Debbie walked into the production offices trying to portray an air of confidence she didn't actually feel. Forty-four days was a long time to go without contact when the whole world still thought you were a couple.
Then there was the table read they were about to do. Would they have the same chemistry on screen? Could they 'sell it' the way they had the first time around, or would everyone know the truth the second Debbie walked into the room?
"Hey, Lou! There she is!"
Debbie stopped dead in her tracks as the young man made his way toward her.
"Hi, I'm Austin."
It was like looking at the male version of Lou. Same blue eyes. Same blonde hair. Same smile that could light up the world. Lou came around the corner and their eyes met. "Hey, honey," Lou said, her voice full of hesitation.
Okay, so they were going to perpetuate the lie a little longer. Debbie quickly pulled herself together and said, "Hey, babe." She looked at Austin. "You must be the brother."
"Austin, this is Debbie." Lou stood next to Debbie and put a hand on her back, barely brushing her blouse. "Debz, this is my little brother. He's staying with me until he moves into his dorm next month."
"UCLA," he added, his voice full of pride. "And it's great to finally meet my sister's girlfriend. She really can't stop talking about you."
"Yeah," Debbie glanced at Lou and then offered her hand. "It's nice to meet you too, Austin."
"Well, I should get out of your hair for a while. Amita said she'd show me around some more and then take me to lunch. See you for dinner tonight? I'm manning the grill."
Lou leaned in. "Seriously, he makes the best grilled shrimp. You'd love it."
"Oh," Debbie said, not sure what to say next. "I just got back in town..." They both just stared, waiting for her to accept the invitation. "I guess...maybe...I could swing that." She could always back out later. Jet lag. Headache. She'd come up with something.
Lou smiled from ear to ear. "Good. Amita and her husband will be there as well. One last celebration of our freedom before we're back to long shooting days."
Debbie tried to hide her surprise. Lou didn't entertain in her home. It was her "private refuge."
"See you tonight!" Austin jogged away, leaving them standing there alone.
"It's good to see you," Lou looked Debbie up and down. "You look as beautiful as ever."
Debbie turned and slowly led them to the conference room. "So do you." She kept her eyes forward, wondering if it would help to tell the truth. Maybe if it was out in the open, her heart would stop trying to hammer its way out of her chest. "I'm nervous about this table read."
"Why?" Lou kept her hands behind her back as they walked.
"What if we've lost it? What if everything the audience saw and loved last season...is gone? And when are you going to announce our break-up to the world?"
She didn't mean for that last part to come out, but every day, she'd woken up expecting to see an email from Linus with the press release he'd be sending out later in the day. Lou Miller and Debbie Ocean remain good friends, blah blah blah.
But that email never came.
Debbie had said it kind of loudly too, and the way Lou was glancing around to see if anyone had heard, made her regret blurting it out like that. "Sorry," she whispered.
"No, it's okay." Lou started walking again. "Austin wanted to see the set. I hadn't really thought about his reaction to seeing you here. You don't have to come to dinner tonight. I know it'll be awkward for you."
"Oh, yeah? And what excuse will you make for your girlfriend this time? I can imagine there have been some real doozies in the last two months."
"I tell everyone the same thing - that you're in New York, settling up your life so you can move out here with me."
Debbie stopped and turned to her. "We have to stop this charade, Lou. What good does it do anyone to keep living this lie?"
"I know." Lou folded her arms and looked at the floor. "Can you give me another week? I just need to figure out how to tell the world that I managed to fuck up the best thing I've ever had."
The door opened and a production assistant waved them into the room. "We're ready to go, ladies. Welcome to season seven!"
Debbie didn't share the woman's excitement. Yes, she was so happy to have a job, but she was seriously concerned about their on-screen chemistry. Everything was riding on it still being there. She gestured with her hand to Lou. "After you."
***
"Okay, scene five," one of the writers said. "Just a refresher on where we left the Jordan slash Jane arc last season - Jordan told Jane it was over! Oh no!" he joked. "But Jordan went to Jane's apartment to apologize and who was there but Jane's supposedly ex-GF, wearing the watch Jane and Jordan had shopped for together. Leaving all of America wondering, what the hell would happen next. That brings us to scene five, ladies and gentleman. Jordan is waiting outside the courtroom for Jane. Jane walks out and..." He motioned for Debbie to continue.
Debbie found her spot in the script and cleared her throat. "I wondered when we'd casually run into each other and act like nothing happened."
