adam
Another Friday night, another party at my house.
It seems like this is all I do nowadays, but it doesn't happen as often as everyone makes it seem. It's just that it's the beginning of the year, so parties are happening pretty much every weekend.
And besides, I don't even know why I'm complaining about hosting. I've been the main host since sophomore year, and I honestly don't mind it. I have chill parents who are out of town almost every weekend for work and a big house with a lot of space, so it has always worked for me.
Even though the party doesn't start for another few minutes, Charlie and Guy have already been here for over an hour. It shouldn't be a shock to be honest, because they're my two best friends and favorite pregame partners. They also give great advice, which is what I'm currently asking them for.
"I just don't get it." I huff out, downing my shot of some expensive ass whisky from my dad's liquor cabinet and immediately grabbing the bottle to pour another.
"Get what, Banksie?" Charlie chuckles, his shot glass still full. "If you want me and Guy to help, we kinda need context."
I down my new shot, and make a face at the potent taste of the liquor. I place the glass on the counter and sigh heavily. "Ella. I just don't get her."
"I'm not following." Guy admits, a confused expression on his face. "But then again, I'm also drunk as hell right now. What's in this shit Banksie? It's getting me fucked up."
I wave my hand dismissively in regards to his question. "Do you really think I know? I just grabbed it and hoped it would do the trick, which it's definitely doing. And I don't get Ella because she's been so weird lately. Like, I get I broke up with her and shit. I know it was my fault and I shouldn't be complaining. But I thought everything was fine, especially after last weekend when we spent the last hour of the stupid party up in my room."
Charlie starts laughing hysterically, which causes me to glare at him. "That's exactly why she's being weird Banksie. Boy, you're really drunk."
"Shut up Conway." I mumble, pouring and taking my third shot in the last few minutes. "Forget I asked you anything."
This shot seems to hit harder than the others, because I'm starting to feel warm and the world is slowly starting to spin. I need to slow myself down if I want to be alive by the end of the night, because I've had five or six shots of strong liquor in the hour that Charlie and Guy have been here.
We sit in awkward silence for a few minutes, until I decide I've had enough of it and walk out to the backyard. I turn on the music and watch as my friends walk outside, each with a beer in hand. Charlie has one in his other hand too, which he holds out to me once he and Guy have reached where I'm sitting.
Definitely a good idea for us to switch over now, because beer won't make us as sick later and doesn't get us drunk as fast. Besides, we already drank what we needed to get us the buzz we wanted. I don't know about Guy and Charlie, but I'm not looking to black out tonight. I'm really in no mood to wake up with a raging headache, so limited beer for the rest of the night is a very good idea to me.
Just as we're fully relaxed on the couch, my back gate opens and in comes a swarm of people. Most of them are just my teammates and other sports teams, but that's still a lot of people regardless. It isn't long before my backyard is completely full, and I'm quickly becoming grateful that I haven't moved from my spot on the couch.
I'm aimlessly people watching when I suddenly spot Ella, and I feel my breath catch in my throat. How can someone be so aimlessly perfect?
It's genuinely unreal how good she looks. The little black set thing that she's wearing is leaving a lot to be seen, which I have mixed feelings about. I try not to focus on just that though, because her outfit is honestly just the cherry on top to her already gorgeous face.
I chug the rest of my beer, because my throat is suddenly feeling very dry. I stand up and take a deep breath, then walk right over to her. I don't know where this determination has come from, but I don't mind it at all.
It definitely doesn't feel good to watch her face fall as I approach her, which brings my confidence down probably more than it should've. However, I regain my composure quickly and clear my throat. "Hey. Enjoying the party?"
She laughs lightly as she takes a sip of her drink, and then waits a second before she answers. "Yeah, I guess."
"You guess?" I question, a teasing note in my voice. "Why do you guess you're having fun?"
This time, a small smile forms on her face. "Because it's like every other party I've been to before." she says, clearly trying her best to stay reserved. "There hasn't been anything special about this one, so I can't say it's better than other ones I've been to."
