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Sam and I hoped onto the giant bed in the room and immediately started to gossip about each other's life. As we talked, I dove head first into the Chinese food. To say that I ate my feelings is an understatement. I ate my feelings...and practically the paper bag with it. I wanted to detach myself, at least momentarily, from my own issues and find out more about Sam's love life.
"So you've been sleeping with the Pirate," I said, "willingly?"
Playful, she narrowed her eyes at me. "Define sleeping," she said.
"Sexual intercourse."
"Then yes, Fücko and I enjoy the sexual intercourse."
"Does he at least treat you well?" I asked. "From what you told me the last time I saw you, the way you're smiling right now is actually a little shocking. Do you have Stockholm syndrome, too?"
"If I do, Stockholm syndrome makes my life a lot more interesting, if you ask me." Sam snorted this time. "In al honestly, I think that I'm the one who hasn't been treating Fico well."
"How so?"
"I've just been selfish. He doesn't agree with me, but I have been." She shifted on the bed, pulling her legs into a butterfly position and playing with her Christmas socks. "I portrayed him as this horrible person to you because I was afraid of facing my emotions and seeing him again. I wasn't always like that, too. You have no idea how much of a bitch the world as made me." She looked down at her lap. "He comes off as intimidating as hell, and he has a temper, but he's one of the most affectionate, thoughtful, and sweetest people that I've ever met. You just have to dig really, really, really, really, really, really deep. Like, grand canyon and a p0rn star's vàgina, deep. A good man is in there, believe me."
"I gathered Fico was sweet from the moment he slapped me in the furniture store," I said dryly.
"Like I said, grand canyon and a p0rn star's vàgina, deep. In that store, that wasn't the man that I love," she said, shaking her head, "that was a broken man, trying to get back at me. He did that because I broke his heart, and he was hurt when we saw me. Believe me, you will get an apology from that bastard that blows your socks off. I'll make him make it up to you."
"I see you have him whipped already," I laughed out.
"Girl, you have not seen whipped until you've seen a six-foot six mafia boss go up to a cashier in a drugstore and buy woman's deodorant, ten tubes of lipstick, two big chocolate bars, two giant rainbow lollipops, and a pack of scratch and sniff stickers, all for this bitch. Believe me, the rainbow lollipops alone, took a lot of convincing. He was mortified by my choice in purchases."
"Goals," I said.
Sam picked up the rainbow lollipop between us and made a whip noise. "This is yours, by the way. I ate everything else in the car..."
"Period?" I guessed.
"Yep." She went a little red. "So what about you?" she suddenly asked, digging into her little carton of Chinese food. "How's being held hostage by Mr. Casanova?"
I wanted to tell Samantha everything. I wanted to tell her about Ferro being a double agent. I even opened my mouth to say it, but then stopped myself. Did I even know if that was the truth? Would she tell Fico, and then Ferro would get punished, or worse? Did I even care?
Yes, I did. I did care.
"Peachy," I said.
"Have you fücked?"
My face lit to flames. "Why is everyone I've met, since I moved in my new apartment, so frank? You're all turning me into a monster. You know, I used to not be able to say püssy? I'm tainted."
Sam flashed me a really slow, creepy smile.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"You're tainted because you so fücked Ferro! Was it good? Did it hurt? Was it what you expected it to be? Were you sore? Was he big? What position was it? Was there foreplay? When's round two? Or has there already been a round two? Did you like it? Did he stick it in the butt?" She put a big chunk of food in her mouth and rapidly chewed, as if she was watching a really good movie. "When did it happen?"
"Earlier today," I said, bombarded with too many questions. "In his Ferrari. I lost my virginity in a Ferrari, Sam."
"You little bîtch! I lost mine in a beat up Toyota that had stains in the back seat!"
"Yikes."
She sighed. "Well? What's the relationship status?"
"Um..."I busied myself with the rice in my carton. "No fücking idea..."
She frowned. "Why do you have no fücking idea?"
