"Come back to California with me" he speaks as if it's the most obvious solution.
I can't help but stare at him, trying to figure out if this was some sick joke or a genuine idea. I wait for him a to crack a smile, roll his eyes, anything to signal that his statement held no ground. But to no avail
"You can't be serious" I try to come off as delicate as possible, but the bewilderment in my voice is all too clear as I gaze at him through furrowed eyes.
"Of course I am" he says, perplexed at my skepticism.
"How would that even work? We can't leave Missy here by herself" I know she isn't helpless, but after the events of yesterday I can't help but worry about her well being. Especially when she resides alone directly at the epicenter of the crime.
"I'm glad you brought that up, because she actually informed me that she wants to stay with Aunt Darcy for a while. She's been debating selling the house for a while anyway." I'm surprised at his confession. I didn't expect Missy to live her golden years out alone, but I never anticipated it to come so soon.
I can't speak, I just continue to stare straight ahead and ponder over the possibilities. There's no right or wrong answer, the pros and cons break even on the scale of what ifs. There's a bigger issue at hand, this is a semi solution to Jasper. I know it won't take long for him to figure out I've seeked asylum else where and when he does its a matter of time until he ultimately finds me. Again. It's hard to tell what he will do to not only me, but Noah. He's a vindictive man, with all the wrong intentions. I know what it's like to be on the other end of his wrath.
Not to mention, it was hard enough to coexist with Noah here. I can only imagine the complications that are sure to arise if we cross that line and make his home ours. We have a lot to figure out, and there's no telling what's in store for the two of us.
——
Three days later
"There's a spare room down the hall, last door on the left. You can do whatever the fuck you want with it honestly. Just make yourself comfortable" Noah instructs as we walk through his front door. He got word two days ago that his house was up to par and he could come back and get his life back into somewhat of an order. In those two days he, along with Missy, managed to convince me to pack up what minuscule belongings I have and depart to the opposite side of the country with Noah. They made it seem like the most reasonable solution to the problem at large. I needed out of Virginia and Noah has a home in a completely different time zone. It was a no brainer, but I can't shake feeling like it was a grave mistake. I couldn't wash away the unsettling feeling that showers over me heavily, I could turn a blind eye to it and blame it on the jet lag. But what's the point in lying. I know what's eating away at ms like a pack of maggots on rotten flesh, gnawing until it reaches the bone.
"Thanks I appreciate it" I say it with a forced smile. I really am eternally grateful for his generosity, it takes a gracious soul to open up not only their lives but their home.
"It's what friends are for" he seemingly friendzones me without batting an eye, not that it was a hard conclusion to draw on my own. It was just a slap in the face hearing him state the obvious.
"I will be in my room, it's at the end of the hall upstairs, you're more than welcome to help yourself to food, drinks, there's a pool out back. Make yourself at home" he offers as he begins the journey to the second level of the house, two large duffel bags snug between both closed hands.
I follow behind him up the stairs, and take the first turn to find my new room. The walk down the picture-less hallway was a short one. I reach the last door on the left quickly, giving it a swift push to open. The spacious room is painted a deep grey color, a full size bed with black covers sits in the corner, a small three drawer nightstand directly beside it being the only two things to occupy the space. It's exactly what I would have pictured a room decorated by Noah would look like, simple and masculine. The thought provokes a small chuckle as I stand in the threshold for a moment, struggling to gather my scattered thoughts. It's been a long last few days and after all the hustle and bustle I can finally attempt to come back down to earth. It's surreal that after all these years this is where I end up, rooming with someone I tried to leave behind years ago. Having him take me in after everything I put him through. After the unread messages and deliberately missed calls he still somehow found a way to forgive me and still stand tall in my corner. The thought makes my stomach twist with disgust, ashamed of the person I became.
I drop my bags beside the door and quickly exit, needing to be anywhere but in one small confined space. My mind racing and chest getting so tight it feels like it could implode, as I make my way down the steps in what feels like a matter of seconds. All but running through the entirety of downstairs.
