30th november
you woke up rather late, by the time your eyes opened was 11 in the morning already, and the exam was no more than 3 hours away. for some reason, you found yourself in your bed, despite remembering falling asleep on the couch. it was like deja vu. you ignored the feeling.
getting ready and going downstairs you were surprised to see scaramouche still here. he was sitting on the couch reading some papers, you assumed they were about physics.
"good morning." you greeted, coming downstairs.
scaramouche turned his head in your direction. "good morning."
"so... how did i get to my bed?" standing next to him, you asked, a tad awkwardly.
scaramouche didn't immediately answer, he first finished reading a page before speaking, "i carried you up after you fell asleep on the couch."
"oh."
you couldn't think of anything else to say at the moment. the thought of someone carrying you again was pretty embarrassing, especially with what happened with the wanderer. now that bits and pieces of that night came flooding back to you, it made things even worse.
scaramouche didn't seem much bothered by it, as he nonchalantly kept revising. who knows what was going on in his head.
"well uh, sorry for the trouble. you could have left me on the couch but thanks anyway," you finally said something, when the silence became too heavy for you.
"you're welcome," he politely, which was unexpected, replied and continued reading. you noticed that he was near the end of his stack of papers and seemed to have gone through a lot already.
seeing his focus, you decided to leave him alone and instead headed to the kitchen. arriving there you realized you didn't have the slightest wish to cook and went back to the living room where your study material also laid in a neat pile on the coffee table.
you sat down on the carpeted floor and began studying. by the time you deemed it was enough, it was time to head to school and write that exam.
you and scaramouche went together. last night's blizzard was nowhere in sight, the snow melted and bright sun shone upon the road. as you walked, you discussed some concepts as a form of revising and didn't notice the time passing.
the physics exam was divided into two parts, each thirty-five minutes long with a twenty-minute break in between. entering the exam room, one of the teachers asked for your class and name before pointing out a specific seat for you.
because scaramouche was in a different class, he was on the other side of the room. looking around some more you noticed xiangling coming in and hoped her seat is somewhat near yours.
luckily, it was. so before the exam officially began, you chatted with her. your talk mostly consisted of talking about what kind of questions you think will be in the exam and potential solutions.
at last, the bell rang, signaling it was time for the exam. with a quick speech from one of the teachers, it was time to write.
75 minutes later you were walking home with scaramouche. or at least in the direction of your house.
"that reminds me, wanna paint mugs?" you asked, remembering their existence
"alright." most of the time scaramouche seemed to agree to your ideas without a second thought, almost like a puppy you thought.
the walk was quiet, you didn't speak a lot and scaramouche didn't make an effort to have a conversation. you thought that he was so soft because he was still in a focused state. yesterday you came to the realization that when scaramouche is studying, he tends to get very focused and quiet, the only thing getting him out of that state is time.
or maybe he was simply not feeling like talking a lot. from your observations, he wasn't the most talkative person.
"i'll go upstairs to grab the tools," you said once you arrived at your house.
you went to your bedroom and grabbed the bag ganyu had given you and scaramouche made himself comfortable in your living room. he has already spent quite a lot of time in it these past few days and something just keeps pulling him back into it. maybe the couch fell in love with him and didn't wanna let go.
"i'm back," you announced and laid out everything on the coffee table.
when everything was ready, you were sitting closely next to scaramouche scrolling through pinterest for inspiration. your friend seemed to have already gathered his ideas as he picked up the brush and dipped it into the paint.
"what are you gonna draw?" you asked shutting off your phone,
an idea had come to your mind.
"a cat."
a cat you say? for some reason, i wasn't expecting that from you...
"oh nice, i'll draw a walking vegetable." you got up to grab your mug and paint more comfortably.
scaramouche raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. for a moment all that could be heard were the strokes of a brush against the ceramic object. the soft sound of the paintbrush dipping into acrylic enamel paint, the low hush of the wind outside the windows, and occasional drops of water as you washed your tools to switch colors.
"so when is your next exam?" you absent-mindedly asked to fill the silence.
"on monday, history." scaramouche's reply was quick and straight to the point.
"i have astrology on tuesday. don't know why i even signed up for that class but okay," you murmured to yourself the last part with a slight frown. "if we are talking about the sky, a quick question, what are you doing tomorrow?"
"i-"
"actually no, let me change that question, is there anything important tomorrow morning?" you cut off scaramouche right as he was about to reply.
"i'm free in the morning. is there something you want to do?"
"great. tonight the sky should be clear, wanna go stargazing?" you asked, albeit a little nervously but you were too busy designing your vegetable creature to care much.
scaramouche didn't immediately reply. the silence made you think he was about to reject your idea.
"alright." he agreed, but first he finished painting his cat's head.
you let go of a breath you didn't realize you were holding. "we can meet up at like, nine then?"
"where exactly do you plan on going?"
"there's a park nearby, doesn't have a lot of trees so should be good."
