𝟙𝟜|ℂ𝕠𝕞𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕥
I failed a test for the first time in my high school career.
The big fat red D has been plastered in my mind for the entirety of my day. I knew these studying techniques might not kick in right away. It was my first test by myself, and I knew the odds of passing were slim from all the nerves I had in that testing center, but it doesn't make me feel anything less than a failure.
Plus, Ms. Hurley was so shocked that I failed that she offered for me to retake it. She asked what was going on at home because Izzy Holden failing a test was unheard of. The only plausible explanation was my parents getting a divorce, or my brothers were severely injured.
I tried so hard, and it still wasn't enough. I'm stirring the grilled chicken in my salad around in countless circles when Christy sits next to me at our regular table in the quad, nudging me with her shoulder. "Are you still in a funk about Mason?"
My back stiffens just at the mention of his name. I haven't told anyone about the conversation we had a few days ago, but I guess I have been moping even prior to finding out I failed my test. I didn't even skip school with Willow today. She's at the mall shopping while I'm here eating a salad I don't even want.
The truth is, Mason has been very distant since our conversation, and I can't blame him. While he still has stuck to his word to help me study, it's strictly studying. No more gentle brushing of his leg against mine underneath the table, no more flirtatious glances in the hallway. He's pulled away, and for good reason.
Maybe it's because I genuinely trust Christy, but I find myself telling her the truth. "I just have a notorious way of fucking things up. I self-sabotage everything good that comes into my life."
"Why are you so reluctant to date him?" Christy takes a bite of her turkey sandwich, blinking curious blue eyes at me. "We've been friends for years, Iz, and despite what you think, you're nothing like Willow or some of the other cheerleaders. I've remained friends with you for a reason. You know that, right? Dating Mason isn't going to tarnish your reputation, or—"
"It's not that," I explain. "Dating Mason is out of the question because I can't keep my vagina in my pants. Like, ever. Whether you admit it or not, I have hoe tendencies. I flirt with every hot guy I see. It's in my DNA, quite literally. My Dad was the same way."
"Until he met your Mom," she says. "In high school, might I add?"
"Until he fucked it up," I shoot back. "It's not like I want to be like this. Ever since I met Mason I've...changed. Sometimes I don't even want to skip school anymore, and rather than partying, I'd rather go to the movies or stay inside and binge-watch a television show." I let out a breath and shake my head, hanging it into my hands like a dead weight. "I'm trying to figure out if maybe I've been doing the partying and skipping school thing to try and maintain my popularity because it's all I know how to be, and if I've been unsure of myself my entire life, how can I be certain that whatever I'm feeling for Mason is real?"
Christy nods along to my venting, acting like my personal counselor as I spill my feelings. When I'm finished, she brushes her chestnut ponytail over her shoulder, the corner of her mouth pulling upward. "Do you want to know what I think?"
Not really, based on her teasing smile, but I nod anyway.
"I think Mason is good for you, and I think ever since you've met him, you're back to the girl I used to know so well. The girl who would come over for sleepovers and we'd do face masks and stuff our faces with popcorn rather than get high and stay out all night." I'm blinking away tears, so she leans over to grab my hand and gives it a squeeze. "Not once since you've met Mason have I seen you flirt with any guy aside from Zane, but you've got a complicated...thing, so that's different. In my opinion, you're scared to take the jump because you don't want to fail him or fail yourself, but if you never try, you'll never find out."
Failure. It's all I've ever known. I've put up this facade of perfection for so long to the point where I don't even know what failure is. Until today when I failed my test. Until four days ago when I royally screwed up by fucking Zane right before I went to visit Mason.
God, what was I thinking?
"You're right," I admit. "And I'd like to have another one of those sleepovers soon. You know, if you want."
Her face instantly brightens. "I'd love that."
"I seriously owe you one. This conversation was much needed. I've been in my head the entire fucking day and needed to vent."
Her lips form a thin line, another smile falling onto her face, but this one is saying, pretty pretty please?
"What?" I ask.
