approach me and we ended up at her apartment. I am so sorry.", he confessed. He looked totally exhausted. I didn't feel anything at that moment. no anger. no sadness. nothing.
"say something. yell at me. do something but please don't be silent.", he said.
"I don't know what to say."
"I feel something for you but I don't know if it's enough for a relationship. i had a great time with you but I think a friendship fits better between us. besides, you would never look at me the way you look at him. I can see it. I'm not mad at you either. It's best if we break up. But I still want you as a friend by my side.", he said and hugged me.
"I don't want to lose you as a friend max. You are very important to me.", i said and a tear left my eye. It broke my heart but its the best for us. And I'm glad that he thinks it too.
"You are also important to me. I'm glad we both see it the same way."
"Friends?", i said and stretched out my little finger.
"Friends.", his little finger chopped mine and we both smiled in relief. "Now go eat you breakfast.", he said after he wiped my tears away.
"See you later.", i said and he gave me a kiss on my forehead.
I turned back to the others and sat down again. Everyone stared at me.
"I'm good", I said and finished eating.
They changed the subject and made me laugh. I hope Max was telling the truth. Because I don't want him to be sad about me. I felt eyes on me and looked at charles. He was still staring at me. He was trying to find out how I feel. I just smiled and he did the same.
After breakfast I went back to my room. Max would fly today because he has to do something important, which is why he packed his suitcase.
"do you want to accompany me to the airport?", he asked.
"Sure.", i said and smiled at him. He seemed happy. Thank god.
"How about we meet up next week? The next race is in 2 weeks. I could come visit you again in Monaco."
"Sure, why not."
+++
Did you expect this? What do you think?
sorry I couldn't upload earlier. I had a long day at university.
Xoxo Jara🫶🏽