After weekends, it's a weekday again. I'm tired.
I don't know why I feel tired.
Do I find singing and dancing no longer fun?
Shit, I used to love these so much. I literally left everything for these.
Fuck, I shouldn't be like this.
I throw my head down and sigh.
I hear Sunhee giggling with the other girls.
I lift my head and secretly look at Sunhee.
Is it because of the drama in my life that I feel this way?
I notice Sunhee looks happy when I'm not trying to talk to her.
And all the time, she literally acts like I don't exist. But how? She used to be a bitch that wouldn't be fucking leave me alone, even for only one damn
second. Her change is so drastic.
I can't find the answer, no matter how much I try.
And last time, Taehyung was weird too, knowing what happened to me. How was it possible?
Weird.
Sometimes, this makes me think that he probably has something to do with Sunhee's sudden change.
But still, the question is how.
I'm going to meet Taehyung today, and I'm going to ask him everything.
"Girls, go back to your place. We're doing Womaniser this time," Dongwook says.
I sigh. Because of the last week, I hate this perverted teacher.
Today, he doesn't do anything to me. And I hope he won't.
I go back to my position at the back as I get ready for the choreography that I've learned.
Dongwook looks at everyone and then plays the music.
I move my body along with the music. I put all my focus on this.
Suddenly, he stops the music. Instantly, I get nervous.
I hope I'm not the one who makes a mistake!
Y/n," Dongwook calls me.
My eyes flicker. "Yes, teacher. Did I do something wrong?"
He walks towards me and stands behind me.
I hate this so much.
"At the "Oh!" part, your hips should move sharply."
I can feel he's about to cup my hips, so I quickly turn my body and take two steps away from him.
It was an obvious reaction from me to see his facial expression change.
"W-why?" He asks and forces out a little laughter.
I lower my head. "Im sorry, Teacher. I'm uncomfortable".
Dongwook is unpleasant with Y/N because what she's doing makes him look like he's sexually assaulting her.
He forces himself to maintain the smile. "What's wrong? I was only trying to teach you. Why did you take me wrongly? Isn't it a pity if you're the only one who's not synchronised with your other members?"
I keep my head lowered. I feel ashamed.
He turns his head towards the members. "Guys, do you think it is fair that just because one member messes with the choreography, it will ruin the image of the whole group?"
The members feel guilty for answering him.
"It is not fair, right?" Asks him.
The members nod, "Yes."
I bit my lower lip. Like what I'd expected. I pissed him off, and now he's blaming me.
"See, y/n. I was only trying to teach, but you took me wrongly," he says, letting out a sigh like he's disappointed.
I curl my hand into a fist. He has made himself the victim, and I'm the one who is trying to defame me.
He gives me a stare before he turns to walk to the front.
"Let's continue the practise, guys."
The members look at me before going back to their positions.
I'm so embarrassed. And without a reason, I feel guilty too.
I'm in the room where I always meet up with Taehyung.
It's so unusual that he's late.
It's always like this whenever I want something to be fast.
I go to sit on the floor against the wall.
After several minutes, the door opens, revealing Taehyung.
As soon as I see him, I quickly get up and go to him.
He opens his arms, and I hug him. I tiptoe and put my arms around his neck.
I know it may sound dramatic, but I miss him so much. Like we haven't met for many years.
"I miss you," I say.
"I miss you too, babe," he says, tightening his hug around my waist.
I close my eyes and try to feel him as much as I can.
Soon, Taehyung notices the strangeness of y/n. Even though this is what he wants her to be, this is a very drastic change.
"What's wrong with you?" he asks me, and he loosens the hug, taking his arms off my waist.
I open my eyes and look into his eyes. I'm so confused. "W-what?"
He doesn't say anything.
"What is wrong with me, Taehyung-ah?" I ask him seriously.
"I don't know, but I know something is wrong with you. So, tell me," he says, and he puts his hand on my waist.
He's so quick at noticing.
I throw my head down and let out a small sigh. Then I nod. "Yeah, there's something wrong with me," I say, and I lift my head to look at him.
His eyes are so attentive, looking at me like he wants to listen to me so much.
"I feel unloved." I let out what I feel deep in my heart.
"What do you mean?" he asks.
"I feel unloved. It's like I am unlikable. I am not liked by people. Not even by my own family. I'm alone. And you know, I used to love singing and dancing. But now, I no longer feel the same way. Now, it's like I'm forcing myself to survive instead," I say in a shaken voice as I'm almost crying.
His facial expression stays the same. He probably doesn't know how to react to my inner heart.
I flinch when he suddenly pulls me closer into his hug, then he rests his chin on my shoulder.
"I know very well how you feel, babe. My family doesn't approve of what I'm doing. They don't want me to be an idol. Sometimes, I feel that I'm alone too", he says.
I frown. I never heard that his family doesn't approve of him as an idol.
I used to watch BTS variety shows and interviews, and as far as I can tell, his family is so supportive of him.
