Chapter 32
Avian Burn's Point of View
Kagan is sick. The last time I checked his temperature, it was thirty-nine point one degree. Dalawang oras na itong natutulog at nagpapahinga sa kwarto ni Dr. Reus dito sa loob ng kanyang office. This was my first time coming inside Dr. Reus's office, and I didn't know that there was another room inside with a bed.
I am sitting in a jubilee chair while staring at Kagan's sleeping face. Ramdam ko pa rin hanggang ngayon ay kaba dahil sa pagyakap niya sa akin kanina. It was so sudden that it took me off guard. That was the first time that our whole body touched.
My heart seems to beat nonstop inside my chest. Napahawak ako sa aking dibdib at hinampas ito nang marahan.
"Stop beating so loudly, you blood pumping thing." I cursed. Bigla-bigla na lang akong napahawak sa aking ulo at napailing na lang sa aking ginagawa. At kelan pa ako natutong kausapin ang sarili ko?
Hindi ko na rin maalala kung bakit nakarating ako dito sa loob ng office ni Dr. Reus. My mind is foggy and I can't seem to think right. May ilang tinanong sa akin ang doctor at puro tango lang ang ginawa ko dahil parang nakalimutan ko na magsalita. It was a hug, I know. I shouldn't make a big deal out of it.
Wait a minute.
Don't tell me I like Kagan?
Shit. No.
Lalo akong napailing. I even pinched my cheeks to wake up from this reverie.
Siguro ang dahilan kung bakit ako kinakabahan ay dahil ngayon lang yata ako nakayakap ng ganon. I don't even remember the last time I hugged someone. I don't have any memories of hugging my mother. Kaya siguro ngayon ay gulat na gulat pa rin ako. Yes, that's the reason why my heart couldn't stay still. It's because it's such a long time since I let someone be near me. I shouldn't think of anything else. Satisfied with my reasoning, I looked at Kagan again, realizing that what Kalix had said about Kagan being sick was true. I don't know how to explain this phenomenon.
When I'm feeling fidgety on my seat, that's when I decided to stand up and walk towards where Kagan is sleeping. Nilapit ko ang mukha ko kay Kagan na kahit sa kanyang pag tulog ay nakakunot ang noo nito. And since his lips are pressed together, I can see the bow like shaped of his lips.
I am tempted to trace my fingertips to his long eyelashes down to his proud nose. I almost touched it, but I stopped myself. I'm already satisfied by looking at his sleeping face. If I started tracing my fingers to the line of his eyebrows to the bridge of his nose, then I guess I'm too much. I leaned forward even more and noticed a strange line at the side of his neck. I didn't notice it when I cleaned his wound last time. It was a scar. Not that visible, but it came from his back.
I was startled when I heard a knock from the door. Mukhang masyado akong nalulunod na tumingin kay Kagan at bumalik lang ako sa reyalidad dahil sa tunog na nangagaling sa pinto. Mabilis akong bumalik sa jubilee chair at umupo. Huminga ako nang malalim bago binati ang taong papasok sa kwarto.
"Avian," it was Klaude who entered the room. I tried to make my voice calm as possible. Klaude just almost caught me staring down at his brother.
"Hey, you don't have a class?" Nagtataka ako kung bakit nandito si Klaude. It's still Friday.
"I skipped class. Hihingi na lang ako kay Reus ng medical certificate. I'll just say I'm sick and send the medical certificate with the doctor's signature as my excuse letter." Hindi ako makapaniwalang napatingin sa kanya at sinundan ko ang bawat kilos ni Klaude ng tumayo ito sa may paa na parte na natutulog na si Kagan.
"That work?" I asked. He looked at me and smirked.
"It always works for me." He said as his smirk grew darker.
"Kapag tinatamad akong pumasok ay ganon ang ginagawa ko. I will give them my medical certificate and then I'm excused to attend the class."
"Buti at tinotolerate ka ng pinsan mo." Natatawang sambit ko dahil hindi man lang pumasok sa isip ko na tatamarin si Klaude na pumasok.
"That's why Reus is the best." He laughs. When Kagan groans a little, that's when Klaude and I become silent. Baka naiingayin ito sa aming dalawa.
