Delilah's POV
Sep 29th 2023
Time: 12:30pm
My leg bounces up and down with anticipation as I sit in my desk, while my teacher runs her mouth about assignments being turned in too late.
I've been having the urge to write for almost a week now, but today I feel like is my breaking point.
I mean I could if I wanted to, a piece of paper and pen, but it's not the same.
I've been writing in that journal for 4 years.
Months after my abuela died I didn't even want to touch the journal, but now it's become apart of me. It's a connection I have with her and no one else.
She was my favorite person... she still is.
Grayson's been calling my phone back to back and the guilt of having sex with Dante is eating me alive.
I don't know if it's because I lost my virginity to Dante... out of all people, or if it's because I did it out of revenge.
If you would have told me a week ago from now that I had sex with Dante I would have laughed in your face.
I can't blame anyone but myself. It's not Dante's fault because I allowed it.
And then the simple thought of Grayson and Maya.... I can't even comprehend.
Once Hazel picked me up from Dante's house she already knew what I had done, and she didn't judge me for it, which made me upset because I deserve to be judged.
I shouldn't have reacted out of anger. I would've been better off opening the door on them, then to do what I did.
Even if Grayson and Maya had sex that night, it was wrong for me to have sex with Dante just to get back at him.
I wish I could just erase these pass couple of months and have a fresh start, because I'm truly exhausted.
Hazel's been telling me that Graysons been wanting to talk to me so bad, but I feel like if I hear the sound of his voice I'll break down in tears.
I'm already on the verge of tears as I'm thinking about all of this.
All these mistakes I keep making, that keep piling up like junk mail.
I asked Hazel, to ask him, what him and Maya did in the room, but she refuses because she doesn't wanna get in between me and his "mess".
She thinks that's we need stop talking through her and just talk to eachother likes adults because we basically are adults.
It's crazy to me that I'm graduating in nearly 9 months and then I'll be going to college. It's crazy to me that high school is literally only a fraction of my life, but right now it feels like everything and so much more, and I have so much more to live for then to be stressed out over boys... over a boy.
I think the best thing for me to do is just reach out to him, because we need to talk about anything and everything.
I'm not gonna keep going through this "he said, she said" bullshit, and " getting cheated on while not even in a relationship with the person."
I slide my phone from my back pocket and open messages between me and Hazel.
Me, "hazel... should i see him this weekend??"
She replied back almost instantly.
Hazel, " I alr told you yes, he wants to talk to you so bad, D... I think he's really sorry".
Me, "sorry? sorry about what... so they did have sex".
Hazel, "Idk i didn't ask, it's not my place to, it's yours".
Me, "then why did you say he was sorry".
Hazel, "Because he looks sorry?? Don't switch my words around Delilah... just talk to him".
Me, "idk".
I exit out of our messages and open me and Grayson's.
I type "hey" in the space bar, but delete it because what am I saying hey for?
I should just get straight to the point.
Me, "we need to talk ".
I can't decide if I want to send the message or not, but I do when my finger accidentally hits the blue arrow because my teacher calls my name.
"Delilah, put your phone away", she stated irritated.
My mouth falls open, not at the fact that she told me to put my phone away, but that I sent the message.
"You need to be paying attention in class, your grades to low in here to be texting, you need to be paying attention".
I'm already pissed off at the fact that she scared me when she called my name causing me to click send, but her trying to "embarrass" me in front of the class got under my skin.
I was passing the class with a high C, but since it was an AP class, the teacher's convinced anything under a B low.
"I'm passing the class", I replied back irritated, shifting in my seat.
"Please, don't argue with me".
"I not arguing with you, I just think it's disrespectful to say my grades low when I'm passing ... and in front of the whole class", I stated.
Everyone's focus left their papers and onto me and the teachers.
"Go to the principals office".
"That's fine", I replied grabbing my backpack and walking out the class.
*~*
I walk into the principals office and the first person I see seated is Mateo.
I sigh because it seems like I can't get away from him.
I take a sit next to him.
He turns his head in my direction but doesn't say anything.
I wonder what he's thinking.
It's hard given the fact that his eyes are so unreadable.
I wait patiently to see if he's going to speak first, but he doesn't.
Maybe he's waiting for me to speak, or maybe he doesn't care at all.
I open my mouth to ask him why he's here, but the principal opens his door and motions for Mateo to come in, he looks a me for a moment and then shuts the door behind the both of them.
I take my phone out of my back pocket and look at the message that Grayson sent.
I open the message and it reads.
I rolled my eyes at his response and place it back in my back pocket, because it makes me think of the teacher causing me to send the message all over again.
I can't help but overhear the conversation between the principal and Mateo.
"Mateo, this is your 10th time being in my office this year, the school year just started, son. You know if you keep this behavior up you can be kicked off the track team, I'm trying to save you, but your attitude isn't really helping".
"I didn't even do anything", he replied under is breath.
"That's what you say all the time you've obviously done something and I know exactly what you did because your teacher emailed me, but I want to hear it from you."