"Well, if it's not too soon to claim that favor, I need your help with something." She twirls the end of her ponytail around and around. Her nervous habit. "Ryan Hamilton is throwing a party this weekend because his parents are out on some retreat. He invited me, and I want to go, but...not alone, and certainly not with Willow. She'll embarrass the hell out of me."
"Ryan asked you?" I ask, becoming excited. She's had a crush on the lanky computer geek for years. "Christy, this is huge!"
"I know, but I'm not good in big social settings like that. I need you there for support. You're so good at being the life of the party. I know your Dad comes into town next weekend, and I know you don't like partying anymore, but can you please come with me tonight? Let's call it a last hoorah before you say goodbye to your bad girl ways."
Rolling my eyes, I let out a laugh and squeeze her hand, which is still clutching onto mine. "You don't have to convince me, Christy. To finally see you get laid? I'll do whatever it takes."
***
After cheer practice, I went over to Christy's house and made her into a hotter version of herself, per her request. She wanted to capture Ryan's attention tonight, and while I wanted to tell her that she already did have his attention since he invited her himself, I've selfishly wanted to do Christy's makeup for a very long time now. I wasn't going to pass the opportunity up.
I made sure not to make her look too dramatic. It was a soft glam with a little bit of lip gloss, but I was still extremely proud of my work. She looks gorgeous in a pair of tight jeans and a flowy pink blouse even though I had tried to persuade her to wear a dress, but when we arrived at the so-called party, I'm glad she went with the jeans.
This was so not a party I was accustomed to. The party thrown by the computer geeks was more of a small gathering than anything. There was a bonfire I could see out back with about ten people around it and a video game match inside with another ten people. I'm thankful I didn't dress up, not wanting to out-dress Christy—this was her night, after all—so all I'm wearing is a pair of leggings and an oversized hoodie courtesy of the boy I haven't spoken to outside of the library in four days.
Almost like comfort, I inhale the scent of him from the sleeve, my heart aching the way it has for days now. It's a foreign feeling to me, longing for someone like this, but I'm going to take Christy's advice and try. I just have to figure out how to start trying.
"I don't see him," Christy says, scanning the group of boys playing video games. A familiar head of hair comes into view, a beer settled in his hand, and I'm so shocked that all I can do is stand here, my feet frozen to the ground.
"What are you—" Her eyes land on my brother, Everett, who is seated next to his best friend and his best friend's girlfriend, Emery. He's in the middle of them like he's purposefully trying to put space between the two lovebirds.
I don't mean to snoop, but Everett is so entranced by the game on the screen that he hasn't noticed me yet. I never thought I'd see him at a party like this, but, then again, he is a video game nerd.
He successfully shoots the opposing player, and all of the boys erupt into hoots of laughter and shouting. Emery glances at Everett out of the corner of her eye, then extends her hand out to the boy who lost. "I'd like to play," she says.
Everett scoffs. "You're just going to embarrass yourself."
Christy tries to head for the kitchen, but I grip her wrist, holding her in place as Emery ignores my brother and wiggles her fingers until the controller falls into her hands. I can see why my brother is so enamored with her. Freckles fall across her cheeks and across her nose, and her brown hair is braided to one side, falling to her waist. She wears black-rimmed glasses and her wrist is dangling with bracelets that look as if she made them herself.
The game begins, and Everett looks extremely focused. I have no idea what's going on, as I've never played this game before, but Everett cusses and shoots her a hateful stare. "What the hell? Have you played before?"
She bumps his knee with hers, eyes never leaving the screen. She doesn't notice my brother stiffening like a board from the contact. "There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Holden."
My brother rips his eyes away from the screen, and then I see it. Him falling in love without even realizing it before Christy drags me away with her impatient ass to follow her to the backyard. Thankfully, there are coolers lined in the grass. At least the computer nerds know how to supply alcohol. I take a beer and walk through the grass down to the fire pit. It's pitch black outside, the flames illuminating the faces of everyone around the fire. Ryan is sitting beside a boy I don't recognize, and I'm beyond proud of Christy when she takes a seat right beside him, confident as ever. He eyes her up and down, a smile falling onto his face. "You look amazing," he says.