"Anyway Avi, why are you still here?" Turo niya sa akin habang komportable akong nakaupo sa aking pwesto. I don't want to stand up.
"Bakit? May dapat ba akong puntahan?" Naituro ko na rin ang sarili ko habang nagtataka.
"Nakasalubong ko si Nadia habang palabas ako ng campus. She was saying that the three of you will hangout. You, her, and Pru. Sabi niya sa akin ay bibili kayo ng mga kakailanganin niyo para sa trip natin bukas." Bigla akong napatayo sa jubilee chair at kinuha ang aking bag.
"Shit! I forgot. Oo nga pala, noong umalis ako kaninang umaga ay pinaalalahan ako ni Nadia na magkikita kami sa mall. Nawala lang sa isip ko." When I fished my phone in my bag, there's already three missed call coming from Nadia. I always put my phone in a silent mode. Kaya hindi ko naririnig kung tumatawag man sa akin si Nadia.
"Klaude, will you stay here? Babantayan mo naman si Kagan, di'ba?" Klaude looked at me amused. Kahit ako ay nabigla rin sa sinabi ko.
"Oo naman. Kaya nga ako nandito. Why? Are you worried that I will leave Kagan all alone here?" May halong biro ang boses nito. Agad kong iniwas ang tingin kay Klaude para hindi niya makita ang umiinit kong pisngi.
"Whatever. I'll go now, Klaude. Thanks for reminding me about it. See you tomorrow." I waved my hands at him and exited the room. The plan for tomorrow is that we will be using a SUV that can accommodate the six of us. Sa campus na lang kami magkikitakita. I don't know if going there is a good decision. Buti at nakapagsabi rin ako kay Auntie Helen at halmeoni na hindi ako makakapunta sa hospital ng dalawang araw dahil nga sa trip na ito. Aunti Helen was glad that I was spending my time with this activities and socializing with other kids. Sinabi niya rin sa akin na magingat ako sa pupuntahan namin at tinanong niya ako kung nagpaalam na raw ba ako sa aking nanay. Of course I said yes, even though I didn't even talked about it to my mother. Bihira lang kami magusap na dalawa sa telepono. At kung magusap man kami ay sobrang saglit lang. But it's okay, it's not like I miss her. She will be the least person I want to see.
I checked the time on my wristwatch when I started to look for Nadia and Pru in the mall. They already texted me that they are here and I'll meet them on the ground floor. Mabilis akong pumunta sa ground floor at nakita ko kaagad si Nadia na nakasandal sa may railings. She stands out in the crowd because she's really pretty.
Katabi naman niya si Pru na kumakain ng yogurt ice cream. Nang magtama ang tingin namin ni Pru ay kumaway ito sa akin. I waved my hand back and jogged to where they are standing.
"I'm sorry. May nangyari lang sa hospital kaya nalate ako ng dating." I said, catching my breath. Hindi ako madalas mahuli sa tuwing may pupuntahan akong ganito.
"It's okay, Avi. Hindi naman kami naghintay ng ganong katagal." Sabi ni Nadia at humak siya sa aking braso. She leads the way while still clutching on my arms. I don't mind. When Pru finally finished the ice cream yogurt, she threw the cup on the garbage can. Patakabo itong pumunta sa pwesto namin ni Nadia at sumabay sa amin paglalakad.
"I want to buy swimwears," Pru said, excitement visible in her voice.
"Akala ko ba pumunta tayo dito para bumili ng mga kakailanganin natin bukas?" Nagtataka kong tanong habang hinihila nila akong dalawa na pumasok sa isang clothing boutique.
"That can wait, Avi. And of course, buying a new set of clothes, it's a must. We're going on vacation, duh." Nadia said, smiling.
"Let's enjoy our day. Geez! This is getting me giddy." Pru said.
And just like that, I find myself being pulled by these two fashionistas from store to store. Para akong panghihinain sa mga pinuntahan namin.