Lou peeled her eyes from Debbie and looked at the script. "Casual? You think I just happened by today? In all the time we spent together, did I ever just happen by someplace?"
"I guess not. How are you?"
"Well, let's see. You left a resignation letter on my desk, took your old job with Hamilton & Nye, which makes my blood boil..."
"They're a good firm. The best in town...next to yours."
"Good save."
"I was really talking about your arm, anyway."
"I didn't come here to talk about my injuries - physical or otherwise."
"Why are you here, Jordan?"
"Because..." Lou looked up, her eyes finding Debbie's across the table.
One of the writers cleared his throat. "Is there a problem, Lou?"
"No. Sorry." Lou found her place in the script again. "Because I can't stop thinking about you, Jane. We have something special. And if another day goes by without me telling you what an amazing lover you are...or how much I appreciate what you did for me while I was healing..."
"Um..." John looked at the script. "Lou, it's lawyer, not lover." A few people at the table giggled.
"Right." Lou wanted to crawl under the table and disappear. "Lawyer. I'll just..." She glanced up at Debbie but her eyes were focused on the script. On any other day, Debbie would've been all over that, giving Lou provocative looks and teasing her relentlessly. Not today. Probably not ever again. Lou focused on the script again. "Let me just re-do that." She took a breath. "Because I can't stop thinking about you, Jane. We have something special. And if another day goes by without me telling you what an amazing lawyer you are, or how much I appreciate what you did for me while I was healing, well, that would make me truly unworthy of even being in your presence."
"I appreciate that, Jordan," Debbie said, reading her line. "I know that was hard for you to say, and I really appreciate it."
"May I ask you if you're still with...the cat owner?"
"No."
"No, I can't ask or..."
"We broke up, remember? She dumped me because I forgot her birthday, at least that's what I tell myself. It's easier to think it was just the one time I screwed up."
"I see. So, why did you give her that watch, then?"
"It was a consolation gift, I guess. Thanks for putting up with me for so long, sort of thing. I don't know...it just felt like the right thing to do. How did you know?"
"Flowers, apologies, cats...it was awkward. We don't really need to talk about it, do we?"
"No. We don't. It was good seeing you again, Jordan. Don't be a stranger."
Everyone turned to the next page in the script and the assistant director said, "Jane walks away, and when she's almost at the door, Jordan yells to her and catches up."
"Jane! Since you don't work for me anymore, maybe we could start over...do this the right way?" Lou looked up again, but Debbie was still keeping her head down.
"Are you asking me out, Ms. Ellis?"
"Don't make me say the actual words, Jane. You know I hate to beg."
"Then we have Jordan walking away, and Jane says..."
"Thank you, Jordan...for finally figuring out why I quit. I'll pick you up at seven."
"Any changes?" the head writer asked, looking around the room. He didn't get a reply, so he tossed his copy of the script on the table. "Excellent! We're good to go."
Debbie collected her things and stood up. Lou did the same. She wanted to follow Debbie and get a final confirmation that she'd be at her house for dinner, but something stopped her. She stood there, at the table, waiting for everyone to clear the room. When they had all left, she grabbed onto the table with one hand as the realization gripped her again. There would be no second chances for her. Debbie was done. Lou had seen it in her eyes during the table read - the emptiness. There was no love left for Lou in them. It was over. God, it was really over.
"Lou?"
Lou stilled and then turned around.
"Are you coming?"
She nodded at Debbie. "Yeah." She tried to suck up her emotions as she grabbed her purse and stuffed the script into it. She stilled again when she felt Debbie right behind her.
"They're out there, Austin and Amita," Debbie said, her voice low and close. Lou felt goosebumps form on her neck. "I thought it would be best if we walked out together."
"Of course." So that's the only reason Debbie had come back for her? It was okay. It would be okay, Lou told herself. All was not lost. They'd still be working together for a while. When all was said and done, they'd still be friends.
They would, right?
She looked up and met Debbie's gaze. She wanted to grab her around the waist and rest her head on Debbie's chest while she begged for forgiveness. She wanted to convince Debbie that she wasn't Tammy - she was better than Tammy, even though her actions said otherwise. But those eyes were still empty - still void of the love they once held.
Lou followed Debbie out of the room. Amita spotted them and waved as she jogged over. "We missed you!" she said as she wrapped her arms around Debbie's shoulders. She held on tight for a few seconds and then released her. "You look amazing. What's different?"
