Chapter 29
Klaude Grimaldi's Point of View
It's always Kagan calm, Kagan collected. Napahilamos na lang ako sa aking mukha ng tahimik tiningnan ang kotseng papasok sa gate sa bahay ni Reus. I am already inside my room, yet I was startled from the sound of the car going inside the gate. Napatingin ako sa orasan at doon nalaman na alas onse na pala ng gabi. It's a rare time that Kagan come here early this time. Dahil madalas itong inuumaga na sa tuwing umuuwi.
Kagan is a mysterious man. Even though we share the same blood and he's my older twin brother, I'm still not convinced he's a Grimaldi. I don't know because until now, no one knows where he came from or what life he lived before meeting us. It's been four years, and being with someone is hard if you don't know anything about them. He won't let us in, and this frustrates me as hell. It's hard to figure him out even though we've lived under the same roof for four years already. Even my parents already gave up knowing his past, and even my cousin Reus. My mother kept telling me it was all right as long as Kagan was with us now.
Maybe I was the only one curious about Kagan, but I didn't care. I still want to know him. Lalo na at pa iba-iba ang pinapakita niyang ugali sa amin. That's when we realized that Kagan has a dual personality. Until now, we don't know how his other self is being triggered. He'll reappear from nowhere and act like I wasn't his brother. I've met his other self numerous times already. He was so outgoing and always put me in trouble. We don't even know where he got his disorder. Now, we have to live with our doctor cousin who can take care of us. Are we cursed? I have a weak heart growing up, and Kagan has a dissociative identity disorder. I wonder how our parents are reacting to this. Mas lalo kaya silang nahihirapan sa lagay naming dalawa ni Kagan?
Growing up, my family wasn't entirely happy. They spent most of the time looking for my lost brother. Now we have him, I thought that it would be the end of our suffering. Pero doon ako nagkakamali. Even though Kagan was here, he seemed so far away from us.
Naagaw lang ang atensiyon ko ng biglang nag vibrate ang aking phone na nakalagay sa kama. Naglakad ako papunta doon at kinuha ang aking phone. The notification came from Avian Burn, I will always address her as ticking bomb. It's only a matter of time when she will explode. Humiga ako sa kama at binuksan at tiningnan ang text message na galing sa kanya.
Kagan's girl: He said yes. He will come with us this Saturday.
"Great! Looking forward to that vacation." I texted her back before putting my phone on the nightstand. That vacation that Nadia and her boyfriend Dan arranged. Kinapa ko ang sarili ko kung mayroon pa akong nararamdaman para kay Nadia. I was genuinely happy for her. I almost cried myself out when she rejected me when I confessed my feelings. Nadia has always been with me since day one. Lalo na at sa iisang subdivision lang kami nakatira na dalawa. We grew up being together, so I guess I mistook my affection for her as love. After all, she was just a little sister to me. I'm awkward when Nadia and Dan are around. Siguro ay masasanay din ako sa kanilang dalawa. It's ironic that since we were freshmen, I was with Nadia most of the time despite having different courses. And now, she's with her boyfriend all the time.
I looked at my phone again when I received another notification from her.
Kagan's girl: You owe me one.
I saved her name as Kagan's girl in my contact list. A little smile formed in my lips. Avian thought our first encounter was when I saved her in the bread shop. But actually, I saw her before that. Before I knew that she even existed in real life. And I know that Kagan also recognized her, but he's pretending not to, even my mother, when she saw Avian at Kagan's studio.
This is getting interesting.
Avian Burn might be the one I need to know about my brother Kagan. They won't understand the reason why I'm so committed to knowing Kagan's past. If they can just shrug their shoulders, acting cool and shit, then I'm different. Hindi ako titigil hanggang hindi ko malalaman. Because Kagan is my twin brother, I deserve to know.
"Good morning, Klaude. Is Kagan still in his room?" Bati sa akin ni Reus ng maabutan ko siya sa kusina habang kumakain ng toast bread.
"He probably left early." I said nonchalantly. Palagi naman maaga umaalis si Kagan dito at pumupunta agad sa kanyang studio. Wala naman bago doon.
"Kagan finally visited Dr. Quintin Clarke." He put the strawberry jam on the toast and took a big bite. I got a cup from the cabinet for my coffee.
"I've heard. Then he didn't come home for the last three days." Rolling my eyes, I sat down across Reus. Sipping the hot coffee from time to time.
"He sets up a regular schedule." Bigla akong napatigil sa sinabi ng aking pinsan at ibinaba ang tasa ng kapa. I almost burn my lips! Hindi ako makapaniwalang tumingin kay Reus.
"Wow. That was so... unexpected. Ano na naman ang kaya ang nakain niya at biglang nagbago ang isip ni Kagan? He is really damn unpredictable." Napailing na lang ako sa aking sarili ko. When his other self resurfaced, Reus talked about Kagan to go to the hospital. But Kagan always refused. Pero ngayon ay ito na mismo ang kusang pumunta sa hospital?
"For the first five sessions, it will only be normal talk therapy before they transition to psychoanalysis treatment," Reus said calmly. Aren't doctors supposed to be really calm?