"alright, i'll come to your house when the time comes." the indigo-haired male agreed and you continued painting in silence. you wondered if you did this with ganyu, as initially planned, would you be talking a lot more?
but as time passed, you both finished painting, and scaramouche left quickly after saying he has some things to do.
however, he forgot to take his work of art with him. the white mug with a drawing of a purple cat with a red rope on its neck. to the collar was attached a white fluffy ball and a feather down the line, for god knows what. the cat's eyes seemed teary and for some reason, it also had red eyeliner.
comparing, you took a look at your painting. if your idea was to draw a walking vegetable, you weren't sure whether you fulfilled it or not. instead, you ended up drawing a create with a head bigger than its body and an enormous hat for its size. the hat was like a mushroom with leaves attached to it's cap and some circles drawn on the unnaturally colored plant part.
for eyes, the creature had diamond shapes and a crooked smile served as a mouth. its ears were as if a cat's were in airplane mode and the tip of them was darker than the blue coloring of the rest of its body. it had two miniature legs and hands that were longer than its walking limbs.
whatever, i'll name this thing ararycan...
with one last look, you left the mugs in the living room and went up to your bedroom. time passed and it was time to meet up with scaramouche already.
ready, you waited for him on the first floor, doing some random things to pass the time. finally, your doorbell rang.
"let's go?" you opened the door and scaramouche asked.
you agreed and slowly walked to the park.
"it's warmer than i thought it will be." you stirred up a conversation. "but i mean that's a good thing."
scaramouche didn't reply and you left the topic. there wasn't much to answer to that anyway.
"so what are your plans for tomorrow?" you asked instead.
"nothing in the morning and then i have matters to handle from afternoon to evening."
"i see." you wondered what business did he have to handle but didn't ask.
before long, you arrived at the park. a few trees were scattered here and there. a string of benches formed a spiral leading to the park's center. in the center, different flowers were planted that beautifully bloomed in summer. park lamps were calculatedly placed all throughout the usually green square, making sure everything is bright and nice when the sun sets.
the ground was covered with a very light layer of snow, you frowned. guess you will be sitting on one of the benches. if it were summer you would put a blanket down on the grass and admire the sky from down there.
you and scaramouche went to sit down on a bench that was furthest from the mini-garden as there were fewer trees to block your sight there. the wooden seats were wet with melted snow, good thing you did bring a blanket to put down.
"maybe this activity isn't a good idea in winter," you concluded covering the park bench.
"spring and autumn are the most popular times to stargaze, and you chose to do it in winter." scaramouche commented.
"why do you make it sound as if it wasn't also your decision," you muttered under your breath and finally sat down. thankfully, the sky was clear.
countless white dots were spread out across the sky. some were brighter and some were dinner, some even felt like plain round shapes that had little to zero purposes. but on the dark background, they were all visible and they collectively illuminated the sky, brightening the place up.
"maybe i should have taken astronomy classes," you spoke your thoughts out loud.
"i doubt it."
you slowly looked at scaramouche, "huh?"
"i said i don't think you would go well with astronomy. after all, the sky is fake." scaramouche's voice lowered at the end of his sentence.
"is that so?" you asked yourself. you weren't unaware that from ancient times there were rumors that the skies of teyvat were fake, but you didn't think you would ever meet someone who believed in them.
some people even said that teyvat was upside down, but in this age and day, they were all considered lunatics; crazy people who lost their minds.
silence overfell and no one spoke for a moment. only looked up at the allegedly fake sky.
"maybe you're right. i don't wanna go to so many classes anyway. astrology already proved to be more than enough." at the end you agreed with scaramouche.
"what mayor are you gonna choose in college?" he suddenly asked. matters of this kind were uncharacteristic of him to inquire about, but to his surprise, he asked about one.
"not really sure. for half of my life i lived here and almost had a plan for my future but then i had to abruptly move to a whole other continent, and by the time i finally found myself seeing a future there, i had already come back to teyvat." your voice was rather quiet and soft, maybe even with a hint of regret and confusion mixed with everything else.
"so you never truly found yourself?" it felt weird hearing it from scaramouche's lips.
you deliberately tried not to think of the future when you came back. if you had an idea in the past, it was mercilessly shattered and when the broken pieces were slowly gathering together - they were stepped on and thrown away.
it wasn't as dramatic as you made it out to be, you often thought so. but the fact you never got to imagine who you truly wanted to be remained the same, for whatever the cause was or how you interpreted it.
"why is the question about finding myself not realizing what i want to do?" you asked back. thinking about what to answer for the third time.
"why did you choose an astrology class when you clearly don't have a passion for it? i don't believe you had to do it for some other reason." your answer to a question with a question was met back with a question.
for some reason, your conversation was progressively getting deeper and deeper. you weren't sure you wanted to continue it. not with scaramouche at least.
but who else are you gonna talk to then? you had debated whether to expose your concerns to xiao but seeing him so busy ever since they arose, made you hesitant in exposing them to him.
he was the closest person to you, and if you didn't want to talk with him about it, who else would possibly get the honor of hearing out your burdens? your parents, in a sense, were a reason for your crisis so you never bought it up to them. maybe it was because this never bothered you alarmingly much, considering you lived your life rather absent-mindedly up until you met scaramouche.
your soulless staring sessions were a witness to that. only after getting closer did you stop staring into the void when you didn't know what to do or didn't have to play a game of pretend.
"i just thought it would be fun." you didn't come clean.
it was too early for him to know your reasoning. another day, someday in the future you'll tell him all about it but not today. that was a promise more to yourself than to the unknowing male sitting next to you.
you physically felt scaramouche's gaze sharpening. it was as if it could see and cut right through you. but you didn't give in, you kept quiet and awaited his response, if he would even give one.
his eyes didn't pester your form any longer and instead turned to the sky and wrapped themselves in deep thought and memories of one particular night. it wasn't as clear as this one and far fewer stars were visible but it was something akin to a turning point for his personality.
"if you say so." you were thankful he didn't press on further. "yet for some reason i remember you said something else about it."
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word count: 2512
hello baes, yall weren't supposed to get angst but thank the scaramouche playlist in the background that turned my mood around