I'm chugging my beer from all the intimacy around me. I'm taking it straight to the face when I eye a s'mores table set up to the left of the fire and make a beeline for it. What better way to cure my depression than with chocolate?
I grab a poker and stab a marshmallow onto it rather harshly when the guy Ryan was just talking to joins me. He smiles briefly at me, and God, he's good-looking. Are all nerds hot, or just the ones who attend our school? His hair is a thick wavy mess on top of his head, and the glasses he's wearing are oversized for his face, but he's tall and muscular, and he's still smiling at me, noticing me staring for a beat too long. "Hi, Izzy," he drawls.
I'm racking my brain to search for his name, but I've never seen him or talked to him before. I feel horrible that I don't know who he is since he clearly seems to know me. Then again, I've made a reputation for myself. There are not a lot of people who don't know me. "Hi," I reply. "I'm sorry, but I can't remember your—"
"Josh," he says, not seeming bothered. "I never thought I'd see the day you'd be at one of our parties."
I can't tell whether or not that's an insult, but judging by the way he's still smiling at me, I shrug and stick a thumb over my shoulder to point at Christy, who is so close to Ryan that they're now practically sharing the same air. "I came as a buffer in case things didn't work out, but clearly, she didn't need me."
"Well, I'm glad she brought you," he admits with a wink. "You can come sit next to me if you want. I'd be more than happy to keep you company."
The universe is really testing me today. A few months ago, I'd take Josh here up on his offer and sit beside him. I'd let him ask a few questions to get to know me, and it wouldn't be long before he'd put his arm around my waist and whisper sweet nothings into my ear. I'd probably go in for the first kiss and we'd make out for a few minutes. He might even make it to second base if he was lucky.
But now, the mint from Mason's sweatshirt on me is dragging me back to reality. Mason doesn't even know I have this sweatshirt. He left it behind after one of our library study sessions and I took it home with me. Since he never asked about it, I never returned it.
Fucking hell. Josh has his hand on my arm, waiting for my answer, but the only thing I can think about is Mason and his stupid sweatshirt.
Yeah, I'm a goner.
"I'm seeing someone," I admit, and as soon as the words leave my lips, a massive weight is lifted from my chest. It feels good. More than good.
A figure rises from the logs across the fire. A very familiar one. His height is towering as he strides toward us, and an expression more primal than I've ever seen him wear is etched onto his face. He's furious.
I pull my arm out of Josh's grasp when Mason joins us. He tugs the poker out of my hand and places it down on the table, along with my marshmallow. The look he shares with Josh tells him to get lost, and thankfully, he doesn't need any further instruction. He darts back to the log he was sitting on a few minutes ago as Mason grasps the very same arm Josh was and drags me away from the fire.
He hasn't even said anything to me. He's panting heavily, his grasp firm and yet gentle at the same time. When we're out of sight from the fire, in a line of trees, he backs me up against one of them and says, "Stop playing mind games with me, Izzy. I can't fucking take it anymore."
The first words he's uttered to me outside of the library in days.
"What are you talking about?" I ask.
"Flirting with other fucking men wearing my fucking sweatshirt. You're wearing my fucking clothing right now, and I—" He heaves out a sigh. "Turn the fuck around."
"What?"
"Turn around," he says sharply. I slowly twist so that my chest is facing the bark of the tree in front of us, and even though he hasn't said anything yet, my breathing has become erratic. Seeming him like this, so possessive, so jealous... It shouldn't be a turn-on, but it is. He has no idea I actually turned that guy down for him. He has no idea I'm entertaining the idea of being exclusive with him. Not dating, but exclusive. We can start there.
"Before I touch you, tell me yes," he says.
My whole body ignites in flames. I've waited so long for this. So fucking long. The yes rushes out of my lips in a blurted frenzy. I don't even have to think twice about it.