"He's a liar," I said, grinding my teeth a little at the reminder. "Ferro's lied to me so much, that I don't know what's the truth anymore, and I don't know how to feel about him. He was the first guy I've ever been with. He warned me that he wasn't into a relationship, that it would just be sex. But sometimes, it feels as if everything Ferro says contradicts with how he really feels." I stretched out my legs. "I thought I didn't expect much from him, but I guess I expected enough that he would at least be honest with me. That he would at least try. Am I stupid to feel that way?"
"No, you're not. Anyone says otherwise, hasn't been involved with an Italian mafia man." Sam laughed a little, probably to lighten the mood, and reached for my hands. "I love you for so many reasons, Scarlett," she said. "When I talk to you, I can just feel how accepting you are of me, no matter what my secrets are. That's such a rare quality to find in a person. And I can sympathize with what you just said because I've felt the way." She swallowed back a strong wave of sadness. "However, it's not easy for everyone to open up to another person, especially if they really, truly, care about what that other person thinks of them. That's how I am and that's certainly how Ferro is.
If you asked every single person in this house to name five secrets about Ferro, most of them wouldn't even be able to name one. The same goes for me. There's a lot that I haven't told you about Fico and I. Things that I've blamed him about, things that I've made up because I can't bare the truth, things that couldn't tell you because I'm still too ashamed, you know?
"Maybe that makes me selfish, but up until I met Fico, the only way I survived was to look out for myself. I'm still learning, I guess. I want you to know, Scarlett, that through thick and thin, Fico has always been in my life when I needed him the most. Even if he has trouble expressing himself sometimes, and keeps things from me, at some point, he does express how he feels, and at some point, he tells me what he's kept from me.
"At the end of the day, whether he's on my good side or my bad side, or both, I know that Fico loves me and would do anything for me, and because of that, I can't imagine myself with anyone else but him. I want you to feel that way, Scarlett. All of Fico's flaws compliment my own and leave me the impression that I'm someone's world. I'm his world. I want you to feel that way, Scarlett. I want you be a man's entire world and nothing less. If you can accept me, and I can accept a man like Fico, I think if you truly love Ferro, and you want to make it work, that you can make it work, and you will accept him for everything that he is."
"Thank you," was all I could say. I squeezed her hands, and Sam immediately pulled me into a constricting hug. My voice lodged in my throat, and sure enough, I started to cry.
"It's okay, Scarlett." Sam cradled my head to her chest.
"What if I don't feel that way?" I asked softly, between embarrassing hiccups. "With Ferro? I know it's a stupid question, but nothing seems to have a clear answer with him, you know?
"I know. You need to move on if you don't feel that way, Scarlett." She shrugged and tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "I mean if you dump Ferret, then I get more of you." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "We just can't tell Captain Fücko about our lêsbian sleepovers."
"I think I need a sleepover," I sniffed. "Will you stay with me tonight?"
"Of course. We'll sleep in my room. Fück, boys!"
"You know, Ferro got jealous over another man today," I said. "Even after he pushed me away. You know Jay, right? He referred to you as the fence jumper."
Sam's mouth formed an O. "Jay? He put the flirty-flirt on with you?"
"Right in front of Ferro," I said, smiling a little at the memory of it. "And I loved it. I loved that Ferro was jealous, and I loved feeling admired. I don't know if I like Jay, or if I was using him to get back at Ferro, but I felt so...alive in those few minutes. I even sister-zoned Ferro because I was pissed. I kind of liked that Ferro was jealous. Served him right, for the way he's treated me. Fück, Ferro!"
"Men like Ferro get jealous of a woman's bra when it touches their tîts."
"It's annoying as hell," I said, sniffing. "It's like he doesn't want me to be with another man, or him."
"It could be worse," Sam said, lost in thought. "At least you're not pregnant and are currently having cravings for sardines and pickles..."
"That is so much worse," I agreed, and then suddenly, I sat up and stared at Sam for a good twenty seconds with my mouth wide open. "You're kidding..."
"I have a little pirate in my treasure chest."
"WHAT?!"
"According to the twelve pregnancy tests I took, at least," she continued. "Fico and I had sleep sex. Beware of the dreaded sleep sex. It does exist."