"I didn't look amazing before?" Debbie joked. "And I missed you too, Amita. You're good for my ego."
Amita narrowed her eyes as she stepped back. "You put little highlights in your hair. It's gorgeous, the way they frame your face."
Debbie shrugged. "Thought I'd try something new."
"And those jeans..." Amita wagged her finger up and down Debbie's body. "So sexy."
"Okay, Amita." Debbie gestured with her head toward Austin.
Austin grinned. "No, she's right, sis. Your girlfriend is smokin'."
Lou wanted to take a step closer and wrap her arm around Debbie's waist, claiming her. But, Amita knew the truth, even if Austin didn't. She felt embarrassed, putting on a show for them. And then, she felt an arm wrap around her waist, pulling her closer. "Just trying to keep up with my superstar girlfriend," Debbie said with a smile. The smile was for Amita and Austin. She didn't look at Lou. And then, she did. "See you later, babe?"
The "babe" nickname. Lou knew it wasn't real when she'd said it, and she knew it even more so when Debbie said it. But at least it was preceded by something good. "Yeah. See you tonight." She leaned in for a kiss and Debbie gave her a cheek. It was better than nothing.
***
Amita poured a glass of wine and handed it to Lou. "Take this to your girlfriend." She motioned with her head toward the sliding glass door.
"She's not my..."
"God, Lou." Amita pushed her toward the door. "She never will be unless you try."
"She's done. Can't you see it? The way she looks at me...all dead-eyed?"
"It's not dead, silly. It's sad. She looks at you with sad eyes. Because she lost you too, ya know."
They'd sat at opposite ends of the table during dinner. To everyone else, it probably looked like two heads of the household entertaining their guests appropriately, but Lou knew better. Debbie had purposely chosen the seat furthest away from her. Every time their eyes met, Debbie would look away, finding a sudden interest in the painting on the wall or her own hands.
Lou got through dinner pretending they'd had a big fight before their guests had arrived, but they'd work it out later, in bed. It was the only way she could sit there and not tear up the stairs to her bedroom in a fit of tears.
The pretending helped, but it also broke her heart, because how perfect would it be if it were true, that her wife might be a little bit miffed at her for inviting people over without any notice, but she was still her wife, and she'd still be there in the morning.
Lou stepped outside, two glasses of wine in hand. She glanced back at Amita and got a finger pointed at Debbie. "Fine," she whispered. Lou watched as Amita folded her arms and smiled, looking all proud of herself. Damn assistant, assisting where she shouldn't be.
She gulped down some wine from her glass and slowly made her way over to Debbie. "I thought you might like another glass, since you took a cab here tonight." There was a slight breeze blowing through Debbie's hair. She looked absolutely stunning standing there in the dimming light. She looked like summertime in her white linen pants, blue gauze blouse and flat sandals. Lou's mind immediately went back to Napa - Debbie trying to wrap her mind around the fact that Lou loved her for real. God, how could she have let it all go so wrong? How could this gorgeous woman not still be hers?
Debbie took the glass and turned back toward the setting sun. "I forgot how much I loved this - watching the sunset."
"I always knew where to find you at dusk." Lou stood next to Debbie, leaving a little bit of breathing room between them. "Thanks for showing up again. I can't thank you enough for making me look like a decent person to my brother."
Debbie took a sip of wine and cradled the glass on her folded arms. "He's a nice kid, your brother."
"Yeah, he is." Lou glanced over at Austin who was sitting on a lounge chair, chatting with Amita's husband. "He said if I hadn't gotten in touch with them, he would've sought me out when he moved to L.A."
"And your father? How did that go?"
"Eh," Lou said with a shrug. "It went okay. It wasn't easy, seeing him again."
"I'm proud of you." Debbie turned around, facing the house. "This place was a mausoleum when I moved in, and now you're having cast parties...dinner parties..."
"You heard about the cast party?" Quinn shook her head as she giggled. "God, this place was a mess. Blood on the patio, food everywhere..."
Debbie raised an eyebrow. "Blood?"
"John's eight-year-old slugged Laura's ten-year-old right on the nose. Got his little ass grounded for most of the time you were gone. It was ugly for a while, but we all pushed through it and came out the other side better people. Mostly me - I'm a better person now," Lou quipped. "That corn cob that's been stuck up my ass is a little looser now."
