Chapter 35
Avian Burn's Point of View
There is an event in school, so regular classes are postponed. Ngayon din gaganapin ang performance na tinutukoy ni Emma. In the end, I agreed to participate in their performance, but I will not join her club. Summer and Sam insisted that this would be the payback that I could do to Emma for losing the music book that her father gave her. Pero mamaya pa itong gabi gaganapin. The main event for today is the performance of each grade level. Ang napunta sa grade level namin ay acting. So, we prepared a role-play performance that was good for twenty-five minutes on stage.
Sam acted as our leader since she was the president of our class, and she also acted as the director of this play. Since Summer is creative, she is in charge of the cast's costumes. At dahil nasa literature club ako, ineexpect ng lahat na ako ang magsusulat ng script namin para sa play. It's not like my face is for the main character, so I wasn't chosen to play the main lead since the main leads are only for beautiful and charismatic people.
It's decided. Emma and Liam were appointed as the main lead.
Nakatayo lang ako sa gilid habang tinitingnan ang lahat ng kaklase ko na masayang nagkwekwentuhan at kung paano sila na eexcite para sa aming perfomance. The original plot that was mentioned in the meeting was to reenact Shakespeare's famous work: Romeo and Juliet. A story of two lovers who lived and died for each other.
Pero habang ginagawa ang script ay hindi ko nagugustuhan ang ginagawa ko. It was because Emma and Liam will do whatever the fuck I write in this. I hate the idea that Emma and Liam will act as a couple in front of other people. Anyone would easily spot the chemistry between the two. Pero pinagsiksikan ko sa isip ko na kaibigan ko si Emma. Hindi naman tama na makaramdam ako ng selos dito. Putting my personal feelings aside, I stared writing the script.
Everyone is now busy on the backstage. Tumulong na rin ako sa pag ayos ng stage dahil wala na rin naman akong ibang gagawin. When I went to the backstage, that's where I saw Liam having a hard time putting on the costume. Since everyone is busy, I mustered up my courage and go to him.
"Let me." Sabi ko at inayos ang vest niya.
"Thank you." He whispered. I can feel his breath brushed my cheeks. I tried to stand firmly as possible while helping him with his outfit. At dahil malapit lang kami sa isa't isa ay naamoy ko ang pabango niya. He even smell nice. Everything about Liam is nice. My heart couldn't stop beating loudly in my chest. Sana ay hindi niya naririnig iyon. I suddenly felt conscious of how I dress. I am just wearing a t-shirt and a short that is knee-length. Nakataas din ang buhok ko at hindi ko na matandaan ang huling beses akong nakahawak ng suklay. I was assigned to work outside the stage so I thought that there is no need for me to look nice.
"You are really great in everything you do, Avi. Ikaw lang ang gumawa ng script para sa play na ito, diba?" He asked. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko itinataas ang aking ulo para tingnan ang mukha niya. I focused on his custome because I was so shy to look at him.
"But not as good as Emma, Liam." Bulong ko naman. Liam just stood in front of me while I fixed his clothes.
"Hmm? Emma?" And I noticed his lips curved upward when he mentioned Emma's name. And I started to wonder what was running inside his head that he smiled provocatively like that.
"Never mind." Bawi ko kaagad. It's not like Liam and I were on talking terms.
"Avi," he called my name. It gives shivers down my spine.
"Hmm," my hands are still on his chest even though his clothes are already fixed.
"You are you. Emma is Emma." Pagkasabi niya nito ay doon ko na itinaas ang mukha ko para tingnan ang kanyang mukha. That's when I saw that he was looking down on me. Liam is taller than me that's why I have to look up. I was always looking up to him, though.
"Don't forget about that Avi." That's his final words when he left. Tinawag na kasi sila ni Sam na pumwesto sa stage. Hanggang ngayon ay nakatayo pa rin ako kung saan niya ako iniwan. Am I that obvious? Growing up, I was always compared with Emma. Kaya parang normal na lang sa akin na ikumpara ang sarili ko kay Emma.
"Avian! Oh my! You and Liam just talked! Kinilig ka, no? Aminin mo." It was Summer, pinching my shoulders. Parang siya pa ang naging excited dahil nagusap kami ni Liam. It was a rare moment for me to talk with Liam, but our conversation hit me like a bullet. Did he catch me comparing myself to Emma? I felt so embarrassed all of a sudden. Iniwas ko ang tingin ko kay Summer bago pa niya mahalata ang pinsgi kong namumula.