"You're having a baby!" I shouted.
"Shhh! You're the only person who knows, besides Fico!"
"Does Gina know?" I wondered.
"Ha! I see she's given you the baby chat, huh?"
"I love that woman, but she's totally team Ferro. She wants me to make tones of babies with him."
"Oh, girl. She'll never stop, too, trust me. I have to wait for the perfect moment to tell her about this, because she'll tell the entire estate. I don't think Fico is ready for that right now."
"True, you should wait until he's ready. I can't believe you're having a baby. A little you, a little pooper! Oh my god, I'm so excited for you! Are you excited?"
"Right now, no," she answered honestly. "But I will be."
"Do you not want the baby?"
"No, it's not that. We, um..." Her eyes skirted to the side. "Fico and I had a miscarriage before. It was a few months in, too, so it was really.... hard. Yeah, it just really fücked us up, Scarlett. It was awful. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. To be honest with you, losing the baby was one of the main reasons I left this place. You can't tell anyone that, though. Fico doesn't want anyone to know about anything, yet."
"Sam..." I put my hands over my mouth, and threw my arms around her neck and hugged her. "I would never tell anyone. Sam, I'm so sorry..."
"I'm okay, Scarlett," she said, holding me a little while before pulling back. She smiled, but there were tears in her eyes. "I think we need this baby to help us heal, you know? The atmosphere here at the estate is a lot better than you'd expect, but I'm still worried about the baby growing up around all of these men. I keep telling myself that I shouldn't be thinking about that right now, though. This is the life that I'm destined to have."
"What does Fico think about all of this?"
"Fico's...in complete and utter shock." She laughed, but it was a bit forced. "You should have seen his face when I came out of the pharmacy bathroom with a handful of positive pregnancy tests. He was more shocked than the first time, believe it or not. I thought his face would be stuck like that forever. We talked in the car, not as much as I wanted, though. This is big for him."
"I can imagine."
"I told him to have some fun tonight and relax. He's probably having a few drinks with the boys down stairs. I hope he doesn't get too drunk...."
"They're drinking downstairs?"
"It's been a rough week for the family, apparently, plus Ferro La Mean to My Best Friend is back, so they're celebrating." She rolled her eyes. "I saw some women In skimpy clothes dancing in the living room when we entered the house, so I went right upstairs. This is all Ben's fault. Some chick with fake tîts is probably trying to get with my man, right now!"
"Don't worry, Ferro's probably fücking all of them."
"That's Ben's job."
"I keep hearing about that guy!"
"You'll meet him, eventually. He's downstairs." Sam's face lit up with mischief. "You know you who I saw as I passed the little partaaay down stairs, now that I think about it? Jay." She wiggled her eyebrows. "You should mingle, mingle with him. Do a little investigating in his pantalones...? Know what I'm sayin'?"
"Sam, no," I groaned. "I'm tired, and I'm wearing Ferro's clothes—-"
"Then change into my clothes in my room! You're sad, so have a little fun! We can go downstairs and scope out the place, eat some of Gina's cookies...maybe a pickle, and then come back up here! You can wear something that says, 'I-was-about-to-go-to-bed-but-look-at-how-hot-I-am'. I can remain looking like a hobo, to make you shine. I say we do this."
"You've done this before," I guessed.
"Yes, andI'm imagining the perfect outfit, already!" She clapped her hands together and jumped up and down on the bed, excited. "Oh my god, this will be so much fun. Since I'm pretty much stuck with Captain Fücko for the rest of my life, I must live my singe life vicariously through you, as short as your single life may be! Maybe Ferro will see and try to win you back! Or maybe you'll realize Jay is bae, and you'll tickle his pickle!"
"You really are craving pickles, aren't you?"
"Ugh, so bad," she sighed out theatrically. "Please, can we do this? I'll be your wingwoman!"
I shook my head at her.
"Pwease?" Sam pouted. When I didn't comply, she made sad puppy noises.
"Okay, okay! I'll go say hi to Jay."
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