Kili might need a hug
Tw: oh boy. Light hypothermia, descriptions of drowning/running out of air, blood, battle, mention/description of injuries. CPR knowledge from books, Azog (ew), crying. No - sobbing. Life or death situation. So much angst. Descriptions of fatigue. I probably missed some. Let me know <3
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The second Azog and Raewyn fell down, there was dead silence of Ravenhill. Thorin's eyes were frozen on the newly formed ice hole, desperately hoping for the ranger to come swimming up any moment. Bilbo had taken a running start towards the pair left on the ice, his breath in his throat as his heart beat at irregular speed. A ragged breath tore from Kili's throat as his eyes were glued to the newly surfaced water as well.
Farris had flown down the second her own disappeared from sight, her claws tapping over the ice as she tried to locate her. In desperation, Kili tore the chainmail coat around him off, throwing it on the floor as he neared the floor.
"What do you think you're doing?" Thorin stopped him, holding a hand in front of his nephew's chest. For once, Kili didn't seem to be bothered by it. Instead, he shoved the hand off of him, continuing his path.
"Kili!" The king called again, but he was ignored once more. Grasping the sleeves of his tunic, Thorin held onto his kin. "Don't. I can't lose you too."
Tears welled up in Kili's eyes as he stared into those of his uncle, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I have to," He started, his voice cracking slightly before looking back at the water. "I can't leave her there, Thorin. I'll never forgive myself."
"You'll die." The older dwarf argued. Whilst the water would be enough to drown anyone, he knew about the wounds littering his nephew's body. With his injuries, he'd never manage to resurface again.
"I don't want this life if it is without her." Kili begged, a tear slipping down his cheek as he gave his uncle a final look. Heartbreak and desperation were sewn into his features, and Thorin could not help but let go of his sleeve.
A loud ticking filled the air as Farris' beak kept beating down on a particular place on the ice. Loud banging came from the other side and the three could almost feel their hearts sinking upon the realisation.
"Raewyn..." Kili breathed, running towards the owl before kneeling down next to her. There, he spotted two hands against the ice, the rest of her figure vaguely seen through the dirty war. "Raewyn!" He called again, pounding his fists against the ice as well, trying desperately to break it as she had taken his arrows with her. A anxious smile appeared on his face through the tears, his eyebrows furrowed together in a foreign combination of frustration and hope.
"Hey!" he called, hoping she could hear him. "I see you! Hold on!"
Her figure suddenly faded from view and the pounding stopped. Kili's movements halted at the sight, his head shaking furiously. "No," He mumbled, resting his palms against the lake as he tried to peer down. But when there was nothing else to see, heartwrenching pain gutted through him, his hands slamming down in frustration. "No!"
Bilbo knelt down beside the dwarf, trying to spot his friend underneath the ice, but all he could see were the snowflakes flowing through the streams. Kili had risen quickly, walking back to the opening into the lake.
"Kili," Thorin called. The younger dwarf was prepared to argue again, pushing the king away if he had to. Instead, Thorin grabbed the back of his neck gently, pushing his own forehead against Kili's. When they parted, the prince was given a mere nod and a sad smile.
And then he dove in.
Silence. Again. Deafening silence. Farris had ceased her movements on the ice, no longer sensing her owner. Instead, she jumped over to Bilbo, sitting down atop his knees. Bilbo was too terrified to respond to the owl accordingly.
"They'll make it," he tried to tell himself. To tell Thorin. "They will."
No response came from the dwarf. He had wandered back to the place of battle, his hands wrapping around the giant chain that had carried the boulder. Bilbo's head turned towards the dwarf, not standing up from his spot, but offering him a confused glance.
"Thorin?"
The king had used the chain as Raewyn had, now hitting the ice angrily, causing cracks to appear on the floor.
"Give them a path to get back up." He panted, not letting the hobbit know anything else. But it seemed enough for Bilbo to comply with him.
Letting one hand wander over Farris' feather, he urged her off of her. As he stood up, he unsheathed his sword, aimlessly hacking down on the ice, copying Thorin's movement.
From a distance, two figures walked down the hills, staring at the dwarf and the hobbit attacking the ice wildly. They quickly ran down the slope, spotting Fili against one of the rocks. One leaned down, checking on the dwarf before swinging the prince's arm over his shoulder. Tiredly, Fili slumped his feet with him, his weight on Balin.
"Thorin!" Dwalin called from beside his brother, waving at the two. Giant eagles flew from the skies, taking all orcs and goblins with them. It seemed the battle was coming to an end. Yet, the pair could not catch a break.
Fili's blood ran cold as he seemed to process what the two were trying to do. And why they might be trying to do that.
"Break the ice." Thorin grunted, not sparing his old friend and confidant one glance. His gaze was set on the ice where his nephew had disappeared into only seconds ago. A few seconds too long.He wasn't as bright as Fili. Dwalin heard an order and followed, his feet carrying him across the ice as Balin dubiously carried the crown prince with him.
"Where?" The big dwarf asked, wielding his axe in pride, as if he hadn't been exhausted by all the orcs and goblins he had to slay to still stand there.