"Baka nakakalimutan niyong dalawang araw lang tayo doon? Balak niyo na yatang bilhin lahat ng nahawakan niyo." Napapailing na sabi ko sa kanila at tumawa. I thought we're just going to buy one swim wear each but we ended up buying a lot of things. I bought two swim wear, nothing too revealing. While Nadia chose something that can make Dan face red from anger. I couldn't wait to see Dan's face if Nadia wear it. Si Pru naman ay ang mas maraming binili dahil hindi siya makapag desisyon kung anong gusto niya. Kaya imbis na pumili ay binili na lang niya lahat ang gusto niya. What do I expect from rich girls like them?
Pru and Nadia clicked because of their love for clothes and fashion. But I couldn't blame them. Halos apat na oras ang inabot namin para lang bumili ng mga damit at accessories. Until now, we still didn't do what we're supposed to do here. To buy groceries and all that. And just like that, Pru asked if we should eat first. Nadia and I, of course, agreed.
"Shopping is fun but exhausting." Napalasampak ng upo si Pru sa tapat namin ni Nadia. My stomach grumbled with the thought of food. Hindi pa rin pala ako kumakain simula nang pumunta ako sa hospital.
"Ngayon lang yata ako nakalabas ng hindi kasama si Dan." Nasabi naman ni Nadia sa tabi ko.
"Your boyfriend Dan is so intimidating," Pru commented while checking the menu here in the restaurant. Dan can easily impress people with his looks, yet when I first saw him dragging his girlfriend to the car, I immediately knew that man couldn't handle his anger very well. But I guess, he's trying to change. I'll give him credit for that. Because he has the courage to do differently, yet here I am, stuck to my old ways. Not wanting to do anything to myself.
Naputol lang ang paguusap namin nang dumating ang waiter na kumuha ng aming order. I ordered pasta and buttered shrimp while Nadia and Pru ordered steak.
"Dan may looked scary in the outside but trust me he's a good person." Nadia interjected as her eyes turned into heart-shaped mentioning her boyfriend. Bumaling naman ang atensiyon sa akin ni Pru at itinukod niya ang kanyang siko sa lamesa.
"How about you, Avi? Have you experienced dating?" I shook my head.
"I never had a boyfriend, Pru." Facts. It's because I don't have the courage to confess, and my love for him ended up with a tragedy.
"Me too! My dad is so strict when it comes to me dating someone. Parang may balak yata akong patandain na dalaga." Kahit hindi ko nakikita, alam kong pinadyak ni Pru ang kanyang paa sa ilalim ng lamesa. My face turned into smile. If I could
"Your father is ruthless in the business world, Pru. For sure, the boys who like you are afraid of your father, so they can't pursue you." Pru face turned sour.
"If they're afraid of my father, then I think they are not worthy of my time. But I don't care. I already set my eyes on someone." She added and turned her gaze to me. Giving me a look.
"Tell me who it is. Baka kilala ko, Pru. And I can help you with it." Nadia muttered, touching Pru's hand placed on the table. How naive. Pru immediately gave her an unconvincing smile.
"Just someone. It's a secret for now." I stop myself from saying she's talking about Klaude, who happened to be Nadia's childhood friend.
"How about you, Avi? Do you like someone right now?" I'm taken aback by Pru's question to the point that I have to put my hands on my lap.
The thoughts of liking someone spiraled into my system. I find it strange that when Pru asked me, Kagan flashed into my mind. Kahit ang pagyakap niya sa akin kanina ay naalala ko. It's odd, bizarre, and uncanny. I started tapping my fingers into my lap when that thought occurred to me. This is dangerous. How could I think about Kagan now?
Good thing I didn't have to answer when the waiter started serving our food. Hindi ko na namalayan ang oras, dahil wala ako sa aking sarili. I don't even remember how I can able to eat at a time like this.
Natauhan lang ako nang biglang mag vibrate ang phone ko sa loob ng aking sling bag.
"Why is Klaude calling you?" Nadia asked when she noticed the caller ID. I gave her a no idea look before deciding to take the call.
"Avian! Finally, you answered!" He exclaimed in the other line. The two girls are intently looking at me while I put my phone near my ears.
"What is it, Klaude? May nangyari ba sa hospital?"
"Nothing happened. It's just that we're here at the entrance. Can you tell me where you are so we can come to you?"
"What?" Hindi mapakaniwalang sabi ko. Inilapit ni Pru ang kanyang ulo sa may tenga ko. Pru is really that curious to know what we're talking about.
