Chapter 21
My view of Peter changed a few times today. He went from a creep stalker, to fallen angel, and now... Jamie's father? I was so confused, but after everything today, I was just going with it. Why wouldn't he be his dad? Shit, maybe Jamie's a dad too. Maybe I'm a fucking dad!
Peter was visibly annoyed that Jamie's words kept me from leaving. For that, good ole dad might have to give his son a spanking! Jesus, how utterly insane. Shifting to glance behind me towards the doors, Jamie's voice and footsteps on the staircase neared us.
"Dad, it's been forever since you took the boat out, but all I'm saying is don't burn through all the fuel," he chuckled just as he entered the office. Jamie saw me and froze, shocked to realize I unknowingly heard every word. Well, that one specific word he now said twice. A tight smile crawled to his face. "Jos. I didn't realize you were here."
Out of everything, this was one of the weirdest things I learned today. I just could not see this full-grown adult being the son of the other full-grown adult in the room. Jamie was tall (even slightly taller than Peter), had a brawny body-type, a shadow of facial hair. He truly looked to be only a few years younger than him!
Turning back to Peter, I jutted a thumb towards Jamie. "How... in the world?"
"Did your parents not tell you where babies come from?"
"You're his dad? His father?"
"That's right." Jamie didn't expect to walk into an unveiling of all their secrets, so Peter reassured his bewildered expression. "She knows now. Unfortunately."
Jamie wandered past the couch, looking between us. "She knows... everything?"
"Clearly not everything, sonny boy," I murmured, narrowing my eyes back to Peter. "How is that possible? You said you were brothers. You look like brothers."
"I'm a grumpy old man, remember?"
That's right. He was a grumpy old man despite what my eyes told me. The reminder made this physical impossibility more plausible. Peter's dirty blonde locks, the smoothness in his face, the toned and muscular frame of someone in their late 20s... didn't show his true age. He was older than he appeared, meaning... an 'older man' like him I guess could have had kids as old as him. It was just... confusing and mind-blowing. I didn't know angels could reproduce; I didn't know much about what being a fallen angel entailed. Aside from knowing they clearly do not age.
The anxiety, confusion, the intense truth was starting to eat at me. "I'm... I don't get this. If you're his father, but you don't age, shouldn't you both not age? Like I mean how do you both look around the same age? I'm just really fucking confused," I exhaled, sagging back, and pressing my index finger to my temple.
Jamie sat down next to me on the couch. "He doesn't age, but I do. I will continue to get older. I age just like you and everyone else."
"But you're his son. Aren't you like him?"
"Not at all."
My eyes widened. "Wait. Does that mean you are only half angel then?"
He hesitated to answer. He still could not wrap his head around being truthful with me. As if he was scared to give me straight explanations. He looked to Peter for validation, not wanting to go too far. Or maybe he was just uncomfortable not lying to my face.
The frustration bubbled to the surface. "Don't worry, I finally know what's going on, so you don't have to keep playing with my head. You acted innocent this entire time, like you knew nothing, but don't worry, you don't have to keep it up."
Jamie's forehead creased in sympathy. "Listen. I'm sorry for hiding all this, but I didn't have a choice. I didn't want to lie to you."
"I didn't want to be lied to, but obviously obligation comes before respect."
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was a job, he didn't want to, blah blah blah. I really didn't care! I deserved fucking slack. This was so much to handle and it was now hitting me. Including just how betrayed I felt.
"Peter, where is my car? And my purse?"
"Parked in your driveway, all your shit is in the trunk," he answered dully from his chair.
"Good because that was my last question," I said, getting to my feet and looking between them. "If you guys stand for goodness and humanity in this world, I could not be more disappointed. You must protect me, but you don't want to, you don't even care if you fail. You both have tricked me, lied to me, and manipulated your way into my life just to be around me! Not because you care, because it's your job. Maybe that's why people aren't meant to know about any of this. Because they would be fucking disgusted and disappointed!" Heading for the doors, I scowled to a disinterested Peter. "And for how much you hate Famine, you hypocrites are no better than him!"
"Cool. Don't let the door hit you on the way out."
Jamie sighed. "Jos, please, just wait."
Storming out of the grand house, I slammed the door behind me. I was so worked up, but it intensified the second I was away and alone now. For how well I took everything... I wasn't any more. Everything I learned – all that I learned at the bar with Famine, on the boat with Peter, and in his home with him and his fucking son – hammered past any numbness and into my head.