I enter the large kitchen, quickly spotting the back door and make my way over to it. I hoist it open hastily, revealing the medium sized in-ground pool that sits in the middle of a long row of lounge chairs. I decide to take a seat in one, feeling the warmth of the sun that quickly begins to sizzle at my skin. California heat is a lot more brutal than I could of ever anticipated. The air is thick and heavy, like a warm, wet blanket draped over the entire town. The sun beating down on the patio casting long, distorted shadows that seemed to shimmer in the humid haze. The trees hang low, their limbs wilting down and kissing the ground . The scent of damp earth and blooming flowers mixed together in the air, creating a heady, intoxicating aroma. The atmosphere surrounding me filled with an almost suffocating humidity, not even the air that kicks around is a relief. The way it touches my skin making me feel heavy with sweat. To say it will take some getting used to would be an understatement. This is exactly what I imagine hell to feel like.
Even though it's not the most preferable climate, I am undeniably beholden for the opportunity. In a perfect world there would be far less complications surrounding my newly acquired life. Jasper would be out of the picture for good, Missy would be safe and sound in her own home and Noah and I.. well, we would be a little less complex.
I try to clear my head, leaning back in the chair I'm rested on. I close my eyes to shield them from the blinding sun, listening to the busy city that now surrounds me. Hearing the impatient pedestrians revving their cars and erratically pounding their horns. I had become accustomed to the serenity that the outskirts provided me, it was a nice contrast to the business in my mind. Now, there's too much noise. I can't seem to catch a break from the chaos. I try to steady my breathing. Inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly. Trying to find a rhythm that will help ease the panic attack that I've been suppressing for far too long.
"There you are" I hear Noah call out from behind me, causing my eyes to snap open in surprise. I don't respond, just allow him to make his way over to me.
"Are you hungry? I was going to order us some take out" he offers as I watch his shadow tower over me as he approaches the back of the chair I occupy.
"Whatever you want. I'm not all that hungry" it's the true, my appetite has been minimal if at all the last few days. Especially right now as I attempt to conceal my staggered breathing and erratic thoughts.
"I was thinking pizza and a movie. You still like horror films, right?" It's almost as if he doesn't hear the words that fall from my mouth as he plops down careless in the chair beside me.
"I'm fine with whatever" I'm not up for much conversation currently, and he seems to be oblivious to hints I'm dropping.
"Are you okay? You've barely said a word to me the last few days" it's almost like he's reading my mind, but his pestering it starting to hammer away at my already shortfuse.
I take yet another deep breath, trying to calm myself before I explode. I've been holding back my thoughts and emotions, but I'm afraid the dam is about to break.
"Just a lot going on. It's been crazy" I offer up a generic response, hoping it's enough to ease his curiosity. As much as I'd love to open up to him, it's proven time and time again to feel pointless. I've left my heart unguarded and now I suffer the consequences of my naivety.
"Well, I'm gonna order some food and when it gets here we can decide on a movie" he doesn't push the topic, to which I'm thankful for. I offer him a nod, as he stands from his spot and heads back into the house.
"I don't know why you bother to lie. I can always tell" is the last things he says before I hear his back door open and shut. Leaving me to be alone again.
I swallow harshly, happy to have avoided the conversation but still on edge about the entire ordeal. I know the topic won't be adverted for long, it's just a matter of time before he's ready to bring up everything and hash it out.
I allow my mind to begin to wonder off, as I try to find my happy place, recalling a more blissful time. Like the first time I met Noah is what comes to mind. I was a young girl, around the age of five when my father and I first moved in down the street from him. We had just left our small town in North Carolina after my so called mother took everything that wasn't nailed down and left us with nothing but the clothes on our back and my dads small emergency savings fund. We had been couch hoping for several months before this point, trying to save up every penny he could make. My dad had finally scrounged up enough to move to a small home in a safe town. I was walking around my new neighborhood with my father, exploring the unfamiliar surroundings on a warm summer evening when we stumbled upon a brightly decorated homemade lemonade stand nestled on an old concrete patio. Behind it stood a six year old Noah, his full face and boyish features on display as his dark hair was buzzed short. He smiled a toothless grin at the sight of a new customer, his round cheeks pushing up high on his face causing his eyes to squint heavily.