"His condition is that serious?"
"Kagan's condition is very serious case, Klaude. Si Kagan ang kauna-unahang pasyente ni Dr. Clarke na mayroong dual personality." Reus tilted his head to look at me.
"I already talked about this to your mother. Ready yourself, Klaude. Aren't you the one who is so eager to know where he came from? It's only a matter of time to find out. This isn't going to be pretty." Napalunok ako dahil sa sinabi ni Reus. He sounded so profound that I almost couldn't move.
"Kagan talked to me, actually. There's a condition he wants before having a regular schedule in the hospital."
"What is it?"
"To let Avian Burn to be with him during the session." I sucked my breath when I heard Avian's name.
I knew it. Avian Burn has a different impact on Kagan. Bigla na lang akong may naisip sa kanilang dalawa. What if Avian and Kagan had already met in the past, but they just didn't remember it? My hypothesis might be wrong. But deep down, this is a possible and most plausible scenario. I sip on my cup of coffee and let my mind wanders. The first time I brought Avian into the house, I expected the two to meet. Let's say I planned everything out. It's not like I randomly bring girls to Reus's house. He'll kill me for sure. But when I brought Avian in, I secretly looked at Reus to go with the flow. All I want is to see emotions on Kagan's face. I felt like I am in a laboratory, doing a difficult experiment. I didn't expect that they would look at each other with longing in their eyes. That's the first time I saw Kagan like that.
I don't know Avian Burn. All I know is her name. But that's also when I noticed her eyes lifted with curiosity as she wanted to satisfy it. Both of them exceeded my expectation. They must know each other.
"Klaude, hanggang ngayon ay hindi mo pa rin sinasabi sa akin ang dahilan mo kung bakit sobrang desidido kang malaman ang nangyari kay Kagan. Isn't it better to let go of it?" Sabi ni Reus na nakaagaw ng aking atensiyon.
"I will just leave it to your imagination, Reus." I laugh while making myself a sandwich. My reason is not important. I want to know Kagan, simple as that.
"Okay. But Klaude, don't overdo it. The last time I checked, you collapsed in public and were confined at the hospital again." Another throaty laugh came from me. I was on my home that time when I decided to walk in a park. Hindi ko naman inaasahan na sisikip ang dibdib ko at mawalan ng malay. But I'm alive. Thanks to advanced technology, I reached the age of twenty-two. It was still undecided if I would have open heart surgery to replace my valve. Pero hindi ko na dapat alalahanin iyon.
"I'm fine, Reus. Don't worry about me." Tiningnan ko si Reus na ngayon ay tumayo na sa pagkaupo at may inilagay na tatlong lunch box sa lamesa.
"Do me a favor and give this to your brother. And the other lunch box is for Avian. She had been a great help even though she didn't know. Keep bringing her the lunch box Klaude. That's the last thing I can do so I can repay her kindness. I know the cafeteria food is good, but it's better to eat home-cooked meals." I give him a salute and say thank you. Reus was the first one to leave the house since he had to go to work. While I started preparing for my class which Avian and I enrolled in.
I put the lunchbox at the backseat of the car and started driving straight to Kagan's studio. Hindi nga ako nagkakamali at naabutan ko doon si Kagan na ginagawa ang kanyang painting. See? He really left early to come here and paint.
"Reus told me to give you one. For sure, you haven't eaten your breakfast yet." I said when I entered his office. His sleeves are rolled to his elbow while wearing an apron. May hawak pa itong brush ng tumingin sa akin. Itinaas ko naman ang dala kong lunch box at lumapit sa kanyang ginagawa.
It's still weird to look at Kagan with the same feature. Para lang akong tumitingin sa salamin. Ganito ba talaga ang pakiramdam ng mayroong kambal na kapatid? I can't get used to this. There are only three things to differentiate me from Kagan. It's the hairstyle, tattoos, and earrings. I had my first tattoo at sixteen. I thought I was dying, but I wanted to try everything before it happened. If we have the same hairstyle, it isn't easy to pull us apart. I smirked.
Aren't we supposed to be alike? Since we're twins. But even the way we breathe is so different. I noticed that whenever Kagan moves, it's always silent. Parang takot na takot itong gumawa ng ingay. This is one of the reasons why I am so curious about my twin brother. Where does he come from?
Tinapunan lang ako ni Kagan ng tingin bago bumalik sa kanyang ginagawa. I'm not expecting anything from him that's why I just put the lunch box that Reus prepared for him at the top of the table. It's not like we're close to talk with each other or make a casual conversation. I already epected this. He's not the type to talk a lot but it's different when it comes to Avian Burn. Siguro nga ay mas marami pang nasabi si Kagan kay Avian kahit kelan lang sila nagkita kesa sa akin na apat na taon niyang kasama.
Tumingin ako sa ginagawang painting ni Kagan at hindi ko maintindihan kung ano ang ginagawa niya. Ang nakita ko lang ay nahahati sa dalawa ang canvas. The right side has a black background while the left side has a white background. Shaking my head, I left his studio.
There's much a lot to know about Kagan. It's just a matter of time.
***