"But Taehyung-ah, isn't your family so supportive of you? Don't they feel proud of you? You said those in your interviews a lot."
He loosens the hug and looks straight into my eyes.
"There's an untold story about me," he says.
My eyes widen in disbelief. "Really?"
"Um. But I'm not going to tell you yet," he says.
"Oh? Why?"
He stares at me for a few seconds before answering me.
"I can't share with you everything yet. You barely have time with me. And it's a little bit questionable about you for me," he pauses.
I frown. "A-about what?"
"Do you really love me, or is it because you're lonely that you love me?"
My eyes flicker. I'm so angry when he said that. But I'm confused because at the same time I feel he is kinda right.
But thinking again, no. He's so wrong.
My facial expression distorts. I can't accept what he is thinking about me. Finally, several tears drop from my eyes.
I just feel so damn offensive.
He only watches me.
"Is it because I told you what I felt, then this is actually what you're perceiving me of? Don't you see it's because I started to trust you? To really love you? To attach with you? That's why I can tell you everything. But when I'm being like this, this is how you think of me! I thought at least you liked me. This is so unfair," I say.
"Proving the point, babe," he simply says.
"What point?" I ask angrily.
"I thought at least you liked me... Unfair?" He repeats me.
I look at him seriously.
"Who're you talking to when you say its unfair? To God? Universe? Because you thought at least I liked you".
My lips part. "T-that's not what I mean," I say, and tears start to drop uncontrollably.
I don't know what to feel and to say because now it's really true that he's kind of right.
"Why are you crying?"
How the hell can I answer him when I'm sobbing so hard now?
He smooths my hair away from my face. "I told you before that I'm a straight-forward person. I only tell you what I think about your feelings towards me. But whatever you feel about me, I will still love you. Because I already love you so much. I really love you, babe," he says.
I avoid his eyes.
"I hope you can love me in the same way I do. Maybe not now, but I'll be doing everything for that," he says.
I turn my head to look at him. "Why do you think that I don't love you enough? Trust me, Taehyung-ah. I love you."
He leans his face close to me. "Babe, you only love me because I told you I loved you".
"No, Taehyung-ah. Stop saying that. I really love you. It hurts that you doubt me," I say.
"No, babe. I saw you at the cafe at that time. At the time, I told you about coming to that fifth-floor room to get your album. I knew Jungkook was going to the cafe."
My eyes flicker, and instantly, my heart becomes so nervous.
"I'm quite disappointed that you seem to be swayed by him. And when you lied that you were late because there were many people in the cafe too, Do you get the reason why I scribbled Jungkook's face on every page of the album?"
I break eye contact with him, and I lower my head.
I feel so guilty. And I feel so embarrassed too. "I'm sorry," I say in a slow tone.
Suddenly, he tilts my chin with his forefinger, which causes me to look straight into his eyes.
"I'm not angry at you. And I'm not blaming you for anything. I'm the one who loved you first. So, I'm the one who has to make an effort to make you madly in love with me too".
I only stare at his eyes. He's indeed such a unique guy.
But I'm so sure that I already love him now. I'm so sure about it because I've been thinking about him a lot lately. And I've been craving physical touch with him. That's why the first thing I did when I saw him was hug him.
"What's on your mind, babe? he asks.
My mind gets pulled back to reality. "I'm thinking if I really love you or not," I say.
"So, what's the answer?" he asks.
Should I tell him? But maybe he won't believe me.
Should I answer him in a different way? Furthermore, I've been craving the physical touch with him.
I tiptoe, and I kiss him on his lips. The kiss is a little bit off sometimes.
because I can't reach his lips.
But when he leans on me, I can kiss him better.
He doesn't respond to me and only lets me kiss him.
I stick my tongue out and swirl around his lips.
He gets turned on and pushes me against the wall.
I gasp.
He quickly hovers over me and smashes his lips against mine.
It is a sloppy kiss that we keep making.
He pulls off the kiss, and his lips trail to my neck.
He kisses my neck slowly, and he also licks me.
Then his kiss goes up again, to my underchin.
His hand goes from gripping my arm to putting it on my upper chest, then he unbuttons the topmost buttons of my shirt with one hand.
My eyes widen. "What are you doing? are you doing?" I ask him.
He stops kissing me. "I want to suck your skin. I can't do it on your neck because it might leave the hickey. Can I do it anywhere around your boob?" asks him.
My face turns red. How can he ask that so casually?
"Just your upper boob," he says.
I shake my head. "I might have to wear cleavage-revealing clothes".
"Side boob?" he asks.
I don't say anything.
"May I?" he asks me.
I'm shy but I kinda want it. So, I nod.
He unbuttoned all the buttons around my boobs.
I just realised what I'm doing now is allowing him to see my boobs.
But as my shirt is still attached to my body, it is not bad.
He pulls the right side of my shirt away to get my right boob exposed.