I was beside Sam when the play started. Emma shines on stage, wearing a Renaissance dress. It fits perfectly on Emma, looking like the Queen that she is. Three more minutes and the play will end. We're not on the last scene. Nakahiga na si Emma dahil akala ni Liam ay patay na ito. Just like what happened in the original version. Liam leaned over, giving Emma a fake kiss, just enough to deceive the audience. That was written in the script. But the crowd cheered when Liam's lips crashed on the unconscious Emma. Sam's face was shocked. I was stunned in my place. The kiss was because Liam got out of balance from his place. Even that happened, Emma didn't open her eyes. When he regained his calm, he started acting again.
Liam drank the potion that he thought killed Emma. Seconds later, Liam acted like he was losing consciousness. It's now Emma's turn to open her eyes. Emma shrieked when she saw the unconscious body of Liam. And killed herself. The props men closed the curtains as the crowd cheered and clapped their hands.
"What the fuck? They really kissed?" Hindi makapaniwalang tanong ni Sam sa tabi ko. I was shock, too. Too stunned to speak.
"Avi, are you okay?" She asked me when she noticed that I was silent the whole minute. Without saying a word, I left.
"Avi!" Tawag ni Sam sa akin pero nagpanggap akong hindi siya naririnig. Nagpatuloy lang akong lumabas sa amphitheater at lumanghap ng sariling hangin. Napahawak ako sa pader para hindi ako matumba.
I couldn't believe it. I know it was just an act. I know it was an accident. I know what happened. I am not stupid not to know. Pero hindi ko maiwasan masaktan. Imagine liking someone, yet he kissed your close to perfect friend. Liam is not mine in the first place, so why would I be hurt? I am not in a position to get hurt. It was just a stupid crush, right? I tried convincing myself.
At this moment, I couldn't even cheer myself up. Maybe, this isn't just a crush. I'm falling in love with Liam Cane. I admit I was naïve to fall in love with a single glance. But I couldn't help it. Besides, he was the first person to tell me not to compare myself with other people and the one who always believed in me whenever I was doing something.
"Avian!" May tumawag sa pangalan ko sa hindi kalayuan. It was Emma still wearing her renaissance inspired dress. Hahakbang ko na sana ang paa ko palayo sa kanya ng sumigaw ito.
"Avian, I know you heard me, so stop pretending you didn't." I stop myself from walking. I turned my head to Emma.
"Hey, Emma. Nice dress." Bati ko sa kanya ng magkatapat na kaming dalawa. I cleared my throat.
"Did you see that? Oh god! I was annoyed at Liam! How dare he make a mistake like that!" Napataas na boses nito at nakapamewang na humarap sa akin.
"Are you okay, Avi? I know you've been liking Liam for over a year. But I still wanted to apologize since the two of us k-kiss." Napahawak ito sa kanyang buhok.
"I mean, it was clearly an accident! I hate Liam Cane for stealing my first kiss." She frustratedly combs her hair. I laugh at her reaction. Emma is really carefree and cute. I wondered how I could be more like her. I grew up being uptight. I easily get tensed and nervous. I am always guarded. The opposite of Emma Brooke's personality was me.
"Avi! Why are you laughing! I wanna cry. I no longer have my first kiss. Are you laughing at my misfortune?" Nakapamewang na tanong nito sa akin at hindi makapaniwalang tumingin sa akin kasi tinatawanan ko siya.
"You're silly, Emma. Did you give Liam a good beating?" Humawak ako sa braso ni Emma at yumakap dito.
"Of course I did! Pagkababa ng kurtina ay hinampas ko ng malakas ang braso nito." Emma even showed me how she slapped Liam's shoulder for kissing her.
"That must hurt a lot." I laugh. Parehas na kaming naglakad ni Emma pabalik sa backstage para magayos ng mga gamit. She really need to change her clothes too. May performance pa kami mamayang gabi.
"Saan ka pala pupunta at nasa labas ka, Avi? Nang matapos ang play ay nakita kong nagmamadali kang lumabas kaya sinundan kita." I told her that I was going to grab some water. Emma looked convinced by my answer. I tried to lift my mood and was glad I had fooled her. Though, I was already breaking from the inside. This so-called jealousy building inside me is starting to make me a monster.
"I'm looking forward to our performance with the music club later, Avi! Best of luck!"
"Best of luck!" I turned my hand into a fist and told her we would have a successful night together. She then excused herself since she had to change her clothes. At the same time, I helped the class clean the mess that we made from the play. Kahit matapos ang pagaayos namin ay hindi ko na nakita si Liam. He had left already.
After cleaning, Summer handed us refreshments and snacks to eat. And since it was a lot for the class, I asked for more snacks.