"Hi! I'm Noah! Want some lemonade? It's only one dollar!" He exclaimed eagerly. His soft voice high in octave as he began to reach for an empty red solo cup to pour me a freshly squeezed drink.
"Oh yes yes yes! Daddy please can you get me some" I cheerfully sang to my dad as I beamed up at him with wide eyes and a pouty face.
Of course he agreed, it was only a dollar and I was parched after our 10 minute walk that felt like forever to my youngster self. My dad always spoiled me by giving me anything and everything he could provide. I never realized how much he did just so we could survive, all while being a single dad with his own struggles. Regardless, he always made it happen.
From that day on noah and I became the best of friends, completely inseparable. Bonding over our shared loved of looney tunes and the color blue. We sat with each other everyday on the bus when school began, and helped each other maneuver through the growing pains we faced as we matured. He was really my only true friend I had during my childhood and into my youth. We did everything together from him teaching me how to ride a bike without training wheels to me showing him how to flirt with his very first crush. It's hard to imagine what life would of been like, without having each other to lean on in our formative years.
The thought envokes a small smile, as I reminisce on the simple days. Where my biggest worries included passing or failing a pop quiz I didn't bother to study for. I took for granted how beautiful my life truly was, never understanding what I had until I didn't have it anymore. It wasn't a glamorous life and by all accounts my father and I were barely scrapping by. But it was home. I had a family, not a big one but one that was irreplaceable.
I don't realize how long I had gotten lost in my thoughts, not until I felt the wrathful blaze of the sun lessen all the sudden. My eyes peel open to reveal the sun that had begun to settle down, kissing the horizon of the earth. The once bright blue sky now decorated with hues of red, pink and orange.
I cautiously sit up from my resting spot and slowly stand to make my way back into the house. Upon entering I'm met with the smell of oven fresh pizza that sits neatly on the large island at the center of Noah's kitchen. I watch as the steam rolls out from the small slits that provide ventilation, the aroma of warm cheese filling my senses and causing my stomach to groan lowly.
"You're right on time. Food just got here a few minutes ago" Noah's voice startles me slightly, it echos within the kitchen as he enters through the threshold.
"It smells good" I offer back as my stomach lets out another loud moan, causing us both to chuckle in unison at the sound.
"And I got your favorite" he speaks with enthusiasm as he walks over to palm the cardboard box eagerly and peel it open. He reveals a large pie, decorated with white cheese and an abundance of cooked spinach. I can't help but crack a wide smile at his kind gesture, remembering exactly how much I enjoyed my pizza made this way.
"You remembered" my tone comes out slightly hushed, suddenly flooded with emotions as I gaze up at him through my eyelashes.
"How could I forget?" The proud smile doesn't leave his face as we lock eyes for what feels like forever. I ultimately have to be the one to break contact, feeling my face begin to blush from how intimate the situation begins to feel to me. As badly as I wanted our relationship to exceed past a friendship, It's dawned upon me that no matter how badly I wanted it, it just didn't seem to be in our cards. It was a sad revolution to come to, but one that needed to be made.
"Even though I still think it's nasty" he adds in jokingly, causing me to snap my face into mock hurt as I dramatically throw my hand up over my heart.
"Wow. You're one to talk Mr. Pig in every form as a topping" my tone is playful as I gesture towards his personal pizza topped with pepperoni, sausage, bacon, and ham. If he wasn't such an active and fit guy I would be worried for his arteries.
"It's a meat lovers pizza, and I'll have you know it's very popular. Unlike your wet grass and sauce" he sasses back as he grabs a pieces in each hand and begins to devour them. I can't suppress the laugh that falls out of my mouth at the sight. He hasn't changed that much after all.