Instantly, my heart beats so loudly.
He pulls my bra aside a little bit, and then I can feel his breath getting nearer.
He sucks my side boob like he wants.
I gasp and cover my mouth with my hand. This feels so much different from him sucking my neck.
He licks, nibbles, and kisses my side boob. He also caresses my other boob with his hand. That's cheating because he didn't say anything about it.
The reaction in my body gets me until my toes curl.
I almost cry because I hold in my moan so hard.
After a while, he let my boob go and went back to kiss my lips.
I feel a bit of relief.
His kiss on my lips is gentle and sweet.
I close my eyes.
This is so calming after the things he did to my boob.
But not too long until he has to shove his tongue into mine.
I clutch his shoulders because I need to clutch something to respond to his kiss.
He places his hands on my waist, then one of his hands trails down, about to insert into my pants.
I get so shocked that I open my eyes right away and hold his hand.
"Taehyung," I say out of shock.
"Why, babe?" he asks.
"Yah, you're trying to get your hand into my pants," I say.
"Yeah... I'll only be fingering you, babe. You will feel pleasure. We're going to our sexual life slowly".
My lips tremble.
"Are you okay?" he asks.
"I'm scared of sex," I say.
"That's why I told you, we're going to do it slowly. Not abruptly sex right away" he says.
I don't say anything. It's still unconvincing, and I'm still scared.
"Babe... You said we were going to get married in nine years. Do you think we won't have sex until that day?" he asks.
"I-I... I don't know," I say and I let go of his hand.
"What do you mean that you don't know? I want to know what you think. Do you want us to be able to have sex after the marriage?" he asks.
"After nine years?" I ask, then I bite my lower lip. I'm quite shy.
"Um, after nine years."
I avoid his eyes and turn my head away.
"Babe, after nine years, unless you want me to marry you early," he says.
I turn my head back to him. I giggle. I know how much he wants to get married early. "It's absolutely no, Taehyung".
He let out a small laugh and a smile. "So... about sex?"
I hug him, and my chest crashes tightly against his. "I don't know, but just do whatever you want to do, I want to feel it," I say, and I close my eyes.
He kisses my head, then my temple, then my cheek.
"Are you sure?" he asks.
I nod. My heart beats louder when I can feel it's about to begin.
Suddenly, he loosens the hug a little bit and kisses me on the lips.
After a while, I feel his hand travel down from my waist to my hip, and then he slips his hand into my pants.
This feels so much different, as I get turned on by his wet kiss.
His kiss trails down to my neck.
Under my pants, I start to feel his finger tap on my clitoris.
I bit my lower lip.
He starts to move his finger in a circular motion around my clitoris.
I pinch my eyes even more when I start to feel the weird sensation through my body.
It makes me shiver and tremble.
Suddenly, he moves his hand from under my pants into my pants, causing my eyes to open widely.
He's so quick to play with my clitoris that I don't have a chance to tell him to stop.
I'm shivering so much that I keep wanting to close my legs, but his knee prevents me from doing so.
Taehyung enjoys the little sighs and cries coming out of her lips and the juice coating his finger.
I start to get myself adjusted to this, it is not shameful anymore. And this is no longer weird. This makes me feel good.
I close my eyes again and enjoy the feeling that I'm feeling now.
Suddenly, he takes my hand and puts it on his bulge against his jeans.
I'm shocked, and again, I open my eyes.
"Rub me, babe. I want to feel good too," he says, and he makes me rub my hand against his bulge.
This is awkward at first but soon this gets me to think about what it feels like to have sex. I mean real sex, which involves penetration.
How it feels to have his cock inside me...
This thought turns me on, I'm almost reaching my climax.
My legs are terribly shaking when I feel something just building up. I hung onto Taehyung tightly, and a scream left my lips as it felt like an explosion, my entire body bursting into pleasure.
I exhilarate, and Taehyung stops, like he's giving me time to calm down.
"You've cummed, babe," he says.
My eyes widen. "Cummed?" I ask in disbelief.
"Um," he says, then he pulls me together with him to sit on his lap while he's sitting, leaning against the wall.
He hugs me, and he sniffs my neck, giving me a slow kiss.
At the same time, he's slowly buttoning up my shirt.
I don't know why, but I'm a bit impressed that he helps me fixing my shirt.
"You've got to go to the toilet to clean yourself," he says.
I nod.
I turn my head to him, as I have something to ask. "How do you know that I cummed?" I ask him.
"It's when your juice bursts out at one time. Do you never touch yourself, babe?" he asks me.
I shake my head.
He giggles. "I'm glad that I'm the first one who did that to you. Not even yourself, babe."
I smile, seeing how wide his smile is. I stare at him. At this moment, I think I really love him. It's not because I'm lonely. I wish he know that.
"I love you," I say.
He leans his face closer to me. "I love you too," he says, and he kisses my lips.
I close my eyes and let him give me the gentle, slow kisses.
I love it so much.
____