Debbie giggled. "Good to know."
"Vera cleaned up the blood, but not before I put crime scene tape around it." Lou glanced at Debbie. Yeah, she was surprised to hear Vera's name. It made Lou smile. "We're tight now, me and Vera. She made the salsa that everyone devoured tonight."
Debbie took another sip of wine while she eyed Lou, appearing to give her the once over to see if she could be trusted.
"So, how about you, Debz? How did it go in New York, with your dad's apartment?"
"It seems we both took each other's advice."
"You're keeping the apartment." It wasn't a question. More of a statement of satisfaction that Debbie had taken Lou's advice to heart.
"I am. For now, at least. I'm selling my place as soon as the renters' lease is up. It's even smaller than my dad's, so I won't really miss it."
"So, you're really moving out here?" Lou asked, hopefully.
"My job is here. And my agent is getting movie scripts for me now...so one way or another, I hope to keep working in L.A." Debbie turned back around toward the ocean. "Then I won't have to give up this," she said, lifting her glass to the sunset.
They were both quiet for a moment as they sipped their wine and enjoyed the view. "I should get the rest of my things." Debbie said, breaking the silence.
"They're in the guesthouse, right where you left them. And the Range Rover is yours, Debz. Please take it."
"Austin isn't staying in the guesthouse?"
"That's your space," Lou said, perplexed by the question. "He's staying in the house with me." She took a breath and the words almost spilled out of her mouth. I love you, don't you know that? "It's just like you left it. I mean, I slept in your bed a few times..." More than a few. Lou felt Debbie's eyes on her. She couldn't meet her gaze. Not with guests here to witness a total breakdown.
"Lou..."
The tone in Debbie's voice was one of annoyance. She obviously didn't want to have this conversation in front of guests anymore than Lou did. Or probably at all. She was done. Why couldn't Lou get that through her head? "It's okay. I know it's over." Lou covered her mouth with her hand to keep her lip from quivering. "Thank you for coming tonight." She ran into the house, leaving Debbie standing there.
***
Debbie helped Amita clean up the kitchen. Surprisingly, Amita didn't ask why Lou had gone to her room and not come back out. She'd just quietly helped and then hugged Debbie goodbye when she left with her husband.
During dinner, Debbie had noticed that Amita and Lou seemed closer now. They'd caught her up on the latest storylines happening on Light of Day, almost as if they'd watched the soap together. And Amita knew exactly where everything was in the kitchen, which wasn't how it used to be. She'd hardly spent any time in Lou's house before Debbie had arrived.
Things were different, and that was a good thing, Debbie supposed.
She got a bottle of water out of the fridge and leaned against the counter. Needing to hydrate so she wouldn't have a headache in the morning with all the wine she'd consumed before, during and after dinner, she took a long swallow.
Austin was still outside on a lounge chair with earbuds in his ears, jamming away to his music. Debbie set the half empty bottle on the counter and went back out there. He quickly pulled the earbuds out. "Do you need help with anything?"
"No," Debbie said. "I just need to get a few things out of the guesthouse."
"Sure...um...do you think it would be okay if I had another beer? I only had one at dinner."
Debbie thought it was sweet he would even ask, so she gave him a nod, even though it wasn't really her decision. "Just one more." She turned and stared at the guesthouse, wondering why her feet had stopped working. She should go out there and collect her things. This new version of Lou would most likely invite more guests to stay with her. And very soon, the charade would be over, which meant Gillian would probably show up to comfort her daughter after her break-up, whether Lou liked it or not. Debbie liked Gillian. Yeah, she could be a little pushy, but her heart was in the right place, and there was no question she loved Lou very much.
Debbie should go get her things. She should definitely not go back into the main house. And yet, she turned and went inside. She stood at the bottom of the stairs knowing what she should do. It did not include staring at the stairs, wondering how many times she'd climbed them to get to Lou. To take care of her. Love her, even when she wasn't supposed to. Sneak little peeks at her gorgeous body. Lust after her, if truth be told.
Stop, Debbie. Stop while you still can. You've been so strong. Just go back to that hotel room and drink away the pain.
Two steps.
Austin is here. What if you say the wrong thing and Lou yells at you? What will that poor kid think? He won't think anything. He's drinking a beer and listening to music.
Two more steps.
God, Debbie. How many times are you going to give yourself to someone who throws you to the curb whenever the mood strikes them? HOW MANY TIMES?