"Don't talk shit. You almost my entire wet grass pizza after junior prom"
"I was baked and absolutely famished after you made me dance with you for hours" he responds with a mouth full. I remember the night as if it happened yesterday. We both decided to go as friends to the dance and spent half the evening doing the Cupid shuffle, and the other half was filled with cheap malt liquor and joints passed around between us and Nick. It was definitely one for the books, we always seemed to make the best out of everything.
"Wasn't that also the night Nick was too paranoid to go back home so I had to sneak him into my dads tool shed to sleep it off?" The memory makes it almost impossible to chew my food properly, as a fit of laughter breaks out between the two of us.
We banter around for a while, exchanging memories from our youth as we chow down on our food. The laughter doesn't stop as we recall the dumb shit we used to get away with. It was a relief to be able to step away from reality for a moment and reminisce on better days, especially considering the last couple of weeks have been far from that.
Eventually, we decide on a movie to watch together. It was some new horror flick I didn't catch the name of, but according to Noah it was supposed to be gnarly. I take his word on it before curling up on the end of his long sectional. I feel small compared to the larger than life piece of furniture, not understanding who possibly needed anything this enormous.
Noah takes the spot next to me, joining me in the warmth beneath the blanket. Our knees touch slightly, the skin to skin contact catching me by surprise and causing a wave of heat to wash over the entirety of my body. I try not to make my sudden shift in demeanor obvious, but it seems almost impossible for him to not notice the rash of goosebumps that breaks out on my skin.
An hour into the movie and im hiding behind my hands, trying to shield my eyes from the gore that flashes across the flatscreen. My stomach can't handle the graphic scene that seems to be endless, my insides beginning to twist and turn with distaste. I'm usually not the first one to turn their head at a horror movie, but I can't seem to stomach the bloody display.
I feel the sofa start to give, Noah scooting closer to wrap his arms around me.
"This is so fucking gross" I try to make light of the situation as I gaze at him through parted fingers.
"I can turn it off if you'd like" he offers as he brings his hand up to protect me from seeing what I can only imagine is a horrific scene by the sound of the blood curdling screams.
"No! You're watching it" I try to protest, but before I can get the statement out fully Noah is already picking up the remote to turn it off.
"It's a lot, even for me" his remark comes out hushed as we both lavish in the newly found silence.
"You really didn't have to" it comes out meek, almost inaudible to myself as the distance between our faces seem to decrease second by second. I can feel the warmth falling from his mouth, the air fanning over my face as he breaths.
"Do you want to watch anything else?" He offers as he brings his left hand up to push away the hair that has fallen onto my face. His delicate hands tenderly brushing away the misplaced locks.
"Teen Mom?" It was my comfort show, a guilty pleasure I shamelessly indulged into.
He lets out a small chuckle, shaking his head as the smile never falls. He doesn't speak, just uses the remote to find my vise.
We spend the rest of the evening delving into reality tv, making commentary on the craziness of their lives. I'm thankful to have someone as considerate as Noah in my life. Jasper wouldn't of had a single care about the fact that a movie was starting to get to me. Instead he'd insist that I keep watching it with him and like it, he'd call me selfish and rude for not. Never once did he want to unwind to anything of my liking. It was comforting to have someone who was willing to do something so minuscule, as silly as it may seem. I was reminded day in and out that I was never worth someone's consideration, I was never worth a care.
It doesn't take long before I feel my eyes become heavy. I try to fight it off as long as possible, but I'm ultimately defeated.
___
KIND OF A FILLER CHAPTER KIND OF IMPORTANT THINGS HAPPENING. BUT I WANTED TO GIVE YOU GUYS SOMETHING (': WE IM THINKING WE ARE ABOUT HALF DONE WITH THE STORY SO BE PREPARED FOR THINGS TO START MOVING AND COMING TOGETHER. THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT! WE ARE QUICKLY APPROACHING 4K READS!!! IM SO GRATEFUL AND BLESSED TO HAVE SO MUCH SUPPORT. I LOVE YOU GUYS SM FOR HELPING ME ACHIEVE FAR MORE THAN I EVER IMAGINED!
ANOTHER UPDATE SOON!! AS LONG AS YALL WONT GET ANNOYED LMAO
-XXJ