"The last time I was in your office was because I was sleeping in class the teacher's a bitch he doesn't like me...okay", he replied.
"Watch your mouth young man, I'll tell your mother and you know she doesn't like when you behave like this, if you were anyone else I wouldn't be able to let these things slide".
I think to myself that the principal is talking to Mateo, like a son, as if he knows him personally.
Any student that cusses at the principal would've been sent immediately out of the office and expelled or suspended, so why is he letting him slide?
"It's because your fucking my mom, of course you have to let me slide", he laughed.
"Mateo, lower your voice", he stated.
My mouth is nearly on the floor when I hear Mateo words to the principal.
"Mr. lakeside sent me here because I didn't feel like doing my assignment in class today".
"Mateo... this is your senior year, you're almost done with highschool. I don't know if you plan on going to college or not but that's up to you. In other words, you only have a few more months to legally be in school, after you graduate and get your diploma it's up to you now on whether or not you want to continue to go to school, so while you're here just finish your work, and get it over with. You can do whatever you want outside of school, but while you're here I'm responsible for looking out for your education, and in order for me to do that, I have to encourage you to get your work done son".
"The one time I chose not to do my work in class, I get sent to the principal office", he stated to himself.
"Listen, I'll make a deal with you".
"I'll send you back to class and you finish your work and I won't tell your coach or mother about this, or you can chose not to do your work and I send you to (ISS) in school suspended for the rest of day, I tell both your mother and your coach, and you still have to do your work... you pick".
"I'll go back to class and do my work, but can you tell Mr. Lakeside to chill on sending me to your office for unnecessary stuff".
"I'll let him know, send the next person in."
"Thank you", he stated.
"You're welcome".
I slide my phone from my back pocket, to make it seem as though I was over hearing the conversation between to two of them, even though it was pretty obvious regardless because the walls were paper thin.
"He wants you", he stated to me without even looking in my direction.
I walked pass him and into the office.
"Good afternoon, what has you here", he asked me.
"I guess I was being rude to my teacher".
"You guess", he asked me.
"I had my phone out".
He takes long breath in and then asks me my name.
He continues doing some typing on his computer.
"I'm going to give you a warning since you're new to this school, but if you get sent to the office again you'll have ISS".
"Okay".
I push my sit in and walk back to class.
*~*
1:30pm
lunch
"Are you still coming over after school today", Maria asked me.
I nodded my head to her respond.
Everyone that sat at the lunch table was our normal group of friends, Maria, Mateo, Janae, Zoë, and Joshua.
The only reason why I really wanted to go over Maria's house after school today is because I knew Mateo would be at practice after school, which would give me an opportunity to get my book back, and yes I know that sounds bad like I really don't wanna spend time with Maria, but I do... she been super nice to me and she's a great friend, but it's hard trying not to bring up the fact that her brother is blackmailing me in every conversation we have.
"You're going to her house after school", Janae asked me.
I look over in Mateo direction before I answer her question, and he already looking at me.
This time his eyes are readable, and he's looking at me with caution.
"Yea", I replied.
She doesn't say anything, but the expression on her face was questionable.
The whole table can tell there's tension between the two of us and I hate it. I hate awkward situations like this.
I feel bad for distancing myself from Janae, she's the one that introduced me to everyone and it's selfish to be closer with Maria than I am with her, and just because Mateo doesn't want to make it seem like we have something going on because she suspicious of it.
"Geez, Janae... Mateo's not going to be there", Maria stated filling the silence at the table.
"What", she replied.
"Don't play dumb, it's obvious you think Mateo and Delilah have something going on".
"What are you talking about Maria", she stated stabbing her fork in the meatball on her tray.
"We get it, you and Mateo are friends with benefits and you get jealous whenever he finds interest in another girl that's not you, you did the same thing when Alena was here".
Mateos posture stiffness at the name Alena.
"See that's your problem now, you're also bringing stuff up from the past, Maria", Mateo stated suddenly.
"Shut up Mateo, I have a right to bring her up, she was my friend too".
"Can you guys just calm down", Zoë stated.
There was a moment of silence until Joshua spoke.
"You guys coming to the football game next friday?"
"I'm suppose to be if I don't have to work", Zoë replied.
"I don't know yet", Maria stated.
Neither Mateo, Janae, and I said anything for the rest of the lunch.
*~*
7:00pm
"You know that really pisses me off when she does that, tries to make me seem like I'm pulling shit out of my ass, like I'm crazy... like I don't see that she thinks you two have something thing going on", Maria stated laying horizontally on her coach.
"And then Mateo makes me out to be the bad guy when I bring someone up from the past".
"Who's Alena, if you're okay with me asking... I get it if you don't wanna tell me, it's a soft subject", I stated.
"She was one of our old friends from last year...me and her were friends, and her and Mateo started fooling around... she chose my own brother over our friendship."
"Really", I questioned again, I felt like she was lying.
"Yeah.... I mean kinda".
"I feel like I can trust you, so I'll tell you what really happened, but you promise not to tell anyone else... the only person that knows is Joshua, not Mateo, not Janae, and not Zoë".