"You said we, do you mean..." kahit hindi ko nakikita si Klaude ay nararamdaman kong tumango ito.
"I'm with Kagan. Avi, please. Sabihin mo na sa akin kung nasaan kayo. We're being stared at too much, it makes me uncomfortable. Mabubutas na yata ang mukha ko dahil sa tingin ng mga tao. Especially Kagan who looked grumpy as hell." I hurriedly tell Klaude where we at. At nang ibinaba ko ang aming tawag ay nakaharap sa akin si Pru at Nadia.
"What is it?" Pru asked.
"The twins are here. They are going to us." I said with a low voice. I didn't expect that they would come here.
"Ohh! Isn't that great? May katulong tayong bumili ng mga groceries." Nadia said. But Pru looked alarmed as she started checking her face in a small compact mirror. She even put a lipstick on. Wala pang limang minuto ay may kumaway na sa amin mula sa malayo. It was Klaude who got a big smile on his face. Sa likuran naman nito ay naglalakad si Kagan na nakasimangot. He's still in a foul mood, just like when be stepped out at Dr. Clarke's office.
"Hello, there ladies!" Klaude greeted us when they were finally near us. Nadia gave him a high five while Pru waved back shyly. Tinanong ni Klaude kung ano na ang plano namin dito. Nadia answered that we now had to go and get groceries.
Pero wala sa kanila ang atensiyon ko. My attention focuses on Kagan, who greeted me with a light nod. Without speaking a word, he get the paper bags on my grasp as he the one started carrying it. And I just let him instead of giving him an earful of arguments. Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala sa nangyayari. Parang kanina lang ay iniisip ko lang si Kagan, but now he's physically here. At my side. Frowning.
Naglalakad na si Pru, Nadia, at Klaude sa unahan. Habang magkatabi kami ni Kagan na naglalakad dito sa kanilang likuran.
"Are you okay? Aren't you sick." Tanong ko sa kanya habang sinusundan sila Nadia kung saan pupunta. While walking, I can hear the hammering sound of chest, especially whenever the back of our hands touch.
"My temperature dropped at thirty seven degrees." Nakahinga ako nang maluwag dahil hindi na mataas ang kanyang lagnat.
"Thank goodness." I sighed in relief.
"You were with Kalix?" It was his turn to ask. His voice was a little shaken.
"Yes. Nung pumunta kaming dalawa sa hospital ay siya ang kasama ko." I explained to him what happened.
"I see. I heard from Reus you gave him a name. Kalix, huh?" I lifted my eyes to catch him, to find out that he was looking at me too.
"And just like I said, he asked for it." I noticed how his jaw tensed with my answer.
"Is there something wrong, Kagan?" He then shook his head.
"No, nothing's wrong. It's just that I don't like the idea that someone else is close to you, Avian." His voice was a little strained. That made me stop walking.
"Why?" I asked. Kagan looked like he was thinking about it hard. I'm expecting him to say that he doesn't know. That it was just a spur of moments reaction. He opened his mouth, trying to give me an answer. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't anticipating what he was about to say.
"Because Avi, I..." hindi na niya naituloy ang sasabihin niya ng tinawag kaming dalawa ni Klaude.
"Hey you two, what are you waiting for? Christmas?" He said, not so far away from us. Tumingin ako sa aming gilid at doon nakitang nasa tabi na pala kami ng grocery store na kailangan namin puntahan.
"We're coming Klaude." Sabi ko sa kanya at tinuon ang paningin ko kay Kagan.
"Let's go?" Kagan cleared his throat before turning to me.
"Sure." He said as we walked inside the grocery store. Kahit nang kumuha kami ng shopping cart ay hindi ako nilulubayan ni Kagan. It started making me confused. Maybe this is the reason why other people thought that we were dating. Even we're not. We're basically more than colleagues but less than friends. We talk from time to time, but that's just it.
"Remind me to kill Klaude later." He whispered. His voice vibrated in my ears. I could even feel his warm breath. And when I raised my head, I saw him half-smiling. Half-smiling? Err, is that even a thing? But what matters is that he's no longer in a bad mood. Kagan looked more light and free that way.
***