The darkening dusk and summer night guided me. Walking towards home, I was breathing hard, hands balled into fists, eyes watering on and off. Trust me guys, I am not a dramatic person, but I fucking deserve some slack. I was so rattled, panicked, frustrated, so done, and so overwhelmed. I've never experienced such an insane 24 hours in my life! I could not believe all that has happened just from last night to now! From the party, the dead demon girl, from waking up in Peter's car, to Famine and the bar in the other plane. To Peter and all the revelations he shared. I could not process it all for how massive these truths and concepts were! The overused word of 'overwhelming' didn't do this justice. This painted life in a light I never expected.
This... changed me. I would never again look around at the world and see the same place it was yesterday. This showed me how vulnerable I truly was. Things I never knew existed were after me, wanted to use me, or kill me. I was so grateful to know and have clarity, but maybe Peter was right.
Maybe this was not worth answers. Maybe I should have taken his annoying advice. Maybe... I should have looked the other way.
When I got home, I wish I could say I maturely let it all sink in. Instead, I got home and cried like a little bitch. Thank god I didn't run into Liz because I just could not help it. My life would never be the same. I learned what most people never will learn. I touched the large feathers of angel wings. They were there, but invisible to my eyes. And the things that were visible, were deceptive. So much of this was an illusion.
Peter and Jamie, they aren't human. Aren't even brothers, but instead father and son. Famine was a dangerous half-demon. That lady in the road was a demon. The girl that tried killing me was a demon. So was what dragged me underwater. It wasn't like I could ignore or choose not to believe it. Those things really happened, and will keep happening. That was the scariest part.
Yet... all the while I'm supposed to just keep living my life. You know, if I don't get killed anyway. How? How was I supposed to act normal? For so many things that were apparently possible, acting normal was not one of them.
That's why the next morning, I did my best to cover my emotions. I wore more than just my grandma's usual ruby necklace today. I put on some weaved bracelets, a purple tee-shirt, and tucked it into my jeans and yellow belt. I didn't know how hard it would be to pretend like I was okay, so I added extra eye makeup. Nothing keeps you from crying like some cheap smearable makeup! Always a bright side, right guys?
Standing in front of my bathroom mirror, I practiced my smiling. I practiced my body language and trying to condition myself to relax. The smile was hard. It took a few tries before one looked genuine, but after that, I headed downstairs. When I did and had breakfast with Liz, everything seemed so... insignificant and simple.
"Jos, did you end up getting any of those scholarships? You better have been keeping up on those," she said sternly, but didn't look away from her laptop.
Her coffee she sipped, the faint smell of it, the papers and files around her. Her blouse and hair. The small imperfects and light scratches on the table... all tiny details that seemed even smaller and more intriguing. Her firm tone didn't mean as much as it would have before this; she was likely still upset with me for not coming home the night of the party since this was the first time seeing her since then. Not wanting to disappoint her was still relevant... just less important. College, the muffled birds outside, the bowl of cereal in front of me. Those things made me more grateful for what I have, but at the same time, it all seemed simple and surface-level.
"Jos? Scholarships?"
"Oh, sorry. No, none yet," I said, snapping back to reality and finally taking a bite of my cereal.
"Well, keep at it. You'll get more. Are you off today?"
"What do you mean?" Off what?
My absent-mindedness made her finally pause in her work and look at me. "Are you off from work today?"
Wow. I needed to pull it together. "Oh, yeah. Sorry, I'm tired. Yeah, I'm not working today."
Her gaze went back to her screen. "Well, make sure to keep applying then."
"I will." I tried grounding myself back to reality. So maybe addressing the tension between us would help. For being sisters, we were quite distant, so having even slight conflict like this... was different. "Liz. I'm sorry for the other night. I was drinking, so I wasn't as focused as I should have been on making sure you knew I wasn't coming home."
Her bright glossy lips pursed. "It's all good. Just be more mindful next time."
"I will be."
"I know I'm probably asking more from you then mom did. So I understand," she said softly.
I smiled to myself. It was a nice reminder that she more than knew the dynamics of the last home I lived in. "Right. She never really showed concern for me coming home. Not like I stayed out much anyway; I always needed to take care of her or be at home. But she never needed me to call her or check in when I was out."
"She trusted you were okay if you didn't come home," she nodded.
"Well, she also was too drunk to really care or think about it."
"That's true. She did trust you though, and I hope you know I trust you too. I'm just not used to taking care of anyone but myself, so I want to make sure you are alright."
I smiled. I loved hearing that. "That is more than okay. I wish mom did that more. I love that you want me to check in and—"
Liz's phone started to buzz. "Sorry. It's my buyer." She grabbed it quickly and answered. "Jen, I am glad you called. I just saw your email about your FHA preapproval."
Well, our talk was nice while it lasted. At least the air was cleared. By the time she was off the phone, she seemed less aggravated. Maybe that was just because she seemed one step closer to a hefty check. Of course, when the silence set in between her working and me eating, it was became hard again to keep my head-space grounded. Seeing the calendar on the fridge helped at least.