"Gutom ka ba Avi? Ilang pamilya ba yang papakainin mo ng biscuit?" Natatawang sabi ni Summer pero hindi ko na lang ito pinansin at binuksan ng malaki ang bag ko.
"Bilisan mo Summer, baka makita tayo ng iba natin kaklase na nag hohoard ako ng pagkain at inumin," I said. Summer helped me put a lot of snacks and drinks inside my bag.
"May pagbibigyan lang ako." I smiled at them. I was glad that Sam let me take a lot of snacks as well as the drinks. At dahil medyo may kabigatan ang bottled drinks sa bag ko ay napag desisyunan ko munang iwan ang mga inumin sa locker ko. Babalikan ko na lang ito kapag uuwi na ako.
Summer opened up the topic again about the kiss between Emma and Liam. I said it was alright, it was an accident. If I can fool Emma, then these two are doubtful. I was about to excuse myself since I had to prepare for my piano performance later when Summer grabbed my hands and made me sit. Pumwesto naman si Sam at Summer sa harapan ko na parehas pang naka cross arms.
"What's with this? Am I being interrogated?" I tried to throw a joke, but I was the only one who laughed. Both of them looked at me with scrutinizing eyes.
"Are you sure you're okay, Avi?" Summer asked. I frowned.
"Bakit naman hindi?" Tanong ko pabalik.
"Emma and Liam kissed. What a good expression you got there, mate." It was Sam's turn to say.
"It was an accident. And so what if they kiss? Emma and I already talked. Besides, Liam is not mine. We're not even in a relationship. It was clearly a one-sided crush." I started to explain. Nagkatinginan naman si Sam at Summer sa isa't isa.
"I thought you were heartbroken, so you will eat a lot of snacks." Turo ni Summer sa bag ko na puno ng pagkain at inumin. I let out a laugh, shaking my head.
"Fine, I'll admit that I was hurt a little. You know that I have feelings for Liam for as long as I remember." Pagsisimula ko. Napatahimik naman silang dalawa dahil sa sinabi ko.
"Do you have any plans to confess?" Umiling ako.
"Confessing my feelings to him was not even on my list." I simply said.
"Why not?" Sam asked. I immediately averted my eyes.
"I don't know. Siguro ay wala akong lakas ng loob sabihin sa kanya." Because if Liam rejected me, I think I would be more emotional. It will ruin whatever we have right now. Besides, I know Liam like Emma. Sa tuwing tumitingin ako kay Liam ay nakatingin din ito kay Emma. It was easy to trace wherever he was looking at. It was always at Emma. It will be extremely awkward and painful to confess my feelings to Liam. Then he will apologize to me since he likes my friend Emma. Mukhang hindi ko kakayanin kung mangyari iyon. It will break me even more. I am already satisfied with this setup.
"Can I now go? Magpapalit pa ako ng damit. Come to the performance later and cheer for me, okay?" Grabbing my bag full of snacks, I excused myself from them. I changed into a white dress and put make-up on. Inayos ko na rin ang magulo kong buhok at humarap sa salamin. It was exactly six in the evening when Emma texted me that they were already waiting for me at the main auditorium, telling me to go straight there. Wala na akong pinalampas na oras at dumiretso sa auditorium.
The auditorium was full of crowds. Kahit ang mga instruments ay naka ready na rin sa stage. We will play at exactly six thirty in the evening.
Nakita ko si Emma sa may gilid ng stage. Pumunta ako sa kanyang tabi. She was wearing a blue dress and change her makeup into a light one. She looked so natural to me.
"Are you nervous?" She asked. I nodded my head.
"You?" It was my turn to ask.
"I'm bursting from excitement!" Sinundan ko ang bawat galaw ni Emma kahit binuksan niya ang case ng violin niya.
The president of their club instructed us to go to the stage now. I inhale and exhale deeply before following Emma on her step. Umayos ako ng upo sa piano bench at pinwesto ko ang aking kamay sa taas ng aking lap. Kinakabahan ako dahil ngayon na lang ulit ako tutugtog sa tapat ng maraming tao. When I looked at Emma, she was smiling widely while looking at the crowd. Hawak na niya ang kanyang violin. She seemed really excited. When I turned to the crowd face, Liam was the first one that caught my attention.
He's here!
I squirmed in my seat. He was wearing a black polo while holding a bouquet of flowers. I started to feel so uneasy. What is Liam doing here? Is he seriously gonna watch us play? Holding that flowers in his hands?