"Everywhere." A simple answer. Whilst Dwalin took it as enough, Balin hesitated, still not understanding the situation. From beside him, Fili swallowed thickly tears welling up in his eyes as he realised who exactly were missing.
"Kili and Raewyn." He whispered. Something that went heard by the older dwarf. His grip on Fili momentarily faltered as the gravity of the situation suddenly began to increase on him as well.
Slowly, he helped Fili sit down on the floor, before he grabbed the club he had carried earlier. Then, he walked towards the crowd, following suit, breaking the ice with every step he took.
Meanwhile, under the ice, all Kili could feel was cold. When he had jumped into the water, a freezing temperature suddenly took over, which shouldn't have surprised him as much as it did. Between all the fight and adrenaline, he had forgotten what the temperature had actually been like. But now, submerged by nothing but freezing water, he had to assimilate quick. Too quick for his liking.
His vision was awful under water, and he could see nothing but black ends dragging all the way to the bottom. If there even was one. For a lake on top of a small mountain, the body of water made him feel smaller than anything ever had.
He had immediately swum to the point he had last seen Raewyn, aware of the fact he was held back by ice as well now. Sharp rings suddenly echoed through the water as he saw shadows appearing somewhere on the other side of the ice. Sun slowly began to seep through before it came from directly above him as well.
Turning around, he set his feet against the ice, pushing himself further down without having to spend too much breath. He had never been a champion in holding his breath, but now, it seemed as if he had just dived in, instead of seconds ago. He now knew what he was doing it for.
The further he went down, the more pressure build on his ears, especially adding the terrible sound waves echoing through the water, but he was looking nonetheless. The water seemed to become darker with ever kick of his feet he gave and the water seemed to freeze off his finger tips. Yet, he kept going.
A thousand thoughts ran through his head. What if he would find her, but he had been too late? Or what if he wouldn't find her at all? What if all this was for nothing and he would resurface without her? What if he wouldn't resurface?
His lungs were screaming for him to swim back up, to not go down this far. Raewyn had cursed him for not being stubborn enough. He'd show her stubbornness.
And then he saw it. A hand floating into his vision, below him. Pushing his feet away from him once, twice, he grabbed onto it tightly, a floating feeling entering his stomach. He had found her.
Forcing himself back up, something held him back. Slowly, a blade neared him, scratching his arm. Tugging harshly, he tried to free Raewyn from Azog's deathgrip. But the orc wouldn't budge. All air had left Kili's lungs by now, and he was swimming on final oxygen. Angrily, he kept one hand on Raewyn, using the other to swim down, kicking his boot down harshly on top of Azog's head. The movements were difficult in water, where gravity had decreased immensely, but with two kicks, Raewyn's figure felt a lot lighter.
His mind wasn't on the orc. He needed to get Raewyn out there. That is why he was down there. Thus, his feet kicked up as quick as they would allow him, adrenaline seeping back into his features as he was now made painfully aware that the orc was still giving one last fight. He wasn't chasing Kili, thankfully, but he did not know that.
Trying to be closer to her in case Azog struck again, Kili wrapped his arms around the Asha's waist, forcing her against him as his legs kept trying to push his body to the surface. It was only now that he noticed the sky above them appeared brighter than ever. His head became lighter the closer he came to the surface and his legs grew tired. He was so close, yet he felt so far away.
His legs began to fail slowly and he felt himself grow desperate for some air. He wouldn't make it. He could have cried upon the realisation. He wasn't able to save her. It was almost poetic how he'd die with her after she had done everything in her power to keep him from doing so.
A soft smile climbed onto his face as this came to his mind. There were worse ways to go. He had made peace with this. His fighting was done and though he did not want to think it, he knew her fight was finished as well. Maybe it was all meant to end like this eventually.
That is when a hand grabbed the back of his collar harshly, tugging him and Raewyn with it as it raced to the surface. As soon as they broke from the water, Kili inhaled greedily, clinging Raewyn to him as he tried to regain his breathing.
"You weren't giving up on my down there, were you, nadadith?" Fili asked, his eyes red as his hand loosened from his brother's collar. From the solid ice that was still stuck to the rocks, Dwalin extended his arms, grabbing the Asha from Kili's arms.
Exhausted, Kili tried to climb onto shore. Two strong arms pulled him up as they noticed his struggle. The minute the young dwarf was atop the ice, Thorin pulled him into a tight hug, uttering a silent prayer to Mahal as Fili sat down beside the two of them, his hand clutching the wound on his thigh which had now been immerged with salt.
"Raewyn..." Kili mumbled into his uncle's tunic, breaking from his hug anxiously. Crawling away from his kin, he sat next to the ranger, who had been laid down on her back.
Balin's hand was hovering above her mouth, looking for a sign of breathing, but his face fell as he noticed none. Then, he held two fingers just under her ear, trying to find some sort of pulse.
"Lad," He uttered in a hushed mumble. "I am no medic, but-"
"No." Kili shook his head, furiously blinking back tears as he forced himself closer to the ranger, brushing wet strands of hair out of her face. "Amad saved a dwarfling from drowning once."
