Apartment
Your father left you when you were very young. You thought he'd have a grey beard or no hair, or maybe he grew some pudge around his lower stomach, but he's different. He's very different. For one, he's not as tall as you remember, but maybe that's because you aren't a toddler anymore. Next is his apartment, it's wide and you can see everything outside because of the expansive window. Chicago is different in the daytime. That's all you know. Then there's his style. He used to wear flannels and jeans primarily because that's what was cheapest and most comfortable... now though, now he wears hoodies and sweatpants and he even has work attire- formal things like suits and black ties and shoes that are polished professionally. "Are you going to take off your masks, kids?" You blink, looking at his relaxed form leaning back as the TV is big, mounted on the wall while he's to the left on a soft grey chair.
Your eyes are watering, you know they are- or they should be as you look at the one thing that didn't change. He's your father. He's yours. He's kind and honest and laughs like a hyena. He's the person you didn't have growing up, the one person you needed, wanted. And you have never been more proud to have these eyes of his. "R-right," Armin replies. You can't seem to formulate anything as you walk towards him as if you're in a trance. He smiles at you. You get a father-like smile. You stare down at him, indifference in your eyes. Should you be furious that he left you, joyful that he's finally in a good place- or are you going to cry into his arms and feel complete once again? You hope it's the last because he's opening his mouth and saying, "I can take it off if you need me to, N/n." Your brows furrow and it seems everything is tumbling out all at once with your masks catching your spit.
"I waited... I waited for five months, sitting on the couch for five months as a child until you came back... Do you know what happened every time?" You don't wait for him to reply as his face starts to shift into something that you can't describe. "I fell asleep on the couch, and mom let me sleep there- she joined me on the floor sometimes too... And I cried into my pillow when I realized you weren't coming... It took me five months to realize that my dad- the dad I needed wasn't going to meet me halfway, he was going to leave me alone with my mom...." You sniffle, swallowing the urge to cry in his arms as he stands. You back away, continuing, "I had no father at Father's Day dances, and I made sure that everyone was okay because you should've done that for me- I wanted you dad! I wanted..." You can't speak anymore as he engulfs you in a hug, your body, limp as you let him take care of you. You let your father, the one who left you, take care of you and it felt nice as your arms shakily found his back, gripping the t-shirt he was wearing. "I'm here, honey. I was never gone."
It takes at least fifteen minutes for you to calm down in your father's arms.
Now you're sitting on the main couch, him still in the chair to the left as Armin sits beside you, his distance close and hand on your shoulder protectively. "What have you been doing?" That's your first question. It may be wrong, but you need to know that he's been incomplete without you, something has gone terribly wrong because he left you, that's what you need to hear. "I just started a new company, actually, and it's going well. I've been managing-" You can't hear anything after that. You're surprised you're so calm as he talks about the highs and more highs of leaving you. Were you that bad to be around? "What about you, sweetheart?" You inhale, the pressure of Armin's hand grounding you. "I... I went to therapy, and I have a lot of friends... I'm..." You can't finish your sentence. Are you doing good, or do you just want to say that?
"Therapy is good. I went about two years after I left you both- the guy was a shit person but he gave good advice- He also gave me his special sofrito recipe! I can make some-" "Do you miss me?" You can't control anything that comes out of your mouth, honestly. It hurts to see him happy, his smile is too bright and it seems like his eyes aren't yours. When he sighs, you move your gaze from the grey carpet to his e/c eyes that swarm with unknown feelings. "When I said I was never gone, I meant it... I watched you grow up from afar. Your mom never knew this, but I stopped by your place a lot, I watched you at the park while I took my cousins there... I- Um, I was there at the dances, I was everywhere you went, Y/n..." Your eyes glossed over and you asked again, "But, do you miss me?" He blinked. "I-" "No, dad... Have you ever missed me? Like while you were signing contracts and shit, was I on your mind? Did you ever think 'hm, Y/n would like a toy like this, but she most likely doesn't have it because her mother is single and working so many jobs that she barely has time to put food on the table or spend time with her daughter.'...Did you ever think about me like that? Miss me so much that you stayed on the couch and painted stupid I miss you cards, writing letters to you that you'd never get- Because I did... On my birthdays I would take out a picture of you late at night, right before it was the next day, and I'd give you a slice of my cake, and blow out my final candle."
You shut your eyes tightly. "I did that ever since I was ten... for eight years, dad. For eight years of my life, I brought you with me. How long had you been keeping an eye on me, huh? If you do it sometimes did you-" "When I left, I regretted it. I went back five times before you all came home. I told myself that I would not be like my father, and honestly, I am like him- I know that I am. My biggest regret is leaving you and turning into him... But Y/n, you have to understand that if I did not leave, what would've become of you? What would've happened to our 'family'? ...Ever since I left, I made sure to keep an eye on you, I dealt with a lot of things to make sure that when you saw me next, I'd be a good dad- someone you could run to! ...I waited until the right moment to show myself, but it never came... Soon you were eighteen and I was... there. I was just there and gave up on rekindling with you because you seemed so happy... without me."
You don't know what to say, his eyes are watering the floor as he speaks with a straight voice. This is your father, but he's not saying the one thing you need to hear. "Are you sorry?" He sniffles, looking into your eyes. "What?" Your lip wobbles. "Are you sorry that you left me alone with my mother to deal with stuff a child shouldn't have to deal with?" He doesn't look into your eyes, and that's when it all comes together. "So... You're not sorry that you left me, instead, you're sorry that- that you ever had me? That you ever got attached or stayed in the first place?"
He doesn't answer, and it's then that you realize who your mother dated, who your mother had a child with- the childhood you wanted to have would've been with a terrible person. "You know what, you are your father- You and my mom are exactly like your parents. And I'm going to be the first person who isn't- I'm going to be nothing like you or mom! ...And it hurts me so much to say that dad." You don't know much of what happened after that, but you do know that Armin is right by your side when you tell him goodbye and say one last I love you.
"You did a good job." You nod. "I know." "Are you okay?" "I feel better, you?" He shrugs. "I'm glad that you didn't break from his facade." You chuckle, it's a sad one as you lean your head on his shoulder. "Same." "I'm glad that I met you." You smile, eyes shutting from the tears. "Same, 'Min... Let's not hide or leave each other." He hums. "Deal, Y/n... I promise not to keep anything from you." But he would keep something from you.
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