"Oh. I wanted to tell you. I know you're going to be busy with work, but today is grandma's birthday. Give her a call, okay?"
"It is? Good thing you remembered because I sure didn't."
Of course, I remembered. Family was important, and despite everything, that aspect of life was not smaller. It was important to me, maybe even more now. Unfortunately, I wish Liz felt the same way. Even though she expressed she cared (which truly meant a lot), I did have a bitterness about how self-absorbed she was just in general. There was probably a 70% chance she would forget to call her. Honestly, there was nothing else I craved more of today.
After Liz headed to work, I went upstairs, laid on my bed, and called the one person who could hopefully calm my messy head – or even just keep it distracted for a while. Propped up on my arm towards the end of the bed, I put the phone on speaker.
"Hello?"
Her sweet aging voice cracked my resolve. Goddamn it eyes, do not water. Blinking, I grinned widely. "Hey grandma!"
"Oh sweetie! 'Bout time you called," she said teasingly, making herself laugh. "You always call so early to wish me happy birthday. Figured the time difference would change that."
It was relieving to hear no sign of her dementia. "Hard to change that when you like sleeping in! So I got to wake you up somehow! Your birthday is one day long so you better not waste it. So, get rolling and happy birthday!"
"Aye-aye captain," she said in an obnoxiously voice, making us both laugh.
"So, what are you going to do today? Any plans?"
"What do you think I'm going to do? Go out and get drunk?"
With the sunny breeze filtering in from my window, I set the phone down and laid on my side to soak in the fresh air and light. "You never know. I've been telling you to party it up." The last few of grandma's birthdays were quite tame to say the least. Which I was always against. Birthdays are a big deal, no matter how many you have in front of you or behind you.
"Well, your Aunt Pam is going to clean up the house and have your mom and them come over for dinner."
"Well, that's something at least. Better than doing nothing on this monumental day." I sighed. "I wish I could be there."
"I know honey. I wish you could too. It's not the same without you. But as long as you are happy, that is all that matters. So, how's it going there? Does that girl you work with still bother you?"
I forgot I told her about Bitch-Madison from work. Work, school, even family... it felt distant from the life-changing events of yesterday. "I haven't had too many problems with her lately. Everyone else at work is great though."
"You just put her in her place if she starts acting up."
I laughed. "Well, she did get snippy with me and I snapped back. I wasn't taking it."
"Did you give her the good ole' 'one-two' like I told you to do?"
"Oh, like you apparently did to Mrs. Fender," I teased. "No, I didn't deck her in the face."
"Jos, you're not a real man until you throw your first punch."
"I'm sorry I'm not a full-grown man yet," I laughed. Ah, I fucking loved my grandma.
"One day you will be," she joked. "Anyway, how is Liz?"
"She's good. Working like always. I don't feel as bad or guilty about living in her house, which is a bonus. I'm getting comfortable."
"You shouldn't feel bad about that at all. It's your sister."
"Don't worry, I'm making myself at home," I reassured.
"And what about that girl from work? Is she still bothering you?"
With an internal sigh, I closed my eyes. "Um, I haven't had too many problems with her."
"Oh, that's good! I was worried about her causing trouble."
I never knew when her forgetfulness would kick in, but it was always worth the risk just to talk to her. Thankfully, that was the only sign of her dementia.
"Aunt Pam is taking care of you still, right?" Probably way better than my mom.
"She is. Your mom though saves me every single day. She gets my mail."
I twisted my lips in humor. Shitty, yes very shitty of mom to only do one thing to help, but at least grandma was making light of the situation. "Yeah, well mail is more important than anything else, okay? She is a saint for getting your mail probably every two or three days."
"She doesn't like it if your aunt gets here early and robs her of that job," she scoffed.
I laughed. "Oh my god."
We talked for a long while about everything, from big details to small crossing thoughts. By the time the call ended though, I just felt... guilty and homesick. Being so far away on her birthday, I hated it and just missed her so much. It made me long to go back to Illinois. If only I never moved out here to begin with.
Aside from grandma, my family was dysfunctional, but at least demons weren't hunting me down before. According to Peter though, even if I moved home... this would follow me anywhere. But why? Because I'm special and have powers? I had zero – absolutely zero – idea of these so-called 'abilities' I had. That claim truly sounded downright stupid. I tried thinking of any potential signs, but nothing in my past stuck out. Maybe they have the wrong person. Maybe there was a different reason Peter couldn't get into my head. Maybe it was a big mistake.
Not like that mattered. I couldn't get away from this new reality. That became apparent a few days later.