Good, you've stopped halfway. Now, turn around and collect your things and leave. Just leave. You'll see her tomorrow at work. You'll make more small talk. Everything will be fine. Better than fine. You have a good job. You'll find a nice place to live. And as soon as Lou gets the fucking balls to officially break up with her fake girlfriend, you can start dating. There are a ton of beautiful women in this town. Go and date them!
Well, if you can't go down the stairs, at least sit down. Good. Take a breath. Breathe, Debz. In and out. Now, go back downstairs....
"Debz?"
Too late. Debbie squeezed her eyes shut. Shit, she should've gotten out of there while she had the chance. "Yes, Lou?"
"Where's Austin?"
Debbie glanced over at Lou's as she sat down next to her. She looked like hell, with her mascara stained eyes and messy hair. "He's outside. I hope it's okay, he asked if he could have another beer and I said yes."
Lou shrugged.
"Have you seen Daphne Klugger?" Debbie cringed inside, her jealousy of that woman, rearing its ugly head and barreling out of her mouth at exactly the wrong time.
"You were right about her," Lou said, dejectedly. "She's dating someone half her age and twice as tall. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but you know what I mean." She scrubbed her face with her hands. "Thanks for warning me about her. I didn't want to believe it at the time, but I'm glad I didn't go there." She got up and started down the stairs. "I need a drink. Want one?"
"No. I'm good." Debbie stayed where she was, sitting on the step.
"Suit yourself." Lou got to the bottom of the stairs and turned back around. "Did you need something?"
"No," Debbie said, her eyes meeting Lou's. God, she looked broken. Did I do that to her? No. She did that to you, remember?
"Okay. It just looked like maybe you were headed upstairs."
Debbie shook her head. "No." A damn lie. And not even a good one.
Lou nodded and went into the kitchen. Debbie listened as Lou took a glass out of the cupboard and poured herself what Debbie assumed was a glass of whiskey - because she heard the ice cubes hit the glass - two of them. Lou rarely drank anything hard, but when she did, it was Linus poured over two ice cubes. Debbie laughed the first time she'd seen it. "It's like drinking in college," she'd said. She never could figure out how Lou could have such expensive taste in wine and still buy cheap liquor.
Get up. Get your stuff and get the hell out of here. She'll be fine. You'll be fine. This isn't your home. Never was.
"But it feels like home." Debbie mouthed the words. The huge lump in her throat was preventing her voice from working. "Lou?" She whispered the name, testing it out. She licked her dry lips, swallowed hard, and tried again. "Lou?"
Lou appeared at the bottom of the steps, looking every bit the hot mess with streaked makeup and a tumbler of whiskey held loosely in her right hand. "Yeah?" She replied with so little feeling in her voice Debbie was sure she'd completely given up hope. There was no joy in her "yeah." No dream of a future. She almost seemed bothered that Debbie had even said her name. She stood there, looking up the stairs at Debbie, waiting for something to come out of her mouth. When it didn't, Lou's gaze dropped to the floor.
"I was just thinking..." Debbie covered her mouth with her hands. Was she really going to do this? She waited for Lou to lift her gaze again. "I was just thinking that since I don't work for you anymore..." a ray of hope flashed across Lou's face. The tumbler hit against her thigh, causing the ice to hit the side of the glass, filling the silence. "...maybe we could start over," Debbie whispered, barely able to get the words out. "Do this right," she said, a little louder.
Lou set the glass down on the first step and put one foot on that same step. She grabbed hold of the bannister, looking determined to climb, but staying where she was. "Are you asking me on a date, Ms. Ocean?" she asked, repeating the line from the script.
"Don't make me say words," Debbie said through her tears. She couldn't hold them back, now. She wiped them away, but they just kept falling. "God, I'm so scared."
"Debz." Lou climbed a few steps and knelt down in front of Debbie, taking hold of her shaking hands.
"I can't make myself leave. Why can't I leave?" Debbie's chest was heaving as she gasped for air.
Lou sat next to Debbie and pulled her into her arms. "Because you belong here, honey." She kissed Debbie's head and whispered, "You belong here with me. We'll figure it out. We'll work it out. Just stay, Debz. Just stay."
Debbie cried in Lou's arms on that step. Then, she cried some more in Lou's bed, the pain finally coming out in a way Debbie hadn't let it before. She'd needed Lou there, to take it from her and fill the void with something else - her love. And she did.