I wasn't myself when I started playing. My brain suddenly went blank, and all I could see was Liam Cane despite the crowd. Natapos ang aming performance ng hindi ko namamalayan. But all I know is that Emma Brooke carried the performance. The sound of her violin stands out, and everyone loves it. After all, she is the star of the night. Nang makababa ako sa stage ay sumalubong sa akin si Summer at Sam. They congratulated me, saying it was an excellent performance, yet I wasn't satisfied with my play. Sumunod naman si Emma ng nakita niya kami dito sa may baba ng hagdan.
Thanks to Emma's excellent work and talent, it was perfect.
"Should the four of us take a picture together?" Summer suggested and pulled out her phone.
"Sure!" We all agreed as Summer asked someone from the music club member to take a picture of us. I smiled in the car and put on a peace sign.
"Avi, there's a team dinner later. Makakapunta ka ba?" Emma asked me when I put my backpack on.
"I can't, Emma. I need to go back before nine in the evening at home." I have a strict curfew at home. That's how my mother disciplines me, or else she will beat the shit out of me if I come home late.
"Aww! I was expecting to spend the dinner with you, Avi." Emma didn't even hide the disappointment in her voice.
"Gusto mo ba ipagpaalam kita kay Tita?" I shake my head as well as my hands that she doesn't have to do that.
"Emma, babawi na lang ako sa sunod na araw. I should really go." I waved my goodbye to them. Even though it was already dark outside, there are still a lot of students outside. Ganito talaga sa tuwing may event sa school kahit inaabot na ng gabi ay marami pa rin tao. I was near the gate when I remembered the bottled drinks that I forgot to bring with me. Napapailing na lang akong bumalik kung nasaan ang locker ko. Masyadong mahaba abg nilakad ko lalo na at bumalik pa ako dito. I was thankful to Summer that she even let me get most of the remaining supplies of these snacks.
Pinagkasya ko lahat ng bottled drinks sa loob ng aking bag kasama ng mga snacks na kanina pa nasa loob. When everything didn't fit, I removed everything inside my bag. Inilapag ko ito sa sahig at ako naman ay naupo. Instead of just putting them randomly, I arranged it properly so everything will fit. Kung mag makakita man sa akin ngayon ay baka isipin nilang mayroon akong grocery store sa aking bag. I laugh at from that thought.
"Avi?" When I raised my eyes to the one who called me, I was shocked to see Emma together with Liam. Dahil naka upo ako sa sahig ay kailangan kong tumingala sa kanila.
"Akala ko ba nakaalis ka na?" She asked. She looked down at the snacks that I was putting inside my bag.
"I was, but I forgot to bring these, so I came back for them." Lumipat ang tingin ko kay Liam na parang nagtatanong. Why do the two of them together?
Binalik ko ang tingin ko kay Emma at bumaba ang tingin ko sa hawak niyang bulaklak. I don't need to be smart to know what's happening right now. The bouquet of flowers that Liam was holding since the start of the our performance was for none other than Emma Brooke. Napangiti ako ng pagak. Am I expecting that it was for me? That's so silly. Here I am expecting again and if my expectation failed me, I'll feel disappointed. Kanina pa mabigat ang nararamdaman ko. Nagpapanggap ako na ayos lang ako simula pa kanina. Pero ngayon, pwede naman sigurong hindi na muna magpanggap di'ba?
Dali-dali kong inayos ang mga snacks sa loob ng bag ko at sinarhan ito. Because it was full, my bag is heavy yet I manage to carry it.
"I'll probably go. Enjoy the night you two." Mabilis kong sinabi at umalis. Hindi na ako lumingon kahit ilang beses nilang tinawag ang pangalan ko. Binilisan ko na lang ng aking lakad para hindi nila ako maabutan.
I knew it. Liam is interested in Emma. It was so freaking obvious, yet I couldn't stop myself from hurting. I'm glad I didn't confess this damn feeling of mine, or else I'll just make myself more pathetic than I look. Mabuti na lang talaga at hindi ako umamin kay Liam na may gusto ako sa kanya o magiging katatawanan lang ako.
Akala ko ay wala na akong ilulungkot. Akala ko lang pala. Dahil may mas ilulungkot pa pala ako. Kung mas papapiliin ako kung ano ang mas masakit, ang ginagawa sa akin ng nanay ko o ang makita si Emma at si Liam na magkasama na dalawa? I will choose the latter. Because I can tolerate physical pain. Physical pain can be healed. You'll just have to apply ointment to the bruised area. Just wait for one week and it's good as new
But emotional pain? It's not curable. It's not like I can just put ointment on the impact of emotional pain on me. This is getting heavy. I could feel my body shaking from madness.
Mom is right. I am good for nothing. I guess it's true. Mother knows best.
***