"I promise".
"Alena and I were more than friends, but I didn't wanna ruin the relationship she had with my brother because she wasn't out the closet yet... but the whole thing was messed up. Not only was she leading me on, but she was playing with Mateos feelings because she didn't even really like him. She was using him to cover the fact that she was gay, and in love with me. And the only reason why Joshua knew was because he walked in on us, so I had no choice, but to tell him".
"And Josh wasn't the only one that walked in us, her mom did too, that's why she moved... because her parents were super religious and homophobic, so they moved her away for her last two years of highschool at some religious preppy school in a different state... I haven't talked to her since the last day of junior year, and I miss her".
"I'm sorry Maria, I didn't even know you were-"
"Gay.. yeah I know, I don't really talk about it much... that whole situation had me questioning myself for months... I guess I still haven't really came to terms with it myself."
"Well, I'm here to talk about it if you want me to".
"Thank you".
"Of course".
"I'm gonna use the bathroom right quick", I stated.
She nodded her head.
I closed her bedroom door softly and walked across the hall to Mateo's room.
I turned the the door knob, but the door was locked.
"Hey, sweetheart you looking for something", a women replied to me.
I nearly jumped out of my skin.
"Hi, I was just looking for the restroom".
"It's to the left of you".
"Oh, I'm sorry", I replied back to her.
I walked to the left to the bathroom, thinking to myself how embarrassing that was... not just act the fact that he door was locked, but that who I'm assuming is there mother caught me trying to go in her sons bedroom.
Hopefully I played it off well... maybe she thought I was really lost.
I stare at myself in the mirror and process. what just happened, as I stare closer at my reflection in the mirror, that the women I was speaking to looked very familiar, but maybe it's because she looked just like Maria.
I flushed the toilet to make it seem like I was really using the restroom and turned the water faucet on too.
I opened the bathroom door and to my surprise again, I nearly jumped out of my skin.
"You scared me", I replied to Maria standing outside the bathroom.
"Your phone's ringing".
"Answer it".
It's probably my mom I thought to myself.
"Hola", I replied to the person on the other end of the phone.
"Remi".
"Grayson", I questioned.
"Yea, it's me".
"Hold on".
I put the phone on mute.
"MARIA WHY WOULD YOU ANSWER THAT".
"YOU TOLD ME TOO".
"I THOUGHT IT WAS MY MOM, NOT HIM".
I placed my finger over my lips telling her to be quiet.
"Hello".
"Hey, you never responded to my text from earlier".
"Oh, sorry... I've been busy".
"You said we needed to talk, is right now a good time".
"Uhh, hold on again".
"MARIA WHAT DO I SAY".
"I DONT KNOW, I DONT EVEN KNOW WHATS GOING ON BETWEEN YOU TWO".
I take in a deep breath and I take him off mute again.
"Uhh, I mean kinda... but I really wanted to talk in person, but it's okay".
"Actually, I'm gonna call you right back... my moms calling me".
"Okay".
I hung up the phone.
"OMG OMG OMG OMG".
"What happened Delilah".
"Here, come back to my room".
Me and her both walk back into her room and I start to explain to her everything that's happened.
"Okay so... last weekend Maya (Grayson's ex) had a party and Grayson and her went in a room together and I saw her pull him by his hand into her room, and I got really upset, so... I called my "ex" and we had sex, he took my virginity... and the way things ended between us was not good, not good at all... and the fact that I had sex with him, and it wasn't even good, because I wasn't fully there. I wasn't fully involved because I was acting out of revenge. And I still don't know if Grayson and her did anything or not because I didn't open the door... and he's been trying to call me, but I've been avoiding him because deep down I don't really know what to say to him, and apart of me knows that if I tell him what I did, and he didn't do anything in that room with Maya, we won't come back from this. ", I stated catching my breath.
"We come back from everything... we've gotten in arguments and disagreements all the time, but I know that he won't look at me the same, if he finds out that I slept with Dante".
"Wait slow down".
"You and Grayson are together, I thought he was just your friend".
"No, I was just saying that because i didn't really know how to introduce you guys to him, because were more than friends, but not relationship wise".
"And he doesn't know that I did anything with Dante... I've been avoiding him because I know it was wrong".
"Oh my gosh, Delilah... I didn't know you were going through all of this, why didn't you tell me".
"Because... I barely know you, and I'm a very introverted person. I don't like telling everyone my business, but I trust you now".
"So you've been going through this all by yourself", she asked me.
"I mean yes, but no... I've been talking to Hazel about it, but honestly she hasn't really been a big help. She's been preoccupied with other stuff, and she says that she doesn't want to get involved in what me and Gray have going on, she says she doesn't wanna "talk through us",".
"Okay for starters do you think he did something in the room with Maya".
Yes.
No.
I don't know.
"I don't know".
"Well the only way for you to find out is to call him".
*~*
A/N
hi everyone, i just wanna say I know I haven't been updating indecisive gangs much, and i do wanna apologize, but i am back active and there will be more chapters being updated more frequently, thank you guys <3
final update: July 10th 2023