"After this, you are never going to make me jealous again. Do you understand me?" He presses right up behind my ass, his hard-on throbbing against the material of his jeans. My eyes roll to the back of my head as his hand gently comes to grasp my throat, leaning in to whisper against my ear, "Fight this all you want, Izzy, tell yourself you don't want me to be yours, but after this, you won't have another option." He dips two fingers into the band of my leggings, and my hips buck against him, trying to gain friction, but those fingers of his make taunting strokes from left to right, staying above where I truly want him to be.
A moan escapes my mouth, and he moves the hand covering my throat to clamp over my mouth, muffling the sound. "What? You want my fingers in your cunt?"
I nod desperately, moaning again with his heavy breathing right against my ear. His voice is deep and low, a huskier version of the one I've grown to memorize. "You think you deserve to have them there? After that stunt you just pulled?"
"I didn't—" My voice is muffled against his palm, and then I can't speak at all when he brushes those fingers against the front of my underwear, grazing over my clit. Sounds I've never heard leave my mouth before escape all at once. I sound like a rabid animal against his hand. My head is thrown back on his shoulder, and he takes the opportunity to lick the exposed skin from my shoulder, up my neck, and directly below my ear.
And then he shoves his fingers into my pussy, and all sense of thoughts, any doubts I ever had about being exclusive, fly directly out the window. His fingers fill me up to the brim. His hands are large, and my pussy is tight against them as it tries to adjust. Mason groans, and the sound melts me into a fucking puddle. I'm dripping wet, unable to fucking breathe from the pleasure.
"You take my fingers like such a good fucking girl," he rasps. "Fuck. I've thought about this little cunt of yours so goddamn long."
My jaw is dropped open, and a part of me wants to laugh at the disbelief coursing through me. I never thought something could feel this good. He's kissing my neck now, pumping his fingers in and out, and I'm way too close to orgasm. His fingers haven't been inside of me for thirty seconds yet and I'm already close to the edge.
Then I hear his belt coming undone from behind us, and then his zipper, and then the sound of him jerking off takes over my fucking mind. The distant sounds from the bonfire are fading away, and all I can focus on are those grunts leaving his mouth.
Mason is the dirtiest boy to ever exist.
He is a match made in heaven for me.
I reach behind to finally feel that full length of his, but he scoffs and pulls away. "You don't deserve to touch my cock, Izzy. When you want me to be yours, fully yours, then you can have me anytime you please, but right now..." He shoves his fingers in deeper even when I didn't think it was possible. I scream against my own palm now. "Fuck yeah, baby. Scream my name."
He's jerking his cock harder and faster, and he grazes his teeth along my earlobe, wet and sloppy licks fogging up my mind. I'm going to die here against this tree and I'm perfectly fine with that. I'll gladly take that as the consequence of my actions if I die feeling this fucking incredible. "I want you to come all over my fingers, Izzy. Show me how often you've thought about this."
My body is so in tune with his that it listens to his demands. I cover my own hand with my mouth again as I let out a muffled scream, calling out his name against the fucking bark of a tree in the middle of the woods.
"Holy fuck," Mason seethes when I'm still coming. I'm shattering around his fingers, fully and completely, and I swear on everything I'm going to pass out. I've grown limp against him, but his fingers are still inside of me, still feeling his reward as he grunts harder, and then his hand is sounding wet against his cock, the sound of his come.
He pulls his fingers out and then I hear him moan with pleasure with a loud slurping sound. When I turn around slowly to face him, his fingers that were inside of me are now in his mouth. I must be staring at him like he's an alien because he chuckles and says, "Now when you're ready to make me yours, come and find me, Izzy Holden and I'll give you a thousand more of those."
𝒜𝓊𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓇'𝓈 𝒩𝑜𝓉𝑒
SURPRISE UPDATE!
A lot of you have been asking me to update twice a week, and while most of the time I can't, I will when I can!
Plus, it was VERY hard to hold this one back from you guys LMAO
How are we feeling?
Is everyone okay after that?
I think we can all agree we need a Mason...
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