"Lad, her pulse-" Balin began again, but Thorin held his hand up as a silent order to let him stop. He noticed the shaking hands of his nephew, the broken expression on his face and the scratching of his voice. Maybe it was too late, but he wouldn't let someone tell that to him. He'd have to figure it out on his own.
"Fi, help me." Kili pleaded, a sob tearing from his throat as he finished his words. Wiping the tears from his eyes, Fili crawled over to his brother. "I- I can't remember. How did amad save him?"
Helplessness crossed the older brother's features as he shook his head, looking down at the limp body of his friend. "I...I don't know," He admitted sadly. "Not exactly."
"Push her chest." Thorin sighed, knowing the attempts were futile, yet offering his nephew a tiny sliver of hope. His hands folded over each other as he demonstrated to Kili, ushering him to copy his movements. "You have to force the water out."
Nodding in determination, Kili did as the older dwarf had told him, pushing his hands down on Raewyn's chest gently. Trying to find the proper rhythm, the prince kept forcing his hands down, blood dribbling down from the new wound on his shoulder. It didn't seem to bother him at that moment.
Beside him, Bilbo had turned around in desperation, hot tears trailing down his cheek as he held his hand in front of his mouth, trying to stifle his sobs. Farris neared the hobbit, trying to offer him some form of comfort, but her presence seemed to do the exact opposite.
Fili held his head up to the sky as he tried to force his tears back, knowing his brother might need him more than ever now. Even the other dwarves stood there in pure silence, emotions processing through them in a whirl storm.
But worst of all was Kili; he, who had been doing his absolute best to keep the ranger from failing him. She has saved them so often, he almost seemed to forget she wasn't immortal. And the realisation was horrible. He couldn't properly see through his blurry vision, his head was aching, his throat felt as if it was burning, and his hands - which had been doing such hard work - would not stop shaking.
"You'll have to push harder." Balin offered through a whisper, nearly scared to break the tension on the field.
Kili didn't look up, didn't stop his movements. "I'll break her ribs." He answered hoarsely, a sniff following his words.
Swallowing thickly, the eldest dwarf frowned sadly: "It isn't supposed to be pretty."
Whilst his head seemed to stop working when those words were spoken, his hands did not. A million thoughts flew through him whilst the tears streaming down his face seemed to multiply instantly. And then he set more pressure.
His hands now began to hit the Asha's chest even harder. He didn't want to, being fully aware of how fragile bones could be. But in this life or death situation, he had to make decisions he wouldn't like. If this would save her life, he'd do it ten times over. His mind flashed back to his mother, tearing up when telling him and his brother tales about his father when he was younger. How he had barely known him, and how it still broke his mother. He always felt bad for it, but now experiencing it made him wish his mind hadn't taken him there.
He could already picture it: his mother returning to the mountain, returning to her brother, returning to her sons. Just to figure out there was very little left of her youngest. He knew how heartbreaking it must be. He wanted Raewyn to meet her, to introduce them. He was sure his mother would've loved her. He would be lying if he said he'd never picture them talking about his embarrassing childhood. Things that used to stir up so much unease in his mind now became something he longed for. He wanted Raewyn to laugh over his ridiculous bath time stories, he wanted her to make fun of the names his mother called him. He wanted her to haunt his nights with her teasing and laughter.
Subconsciously, his hands started pushing even harder, slight anger in his movements now. Angry at himself for not having flung himself at Azog earlier. Angry at Fili for not leaving with her, instead of returning to aid in the battle. Angry at Thorin for fighting with her throughout the entirety of the journey. Angry at Raewyn for not having left with him back in Laketown. Angry at her for not knowing when enough was enough; of not knowing when to leave the battle for what it is. Angry at her for being as stubborn as she was. Angry at her for being so endearing and breathtaking and making him want to abandon his entire life just to spend it with her. Of all the creatures on Middle-Earth, he had to fall for the best of them; for the one who was so selfless, she'd sacrifice herself for the one person who had made everything so sour for her.
"Lad..." Balin tried again, pulling him back to reality. How long had he sat there? How long had his hands been pushing and pounding? It had begun to feel like hours. He hadn't noticed Fili breaking down beside him, or Bilbo clinging to Raewyn's frozen hand, his cheeks swollen and red. He hadn't even noticed Dwalin had left, likely to round up the remaining dwarves.
"No." He whispered, shaking his angrily. "No, not yet."
"Ki," Fili rasped out, his hands falling atop Kili's.
"No," He repeated, not ceasing his movement. "This isn't how this ends."
Pain filled Fili's heart as he watched his younger brother desperately try to push the water out of the Asha's chest. Praying for some sort of miracle to save her. He couldn't hear it, but he knew he was doing so.
His fingers now tightened around Kili's, gently trying to pry him away from Raewyn's body. But broken sobs tore through the body of the youngest dwarf, wailing in defeat: "You can't do this to me!"
In frustration, attempting to get rid of his brother's hold, Kili's hands formed into fists pounding down in agony. Grief had turned into anger and regret.
Regrets for not having taken her place when he still could have.
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Nadadith: Little brother, in Khuzdul (Dwarvish)