I don't know what possesses me to do this, but I take her hand and start pulling her towards the house. "Adam, what the fuck? What are you doing?"
I don't answer until we're halfway up my stairs, which is when I finally turn back around to look at her. "Do you trust me?"
I hear her breath slightly hitch, which is how I know I've gotten her intrigued. She can say she doesn't still want me all she wants, even though we both know that isn't the case. I still want her too, and that's not changing any time soon.
When she doesn't answer me, I ask again. "Ella, I'm serious. Do you trust me?"
"Adam you know I do, but-"
That's all I need to keep going. I take her into my room and lock the door, because I know my plan isn't failing. I know her too well.
I turn on the lights and let her hand go, then wait for her to do something. She's standing in the middle of my room with her arms crossed, while I'm leaning against my doorframe and holding her stare with mine. It's obvious that she's trying to decide what to do, and I'm in no rush at all. I'm just waiting for her to fold.
It's not too long before she walks forward and grabs the bottom of my shirt, tugging me into her and giving me the hottest kiss I think I've ever experienced. I immediately cup her face with my hands, pulling her just that much closer to me.
We stand here for who knows how long before I'm being pushed back towards my bed. We only break the kiss for her to make herself comfortable in my lap, and for her to pull my shirt off my head. Now she's cupping my face with her hands, while mine are gently holding her hips.
Although we've done this probably hundreds of times, the rush of adrenaline I get when this happens never goes away. And right now, I can feel it more than ever.
I don't even know how long we're up here for, but I pull away when I realize just how low I've sunk. I just dragged the only girl I've ever loved up here to hook up, when I promised myself tonight that I wouldn't let this happen. It's not fair to her.
"What's wrong?" Ella asks, her eyes hazy and lips swollen. "Are you okay?"
"I'm sorry." I mumble. "I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you. I love you so much, and you deserve so much better."
I can see so many emotions in her eyes, and she is off my lap within seconds. "Adam, what are you talking about?"
I cover my face with my hands, because I really can't believe what I'm doing. "Just forget it Ella, please. Just forget it."
There's no answer from her, so I remove my hands from my face to see her with tears streaming down her face. My heart breaks as I look at her, because this is yet another time where I'm making her cry. I can't bear to see her like this, so I launch myself off my bed and get back outside as quickly as I can.
Time goes by, but I'm not sure how much. I've drank so much to the point where everything is spinning, and I can barely stand up straight. Whatever.
It's not like my girlfriend is here to help me, because she isn't my girlfriend anymore. I ruined that a while ago, and I don't think it's changing any time soon. Great job Adam.
I vaguely hear Charlie and Connie trying to get me to focus on them, because I guess they're trying to help me or something. It's no use though, because I'm too far gone.
Instead of focusing on them, I let some random ass girl take my hand and drag me away. Before I know it, I'm in my room again. I don't even know who kisses who first, but it isn't long before I'm full on making out with this girl. It ends before anything bad happens though, because I'm on the floor of my bathroom within five minutes of everything with her happening.
After I throw up for what seems like the tenth time, I finally realize that Connie is sitting next to me. She rubs my back comfortingly and hands me a bottle of water. "You okay?"
"I messed up so bad." I mutter, attempting to swallow the nausea that still hasn't gone away. "I messed up so bad."
"It's okay Adam." she whispers. "Worry about it tomorrow. Right now, you need to drink this and sober up. You're wasted."
I finally take a sip of the water she gave me, praying that I'll be able to keep it down. The last thing I need right now is to be puking all night. Even if I do though, it wouldn't make a dent in my huge pile of problems to deal with.
**a/n**
hi i'm so glad to finally be back to writing this book. i would like to say that i know this chapter was more... mature let's say, but i want to make this book more mature in terms of partying and other stuff (if you know what i mean). if that makes you uncomfortable, please don't read this. i just wanted to make this psa, because i want to experiment with this book's maturity level. regardless of that, i'm so glad to be back and i hope you enjoyed this chapter <3